Relationship advice?

ireland4141

Hello. I am looking for some advice on my current situation. I am a 21 year old male. I have never been in a relationship before and never really thought about it or felt like it was a problem. But recently I find family/work colleagues asking me why I am single or do I have a girlfriend, almost expecting a yes answer. It embarrasses me sometimes as anyone I know my age has been in some kind of relationship before. My usual explanation is that I don't have time. This is not a lie as I work long hours (leave home at 6am and return home at 7pm) and I do on-call work at night time. To be clear, I love my work very much and wouldn't like to change it really.
I now find myself dwelling on this issue in my spare time and getting frustrated wondering why I don't have a girlfriend, when it seems everybody else does and it makes them happy.

I understand I am still very young and there is lots of time in the future to change this. But I feel like if I was in a relationship I would not be able to devote enough time to it and it would just fail.

Possibly I am just better off single?

Thanks for reading.

9db3xj7z41fs5u

ireland4141 wrote: »

Hello. I am looking for some advice on my current situation. I am a 21 year old male. I have never been in a relationship before and never really thought about it or felt like it was a problem. But recently I find family/work colleagues asking me why I am single or do I have a girlfriend, almost expecting a yes answer. It embarrasses me sometimes as anyone I know my age has been in some kind of relationship before. My usual explanation is that I don't have time. This is not a lie as I work long hours (leave home at 6am and return home at 7pm) and I do on-call work at night time. To be clear, I love my work very much and wouldn't like to change it really.
I now find myself dwelling on this issue in my spare time and getting frustrated wondering why I don't have a girlfriend, when it seems everybody else does and it makes them happy.

I understand I am still very young and there is lots of time in the future to change this. But I feel like if I was in a relationship I would not be able to devote enough time to it and it would just fail.

Possibly I am just better off single?

Thanks for reading.

Hi,

A lot of my friends in college were in their 20s and never had a relationship. Like you, our workload was intense, so it is hard to balance everything.

It was never anything that was a big deal. The only time it was a problem was when one of my friends let it affect his self-esteem. But he later realised that he was happy the way he was.

There is no right way for living! It is what is the right way of living for you that is key. If you are happy, then you don’t need to follow the dogma. I think it would be far more selfish if you were in a relationship with somebody and you were doing it as a tick box with little interest for that person.

If and only if (it’s a big if) you feel that it is something that you would like to meet somebody, it happens naturally. My friend was 36 when he met his first girlfriend. He was terrified that he wouldn’t know how to act. And he fitted into the role beautifully! And his girlfriend was very happy with him! If you want something and enjoy it, then it comes easily.

People sometimes are embarrassed to speak out about not having had a girlfriend or boyfriend. It doesn’t mean that these people do not exist. You are a lot more typical than you think!

Take care of yourself with all those long hours!!!

TP_CM

Well definitely don't get into a relationship anyways, it doesn't sound like you're in the right space for one at the moment and nor should you be! Focussing on work and personal stuff at 21 is absolutely and demonstrably fine.

I think it might help to deal with that question from society as a kind of protocol on their side when talking to you. I think, if you really think about it, they don't give a crap at all if you're in a relationship or not. It's just one of those 5 or 6 questions you'll constantly hear from people who are trying to suss out what's taking centre stage in your life right now. They'll ask about job, college, sports, girlfriends, holidays and family. I mean they like you and everything, but they're not lying down at night thinking about it all. Treat it as a kind of relationship building question. Help them find something about yourself which they can talk to you about. Are you thinking about moving company, planning a trip, considering a career change? Essentially that's all they are looking for. Before you start talking about Tik Tok, and memes, and Billie Eilish and other things they don't understand.

ireland4141

Thanks for the replies. Ye are right. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else to make sure I wasn't being weird about it or anything. Currently I am saving for a deposit to buy a house so that is my ultimate goal for the time being. I suppose I could say that I am in a relationship with my job at the moment.

