Television issues

LegacyUser

Hello all. I’d like some outside input into this. It’s nothing too important in the grander scheme of things but nonetheless I’d like a few opinions.
Myself and my girlfriend are in our late 30’s. A recurring issue keeps popping up and we can’t seem to get around it. At night when we watch tv we try find something we both like to watch. It’s not always the case that we both agree but that’s fine, we still watch it. She tends to fall asleep quite a bit on the couch. Usually she fades and us asleep by 10 until midnight. She might wake on and off.
Here lies the problem.
If I change the channel when she’s asleep and put on something I enjoy to watch which she’d have zero intrest in, and she wakes, she becomes very annoyed and put out, and even stormed off to bed. Her reason for this is that I should leave what we both wanted to watch as she may wake up sporadically and decide to watch, even though most nights she stays asleep.
This totally ties me to a program I may or may not want to watch. I can’t change the channel if I wish, because of her reactions in the past.
Am I the only one who thinks her behaviour is absolutely ludicrous, or does she have a fair point?

zoobizoo

It sounds ludicrous.

It's understandable to get annoyed if someone jumps an episode ahead on a show you've been watching together.....

But to get annoyed by you watching something else while thinking you should Continue watching what she wants on the off chance she wakes up......Bonkers!

Sure you'd be up half the night trying to explain the bits she missed.

1 Solution would be to have 2 separate accounts. You watch your show on either TV or laptop while she sleeps and leave her show running on the other device.

Or you to bed and read a book or sneakily watch your show on your laptop in there when she falls asleep on the sofa. Then you won't have to explain plot lines.


Or you could tell her that she's being unreasonable and a bit silly and let her storm off.

Car99

That is ludicrous. I'd give up on watching tv with her if that was me. Totally unreasonable.

eviltwin

Is she for real? So you are supposed to watch something you don't really want to while she is asleep just on the off chance she wakes up? Is she this controlling in other areas of your life OP?

Mrcaramelchoc

When she falls asleep turn everything off go to bed and watch what you want on your phone.

Is the point of watching something together not that ye can chat, react to it etc together, not sit in silence with one falling asleep? Tell her to cop on.

Dtp1979

If she falls asleep then the TV should be free game and as long as you’re not watching a heavy metal concert at full blast, you should be allowed to watch what you want surely. Absolutely mad behaviour from her

Rubberchikken

Is she like this on other issues?
If it's just tv then a conversation is needed to remind her than her behaviour is a little inconsiderate and silly tbh.
If this behaviour seeps into other parts of your life then there may be a problem.

punisher5112

Buy another TV. Put it in the bedroom or kitchen, that's what I did, I now enjoy watching what I want to watch....

leggo

Is she a youngest child or only child by any chance?

Either way, that’s irrelevant and just a curiosity. Whatever the case, she sounds spoiled and like she’s very used to getting her own way and isn’t used to thinking of others when it may interfere with that, personally that’s a trait I watch for as a big no-no.

No need for anything drastic here, anyway, like you say it’s a small issue. But you’re not being unreasonable and you shouldn’t be made to feel that way. Let her have her strops and tantrums. If she tries to speak about her issue, let her then ask her if she just heard herself. You’re right so you don’t need to be angry or confrontational here, just sit back, be right and don’t let the conversation get dragged away from that. You can’t indulge or enable spoiled kids once they grow up, they need to cop on or be made to feel like the spoiled children they’re behaving like.

Strumms

Tell her...

" when im asleep i dont dictate what you can watch... id appreciate if that courtecy was to be extended both ways.."

Anybody in a relationship should be of the ability to say to their other half.." hey i really wanna watch x program at 8.30 tonight"... the other half can choose to watch with you, to sit with you and read, or maybe go ring a friend, family member.. or, sleep.

The fùck id be putting up with sombody trying to dictate to me what im to do while they sleep.. they are NOT watching if they are asleep.. thats bs.

Leg End Reject

If I was in that situation I'd take a long, hard look at the overall relationship. In the days of smart TVs, easy recording, streaming and catch up TV there's no need to worry about what's on if you fall asleep.

Insisting someone watches a programme that's only of interest to you, while you're asleep (!) is not normal or rational.

Having a tantrum and storming off over a changed channel? It screams control freak.

LegacyUser

With the greatest of respect,she sounds like a looney tune.

