Friends who let you down and stuff like that.

paw patrol

I'm just having a moan - offer me some advise or similar stories to cheer me up

Firstly , as you will know from posts on the Covid19 thread i am very much anti lockdown and the rest. But I've been at great pains to point out that I respect others who wish to isolate, wear masks and take vaccines etc

I have a friend who went off the deep-end regarding covid in the last 12 months.
Millions of whatsapp message about new world orders, vaccines passports, bill gates etc.... and in real life he was fighting with supermarket staff and the rest over masks etc..

I'll be honest those opinions aren't a million miles from mine but he really imposed on people (me included) in the last year and some of our mutual friends started ignoring him. I didn't, even though his behaviour and whatsapps were really tiresome, perhaps I indulged him too much.

So what's my problem?
Well he got called for the vaccine due to his job and he took it. No complaints, no kickback.

And I'm annoyed (probably with myself more) that I bothered my hole indulging his excessive covid -mania in the last year cos he clearly is a total fraud.

I must point out other friends have taken the vaccine and fair play to them. This isn't about that or covid itself.

He is now texting me more anti lockdown material this morning - like he didn't just sell out his principals . Our wives are friends so telling him to fcuk off while possible, isn't preferable.

tell me about your friends or ex friends and their bad behavior to amuse me while I wonder how to deal with this (while my whatsapp pop again :mad:)

Padre_Pio

*Block*

Smee_Again

You seem surprised that someone who displays selfish tendencies acts selfishly.

Treppen

Best advice I ever got.... ' arguments abut the washing up are rarely ever about the washing up'.

There's probably other stuff going on and he's found a different outlet for his anger.

Conspiracy theories is that way

Without casting too many aspersions, he comes across as a hypocrite. I find such people to be weak as water when their backs are to the wall, lacking the courage of their convictions. You obviously go way back, I would have a stern word to stop bombarding you with all that junk as you have enough on your plate. If this falls on deaf ears, time to consider the self-preservation principle of needing to distance yourself.

MrStuffins

paw patrol wrote: »

Firstly , as you will know from posts on the Covid19 thread i am very much anti lockdown and the rest. But I've been at great pains to point out that I respect others who wish to isolate, wear masks and take vaccines etc

Oh yeah?

paw patrol wrote: »

So what's my problem?
Well he got called for the vaccine due to his job and he took it. No complaints, no kickback.

And I'm annoyed (probably with myself more) that I bothered my hole indulging his excessive covid -mania in the last year cos he clearly is a total fraud.

Doesn't sound like it!

paw patrol

Padre_Pio wrote: »

*Block*

the wives... it's my Achilles heel here.

Smee_Again wrote: »

You seem surprised that someone who displays selfish tendencies acts selfishly.

i like this, this is interesting and you may have a point.
perhaps I thought he was principled and had a belief as in being anti government isn't necessarily "selfish" - but I don't want to decent into a covid debate.

point is well noted!

paw patrol

MrStuffins wrote: »

Oh yeah?
Doesn't sound like it!

ah its' you.
yes, you'd need to read my posts not a selective handful, but you'd know that already. But thanks for your fascinating contribution.

Peoples - please let this not be a covid19 debate.

More stories please.

MrStuffins

Deleted User wrote: »

Without casting too many aspersions, he comes across as a hypocrite. I find such people to be weak as water when their backs are to the wall, lacking the courage of their convictions. You obviously go way back, I would have a stern word to stop bombarding you with all that junk as you have enough on your plate. If this falls on deaf ears, time to consider the self-preservation principle of needing to distance yourself.

From the sounds of things, and i'm not being smart here, but you need to find yourself a hobby or something to take your mind off this whole Covid thing.

There are a large chunk of people who are becoming obsessed by Covid, by the Govt., by thoughts of conspiracies and it's consuming them. You sound like one of these people.

My suggestion would be to concentrate your mental efforts elsewhere. Learn an instrument, learn a language, take up running, or knitting. Take up a building project. I know a few people who built bars out their back garden or built themselves cool desks for WFH. Whatever it is.

