Kissed my coworker. He doesn't appear appear like me back.

fevertrees

I'm mortified.

We're both early 20s, same summer job. Recently we were at a party with some coworkers and we shifted several times. He even walked me home. He was totally sober, I was quite drunk.

Everyone at work found out (he told them with pride it would seem). We were getting slagged constantly, I'm talking like once every 20 minutes one of the lads would crack one. Everyone seemed to think he liked me because why else would he shift me so much sober if there was no interest? We were at a birthday party last night and I was so sure he'd get with me again. I wanted to do a bit more than, well, you know....

I was getting egged on so much by my friends and coworkers. I didn't really do anything. I got tipsy enough to straight out ask him if he regretted kissing me. He said no it was great fun and he didn't mind the slagging. He was chatting to some other lass for a solid half an hour and I saw him put his hand on her knee? I didn't really think I liked him but that set me off. I felt so sad and wanted to cry? I vented to another male coworker and I'm mortified. He kept telling me crap about how I'm prettier and of course he likes me. He really doesn't. I walked home alone in a temper at 5am. I feel so silly for getting so attached over nothing. We really have nothing in common, but I find him so cute ugh. How on earth do I live this down? I feel so pathetic. Thank God I'm starting a new college course in a few weeks.

endacl

This time next year it’ll all seem like a million years ago.

seamus

Talk to him sober. Don't be making assumptions about what people do or don't feel, just find out for yourself.

You don't say how recently your first encounter was. Everything you say suggests that he does like you. He may also like this other girl, he may know her better, there could be fifty reasons. I'm sure if he'd kissed her at this other party you'd have said so.

Maybe he was avoiding anything with you at that party because he was afraid you'd get really drunk again.

Text him, or whatever it is you kids do these days, tell you'd really like to see him again, grab a coffee or whatever. Take your lead from that. If he says he can't or that he's with someone else, then you have your answer at least and you can move on.

Encounters at parties with a few beers onboard are great fun at the start, but it all turns into drama when the only time you encounter eachother is when you're drinking.

Cut down on the booze. Seriously.

The drunk jealous girl throwing herself at you is not an attractive look.

Also, you can't give consent when drunk so, maybe consider that too.

If I was a guy I wouldn't touch a drunk girl with a forty foot barge pole. Especially not one prone to drama.

Big Bag of Chips

How do you live what down? You shifted a fella. Who then shifted someone else a few weeks later. You're not in a relationship. It seems you don't want to be in a relationship. Do you?

He hasn't done anything wrong. And you're storming off in a huff at 5am and he doesn't even know!

To be honest, if he shifted you a while back when you were pissed and then you got a bit tipsy and offended he was with someone else and stormed off home after venting to a colleague, there's every chance he thinks you might be a bit high maintenance.

If you want to try some sort of 'thing' with him. Ash him. Directly. Sober. He'll either say yes or no.

In a few weeks you are unlikely to see him again too regularly anyway. So the embarrassment will be short lived!

fevertrees

Thanks for all the advice guys.

As for "living it down" I just feel awful ashamed. I'm not the type to get into these sort of scenarios, genuinely. I feel I've let myself down. I'm only a few months single after a 3 year relationship. First time being single as an adult. I guess I'm still getting used to being single? I hope this isn't what I'm like as a single woman. I don't think I know how to be cool or casual, clearly.

At this rate, I mostly want advice on what to say if someone brings it up or slags me because I suck at comebacks.

And for the record, the kisses happened a week and a half ago.

Jequ0n

“At this rate, I mostly want advice on what to say if someone brings it up or slags me because I suck at comebacks.”

Schoolyard games.

Maybe think about what you actually want, instead of focusing on how you “win” a slagging battle.

This sounds like a 16 year old bored on their summer holidays.

Idle Passerby

Maybe he got cold feet when a very minor incident (a kiss on a night out) turned into a massive public drama that all your colleagues seem to have been weirdly invested in. I get the impression if the two of you had hooked up again there would have been a crowd of onlookers applauding it. Far too much pressure and expectation for something that sounds very casual and unremarkable.

The only embarrassing part is the over drinking and throwing a strop over a guy your not involved with going off you.

BorneTobyWilde

You probably need to be more forward ,

OU812

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117780728#Comment_117780728

This.

You're in your 20s & you're "mortified". Have you lived a very sheltered life? Have you kissed many people before this?

It sounds like you're extremely shy. If you have to drink to work up the (dutch) courage to kiss or talk to people, then you need to work on your confidence. Avoid alcohol & try it without. I'm sure you'll find most guys would be only too willing to kiss someone who wants to kiss them.

fevertrees

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117780779#Comment_117780779

I think my coworkers have fussed over this minor thing so much (and me too, evidently) because it's out of character. My coworkers have always known me as that quiet girl with the serious boyfriend (we were supposed to move in together this summer, thankfully I saw sense and ended it in time). So me kissing a lad here and there seems like a huge event.

If this situation has taught me anything, it's that cutting down on drink would be helpful.

fevertrees

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117780874#Comment_117780874

I am very shy.

