Housemate is behaving erratically and came into my room last night.

I've lived with my new housemate for 2 weeks. We are both working professionals, she is friendly and seems to be quite a genuine person, if a little scatty at times (just little things, like waking up late for work or just being a little bit head in the clouds.)

About a week ago she came out of her room slurring her words whilst talking to me. She dropped food all over the floor and went to the bathroom with the door wide open in front of me. It was all very odd and unsettling and the next day she behaved as if nothing happened. I suspect she was under the influence of something but let it go as a once off.

Last night however I woke up to her in my room. When I said whose there, she walked out. I was really scared naturally, so went out to see what she was doing. She told me she just wanted to see what time it was. I asked her what she meant, and she said "I dont know, sorry, I got confused. Just go back to bed, it's fine, sorry." She is usually up late and often makes food at 3am. She has gone through 3 tubs of butter in the last 2 weeks, one of which was mine. I said this to her and she told me she'd gotten confused over which butter was hers. But seriously... 3 tubs!?

This morning she acted completely normal towards me and I said to her: "Last night kind of scared me. I had no idea why you were in my room." She hestitantly responded by saying "Oh, yeah I know.." then quickly changed the subject. Either she's avoiding the topic, or she has no recollection of it.

I've no idea what's going on but I'm unsettled by it. I have a feeling she's using drugs, possibly benzos. I have no problem with her doing drugs and I don't judge at all, but when it affects it's a problem, and today I had to buy a lock for my bedroom door. She seems normal the majority of the time but these two occasions are definite red flags. I'm not quite sure how to handle it though. It's left me feeling very anxious. Any advice welcome! Thank you.

JPup

Who owns the place? Are you both renting? Either of you sub-leasing from the other?

JeffKenna

I'd definitely sit down and have a frank conversation with her about the effects of eating 3 tubs of butter.

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117625511#Comment_117625511

She is sub-leasing from me, which puts me in a good position. I'd like to give her a chance before I ask her to leave though, as I do think she's a good person. I just don't quite know how to handle it.

Witchie

She could have been sleep walking. I do that. I was renting a room to a couple once and walked in about 3 in the morning to their room while sleep walking. Scared the crap out of them and I was very embarrassed. So maybe that us why she brushed it off.

I love butter but jaysus a tub lasts me a few weeks.

the_syco

Aside from the butter, has she stolen any other food?

iwillhtfu

A good chance she was sleep walking and is embarrassed about it. My daughter does the same and randomly walks through the house then could have a conversation with you then just walk off in a random direction. She regularly crashes into the bathroom in the middle of the night completely oblivious. Now she's only 9 and seems odd hearing similar when its a grown up but could well the case.

SCOOP 64

i would lock that door at night if i were you.

fun loving criminal

All this in two weeks? You can make excuses about nighttime and sleepwalking, and getting confused over who owns what in the fridge. But going to the toilet with the door wide open is very very odd behaviour and not normal in any way. If she's making you feel that uneasy, get rid.

Strumms

When you brought up the issue of her coming into your room and she justified that behavior by saying she was trying to find what time it was... that’s a major red flag....she is lying or a complete nutcase, possibly or probably both....

if she was sleepwalking which is the only justification for her being there aside from an emergency... she should have fronted up about that...

atilladehun

Don't make this your problem. Change the situation as soon as you can.

When you're in the situation it can be hard to be harsh but you'll have a very difficult road ahead

jebidiah

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117625643#Comment_117625643

I walked in to my mate and his missus at three in the morning and told them there was someone on the balcony outside my room. As soon as the words came out of my mouth and she woke up freaking out I realized I was sleep walking. Needles to say there is no balcony outside my window. :D

storker

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117625751#Comment_117625751

The OP's bedroom door, or her housemate's?

😉

Deeper Blue

If she's like this at the start what'll she be like in a few months?

Coming into your room is unsettling in my opinion and would freak me out big time.

Considering she's only there 2 weeks, I'd get rid of her now before she gets too comfortable.

Just tell her it's not working and that she's out the door in 4 weeks. Problem solved. No point in trying to be nice in this situation.

Best of luck OP.

fritzelly

If it was me she would be out the door - not a great way to start any kind of letting

Did you get any references for her?

Rubberchikken

For your own sake ask her to leave.

Maybe you don't mind the drug taking, I'll be honest and say I would, but to have done so much weird/strange stuff in two weeks makes me wonder what more is to come.

So you want to be uncomfortable in your home. Uncomfortable in your bedroom. You don't owe this person anything.

Tork

OP I'd be telling her that this house share isn't working out and asking her to pack her bags. I'm sure you won't have any trouble replacing her. The sooner you do this, the better. It's not going to get any easier. I also think there will be further incidents that add to your stress over this. Already you've bought a lock because you're not comfortable in your own home. You'll probably find yourself changing your own behaviour over time, to cope with this housemate. All for what? Fear of being the bad guy? Pity for this woman?

If this woman has issues, they're not for you to solve. She's barely in the door and already she's causing problems. Let's be honest here, do you really want to be sharing with a drug user who's behaving erratically? Who knows what else could happen down the line. Could you see her walking out of the house and forgetting to shut the front door, for example? Or starting to cook something on the hob, then walking away from it and forgetting that the rings are still on?

ClosedAccountFuzzy

That’s pretty unlikely to be a drug issue and without evidence, I think it could be an extremely insulting thing to throw as an accusation.

She may be a sleepwalker. It can sometimes be associated with epilepsy or neurological sleep problems. Some people even just go through phases of doing this when stressed etc - a bit like night terrors, etc .. it’s just one of a number of sleep disorders.

It sounds like she’s walking around and then wakes up and has no idea where she was.