Jequ0n

Well you don’t have to be in a relationship to enjoy life, it’s not really necessary when you’re 21

Open the Pubs

It isn't a problem you're young and we're in the middle of pandemic with harsh restrictions it's not exactly to meet someone at the moment anyway. Plenty of time to find someone.

DoozerT6

OP, other posters are right, you are only 21 and still have loads of time - HOWEVER, 21 becomes 25, and 25 becomes 30 quicker than you think. If you think you would actually like a relationship, quite honestly now is the time to put some feelers out (no pun intended) while your peers may also still be young and single. What is your experience so far with women? Have you ever dated, kissed, hung out with someone etc? Do you want to do those things? Maybe concentrate on casual dating, just getting used to the whole concept of sharing your time with someone and feeling things you may never have felt before. Maybe sign up to Tinder or another app/site and see what happens.

You do work long hours, and while that's fine now, it could be a stumbling block for dating or relationships. And unless you work with women, you are also unlikely to meet someone naturally working those hours unless you play hard as well as work hard. If possible, could you finish work at 5 a couple of evenings a week, and (once the pubs open again) head out for a couple of pints with mates or join some sort of group that interests you, where you might meet someone interesting?

Finally: take it from someone who has never had any luck with relationships: the longer you are single, eventually the less you will have in common with your friends who are having relationships, and further down the line getting married and having kids etc. Also, the more awkward those 'are you single?' conversations will become. Don't panic or start obsessing about it, but if you are thinking about it now, then NOW is the time to start dipping your toe in the dating pool and seeing how you feel about it. Be proactive, and don't leave it TOO long.

TheadoreT

Sounds like you have your head on with regards your career but you dont want to look back at wasting your younger years purely on work and studies and not having any fun... Most people at your age have boundless amounts of energy so you should be able to burn the candle at both ends at least until your late 20's so I'd advise you push yourself out of comfort zone with regards this issue and not use the work as an excuse too much

cannotlogin

ireland4141 wrote: »

I suppose I could say that I am in a relationship with my job at the moment.

Don't ever be married to your job. If anything happened any single one of us, our employers would just replace us and move on.

Sure, work hard, focus on your goals, move up the career ladder etc. All of that is admirable but just make sure it's not at the detriment of everything else. Make time for friends, family, relationships, hobbies, holiday, fun etc.

It's not the same for everyone but every failed relationship has taught me something and made me know myself better. It doesn't even have to be a serious one. I know it make sound ancient saying this but live while you are young. Do stuff, make mistakes etc. It'll all benefit you long term.

ireland4141

Thanks so much for the replies. It's interesting to see the somewhat polarizing opinions on this.
I know I definitely need to socialise more as it's something that I've just never (ever) taken part in and probably why I've never found myself meeting anyone.
I suppose I have adapted to being alone a lot of the time and I am pretty happy that way too. It's just something that I need to work on. I am lucky enough to be working in a field that interests me and I meet great people every day, however I work in a male dominated industry.
Currently I am funneling all my energy into work and don't think I could cope with other stresses at the moment, nor do I want to compromise work projects because of personal issues.
But looking into the future, once I have achieved (hopefully) some of my goals, I think I need to build more of a life outside work, friends, relationships, etc.

DoozerT6

OP you definitely need to socialise, even if only a couple of times a month, especially as you work with mostly/all other males. Otherwise your chances of meeting someone (ever!) are basically nil, and like I said in my previous post, time doesn't be long passing, and you'll find yourself realising that you're being left behind in terms of life experiences. I have personal experience of that.

If you don't have a group of mates to go out with, please join some sort of group or team activity where socialising is part of the deal. GAA, hiking, drama group, anything where you really get to interact with the other participants.

As cannotlogin said above, your job would replace you in a heartbeat if you left and your name would hardly be mentioned after a week had passed. You are just a number there. Don't make your entire life revolve around work, no matter how much you like it.

qwerty13

ireland4141 wrote: »

But looking into the future, once I have achieved (hopefully) some of my goals, I think I need to build more of a life outside work, friends, relationships, etc.