Your friend needs help. Form the sounds of things he's taken the vaccine and is starting to maybe calm down on the paranoia. Maybe you should take a leaf from his book!

Tork

He didn't let you down though, did he? He was and is a giant pain in the hole. The only good thing about this is that he went and got that vaccine. As for all that covid stuff he's sending you, just ignore it. I don't automatically respond to everything my friends send me on Whatsapp

MrStuffins

paw patrol wrote: »

ah its' you.
yes, you'd need to read my posts not a selective handful

I based my post off your OP. That's why I quoted it.

You pointed out that you respect those who take the vaccine, but later in the same post said you're annoyed at him and are calling him a fraud for doing one of the very things you claimed to have respected earlier in the same post.

It's hypocritical.

At the end of the day, your friend has not let you down. His taking of the vaccine does not really affect you in any way. It's his body and he can choose to do that if he wants to.

paw patrol

MrStuffins wrote: »

From the sounds of things, and i'm not being smart here, but you need to find yourself a hobby or something to take your mind off this whole Covid thing.

There are a large chunk of people who are becoming obsessed by Covid, by the Govt., by thoughts of conspiracies and it's consuming them. You sound like one of these people.

My suggestion would be to concentrate your mental efforts elsewhere. Learn an instrument, learn a language, take up running, or knitting. Take up a building project. I know a few people who built bars out their back garden or built themselves cool desks for WFH. Whatever it is.

Your friend needs help. Form the sounds of things he's taken the vaccine and is starting to maybe calm down on the paranoia. Maybe you should take a leaf from his book!

But I'm fine tbh despite by dislike of restrictions. I have actually completed 3 courses (on edx.org) this year due to covid and I'm writing a business plan (badly but it's started) while working and training regular (gym when available)

Not to mention wfh has been good for me - my marriage has improved from very good to even better than very good . And best of all my K/D ratio has skyrocketed on warzone. I'm good tbh.

You'd think he was calming down on the paranoia but I've more anti government , bill gates sh1te this morning.

paw patrol

MrStuffins wrote: »

I based my post off your OP. That's why I quoted it.

You pointed out that you respect those who take the vaccine, but later in the same post said you're annoyed at him and are calling him a fraud for doing one of the very things you claimed to have respected earlier in the same post.

It's hypocritical.

At the end of the day, your friend has not let you down. His taking of the vaccine does not really affect you in any way. It's his body and he can choose to do that if he wants to.

ah I get you , apologies if I misunderstood your intent.

The first real obstacle to his beliefs and he folded - I think Bertie_Horse nailed it in his post - that's the hypocritical piece.
But for 12 months he has raged at me about the state of the place and all that and the first real obstacle to his beliefs where he could have taken a stand and he folded - I think Bertie_Horse nailed it in his post - that's the hypocritical piece. I feel he is a fraud.

paw patrol

Tork wrote: »

He didn't let you down though, did he? He was and is a giant pain in the hole. The only good thing about this is that he went and got that vaccine. As for all that covid stuff he's sending you, just ignore it. I don't automatically respond to everything my friends send me on Whatsapp

No he didn't personally let me down and you've a nice way of putting it.
I feel he lied though or misrepresented himself and that's the thing.

Yeah I don't respond much. Hasn't stopped him

MrStuffins

paw patrol wrote: »

You'd think he was calming down on the paranoia but I've more anti government , bill gates sh1te this morning.

In this case, it might be healthy to draw a boundary here.

It's not exactly the same thing, but my mate is a supporter of a particular football team. He's overly negative about them and gets worked up the same way someone would about Covid. That might be weird to hear, but it's true. He takes it very seriously.

I personally, and the lads in the group chat, have asked him to not talk about this anymore over Whats App. He's letting it affect his mental health.

He has agreed and since then, he has actually been much happier and a lighter bloke. It has allowed all of us to be lighter in the chat and there is much less negativity now.

