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Marriage: is it worth it?

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    #272
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Sandor Clegane wrote: »
    I just can't get my head around marriage, you're basically shackling yourself to someone and jumping head first into a quagmire that's going to be very hard and messy to get out of if and when it goes wrong.
    Ah but this is the opinion of those still young enough to believe in true love. :)

    Marriage is not for young lovers.

    Although i have always thought ...about marriage ..there is something about nailing that person down.

    I mean ..you are correct it IS hard to get out off. I think that might be the point.

    You don't want them flying away so to speak.

    But don't take me too seriously :)


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    #273
    Antares35
    Registered Users Posts: 3,845 ✭✭✭Antares35


    flasher0030 wrote: »
    Delighted for you. Sounds like you are living your romantic fairytale.
    I was the same 10 years ago. before 2 kids and a recession kicked in. Up to then, everything seemed so perfect.
    But kids change people. We all change to a certain extent. But some more than others. In my case, I was dealing with a Dr Jeckly/Mr Hyde situation. I thought it would get better once the kids got a little older. But it hasn't. And I'm now at a stage where I am desperate to get out but can't. It is financially impossible.
    In a post a few pages back, someone mentioned what seemed like a dire situation - living in a bedsit in mid-40s. I'd give anything for that freedom right now. Watch a few monies, have a few beers. For example, she has decided that beer is now barred from our home, because she has decided that she wants to be healthy. And if I want a few drinks, I have to stay away for the night. I think it's mostly to get one over on me - deprive me of a drink, assuming that I won't pay for accommodation somewhere for few drinks. And can't go to pub with the restrictions. That's the way it goes when things go pearsharped in a marriage - get little digs in to the "opposition". And she knows she holds the aces - kids, family homes etc.

    Why don't you just bring beer home and let her suffer it out. What is she going to do? People will only treat you as badly as you let them. If it was the other way around, if you were laying down the law to her about what she can't enjoy at home, it'd be all sorts of accusations of abuse and control etc. :(


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    #274
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,057 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    eviltwin wrote: »
    There has to be some cut off. You wouldn't want the person you've been seeing for a few weeks to have a say on your deathbed but then again you might not want that consent going to your family either if you don't get along. I suppose society sees marriage as a validation that you are happy to accept that person as your next of kin, that you are both going to look out for each other and that you will have each others best interests at heart.

    Makes you wonder though, if you split up but haven't divorced and something happens who is your next of kin in that situation? Your spouse who you might hate and want nothing to do with or can you appoint another person?
    Well, of course, even if you haven't split up you may hate your spouse. Or, even if you've never married (or partnered without marrying) you may hate your family. There are some problems that legislation can't fix.

    The issue here isn't really who likes you, though; it's who feels a responsibility to you.


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