The only thing about this approach is that I’ve often read threads here about people saying they’ve found it difficult to form friendships by late 20s/30ish, because people are already in established friend groups, and often have partners or are socialising less due to thinking about future financial commitments (saving for a house), or a few years later starting to have kids.

I haven’t really found that too much myself, but I’ve read it a good few times here, so maybe something to consider.

The chan chan man

Wife hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. It’s not all its cracked up to be kid..

Enjoy being single.

ireland4141

The chan chan man wrote: »

Wife hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. It’s not all its cracked up to be kid..

Enjoy being single.

Reflecting on this, and having spoken to some people recently, you may be right. I will carry on as I am. If I happen to meet somebody in the future, so be it. If not, that's okay too. In reality I can be happy and single. As they say you can't miss something that you never had. I think I just momentarily wanted to be "normal", whatever that is.

Akrasia

ireland4141 wrote: »

Reflecting on this, and having spoken to some people recently, you may be right. I will carry on as I am. If I happen to meet somebody in the future, so be it. If not, that's okay too. In reality I can be happy and single. As they say you can't miss something that you never had. I think I just momentarily wanted to be "normal", whatever that is.

You’re very young still. Go out there and make friends. The friends you make now will be much more rewarding than forcing yourself to get into romantic engagements for the sake of it and you never know who you might meet along the way who becomes more than just a friend

JustAThought

There’s great balance in all the advise in this thread IMO. OP - when the restrictions are lifted and the world stops being such a crazy place it’d be plenty of time to start dating - ifs like buying a house - its a great ideA to have had a few different houseshares first so you know the secrets of what you really like and what works and what surprises you that you hadn’t expected to like/need/want! You also don’t want to find the fun years creeping by when everyone has sown their wild oats and you still trying to get started & with noone to go out with as they all settle down. Like your work goals and savings goal consider having a night a week where you head out with the objective of meeting someone or clubbing or mixing with a wider circle of people including females! It won’t happen for a few months yet but you need to have action plan for when the country is open again - you’ll get away with it now but when more years start to creep by it won’t be as normal or acceptable. Whatever about school - did you go to college? And how did you get through college with never having a gf?

We have a couple of guys in work who are serially single and at least two who fit the classic forty year old virgin pattern - you can smell the desperation off them and any female is a target - they have left it far too late and everybody realises it. Don’t end up being that guy. Ireland is full of fabulous females looking for a date - don’t keep putting it off - take the plunge. It dosn’t have to be forever, or serious, or not just fun - but the longer you leave it the harder and weirder it will get.

ireland4141

JustAThought wrote: »

There’s great balance in all the advise in this thread IMO. OP - when the restrictions are lifted and the world stops being such a crazy place it’d be plenty of time to start dating - ifs like buying a house - its a great ideA to have had a few different houseshares first so you know the secrets of what you really like and what works and what surprises you that you hadn’t expected to like/need/want! You also don’t want to find the fun years creeping by when everyone has sown their wild oats and you still trying to get started & with noone to go out with as they all settle down. Like your work goals and savings goal consider having a night a week where you head out with the objective of meeting someone or clubbing or mixing with a wider circle of people including females! It won’t happen for a few months yet but you need to have action plan for when the country is open again - you’ll get away with it now but when more years start to creep by it won’t be as normal or acceptable. Whatever about school - did you go to college? And how did you get through college with never having a gf?

We have a couple of guys in work who are serially single and at least two who fit the classic forty year old virgin pattern - you can smell the desperation off them and any female is a target - they have left it far too late and everybody realises it. Don’t end up being that guy. Ireland is full of fabulous females looking for a date - don’t keep putting it off - take the plunge. It dosn’t have to be forever, or serious, or not just fun - but the longer you leave it the harder and weirder it will get.

I find it seriously difficult to switch off from work and even during my time off, I spend a lot of time doing work related stuff, not because my employer expects that, just because I find it hard to strike a balance between work and personal life. Once I have a goal in my head, it's all that I can think about. I will have to work on that issue.

