Kissed my coworker. He doesn't appear appear like me back.

SunnySundays

I think you need to put it in context....you kissed a co-worker. I would understand the mortification if you had performed a drunken striptease or were caught in a compromising sexual act.

It was just a kiss, you are I nearly single, why wouldn't you enjoy yourself.

Own it and laugh about it. If someone else mentions it again....just say you were trying to liven things up a bit or glad I could entertain you all for while. Laugh it off, office gossip is temporary and almost everyone has been there at one point or another.

If you don't like the drunk you, just drink less and problem solved. You'll laugh about it shortly. Most people have been the drunken emotional one at a party or two. It's only a problem if you are that person at every night out.

Rubberchikken

I'd say leave out the excessive drinking as a means of bolstering your confidence. It's not the way to go.

The slagging at work might be a bit fun but it'll start to get tired and boring if it keeps on.

Tork

OP, you're not that special really. Many of us have a tale or two (or three...) to tell about kissing somebody we shouldn't, or one night stands we regretted. It's part and parcel of life for many people and it isn't just your generation this applies to. The only thing that is making you different for now is that you're making a big fuss over this. That's what is going to drag the drama of this out for longer, not what you actually did. Before too long, somebody else from your workplace will be the subject of office gossip. You'll be yesterday's news in no time. The way you facilitate it is by laughing it off and saying it was only a kiss. If you continue to be indignant or angry or embarrassed by it, your colleagues will sniff it out like a bloodhound.

qwerty13

I’d say there’s not many people who, at your age, haven’t snogged someone at a party and got a slagging about it. It doesn’t sound like your co-workers are targeting you in a nasty way for slagging - and as soon as someone else in your group does the same thing (and they will!) they’ll be the ‘news’, and you’ll be forgotten about. So no need to be mortified.

I don’t think he was out of order chatting to someone else at another party a week later - but storming out was not a good look OP, and I don’t think it’s a safe move either, at 5am. Just try to forget about it - you had a fun night, and things didn’t go any further, but that’s ok! Sometimes these things are just ‘a bit of fun’. I’m not sure from your posts if you were actually really hurt by the events at the 2nd party, or your ego was a bit bruised. Onwards and upwards OP! And just be mindful of being very reliant on drinking at social gatherings - and storming out does you no favours, in terms of being viewed as that girl who is high maintenance when drunk, and it’s not a safe thing to do either, not when you’re feeling a bit upset and a bit drunk at 5am.

fevertrees

Thank you for the last few responses guys, they've been really helpful and comforting.

For the record, I'm not annoyed with him in the slightest. He has done nothing wrong. I'm annoyed with myself for crushing on him after some kisses and flirting. I mean, he isn't even the kind of fella I'd even have a relationship with. I feel like a lot of it was my bruised ego, like "oh why doesn't he find me attractive anymore/ is she better than me?", which is pretty lousy.

But 100%, I need to drink less and stop using it as a crutch for my shyness. I basically chug 2/3 drinks early every night out to loosen up and become "fun", otherwise I'm too in my own head. I didn't really have this issue until splitting with my ex. A large part of it is that I can only seem to flirt with guys when I'm drunk and I miss male attention a lot. It isn't healthy.

qwerty13

FWIW, I think it’s great that you’re recognising the situation for what it was. It has happened to most people I know, and probably a few times in younger years (not being patronising about your age - I’m just saying that because you’re effectively new to the dating scene, and I think it took all of us a while to find our feet in the dating world).

Go easy on yourself OP, and maybe take things a little handier on the drink and getting over-invested front the next time. To state the obvious, sometimes you - or the guy - might just want a bit of a flirt, a snog, or maybe a one-nighter. And that’s ok, sometimes we all just want to have a fun interesting night! Fantastic if you both want more - but sometimes just the night itself might be what is wanted, and that’s ok too.

TheadoreT

You'll honestly look back on this type of thing in years to come and chuckle that you took it so seriously at the time. Not that that's particularly helpful to you now but honestly nobody asides from yourself really cares so give yourself a break here.

And besides a knock-back or two when young is character building. And when you find something genuine it makes it feel more special.

notAMember

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117781435#Comment_117781435

So sorry Jeffrey Epstein, I forgot horsing around with young ones and treating them like meat was totally acceptable.

GSBellew

OP, keep your chin up, don't let it get you down, you didn't do anything wrong, your work colleagues are just being asses.

I know that's so easy for someone to say to you, it's a whole different thing to be there and working through it.

Purely from what you've posted, him being sober, you under the influence, him filling everyone else in afterwords, he sounds like the sort of fella you'd be better off having less to do with.

Now, I could be completely wrong about the fella, but it sounds a lot like the fella's who the nice girls fell for when I was younger, they'd sit back, wait for the girl to have enough to drink before making their move, next morning fill everyone else in on it, they'd all laugh about it.

The girl the other night could jut be the next one, regardless, look after yourself, enjoy yourself but more importantly look after yourself.