Sheltered is probably the right word. I kissed a few lads at teeney bopper discos back in the day and I started dating my now ex towards the end of secondary school. I haven't been around much. The other lads I've kissed since leaving my ex (other than this fella) were friends of friends I met on nights out or something, not people I see daily. That's probably why I'm finding this so hard. When it's someone I'm rarely going to see, I don't care.

And yes, I'd be lying if I said I don't rely on drink at parties. I find it hard to enjoy myself otherwise as I'm so shy.

Honestly OP, just enjoy the fun of the summer holidays and having the craic with your mates. I know it's pointless to tell someone to not take something so seriously but honestly at your age you should just be focussing on having a bit of fun. I (and I bet everyone my age) would love to have another carefree summer! if someone slags you about it just tell them something silly like 'sure, there's no law against a bit of fun, you should trying having some yourself' or someone inane line, slagging is often just conversational at that age, ime. (very different if it's bullying but that doesn't seem to apply here?)

Also, not to victim blame (or whatever the correct phrase is) but please be careful going off in a huff at 5 am. I'd say that if you were male too (and God knows I've done it myself etc etc)

notAMember

Yikes. Not a nice experience.

We were getting slagged constantly, I'm talking like once every 20 minutes one of the lads would crack one. 

You know what this is called? Slut-shaming. They are taking the piss out of you for having a snog, for being "easy" because in their eyes it makes you a slut... Meanwhile the actual "slut" , if there was such a thing, is this co-worker of yours.

No wonder you feel mortified. He took advantage you when you weren't in full control, used you for laughs with his friends, led you on emotionally, and then left you high and dry. What an absolute arsehole.

Cut down on the booze. Seriously. The drunk jealous girl throwing herself at you is not an attractive look.

This stuff is additional slut-shaming to mortify you further.

Fandymo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117781384#Comment_117781384

Jaysus, calm down there Helen Lovejoy. It seems like a bit of slagging among colleagues.

fevertrees

I do feel like the slagging did get a bit excessive, but I found 90% of it funny.

The point was that I act so prim and proper at work and I'm so quiet, so this kinda craic was never expected. Most of my coworkers are chill and have riden many (including one another). They don't get the "maneater" / "we expected better from you" jokes because yeah, they do have "some fun". Certainly a lot more than I do. And fair play to them. I'm clearly not capable of that emotionally.

FileNotFound

Any slags you, simple response:

"OOOh is someone a little jealous"...

Otherwise who gives a rats.. Let them slag you, go with the joke and laugh it off, once they get no rise they'll get bored.

Definitley don't start acting odd around him, like him then ask him out, otherwise get over it.

Jequ0n

you might want to hook up with people who are not associated with your workplace.

Personally it is something I’d avoid like the plague, particularly if people are as immature as they seem to be in your place.

Nozebleed

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058204980/kissed-my-coworker-he-doesnt-appear-appear-like-me-back

let me get this straight......ITS HIS FAULT?

LillySV

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117781483#Comment_117781483

Classy stuff ….. no more than you considering yourself shy but announcing how you were more or less half stalkin him the second nite for “abit more” than the shift …

fevertrees

I don't think there's any need to be slut shaming both myself and my coworkers.

Dial Hard

This thread has taken a rather bizarre turn the past few responses, but anyway...

OP, it was a drunken snog. We've all been there. If you like the guy and want to make something of it, ask him out. If he says no, shrug it off, chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.

In the meantime, lay off the Dutch courage and if your colleagues keep up the slagging, stat thinking of a few witty ripostes to shut it down.

Hannibal_Smith

Why don't you just say it was a snog on a night out, no big deal and let them all move on. They sound like a bunch of kids so I wouldn't be too worried about the slagging - little to be occupying themselves with by the sounds of things. You're both getting slagged, so it's not as if you're being shamed or singled out.

You snogged someone, enjoyed it and thought there'd be more to it but there's not. It sounds a bit like 'the fear' to me.

fevertrees

The fear does sound like an accurate summary.

LillySV

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117781676#Comment_117781676

I questioned the language and carry on… the only one that used disparaging comments like “slut” was yourself ……if you don’t like differing opinions then don’t go looking for opinions online btw

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117781919#Comment_117781919

A previous poster mentioned the term “slut shaming”, I don’t think the OP’s post was directed at you.

obi604

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117780314#Comment_117780314

Fixed your post there for ya:

This time next year tomorrow it’ll all seem like a million years ago.

OU812

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117781384#Comment_117781384

No, not that at all.

Relax with the buzz words.

OU812

Three pieces of advice:

Work on building your confidence.

Cut down the alcohol.

Find relationships outside of where you work

Big Bag of Chips

We were getting slagged constantly....

He said.... he didn't mind the slagging

Mod Note

There is no implication of "slut shaming" in the OP's post. The colleagues are being immature but they are not singling out the OP. OP herself has not referenced this at all.

Please return to advising the OP on her issue rather than arguing a non-point.