I never really "went out", even in school when the teenage discos were going on I never went to them. I don't know why I never went out. I was probably afraid at the time. That is still the case that I never go out in my spare time. It doesn't help that I don't drink and I am uncomfortable around people who are drinking.

I went to a mixed secondary school. To be honest I didn't even really think about getting a girlfriend until I was in 6th year but I didn't really know how to go about and I don't think anybody was really attracted to me either. I did my leaving certificate 2016 when I was 16. I then went on to do an apprenticeship with a large Irish company, who subsequently employed me permanently last year. I am currently studying part-time to get a higher level degree. This is all online though, so no meeting anyone at college for the moment.

LegacyUser

Don't mind the questions OP, you don't need to give them a full in-depth explanation for it. People can be just so nosy even though half the time I doubt they even care about the answer.

People in relationships get asked is there any sign of a ring...or any plans for a baby and so on!

kowloonkev

cannotlogin wrote: »

Don't ever be married to your job. If anything happened any single one of us, our employers would just replace us and move on.

Disagree with this to be honest. The OP seems to genuinely like what he is doing and I don't think he is working in Tesco or something. At 21 now is a great time to be obsessed with work. I think the OP has a fantastic attitude when a lot of his age group are more likely obsessing over video games or having their head wrecked by girlfriends.

OP I think you should be very careful of the first love. Don't let it take over your life as its easily done. If you get into a relationship your work will suffer tremendously. If you're in a job/career with a good future, then put in the work now, keep earning, make yourself financially strong and stable and in ten years you'll have your pick of women. That's not to say don't have your fun in the meantime. Good luck.

ireland4141

kowloonkev wrote: »

Disagree with this to be honest. The OP seems to genuinely like what he is doing and I don't think he is working in Tesco or something. At 21 now is a great time to be obsessed with work. I think the OP has a fantastic attitude when a lot of his age group are more likely obsessing over video games or having their head wrecked by girlfriends.

OP I think you should be very careful of the first love. Don't let it take over your life as its easily done. If you get into a relationship your work will suffer tremendously. If you're in a job/career with a good future, then put in the work now, keep earning, make yourself financially strong and stable and in ten years you'll have your pick of women. That's not to say don't have your fun in the meantime. Good luck.

Thank you. I am totally obsessed with my job to be honest. I have the advantage of coming straight from school having worked hard, so I am conditioned to focusing on the important stuff. I work for a large Irish company in a field which is advancing rapidly, and I feel lucky to be in such a position.

I don't really know anyone my own age but I have heard anecdotally of people my age getting carried away with girlfriends and just making their lives messy from a young age. I definitely don't want that to happen to me and would be afraid that would happen if I wound up with a girlfriend.

I think I may put my head down for a few years and see what happens.

SusieBlue

Focusing on your job is great and if you have no interest in a relationship there is no need to pursue one just for the sake of it.
But if you never socialised in your teenage years and don’t socialise now, never went to discos etc, and don’t know anyone your own age you are going to be in a really tough position in a few years and will be at a massive disadvantage when you do decide you might want a girlfriend.
You will be starting from the ground up then when you could be working on some of those things now.

Because while internet dating is great, if you don’t have a well rounded life with a friend or two, some hobbies/interests and enjoy a bit of socialising you are going to struggle to attract a woman.
Not to mention the fact that your social circle is so limited it will reduce your chances of meeting someone through friends greatly.

So my advice would be to try to to improve your work life balance a bit, try to make a few friends and widen your social circle and maybe make a bit more of an effort to be sociable now and then.
If you start building on these skills now, you will be in a much stronger position to attract a partner in a few years when you are ready to do so.

I wouldn’t go leaving it till your late 20’s to start trying to make friends and develop interests, as a PP said that is the age where a lot of people start settling down and making friends is much harder, let alone getting into relationships.
Give yourself a head start now and I promise you, your future self will thank you for it.

simongurnick

All in it's own good time mate. The more you want it, the less it will happen, but the opposite works too.
I bumped into my wife in a pub when I shouldnt have even been in dublin that day. She had just got off a plane and walked into the closest pub to her hostel. Together 15 yrs now with 5 kids. Ya never know what's around the corner. Good luck

Katgurl

Op relationships both romantic and platonic are wonderful and add colour to your life. It's great you love your work. But don't hide behind it to avoid the rest of your life.