If she's like this over tv programmes while she's sleeping, there isn't a chance in hell she's in anyway rational over everything else. Not a chance and you know that. You've probably let all the other crazy stuff slide on the basis she's hot or whatever but I doubt you gave to stratch too deep beneath the surface to find the rest of the crazy.

The fact you are even posting about it and questioning if it's as ludicrous as it seems means she's exposed you to so much crazy, you're judgement is impaired.

She is in her late 30s. She's pretty much grown and if she hasn't matured by now, she won't. This is what you will be stuck with forever.....

ThorsMane

Sounds like she’s incredibly selfish and immature. All other replies seemed to have touched on just about everything I would think.. she’s controlling, spoilt, clearly only thinks about herself.

I’m sure you’re compiling a mental list of all the other times she’s controlled you, inconvenienced you to serve herself and her needs.

If this is a common issue and it wasn’t resolved after the first few arguments then I’m sure it’ll only get worse from here. She’s old enough to be set in her ways and she clearly doesn’t see anything wrong with controlling behaviour.

mohawk

Now I reckon every couple has arguments over something stupid or trivial at some stage usually as a result of a misunderstanding or stress. What you described sounds more then that to be honest. Is there other areas of your relationship where her demands are unreasonable? Do you ever do things or agree to things just for the quiet life? The behaviour you described is completely unreasonable. It’s behaviour I wouldn’t accept from a child no mind a grown adult.
Now aside from how unreasonable she is it’s also troubling how she can’t see the issue from your perspective. Is she willing to accept a compromise at least. Aka you leave her to it an watch tv on laptop?

LegacyUser

Hi All, op here.

It’s not so much about the content that’s on. I don’t mind coming to a compromise on a program. It’s the fact I’m tied to it once she falls asleep. Yes there probably is other issues I can’t think of off the top of my head. I’ll share them when they come to me

osarusan

If she's getting so annoyed about it, does that mean she's winning the battle for the remote most of the time too? And that you've switched over from 'her' programme?

If I were you I'd just stop watching tv with her like that, and say you don't need to be having fights over such small things.

YellowLead

Would you not just break up with her??? If this is what she is like over what you watch when she is asleep - I imagine she’s quite controlling and insane in general? Like, you are not married and I assume don’t have kids, so fairly easy to walk?

beertons

Is this happening long? I'd leave her on the couch and go to bed.

If you could turn on something that's all ready over or if a DVD just forward to the end credits when she's asleep then give her a nudge to wake up a bit and point at the TV and say it's over then turn on something you like.

qwerty13

[Deleted User] wrote: »

If you could turn on something that's all ready over or if a DVD just forward to the end credits when she's asleep then give her a nudge to wake up a bit and point at the TV and say it's over then turn on something you like.

A thousand times no! This is just pandering to her childish behaviour, and putting a sticking plaster on the underlying issue. Like others, I’d be amazed if her attitude problems haven’t already made glaring appearances in areas other than tv viewing.

bitofabind

She sounds like a total dose. The most shocking thing here is that she's late 30s, I would've guessed late teens and even then it's poor behaviour.

"You can't watch TV while you're asleep. So when you fall asleep, you lose the right to dictate what I watch and I'll put on whatever I like. Don't like it, go to bed to sleep rather than falling asleep on the sofa"

Rubberchikken

Tbh I wouldn't accept this behaviour from a child never mind an adult.
If you want to change this then maybe you need to have a calm honest chat together.

Needs Must

I be telling her to wise up or take a hike, wouldn't stand for that bs.

spaceHopper

Do an experiment, take turns pick the program, I guarantee that when it's your turn she's fall asleep, then go to bed or just go read a book she won't stick around.

The point is she's picking the programs and then is pissed when you change after she falls a sleep.

Or you could tell her the program ended and this is a new one

Dtp1979

spaceHopper wrote: »

Do an experiment, take turns pick the program, I guarantee that when it's your turn she's fall asleep, then go to bed or just go read a book she won't stick around.

The point is she's picking the programs and then is pissed when you change after she falls a sleep.

Or you could tell her the program ended and this is a new one

But the OP already said it’s not about the content that’s on.

Big Bag of Chips

Teleissies wrote: »

If I change the channel when she’s asleep and put on something I enjoy to watch which she’d have zero intrest in, and she wakes, she becomes very annoyed and put out, and even stormed off to bed.

I'd see this as problem solved. I would not entertain her strop for one minute. I would see her storming off to bed as a result. She goes to bed, you get to watch what you like.