It’s not as rare as you’d think, and she may have no idea she’s doing it.

Goldengirl

Whatever her issues , sleepwalking , bulimia, drug abuse , or just a bit dizzy , it's not your problem , its hers , and while it is very kind of you to be concerned for her , you need to be comfortable and feel safe in your home .

Time to give her notice and be careful over the next few weeks in case the proverbial hits the fan when she realises you're not going to enable or support this behaviour .

SupaCat95

How old is the tenant? Is she like 19 or is she closer to 30?

Usually serious mental health problems are coming to prominence in the late teens. People dont get to the early late 20s doing drugs without showing scars of it. Sleep walking is often a symptom of stress or anxiety. I cannot explain the butter.

spookwoman

I'd get rid of them if this is just after 2 weeks. If they question it give them the reason why and maybe even give them a written reason for terminating their lease. You should not be uncomfortable or scared in your own home.

Get rid. It’s too easy to find people to take her place not to.

dublinbando

I'd sit down and talk to her and explain the situation, give her a fair warning and if anything strange happens again she would have to leave

RabbleRouser2k

While I empathize with you about 'live and let live', this is worrying behavior.

I've lived with people who did soft drugs. Never saw that kind of behaviour. But if she's mixing alcohol with hard drugs/ medication, or has a substance abuse problem... things could get seriously dangerous for you in the long run.

You've already detailed instances of her being late for work, or 'head in the clouds'. Though that is kinda vague.

Has she brought around any 'odd' individuals? Possible dealers or whatnot?

Either way, two weeks with this kind of odd behaviour, whilst taking your stuff. I wouldn't be too keen to stick with that roommate.

TheadoreT

Is sleep walking that embarrassing? Like if questioned in her position I think I'd be very quick to explain its sleepwalking than have OP think it's drugs/other creepy alternatives. So not really buying that. And whatever the reason you'd have to have absolutely zero emotional intelligence not to put someone's obvious worries at ease in this situation

Anyway when you got to the part where you said you owned the place I was thinking just get rid, you sound very tolerant in general, maybe have one more attempt at conversation and if she fobs you off again politely tell her it isn't working out.

RabbleRouser2k

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117626647#Comment_117626647

I don't think it's sleepwalking. The bit about food and going to the toilet... doesn't sound like sleepwalking.

Dante

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117626731#Comment_117626731

I've heard some similarly bizarre stories from a friend that sleepwalks quite badly so I could believe it.

YellowLead

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117626772#Comment_117626772

True but wouldn’t she be rushing to explain that? Unless she’s lives alone forever with no family she would know. I used to sleep walk too and go into my parents bath with my duvet, and put toast on and put my fingers into the toaster etc so I believe sleep walking people do all sorts - but if it was sleep walking she would be explaining to reassure OP.

2 of my lodgers have done this. My room is the one beside the bathroom.

The first was drunk and the second was sleep walking which happens now and again. The second still rents of me. Sometimes my snoring is bad and they could hear me. No one is perfect and no, sadly neither event ever led anywhere. The movies, they lied to me

walshb

If you have no problem with her “doing drugs,” then what’s your problem, or maybe this is the problem?

Jequ0n

It's the combination of off behaviour patterns that stands out. Not just standard sleepwalking there.

Whenever I read stories like this I am happy to never have lived in a classic house share situation. Cooking food at 3am? **** off...

cloudatlas

People seem to be focusing in on the sleep walking but there are other behaviours as well. I lived with someone who clearly had a mental problem and their behaviour was very erratic.

The issue for me was I didn't understand because he didn't explain so I didn't know what the problem was if he was having a psychotic break or what the hell was going on and I didn't know if he was a danger to me.

Now this woman who you live with is not communicating and told you a white lie. For me that's the problem, it's difficult to trust people who can't/ won't communicate when there is an issue no matter how nice they are. I only want to live with people who can communicate properly.

You need to have a conversation and figure it out, maybe she needs to put stickers on her food and close the toilet door, not come into your room but above all else she needs to tell you the truth.

1874

If this was sleepwalking, they may not even remember it.

I used to let rooms and I did not lock my door at night, but if I did let rooms again, I would, as looking back I was more tolerant than I should have been, it was easily possible for anyone just to get into my room when I was not present. On one occasion a person did walk in on myself and a partner in her place.

A person is in a very vulnerable position if anyone can just come into their bedroom where they are sleeping. I'd possibly have a sit down with them and try establish what the problem is, but if there is any denial or accepting that this is a problem, then If it was me, I'd be giving them a heads up that those kinds of things won't be tolerated, whether accidental or not.

Also, butter doesn't come in tubs to the best of my knowledge.

RabbleRouser2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117630004#Comment_117630004

Agreed. I've known people who worked shift work, so one week they were going in to work at 6am, another week they were going to bed at 6am. I often had to be up late at night working, so I know what it's like to have a weird sleep cycle.

That said, never walked into anyone's room-at least not without an invite.

Tails142

I used to sleep walk in my teens, some funny stories but had to lock myself in my room and hide the key sometimes before going to sleep.

Jumped into my sisters bed one time on top of her, went back to my room, no duvet, she followed me in and had found it on the landing.

Sleep walked on a school trip once, had my money in a wallet around my neck, think a group of English people took it off me or I gave it to them.

Put my fist through the bedroom window, was dreaming I was on the TGV train in France and three was a fire.

In my twenties it was usually drink brought it on, wandering around hotels in my underwear, trying to find the fire exit in my sleep or some such. Was always wary of balconies and jumping off. Pissed into my wardrobe a couple of times, one time onto a few hundred quid of brand new college textbooks, they dried out ok lol