The pub and club scene is definitely not for everyone especially for anyone who doesn't drink. Try pursuing some hobiues.

LegacyUser

You sound like me 25 years ago and that is why I am replying on this thread. I have always had a tendency to be introverted and I made the mistake of burying myself in my work. It never bothered me that I wasn't out there dating or had much of a hectic social life. Suddenly I was 30 and then I was 40. Time flies by at a shocking rate when you get older and you will hear many people say that. Be careful you don't let your life drift the way I did.

Now that I am in my mid 40's I am reaping what I sowed. The last few years and Covid have brought my life into sharp focus. I have come to realise that I am lonely and scared about my future. I always wanted to buy a house and i don't regret having it from a security point of view. It has also become my prison, especially with Covid-19. I live alone and am working from home. Often, the only people I speak to face to face are shop assistants. I still have friends but they've got busy lives of their own and are scattered around the place. One of my parents has died and I know the other one isn't going to be around forever. I have one sibling who lives away and has their hands full with their own family and issues on their spouse's side of the family. If I take holidays I have nobody to go with. I have nobody to go with to concerts, to the cinema, to weddings. I know a partner isn't going to solve my problems but god, I'd love to have somebody to share my life with. I wish I had tried harder to meet somebody when I was younger and that I had a fuller life. My good job and my nice car and my house are not filling the emptiness in my life. Be careful you don't marry your job and use it to fill the social gaps in your life.

DoozerT6

artdecko wrote: »

You sound like me 25 years ago and that is why I am replying on this thread. I have always had a tendency to be introverted and I made the mistake of burying myself in my work. It never bothered me that I wasn't out there dating or had much of a hectic social life. Suddenly I was 30 and then I was 40. Time flies by at a shocking rate when you get older and you will hear many people say that. Be careful you don't let your life drift the way I did.

Now that I am in my mid 40's I am reaping what I sowed. The last few years and Covid have brought my life into sharp focus. I have come to realise that I am lonely and scared about my future. I always wanted to buy a house and i don't regret having it from a security point of view. It has also become my prison, especially with Covid-19. I live alone and am working from home. Often, the only people I speak to face to face are shop assistants. I still have friends but they've got busy lives of their own and are scattered around the place. One of my parents has died and I know the other one isn't going to be around forever. I have one sibling who lives away and has their hands full with their own family and issues on their spouse's side of the family. If I take holidays I have nobody to go with. I have nobody to go with to concerts, to the cinema, to weddings. I know a partner isn't going to solve my problems but god, I'd love to have somebody to share my life with. I wish I had tried harder to meet somebody when I was younger and that I had a fuller life. My good job and my nice car and my house are not filling the emptiness in my life. Be careful you don't marry your job and use it to fill the social gaps in your life.

Take note of the parts I highlighted above. I'm female, a similar age to artdecko and now in a similar situation. Don't end up like us (no offence artdecko!!) when you can do something about it now. I would hate for you to turn around in 10 years and realise that you have never been on a date or kissed a woman, and have missed out on 10+ years of experience in these matters.

ireland4141

Thank you again for the replies.

Well I definitely don't want to feel regret in 10/20 years time because of my actions now. I would regard myself as being fairly unsociable and I always have been for some reason. I will just have to find where I fit in with regards to places to meet people and to establish a social circle. I am somewhat restricted to daytime socialising because I do on-call duty for work quite a bit.
I can probably write off the rest of this year and at least half of next year anyway because of COVID-19. At least I will have time to think over this in the meantime.

TheadoreT

You're putting crazy obstacles in your own path here, your job, no time, focusing on buying a house, hearing stories of people ruining their lives with girlfriend, covid, ect ect ect. There will always be something unless you recognise these are excuses you're making instead of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

I think it's clear despite your denial that you want a relationship, most young people do(be it casual or serious). Humans need companionship, and you cant be fully happy within yourself as is.