Maybe you guys could decide that conspiracy or anti-Govt talk is off the table for a while. Talk about other things. Even try it for a week and see how it goes. I guarantee you'll both be happier.

Tork

Being a fraud is the least of his problems though. Even if he didn't get the vaccine you'd get sick of him anyway. Once covid goes away he'll be bombarding you with other conspiracy theory ****e. I work with somebody like that and one of the few benefits of the past year is that I haven't had to listen to him going on about 9/11 and the New World Order. People like this are a pain in the hoop. When he starts off on this nonsense in the office, people head off to their desks to finish their coffee.

MrStuffins

Tork wrote: »

Being a fraud is the least of his problems though. Even if he didn't get the vaccine you'd get sick of him anyway. Once covid goes away he'll be bombarding you with other conspiracy theory ****e. I work with somebody like that and one of the few benefits of the past year is that I haven't had to listen to him going on about 9/11 and the New World Order. People like this are a pain in the hoop. When he starts off on this nonsense in the office, people head off to their desks to finish their coffee.

And one of the reasons for this is that they become obsessed internally about it and it means they have to externalise it as much as they can.

Imagine what that's like when they're at it, they're also in FB groups with others like them confirming their biases, then in Whats App groups confirming their biases...... and so on.

Best thing to do is to take a break from it.

Whether you believe in that stuff or not, it's unhealthy. And like anything else unhealthy you can't consume it all day, every day. You need moderation and sometimes a clean break from it for a while.

I had a similar - not friend or family member but acquaintance I guess is the word - who used to go on about The English and The Brits all the time. Mostly from citing history between England and Ireland - or England and the US - he had a serious issue with the Brits and could not talk about it enough.

Thing is in his day to day life he would support English football teams. Or if Ireland was knocked out of some international competition he would cheer for England instead. He is perfectly ok with having summer holidays or other trips to England. And he is just as polite and civil to any English person he meets in a pub or in any other context as he would be at any other time. And would even get some mild entertainment out of some big royal visit or wedding and the like.

I am not sure "Hypocrisy" is the right word. Whether it is being against "The Brits" in a big way or being against "Big pharma and vaccines and lock downs" - but then displays the opposite in minor day to day decisions such as getting the Jab to do your job or supporting England financially with holidays or in sport by cheering their team.

It is more a cognitive dissonance than a hypocrisy. And some people really can go on and on about some huge meta narrative in their life - while at a micro level displaying none of that in their individual actions or choices. And the human brain is able to maintain both without any seeming conflict or discomfort at the disparity.

MrStuffins

Deleted User wrote: »

I had a similar - not friend or family member but acquaintance I guess is the word - who used to go on about The English and The Brits all the time. Mostly from citing history between England and Ireland - or England and the US - he had a serious issue with the Brits and could not talk about it enough.

Thing is in his day to day life he would support English football teams. Or if Ireland was knocked out of some international competition he would cheer for England instead. He is perfectly ok with having summer holidays or other trips to England. And he is just as polite and civil to any English person he meets in a pub or in any other context as he would be at any other time. And would even get some mild entertainment out of some big royal visit or wedding and the like.

I am not sure "Hypocrisy" is the right word. Whether it is being against "The Brits" in a big way or being against "Big pharma and vaccines and lock downs" - but then displays the opposite in minor day to day decisions such as getting the Jab to do your job or supporting England financially with holidays or in sport by cheering their team.

It is more a cognitive dissonance than a hypocrisy. And some people really can go on and on about some huge meta narrative in their life - while at a micro level displaying none of that in their individual actions or choices. And the human brain is able to maintain both without any seeming conflict or discomfort at the disparity.

Like the lads smashing up Dorset Street to protest the visit from The Queen, while wearing Man United & Liverpool jerseys :pac:

listermint

I don't get the point OP.

People say stuff and to the opposite all the time. Many people especially those who are subscribed to anti lockdown or anti vax etc are highly representative of being completely me feiners. They rarely see past their own front door and give any opportunity to look after number one will.

Brothers in arms I'd say.