To be honest, I wouldn't even discuss this. The more you discuss it, the more you allow her to think she has a point. If she argues any point just say "you were asleep". If she storms off to bed let her go. Say "good night" if you're feeling charitable!

Next time you sit down to watch (her choice) let her know that if she falls asleep you will change over to something else. Then when she falls asleep she can't blame you for changing over! This shouldn't be an argument.

Hmm_Messiah

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I'd see this as problem solved. I would not entertain her strop for one minute. I would see her storming off to bed as a result. She goes to bed, you get to watch what you like.

I'm not sure if there is not maybe a little more to this?

working on the assumption things are generally good between you both, then taken from personal experience, the frustration she feels may be at herself more than you

She might dislike falling asleep in "couple time", she may feel frustrated constantly missing things she wanted to watch - I have had this experience with partners before

It does not justify the behavior, but may explain it. and in that case, in any case really, would you not just sit down and discuss it with her (not at night time) but earlier in the day

I seen a lot of posts having no time for her behavior, but you are her partner, surely you know her much better than any one here, and can put this behavior in context ?

I also had a sibling with sleep issues /apnea and the level of frustration not being able to be certain they'd stay awake during a visit, or a tv show or trip to cinema etc.

their behavior is not good, not least as it is impacting in your own "down time", but maybe.. talk to her?

Teleissies

Teleissies wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks her behaviour is absolutely ludicrous, or does she have a fair point?

Its absolutely ludicrous.

Whatsmore, I wouldn't be trying to find ways work around this by buying extra TVs or watching things sneakily on your laptop or anything like that, as if you do that, its letting your partner away with continuing the behaviour.

Have a conversation and tell her its not on, but be firm about it. Don't try the appeasement route, you shouldn't have to appease her on this. Her behaviour is ridiculous.

ILoveYourVibes

OP i think this issue is so small you should try and sort it out between yourselves without seeking advice.

Its so trivial both of you should really be letting it go.

Rubberchikken

punisher5112 wrote: »

Buy another TV. Put it in the bedroom or kitchen, that's what I did, I now enjoy watching what I want to watch....

The problem I’d have with that is it isn’t addressing the issue the op has raised and to me it smacks of giving in to a very unreasonable demand.

hello2020

well, we had similar issue and I have given up on watching tv.. I simply watch on my phone whatever i like while she watches tv ..... if she is tired of day's work then she may fall a sleep while watching n i simply switches off the tv..

Loveinapril

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

OP i think this issue is so small you should try and sort it out between yourselves without seeking advice.

Its so trivial both of you should really be letting it go.

The OP posted this because they have not been able to resolve the issue between them. This is an advice forum.

OP, I echo everyone else when I say she is being unreasonable.

qwerty13

hello2020 wrote: »

well, we had similar issue and I have given up on watching tv.. I simply watch on my phone whatever i like while she watches tv ..... if she is tired of day's work then she may fall a sleep while watching n i simply switches off the tv..

But that’s not fair on you. Why should you have to strain your eyes watching on your phone? It’s another example of pandering to someone. Surely recognition of each others wants/needs, and a bit of compromise on both parts, is essential to a relationship. Not pandering to the one who shouts the loudest.

Dtp1979

qwerty13 wrote: »

But that’s not fair on you. Why should you have to strain your eyes watching on your phone? It’s another example of pandering to someone. Surely recognition of each others wants/needs, and a bit of compromise on both parts, is essential to a relationship. Not pandering to the one who shouts the loudest.

Pandering to somebody like that is simply teaching them how to treat you.

I think the actual problem here is that your routine together means she is regularly falling asleep on the couch between ten and midnight instead of being in bed starting her sleep. It's clearly what her body is looking for.

Does she dislike going to bed alone so forces herself to stay up until your ready? Or do you like for her to stay up with you? My advice would be go to either go to bed together at 10, or tell her she should go first, even if that means you cuddling with her until she falls asleep and then you doing your own thing.

Or just stop with the structured TV watching and don't do any series. It's just pressure when you might prefer to be doing something else like reading a book etc. or going to bed.

Katgurl

She sounds like a spoilt brat.

ILoveYourVibes

Loveinapril wrote: »

The OP posted this because they have not been able to resolve the issue between them. This is an advice forum.

OP, I echo everyone else when I say she is being unreasonable.

I don't disagree with what you say.