Get yourself on some apps and get used to flirting with women. You can go on covid friendly dates like walks and just get used to being more comfortable. It can bring about so many wonderful moments you'll cherish. Believe me when you're older you wont think back and remember that day you had a good day in work at 21, but you'd definitely look back and remember a weekend trip with a partner or special little moments like that. But so long as you keep putting it off until tomorrow, tomorrow will never come as it will always be a day ahead.

Tork

SusieBlue wrote: »

...
But if you never socialised in your teenage years and don’t socialise now, never went to discos etc, and don’t know anyone your own age you are going to be in a really tough position in a few years and will be at a massive disadvantage when you do decide you might want a girlfriend.
You will be starting from the ground up then when you could be working on some of those things now.

^^^This.

Looking at what you have written, I'm not at all confident you will take your own advice. Your mindset is wrong and I can see you kicking the socialising can down the road again and again. You're at the age where making friends is at its easiest and these are the years to take yourself out of your comfort zone. I think work is an excuse for you and is a vehicle for you to hide away. As people move further into their twenties and on into their thirties, they tend to get more insular. That doesn't mean you can't or won't make new friends at that age but it is something to bear in mind. You don't have a track record of socialising or fitting in. That is not going to change unless you make the effort. Even though it's nice to have a girlfriend, your lack of friends and interests outside your job is a more immediate worry.

Jequ0n

Yeah I take back my earlier comment, I thought this was a relationship vs getting laid debate.
Owning a house is so meaningless when you are lacking the ability to interact with people (even if it’s fake it’s worth it)

ireland4141

Tork wrote: »

^^^This.

Looking at what you have written, I'm not at all confident you will take your own advice. Your mindset is wrong and I can see you kicking the socialising can down the road again and again. You're at the age where making friends is at its easiest and these are the years to take yourself out of your comfort zone. I think work is an excuse for you and is a vehicle for you to hide away. As people move further into their twenties and on into their thirties, they tend to get more insular. That doesn't mean you can't or won't make new friends at that age but it is something to bear in mind. You don't have a track record of socialising or fitting in. That is not going to change unless you make the effort. Even though it's nice to have a girlfriend, your lack of friends and interests outside your job is a more immediate worry.

I am very aware of the problem that is created by being unsociable. But it is only now that it is starting to bother me slightly. Probably because I live alone now. I was friendly with lots of people when I was in school but I never kept in contact with any of them. I will make the effort now to allocate some time to my personal social life. New Years resolution.

IAMAMORON

Op you are flying along. Saving for a gaff and yet up and out at 21. Great stuff.

Being introverted is not a crime, just be yourself.

However, I do think you should try to broaden your horizons a little. Get some friends, you need them in life. Get them properly, I assume you have some already? But don't use the excuse of being introverted as a crutch to solve any social dilemmas you may be combatting?

Life is certainly not all about dating and partying etc. But some sort a social outlet is very normal. By not involving yourself in your interests you are quite possibly missing out on the opportunity to meet someone.

Are their no birds where you work? I am not saying you should be looking to get with a colleague but you can be dam sure that it would be a great way of meeting other women? Your colleagues will have friends, cousins, sisters... you name it.

JustAThought

ireland4141 wrote: »

I am very aware of the problem that is created by being unsociable. But it is only now that it is starting to bother me slightly. Probably because I live alone now. I was friendly with lots of people when I was in school but I never kept in contact with any of them. I will make the effort now to allocate some time to my personal social life. New Years resolution.

Thanks for your reply OP - I found that despite
college(s), some great jobs & colleagues that all
my longest friends were from school - I think the pain of growing up & doing debs/LC etc forges something that is hard to replicate in other or wage based environments. Some of my best friends from school I let slide and to
this day I regret not reaching out and rekindling the friendship when there was still only a few years gap and when it was still fixable. Maybe this christmas (rather than new year when everyone is broke & we will no doubt be locked in again) you could try - say things have been hectic but would a few like to catchup over a takeaway or meal or whatever.