There’s a columnist in the U.K. who did this. Peter Hitchens was opposed to lockdowns and vaccines and even questioned the virus. He took the vaccine last week.

I’m a bit worried that the op’s friend was offered the vaccine at work. Is he a conspiracy theorist working in an essential role? Or are some people getting vaccines in normal occupations?

paw patrol

listermint wrote: »

I don't get the point OP.

People say stuff and to the opposite all the time. Many people especially those who are subscribed to anti lockdown or anti vax etc are highly representative of being completely me feiners. They rarely see past their own front door and give any opportunity to look after number one will.

Brothers in arms I'd say.

with respect it is my problem, it may not affect others in same situation.
I've had a year of this, real gung-ho **** on all of covid related stuff.
He was a true believer in covid/lockdowns/bill gates/vaccine passports etc... then his call for the vaccine came and not even an email to HR saying "i'm not sure about this" he rocked up and took it.

I guess my problem is I don't like associating with frauds, you never know where you stand with them on anything. That's my issue.
Telling him to F off is do-able but will have repercussions well probably awkwardness as he is a long standing friend and the wives....blame the wives :pac:

paw patrol

Deleted User wrote: »

There’s a columnist in the U.K. who did this. Peter Hitchens was opposed to lockdowns and vaccines and even questioned the virus. He took the vaccine last week.

I’m a bit worried that the op’s friend was offered the vaccine at work. Is he a conspiracy theorist working in an essential role? Or are some people getting vaccines in normal occupations?

quasi healthcare - healthcare but admin.

MrStuffins

paw patrol wrote: »

I guess my problem is I don't like associating with frauds, you never know where you stand with them on anything. That's my issue.
Telling him to F off is do-able but will have repercussions well probably awkwardness as he is a long standing friend and the wives....blame the wives :pac:

Sounds like he's starting to come out of his Covid haze. Maybe you should take a leaf from his book. Start to open up to life outside of your head a bit more. Concentrate on things that are more important.

He's still your friend, whether the lizard people are putting 5G in the drinking water or not. Try just not talking to him about conspiracy stuff and base your friendship on normal things.

You'll both be much happier.

paw patrol

MrStuffins wrote: »

Sounds like he's starting to come out of his Covid haze. Maybe you should take a leaf from his book. Start to open up to life outside of your head a bit more. Concentrate on things that are more important.

He's still your friend, whether the lizard people are putting 5G in the drinking water or not. Try just not talking to him about conspiracy stuff and base your friendship on normal things.

You'll both be much happier.

I suspect, you are reverting to type as seen in other forums. I thought you were being genuine a few posts back, I guess not. shame.

MrStuffins

paw patrol wrote: »

I suspect, you are reverting to type as seen in other forums. I thought you were being genuine a few posts back, I guess not. shame.

I am being genuine.

My advice is for both of you to take a break from the anti-Govt stuff, the Covid stuff and the conspiracy stuff.

You'll both be much happier.

Fran has a bone

Deleted User wrote: »

There’s a columnist in the U.K. who did this. Peter Hitchens was opposed to lockdowns and vaccines and even questioned the virus. He took the vaccine last week.

I’m a bit worried that the op’s friend was offered the vaccine at work. Is he a conspiracy theorist working in an essential role? Or are some people getting vaccines in normal occupations?

I've watched Peter Hitchens interviews on TalkRadio and others on this.

He was never anti vaccine from what I gather just staunchly anti lockdown and questioned the data and mortality etc. I don't think he questioned the validity and quality of the vaccines.

While there's a lot of crossover being anti lockdown and anti vaccine are different things.

HBC08

paw patrol wrote: »

No he didn't personally let me down and you've a nice way of putting it.
I feel he lied though or misrepresented himself and that's the thing.

Yeah I don't respond much. Hasn't stopped him

Did you previously respond to the anti restrictions nonsense he was sending you?
It quite possible he thinks he has an ally and similar thinking anti masker in you.
Indulging in this stuff has consequences, granted this is at the very low end of the scale but the consequences in this instance is you being bombarded with WhatsApps when possibly other friends told him to cop on.

paw patrol

MrStuffins wrote: »

I am being genuine.