But for me the bigger issue is ...why can't they resolve such a small issue?

threetrees

I'd be more annoyed if you left the programme on while I was asleep and I missed some of it. As a person who regularly nods off, trying to stay awake for a programme we are both watching, I appreciate when himself says he paused so I wouldn't miss it, no bother switching channel.

No advice for you because she sounds totally illogical.

JustAThought

It does sound a bit mad and a bit childish but assuming you’re not 40 yo’s why aren’t you doing something more, em, satisfying with your life and relationship together than watching tv when only one of you is actually interested in the programme and the other is asleeping?

Maybe its just a covid lockdown thing but do you not have shared interests or find a shared activity you can both agree to do together other than be asleep on the couch and watching tv?

In her favour she wants to be close to you and cuddled with with you ( even if she is bored by whats going on she physically is into being close to you). The whole thing just sounds so middle aged - is there nothing else you can be doing that stimulates you other than halfhearted TV watching that will only ever satisfy one person at a time??

hello2020

qwerty13 wrote: »

But that’s not fair on you. Why should you have to strain your eyes watching on your phone? It’s another example of pandering to someone. Surely recognition of each others wants/needs, and a bit of compromise on both parts, is essential to a relationship. Not pandering to the one who shouts the loudest.

i know its not fair but i do i think relationships are not always fair n equal...
sometimes we have to make few sacrifices to keep it going..
there are other stuff where they put in extra effort and in the long run small compromises r worth the happiness you find living together..

Dial Hard

hello2020 wrote: »

i know its not fair but i do i think relationships are not always fair n equal...
sometimes we have to make few sacrifices to keep it going..
there are other stuff where they put in extra effort and in the long run small compromises r worth the happiness you find living together..

There's give and take and then there's outright unreason. The OP's partner is displaying the latter.

joeguevara

Is there anything other than tv every night that both of you could do?

Dtp1979

joeguevara wrote: »

Is there anything other than tv every night that both of you could do?

I think youre missing the bigger picture here.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

I think youre missing the bigger picture here.

Not really, no. The bigger picture is what is leading to this even happening.

If the idea of one's partner falling asleep before you on the couch is normal, I missed the memo. If midnight is a normal time to go to bed in your late thirties, I missed that memo as well.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Not really, no. The bigger picture is what is leading to this even happening.

If the idea of one's partner falling asleep before you on the couch is normal, I missed the memo. If midnight is a normal time to go to bed in your late thirties, I missed that memo as well.

People fall asleep watching tv all the time, especially at night!
The bigger picture here is the way she handles it and her attitude. Replacing TV with an something else is only kicking the can down the road. The problem with her attitude will show itself in some other form.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

People fall asleep watching tv all the time, especially at night!
The bigger picture here is the way she handles it and her attitude. Replacing TV with an something else is only kicking the can down the road. The problem with her attitude will show itself in some other form.

Falling asleep on the couch before bed "all the time" isn't healthy for either the relationship or the person's sleep cycle. I nap a lot but it's earlier in the day when it's actually good for you, and it's not during supposed "TV relationship time".

It's beyond comprehension to me that anyone would read OP's story and think that if she just didn't get pissed off, this shared experience of watching TV until midnight with one person regularly falling asleep sounds good.

They're stuck in a rut and her getting at him changing to the channel is the manifestation of that. Any relationship issue asking who's right or wrong instead of how the issue can be fixed screams lack of understanding or interest.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

They're stuck in a rut and her getting at him changing to the channel is the manifestation of that.

Or she could be a spoilt brat, like a few posters have said. We don’t know the reason why she’s falling asleep. She could be working 13 hour days for all we know.

Dtp1979

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Or she could be a spoilt brat, like a few posters have said. We don’t know the reason why she’s falling asleep. She could be working 13 hour days for all we know.

A spoilt brat working 13-hour days with OP staying up until midnight watching his favourite shows while she sleeps on the couch.

Anyways what does it matter. You have your mind made up, as do I. She's wrong in your mind, whereas the relationship has issues in mine.

FinnC

Women are crazy, I’ll never understand the way their thought process works.
Most men are practical minded, she falls asleep so you change the channel. Sounds like the obvious thing to do right? Well it is but women think differently for some reason.
Women,I love them but I’ll never understand them.

Dtp1979

[Deleted User] wrote: »

She's wrong in your mind,

Lmao, she’s wrong in EVERYONES eyes according to this thread. I’ve never seen such a one sided thread in relationship issues!!