The elephant in the room here is the drink - we do have such a drink based culture that it makes it very difficult to be fully integrated in a social scene if you don’t drink or are anti-drink. Do you take anything - non alcoholic beer, tia maria & coke - whatever? Its hard if what you don’t like becomes the conversation for every night out. Not that I want to turn you into a beer loon but it might help a bit and maybe help release some inhibitions? One not ten!!! Also all the new ‘foreigners’ coming to work in Ireland make it a bit easier as they don’t have the drinking culture we do - but most will still have one.

I hear you about the online college & male dominated work - I keep recommending this -
have you tried meetup.com? They have a LODES of different types of groups for people who don’t know each other initially to meet up -
most new to the country ir in positions like yours. You choose as many or few groups as catches your fancy ( most are free, some events cost a nominal fee or are payment based if you go) and then choose what events each group organises to attend.eg there is a nightclubbing group, one for meeting up to go to gigs or festivals ( pre covid!), adventure sports, gaming, mountain biking, talks on various niche subjects, coding, traitholon training etc - lots have the profile pics of members so you can get an idea of ages or genders . Seriously don’t bother with hillwalking as its invariably the MUCH older set ( you are in objective gf!) and the sober slice tends to be recovering alcoholics (don’t go there!) - you want young fun normal people your age - I’d really say take a look and it might be an easy answer for you!! I found it by accident when I lived abroad and it really helped me meet people & we had some great nights out & mad adventures - all normal fun people just with restricted circles of friends for various reasons.

You do need to get on that bike and get practising - it does go beyond a point where it is seen as normal or OK and the more you overthink it and the older you get it gets more daunting and difficult to get started! I had a close friend who was very work goal orientated and successful but became a 39 year old virgin who had never had a bf and the issue totally dominated her world and became a milestone around their neck. They had everything on paper but in terms of emotional development and all the nurturing, sharing, friendship, closeness, sex & fun a relationship brings they were poor.

A first date or relationship is supposed to be fabulous, fun, possibly messy, exciting and wonderful - and a start to others and to different emotional journeys. Relationships brings you on so many different routes & to different outlooks, personalities & adventures - don’t leave it too long before allowing yourself that. Work and a career is important and so is being financially secure but the two cannot compare, and you really shouldn’t put one aside while you just focus on the other. In this case you can, and absolutely should, have your cake and eat it. Din’t let one aspect of your life trample another very basic need into the ground.

ireland4141

Thanks so much everybody for the replies. I appreciate the time and effort put in to writing up these replies. Work's been hectic the past few days hence why I haven't been online. I found this thread very interesting and I will take a lot of useful and valuable information from it.
However, having reflected on my original question, I think that I may have gotten ahead of myself by asking about getting a girlfriend when I am lacking the fundamentals of basic socialising/friendship. I will have to work on that in the near future before getting into more complex relationships I think.
In the new year I want to make a real attempt to build proper friendships with others, and work from there.

Ash.J.Williams

ireland4141 wrote: »

Hello. I am looking for some advice on my current situation. I am a 21 year old male. I have never been in a relationship before and never really thought about it or felt like it was a problem. But recently I find family/work colleagues asking me why I am single or do I have a girlfriend, almost expecting a yes answer. It embarrasses me sometimes as anyone I know my age has been in some kind of relationship before. My usual explanation is that I don't have time. This is not a lie as I work long hours (leave home at 6am and return home at 7pm) and I do on-call work at night time. To be clear, I love my work very much and wouldn't like to change it really.
I now find myself dwelling on this issue in my spare time and getting frustrated wondering why I don't have a girlfriend, when it seems everybody else does and it makes them happy.

I understand I am still very young and there is lots of time in the future to change this. But I feel like if I was in a relationship I would not be able to devote enough time to it and it would just fail.

Possibly I am just better off single?

Thanks for reading.

The good times are coming son! I’m sure Covid isn’t helping young people meet up but it will pass and you a good 9 years left to go wild