My advice is for both of you to take a break from the anti-Govt stuff, the Covid stuff and the conspiracy stuff.

You'll both be much happier.

I've clearly said my issue (here) isn't specially covid related and also in reply to your previous post on broadening my horizons and I listed very positive things about my last year while confined to quarters. But yet you ignore it in subsequent posts. I suspect in an attempt to rile me, if that floats your boat.

Of course, I've covid/lockdown issues (who doesn't) but it's not all consuming like you suggest and I've stated.
The idea that one can be displeased (even very displeased) with something yet live a fully functional life isn't a wild far-out-there concept.
It's odd that you would think this.

paw patrol

HBC08 wrote: »

Did you previously respond the anti restrictions nonsense he was sending you?
It quite possible he thinks he has an ally and similar thinking anti masker in you.
Indulging in this stuff has consequences, granted this is at the very low end of the scale but the consequences in this instance is you being bombarded with WhatsApps when possibly other friends told him to cop on.

of course for the last year I did respond. Frequently but not 100%.

but he did have an ally in me to a large degree - I have similar sentiment just not near as intense .

That is a fair point, i may be the only one left ...

MrStuffins

paw patrol wrote: »

I've clearly said my issue (here) isn't specially covid related

I'm just basing it off what you've said. You're angry with him because you both had convictions and you feel he's gone against this.

These convictions were Covid related.

All i'm saying is that maybe you guys should draw a line under the Covid stuff and base your friendship on the other things you have in common. I assume you were friends before Covid started?

As the example I gave above, my friend would often be getting annoyed and frustrated with his football team. It was an overly negative view of them and he was bringing that negative energy into the group, exacerbating the problem.

Once we put a moratorium on this particular subject, things changed for the better. It might work with you guys

MrStuffins

paw patrol wrote: »

I suspect, you are reverting to type as seen in other forums. I thought you were being genuine a few posts back, I guess not. shame.

MrStuffins wrote: »

He's still your friend, whether the lizard people are putting 5G in the drinking water or not. Try just not talking to him about conspiracy stuff and base your friendship on normal things.

Also, I wasn't making fun here. If you took it that way, I apologise.

I don't take the whole conspiracy stuff very seriously and I sometimes describe it in dismissive ways. While I think the dismissiveness is deserved as the ideas are ridiculous, it is the ideas themselves I am being smart about. Not you.

Apologies.

partyguinness

Best to ignore it.

I am in the England and I am surrounded by Brexit voting Little Englanders which include my wife's family...I effing hate it.

Save for the 19 yr old office junior here at the time, I was the only other person in my workplace to vote "Remain". I had to listen to some awful rubbish most of which was simply not true but I may as well argue with the wall. No point. Ill informed Daily Mail led anti EU diatribe.

Sometimes OP you just have to suck it up.

SnuggyBear

I would call him out as a massive fraud to be honest. I've done the same with a friend who was very pro lockdown banging on about weird safety measures. Meanwhile he was drinking with his neighbour all the time and got covid off them.

paw patrol

paw patrol wrote: »

I'm just having a moan - offer me some advise or similar stories to cheer me up


Millions of whatsapp message about new world orders, vaccines passports, bill gates etc.... and in real life he was fighting with supermarket staff and the rest over masks etc..

Many more people acting like this than you realize.

CoBo55

Every time he puts some more jibberish up just ask him did he have any side effects from the vaccine, when is he due the second jab etc, keep asking about the vaccine.

Tork

Out of curiosity, did you like this guy better when he was having rows in supermarkets over masks? Fighting with supermarket staff over masks is dickish behaviour TBH.

SnuggyBear

SnuggyBear wrote: »

I would call him out as a massive fraud to be honest.

I was wondering about this.

Would you not just call him out on it next time he sends you something?

paw patrol

MrStuffins wrote: »

Also, I wasn't making fun here. If you took it that way, I apologise.