Big Bag of Chips

Fandymo and notAMember, digs at each other are not helpful. Please read the Forum Charter and stick to it before posting in Personal Issues again.

notAMember, your post above is completely uncalled for. You've gone from slut shaming to paedophilia. Neither of which are remotely relevant to this thread. Don't post in this thread again.

skallywag

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117783400#Comment_117783400

I like the way you equate him being sober with being come class of predator. So if he was also drunk then it would make it better?

I believe that you seriously need to re-calibrate some of your sensors.

Big Bag of Chips

I think some people try desperately hard to turn any situation into man = predator, woman = victim.

OP, I hope you don't let some of these posts affect you. You got drunk and shifted a fella. Voluntarily and without pressure, I assume. Nothing in your posts suggests you were preyed upon or that anything was done without your consent. Nor does anything you say suggest that you were the one targeted by these "predatory men" for their amusement.

We've all in our late teens early 20s gone out and shifted someone. And told our friends. And maybe got a bit of slagging over it. Especially if we were all a group of friends. And then gone out the following week and shifted someone else. As women if we do it, it is apparently "empowering". If a man does it he's a predator and using women as meat. When the reality is, it's just single young people enjoying a bit of harmless fun. My cousin used to shift 3 or 4 fellas a night! By her own choice. Not used by anyone. Shifting someone can sometimes lead to a relationship blossoming, often times it's just a shift! I've been in 4 relationships. I've shifted 40+ fellas.

I shifted a classmate at a disco one night. Ended up missing a week and a half of school due to sore throat. He got an awful slagging over it, and I even slagged him when I got back to school. We never shifted again after that and a week later he rang me to know if my friend was single and interested in him!!

You've been out of the shifting scene for a number of years due to be being in a relationship, but your friends would regularly go out, shift someone, joke about it during the week. And shift someone else the following week. It's not even clear if this fella, shifted the other girl at all! So it's not that big a deal to them. Even the slagging doesn't mean anything to them.

This will pass over. It's just a bit of fun for everyone involved. You got a bit drunk. Said a few things to a friend. So did probably most other people in the group, regularly! It's what people do.

Enjoy your single life. Enjoy having a bit of fun. If you like a fella, let him know. It might turn into something. It might not.

GSBellew

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117788661#Comment_117788661

Please re read my post.

I equate it to experiences of fella's in the past, who purposely waited on girls getting drunk to make a move while they themselves were sober, that's predatory behaviour.

Stick your head in the sand if you like, but it's a massive issue that does exist.

If he was a decent fella, he wouldn't shift her then run and tell tales to everyone.

predator or not, he sounds like an ass that she should avoid in my opinion.

I in no way presume that a male is a predator, but as a male, in my experience, I can state that such pre meditated predatory behaviour happens, is positively encouraged within these groups, I know because I was egged on by these people, encouraged to remain sober, swoop in at the end and claim the prize....

call it what you like, but a decent fella wouldn't make that move.

qwerty13

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117791367#Comment_117791367

I remember being at a work night out, where a boss guy - who was a lecherous creep - was all over a really good looking girl who was upset and drunk (and had just split up with her BF of many years).

I don’t think the OP’s situation is that at all. I feel that it was a young and casual situation, and that the OP is now - needlessly - embarrassed. It doesn’t sound as though there was anything untoward.

Big Bag of Chips

notAMember, your post has been deleted. You were asked to not post on this thread again.

The OP was the only one of us present and she does not feel this was a predatory situation. She even commented herself to clarify

fevertrees

Registered Users

Posts: 8 ✭ August 20

I don't think there's any need to be slut shaming both myself and my coworkers.

Some posters have invented a whole alternate scenario that the OP does not agree with. It is not for anyone else to tell the OP that she is wrong or doesn't know what happened.

Anyone who tries to claim that the OP was somehow assaulted, used or taken advantage of against her will will receive a warning.

Not every situation where young people hook up, talk to friends, slag a bit etc, is predatory. It's what young single people do. To claim otherwise is very dangerous and deeply unfair to both parties involved.

bitofabind

Ah I remember being early 20s. Everything felt like a crisis, I thought everyone was looking at me, judging me, booze was a crutch coz I was putting myself in situations I hated and oh lord the dodgy hookups :-D

OP, breathe. A good leveller in these situations is the 5x5 question. Will this matter in 5 months? What about in 5 years? Will you still be worrying about some lad who's name you can't remember and the ex colleagues that you probably won't even be in touch with anymore? Nope. None of this matters.

What does matter though is that your confidence is so low, you're using booze as a social lubricant and can't get a handle on your emotions. Have you fully dealt with the breakup? You might think about doing some counselling to learn how to take better care of yourself and to be more accepting and kind to yourself.

skallywag

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117791397#Comment_117791397

I would agree completely with that.

OP, I think the fear from the booze could also have multiplied this inside our own head.

Those who are trying to argue that the lad being sober might have some sinister connotation need to take a hard look at themselves in my book. There are plenty of threads about alcohol addiction on this very forum, take the time to have a look. It can be tough enough sometimes to go out an decide not to drink when others in your group are, without having to put up with this nonsense on top of it.