Television issues

hello2020

well, we had similar issue and I have given up on watching tv.. I simply watch on my phone whatever i like while she watches tv ..... if she is tired of day's work then she may fall a sleep while watching n i simply switches off the tv..

qwerty13

hello2020 wrote: »

well, we had similar issue and I have given up on watching tv.. I simply watch on my phone whatever i like while she watches tv ..... if she is tired of day's work then she may fall a sleep while watching n i simply switches off the tv..

But that’s not fair on you. Why should you have to strain your eyes watching on your phone? It’s another example of pandering to someone. Surely recognition of each others wants/needs, and a bit of compromise on both parts, is essential to a relationship. Not pandering to the one who shouts the loudest.

Dtp1979

qwerty13 wrote: »

But that’s not fair on you. Why should you have to strain your eyes watching on your phone? It’s another example of pandering to someone. Surely recognition of each others wants/needs, and a bit of compromise on both parts, is essential to a relationship. Not pandering to the one who shouts the loudest.

Pandering to somebody like that is simply teaching them how to treat you.

I think the actual problem here is that your routine together means she is regularly falling asleep on the couch between ten and midnight instead of being in bed starting her sleep. It's clearly what her body is looking for.

Does she dislike going to bed alone so forces herself to stay up until your ready? Or do you like for her to stay up with you? My advice would be go to either go to bed together at 10, or tell her she should go first, even if that means you cuddling with her until she falls asleep and then you doing your own thing.

Or just stop with the structured TV watching and don't do any series. It's just pressure when you might prefer to be doing something else like reading a book etc. or going to bed.

Katgurl

She sounds like a spoilt brat.

ILoveYourVibes

Loveinapril wrote: »

The OP posted this because they have not been able to resolve the issue between them. This is an advice forum.

OP, I echo everyone else when I say she is being unreasonable.

I don't disagree with what you say.

But for me the bigger issue is ...why can't they resolve such a small issue?

threetrees

I'd be more annoyed if you left the programme on while I was asleep and I missed some of it. As a person who regularly nods off, trying to stay awake for a programme we are both watching, I appreciate when himself says he paused so I wouldn't miss it, no bother switching channel.

No advice for you because she sounds totally illogical.

JustAThought

It does sound a bit mad and a bit childish but assuming you’re not 40 yo’s why aren’t you doing something more, em, satisfying with your life and relationship together than watching tv when only one of you is actually interested in the programme and the other is asleeping?

Maybe its just a covid lockdown thing but do you not have shared interests or find a shared activity you can both agree to do together other than be asleep on the couch and watching tv?

In her favour she wants to be close to you and cuddled with with you ( even if she is bored by whats going on she physically is into being close to you). The whole thing just sounds so middle aged - is there nothing else you can be doing that stimulates you other than halfhearted TV watching that will only ever satisfy one person at a time??

hello2020

qwerty13 wrote: »

But that’s not fair on you. Why should you have to strain your eyes watching on your phone? It’s another example of pandering to someone. Surely recognition of each others wants/needs, and a bit of compromise on both parts, is essential to a relationship. Not pandering to the one who shouts the loudest.

i know its not fair but i do i think relationships are not always fair n equal...
sometimes we have to make few sacrifices to keep it going..
there are other stuff where they put in extra effort and in the long run small compromises r worth the happiness you find living together..

Dial Hard

hello2020 wrote: »

i know its not fair but i do i think relationships are not always fair n equal...
sometimes we have to make few sacrifices to keep it going..
there are other stuff where they put in extra effort and in the long run small compromises r worth the happiness you find living together..

There's give and take and then there's outright unreason. The OP's partner is displaying the latter.

joeguevara

Is there anything other than tv every night that both of you could do?

Dtp1979

joeguevara wrote: »

Is there anything other than tv every night that both of you could do?

I think youre missing the bigger picture here.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

I think youre missing the bigger picture here.

Not really, no. The bigger picture is what is leading to this even happening.

If the idea of one's partner falling asleep before you on the couch is normal, I missed the memo. If midnight is a normal time to go to bed in your late thirties, I missed that memo as well.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Not really, no. The bigger picture is what is leading to this even happening.

If the idea of one's partner falling asleep before you on the couch is normal, I missed the memo. If midnight is a normal time to go to bed in your late thirties, I missed that memo as well.

People fall asleep watching tv all the time, especially at night!
The bigger picture here is the way she handles it and her attitude. Replacing TV with an something else is only kicking the can down the road. The problem with her attitude will show itself in some other form.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

People fall asleep watching tv all the time, especially at night!
The bigger picture here is the way she handles it and her attitude. Replacing TV with an something else is only kicking the can down the road. The problem with her attitude will show itself in some other form.

Falling asleep on the couch before bed "all the time" isn't healthy for either the relationship or the person's sleep cycle. I nap a lot but it's earlier in the day when it's actually good for you, and it's not during supposed "TV relationship time".

It's beyond comprehension to me that anyone would read OP's story and think that if she just didn't get pissed off, this shared experience of watching TV until midnight with one person regularly falling asleep sounds good.

They're stuck in a rut and her getting at him changing to the channel is the manifestation of that. Any relationship issue asking who's right or wrong instead of how the issue can be fixed screams lack of understanding or interest.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

They're stuck in a rut and her getting at him changing to the channel is the manifestation of that.

Or she could be a spoilt brat, like a few posters have said. We don’t know the reason why she’s falling asleep. She could be working 13 hour days for all we know.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Or she could be a spoilt brat, like a few posters have said. We don’t know the reason why she’s falling asleep. She could be working 13 hour days for all we know.

A spoilt brat working 13-hour days with OP staying up until midnight watching his favourite shows while she sleeps on the couch.

Anyways what does it matter. You have your mind made up, as do I. She's wrong in your mind, whereas the relationship has issues in mine.