I don't take the whole conspiracy stuff very seriously and I sometimes describe it in dismissive ways. While I think the dismissiveness is deserved as the ideas are ridiculous, it is the ideas themselves I am being smart about. Not you.

Apologies.

Fair enough.
Lets not fall out

paw patrol

Deleted User wrote: »

I was wondering about this.

Would you not just call him out on it next time he sends you something?

I probably will tbh.
I just don't want a mess of my own doing effecting the women , i guess that is what caused me to hold my tongue

paw patrol

Tork wrote: »

Out of curiosity, did you like this guy better when he was having rows in supermarkets over masks? Fighting with supermarket staff over masks is dickish behaviour TBH.

Nah. Not at all.
you can not wear a mask and still should be polite and take your custom elsewhere

Imagine a vegan, a stalwart of the vegan club and social media vegan champion.
Who you then found out loved a quarter pounder meal after the pub.
Would you not think they were a hypocrite and a sham?

That's the point I'm trying to make.

paw patrol

paw patrol wrote: »

I probably will tbh.
I just don't want a mess of my own doing effecting the women , i guess that is what caused me to hold my tongue

The problem with that, is, it tends to brew which will eventually lead to a much bigger argument, then if you just say something.

I'd ask him outright, not in a confrontational way, but in a conversational way, why he accepted the vaccine when he gave you the impression he did not believe the virus was any danger, and see what he says.

I bet he'll come back and say "work insisted" or something like that, to cover himself.

paw patrol

Deleted User wrote: »

I bet he'll come back and say "work insisted" or something like that, to cover himself.

don't you know it :pac:

Tork

paw patrol wrote: »

Nah. Not at all.
you can not wear a mask and still should be polite and take your custom elsewhere

Imagine a vegan, a stalwart of the vegan club and social media vegan champion.
Who you then found out loved a quarter pounder meal after the pub.
Would you not think they were a hypocrite and a sham?

That's the point I'm trying to make.

I get your point. He's a hypocrite and I agree, he's full of sh*t. You'd be surprised what mental gymnastics the people who've fallen down the conspiracy theory rabbit hole are capable of though.

I'm more concerned that he was a dick who refused to wear a mask and fought with supermarket staff. I'm sure that there are many people who disagree with the restrictions and mask wearing. Still, they pull on the mask during their shop visit and put up with it for the few minutes. The ones who won't wear them in shops now are largely ones who want to draw attention to themselves and want to fight with people over it.

MrStuffins

Tork wrote: »

I'm more concerned that he was a dick who refused to wear a mask and fought with supermarket staff. I'm sure that there are many people who disagree with the restrictions and mask wearing. Still, they pull on the mask during their shop visit and put up with it for the few minutes. The ones who won't wear them in shops now are largely ones who want to draw attention to themselves and want to fight with people over it.

You'll find that a fair chunk of the Anti-Restrictions crowd are screaming and repeating the concerns of others as an excuse to be obnoxious, loud and selfish. A lot of these lads will drop their "concerns" when it suits them.

If it's not Covid, it'll be something else. I think this guy said it best

December2012

I have had something similar in my social circle. When this person does something hypocritical, I just ignore what they do. you said earlier upthread to a poster that you weren't going to fall out with them for their post. Same idea here - don't fall out over it IF they have other qualities you like.

I have another friend who is not hypocritical but would post about plandemic, stupid politicians, etc., whereas I am not like that at all. But really her business has taken a year's hit, she is homeschooling her children, she is worried about her parents getting sick, and she is going to get into problems with her mortgage. So you know what, her rants are not about me, and not really to do with me. She has amazing qualities and that is why she is my friend. She is stressed TF, as are a lot of people right now.

Just ignore the topic.

paw patrol

thanks folks

nice to chew the fat on something and get perspectives of others even those I disagree with.

if only we had a few pints

c0rk3r

paw patrol wrote: »

a total fraud.

Actions are all that matter, cut him loose and let the wives continue with their friendship.

Or

Continue as is and mute him on WhatsApp.