How to add spoiler tags, edit posts, add images etc. How to - a user's guide to the new version of Boards
Mods please check the Moderators Group for an important update on Mod tools. If you do not have access to the group, please PM Niamh. Thanks!

Grandparents - Level of Involvement/Help



  • You said earlier that she didn't offer now you say she did.

     My retired MIL has visited 5 times since the birth (baby is 5 months), staying an hour or two each time helping with housework, watching baby etc (each time at our request, never offering first and sometimes reluctantly). 

    Maybe you just need to accept you're on your own here.

  • But your original post said she never offers, you request she does the housework etc.

    The fact you're on crutches isn't your mil's issue. She's in her 60s. She's done her own housework and childminding. If you need help at home perhaps hire someone. Let your mil enjoy her grandchild, not work during visits.

    You come across as very entitled tbh.

  • When I had our little boy, I was lucky in the my mam came over any time I asked just to help me out. Sometimes that was watching him for a small bit while I sorted out his clothes & other bits, sometimes it was making us some food while I looked after baby. That said, she was really conscious of not wanting to be seen to be "taking over". My OH's mother wasn't in great health at the time so did come to see us a little but wasn't able to "help out" to the same degree. I understood that though.

    As for the doing housework - only had it happen once with proper housework (as opposed to getting cups of tea for people or something). My OH's brother lives up the road with his family. I'd be quite close to his wife & she knew I was struggling a little at the start. She popped down one of the days for a chat & when I needed to feed my son, she went into the kitchen for a little bit. When she came back, she'd cleaned the whole kitchen, put everything in the dishwasher & turned it on. I'd never expect that so it was a massive welcome surprise. Realistically though we hired a cleaner for 3 hours a week to do the big jobs (bathrooms etc).

    Babysitting - we don't get much. My family all have their own kids of varying ages so not always easy for them to look after our little boy. Same with some my OH's family. The mothers do a bit if we ask but we don't like to take the p so don't do it too often. Biggest one we'd ever done was going away when our little boy was 8 weeks old for 2 nights. We left him with my mam & the level of planning involved was just on a epic scale. My sister even decamped over with her kids for the 2nd night to help out. Could not thank them enough.

  • I wouldnt expect much from my parents or in laws to be fair. They worked hard and raised us so retirement is for themselves. My own mam is my dads full time carer anyways so shes tied up enough and needs any break she can get to look after herself

    Ive seen people struggle when they 1st have kids thats find others take to it like a duck to water. But at the end of the day its your child and you have to work thing out that suit you and your partner. I love travel but that on the backburner for next 20 yrs. You need to be more realistic. Whatever help you get with 1, people are a lot slower to help/babysit when yhe 2nd child and subsequent arrive. Yes some people are extrememy lucky with the help they get with babies but in my circle thats an exception rather than the norm.