FinnC

Women are crazy, I’ll never understand the way their thought process works.
Most men are practical minded, she falls asleep so you change the channel. Sounds like the obvious thing to do right? Well it is but women think differently for some reason.
Women,I love them but I’ll never understand them.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

She's wrong in your mind,

Lmao, she’s wrong in EVERYONES eyes according to this thread. I’ve never seen such a one sided thread in relationship issues!!

Wanderer78

This is ridiculous, there's no way she's in her 30's, sounds like a spoilt child

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

FinnC gender generalisations are against the Charter here in PI/RI. Please avoid doing it going forward.

Thanks

HS

FinnC

JustAThought wrote: »

It does sound a bit mad and a bit childish but assuming you’re not 40 yo’s why aren’t you doing something more, em, satisfying with your life and relationship together than watching tv

Do you think people in their 40s don’t have sex anymore? !
I’m having more now in my 40s with the mrs than I ever did....

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Lmao, she’s wrong in EVERYONES eyes according to this thread. I’ve never seen such a one sided thread in relationship issues!!

This forum is populated with people who actively want to end others' relationships, or think their colourful history of toxic relationships has taught them life lessons that can now be shared.

Thinking OP's girlfriend is a spoilt brat is just the easy reaction even I had. But stepping back and thinking about a woman in her late 30s is always falling asleep on a couch until midnight shows a less than ideal relationship routine.

They don't even share the same TV interests, so what's the point. The solution to this is not that they continue doing the same thing for the rest of their lives but she stops getting annoyed.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

They don't even share the same TV interests, so what's the point. The solution to this is not that they continue doing the same thing for the rest of their lives but she stops getting annoyed.

The op already said the TV content isn’t the problem.
As for the the solution, yes, she should take a step back, reflect on her selfishness and cop on.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

The op already said the TV content isn’t the problem.
As for the the solution, yes, she should take a step back, reflect on her selfishness and cop on.

And OP should take a step back, reflect on why he's going to bed at midnight instead of at a normal time with his tired girlfriend.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

And OP should take a step back, reflect on why he's going to bed at midnight instead of at a normal time with his tired girlfriend.

We only have OP's side of the story.

Ong why does it matter when the op goes to bed? His other half decides what he watches as she sleeps. If she chooses to stay on the couch and not go to bed then so be it, but she should have no business dictating what the OP watches while she isn’t present.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Ong why does it matter when the op goes to bed? His other half decides what he watches as she sleeps. If she chooses to stay on the couch and not go to bed then so be it, but she should have no business dictating what the OP watches while she isn’t present.

I asked OP yesterday why this woman is doing this to herself but he didn't reply.

As to why she's annoyed at him changing the channel, it could be any number of reasons. You just told me that he said content isn't the problem, so why is he changing it. Maybe it's annoying that he's agreeing to watch stuff but changes it when he gets the chance, meaning he never wanted to watch it. Maybe it's ASMR for her. Maybe it's loud enough to wake her up and she's just grumpy. Maybe she wants to go to bed but he wants do something with her and changing the channel is him doubling down on his choices leaving her with none.

We don't know. My advice here is that OP get to the bottom of the entire situation, and you think I'm a buffoon for that and this is solely a case of her being a spoilt brat. Who's more reasonable?

Loveinapril wrote: »

Upon reflection, he will probably realise that his body is a separate entity to his girlfriend's and they get tired at different times. Last night was the first time in easily a year that me and my husband went to bed at the same time and we survive. The OP's girlfriend just sounds incredibly controlling. Imagine trying to dictate what your partner watched while you are asleep. It is bizarre!

Good for you. My last relationship was like that with me staying up way later. It worked fine because she could go to sleep fine by herself. OP's girlfriend is not doing that and is instead causing issues. Is your advice to OP that he just tells her to be less controlling? It could work of course. Maybe in her late 30s, she'll have an epiphany and become a different person.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I asked OP yesterday why this woman is doing this to herself but he didn't reply.

As to why she's annoyed at him changing the channel, it could be any number of reasons. You just told me that he said content isn't the problem, so why is he changing it. Maybe it's annoying that he's agreeing to watch stuff but changes it when he gets the chance, meaning he never wanted to watch it. Maybe it's ASMR for her. Maybe it's loud enough to wake her up and she's just grumpy. Maybe she wants to go to bed but he wants do something with her and changing the channel is him doubling down on his choices leaving her with none.

We don't know. My advice here is that OP get to the bottom of the entire situation, and you think I'm a buffoon for that and this is solely a case of her being a spoilt brat. Who's more reasonable?




Good for you. My last relationship was like that with me staying up way later. It worked fine because she could go to sleep fine by herself. OP's girlfriend is not doing that and is instead causing issues. Is your advice to OP that he just tells her to be less controlling? It could work of course. Maybe in her late 30s, she'll have an epiphany and become a different person.

The OP already said in the original post that she wants the same channel left on as she may wake sporadically.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

The OP already said in the original post that she wants the same channel left on as she may wake sporadically.

Yeah, which to me sounds pretty fair, because they've sat down to watch that. If she doesn't dose off, the show is on. If she closes her eyes, OP changes it.

The whole thing sounds like a bad idea. Him agreeing to watch stuff he changes once he gets the chance. Her falling asleep on the couch at times when normal 30+ year olds are already in bed. OP having a problem with her ownership of what they agreed to watch together. Her reacting to this stuff the way she is.

No one will ever convince me that the only problem in this whole thing is her reaction.

Honestly, I would be pretty annoyed if I were her. Imagine agreeing to watch something knowing that if you dose off, your boyfriend is going to change it right away. Forcing yourself to stay away knowing he's waiting for you to sleep so he can put on something else he'd prefer.