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Housemate is behaving erratically and came into my room last night.

  • 17-07-2021 7:46pm

    I've lived with my new housemate for 2 weeks. We are both working professionals, she is friendly and seems to be quite a genuine person, if a little scatty at times (just little things, like waking up late for work or just being a little bit head in the clouds.)

    About a week ago she came out of her room slurring her words whilst talking to me. She dropped food all over the floor and went to the bathroom with the door wide open in front of me. It was all very odd and unsettling and the next day she behaved as if nothing happened. I suspect she was under the influence of something but let it go as a once off.

    Last night however I woke up to her in my room. When I said whose there, she walked out. I was really scared naturally, so went out to see what she was doing. She told me she just wanted to see what time it was. I asked her what she meant, and she said "I dont know, sorry, I got confused. Just go back to bed, it's fine, sorry." She is usually up late and often makes food at 3am. She has gone through 3 tubs of butter in the last 2 weeks, one of which was mine. I said this to her and she told me she'd gotten confused over which butter was hers. But seriously... 3 tubs!?

    This morning she acted completely normal towards me and I said to her: "Last night kind of scared me. I had no idea why you were in my room." She hestitantly responded by saying "Oh, yeah I know.." then quickly changed the subject. Either she's avoiding the topic, or she has no recollection of it.

    I've no idea what's going on but I'm unsettled by it. I have a feeling she's using drugs, possibly benzos. I have no problem with her doing drugs and I don't judge at all, but when it affects it's a problem, and today I had to buy a lock for my bedroom door. She seems normal the majority of the time but these two occasions are definite red flags. I'm not quite sure how to handle it though. It's left me feeling very anxious. Any advice welcome! Thank you.



  • Registered Users Posts: 895 ✭✭✭JPup

    Who owns the place? Are you both renting? Either of you sub-leasing from the other?

  • She is sub-leasing from me, which puts me in a good position. I'd like to give her a chance before I ask her to leave though, as I do think she's a good person. I just don't quite know how to handle it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie

    She could have been sleep walking. I do that. I was renting a room to a couple once and walked in about 3 in the morning to their room while sleep walking. Scared the crap out of them and I was very embarrassed. So maybe that us why she brushed it off.

    I love butter but jaysus a tub lasts me a few weeks.

  • Registered Users Posts: 37,294 ✭✭✭✭the_syco

    Aside from the butter, has she stolen any other food?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 6,364 ✭✭✭iwillhtfu

    A good chance she was sleep walking and is embarrassed about it. My daughter does the same and randomly walks through the house then could have a conversation with you then just walk off in a random direction. She regularly crashes into the bathroom in the middle of the night completely oblivious. Now she's only 9 and seems odd hearing similar when its a grown up but could well the case.

  • Registered Users Posts: 24,050 ✭✭✭✭Strumms

    When you brought up the issue of her coming into your room and she justified that behavior by saying she was trying to find what time it was... that’s a major red flag....she is lying or a complete nutcase, possibly or probably both....

    if she was sleepwalking which is the only justification for her being there aside from an emergency... she should have fronted up about that...

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,474 ✭✭✭atilladehun

    Don't make this your problem. Change the situation as soon as you can.

    When you're in the situation it can be hard to be harsh but you'll have a very difficult road ahead

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,444 ✭✭✭jebidiah

    I walked in to my mate and his missus at three in the morning and told them there was someone on the balcony outside my room. As soon as the words came out of my mouth and she woke up freaking out I realized I was sleep walking. Needles to say there is no balcony outside my window. :D

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,634 ✭✭✭storker

    The OP's bedroom door, or her housemate's?


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,803 ✭✭✭✭fritzelly

    If it was me she would be out the door - not a great way to start any kind of letting

    Did you get any references for her?

  • Registered Users Posts: 452 ✭✭SupaCat95

    How old is the tenant? Is she like 19 or is she closer to 30?

    Usually serious mental health problems are coming to prominence in the late teens. People dont get to the early late 20s doing drugs without showing scars of it. Sleep walking is often a symptom of stress or anxiety. I cannot explain the butter.

  • Registered Users Posts: 9,849 ✭✭✭spookwoman

    I'd get rid of them if this is just after 2 weeks. If they question it give them the reason why and maybe even give them a written reason for terminating their lease. You should not be uncomfortable or scared in your own home.

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  • Posts: 7,712 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]

    Get rid. It’s too easy to find people to take her place not to.

  • Registered Users Posts: 185 ✭✭dublinbando

    I'd sit down and talk to her and explain the situation, give her a fair warning and if anything strange happens again she would have to leave

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,180 ✭✭✭RabbleRouser2k

    While I empathize with you about 'live and let live', this is worrying behavior.

    I've lived with people who did soft drugs. Never saw that kind of behaviour. But if she's mixing alcohol with hard drugs/ medication, or has a substance abuse problem... things could get seriously dangerous for you in the long run.

    You've already detailed instances of her being late for work, or 'head in the clouds'. Though that is kinda vague.

    Has she brought around any 'odd' individuals? Possible dealers or whatnot?

    Either way, two weeks with this kind of odd behaviour, whilst taking your stuff. I wouldn't be too keen to stick with that roommate.

  • Registered Users Posts: 888 ✭✭✭TheadoreT

    Is sleep walking that embarrassing? Like if questioned in her position I think I'd be very quick to explain its sleepwalking than have OP think it's drugs/other creepy alternatives. So not really buying that. And whatever the reason you'd have to have absolutely zero emotional intelligence not to put someone's obvious worries at ease in this situation

    Anyway when you got to the part where you said you owned the place I was thinking just get rid, you sound very tolerant in general, maybe have one more attempt at conversation and if she fobs you off again politely tell her it isn't working out.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,180 ✭✭✭RabbleRouser2k

    I don't think it's sleepwalking. The bit about food and going to the toilet... doesn't sound like sleepwalking.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,539 ✭✭✭Dante

    I've heard some similarly bizarre stories from a friend that sleepwalks quite badly so I could believe it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,525 ✭✭✭YellowLead

    True but wouldn’t she be rushing to explain that? Unless she’s lives alone forever with no family she would know. I used to sleep walk too and go into my parents bath with my duvet, and put toast on and put my fingers into the toaster etc so I believe sleep walking people do all sorts - but if it was sleep walking she would be explaining to reassure OP.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    2 of my lodgers have done this. My room is the one beside the bathroom.

    The first was drunk and the second was sleep walking which happens now and again. The second still rents of me. Sometimes my snoring is bad and they could hear me. No one is perfect and no, sadly neither event ever led anywhere. The movies, they lied to me

  • Registered Users Posts: 53,812 ✭✭✭✭walshb

    If you have no problem with her “doing drugs,” then what’s your problem, or maybe this is the problem?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,555 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    It's the combination of off behaviour patterns that stands out. Not just standard sleepwalking there.

    Whenever I read stories like this I am happy to never have lived in a classic house share situation. Cooking food at 3am? **** off...