ireland4141 wrote: » Hello. I am looking for some advice on my current situation. I am a 21 year old male. I have never been in a relationship before and never really thought about it or felt like it was a problem. But recently I find family/work colleagues asking me why I am single or do I have a girlfriend, almost expecting a yes answer. It embarrasses me sometimes as anyone I know my age has been in some kind of relationship before. My usual explanation is that I don't have time. This is not a lie as I work long hours (leave home at 6am and return home at 7pm) and I do on-call work at night time. To be clear, I love my work very much and wouldn't like to change it really. I now find myself dwelling on this issue in my spare time and getting frustrated wondering why I don't have a girlfriend, when it seems everybody else does and it makes them happy. I understand I am still very young and there is lots of time in the future to change this. But I feel like if I was in a relationship I would not be able to devote enough time to it and it would just fail. Possibly I am just better off single? Thanks for reading.
ireland4141 wrote: » I suppose I could say that I am in a relationship with my job at the moment.
ireland4141 wrote: » But looking into the future, once I have achieved (hopefully) some of my goals, I think I need to build more of a life outside work, friends, relationships, etc.
The chan chan man wrote: » Wife hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. It’s not all its cracked up to be kid.. Enjoy being single.
ireland4141 wrote: » Reflecting on this, and having spoken to some people recently, you may be right. I will carry on as I am. If I happen to meet somebody in the future, so be it. If not, that's okay too. In reality I can be happy and single. As they say you can't miss something that you never had. I think I just momentarily wanted to be "normal", whatever that is.
JustAThought wrote: » There’s great balance in all the advise in this thread IMO. OP - when the restrictions are lifted and the world stops being such a crazy place it’d be plenty of time to start dating - ifs like buying a house - its a great ideA to have had a few different houseshares first so you know the secrets of what you really like and what works and what surprises you that you hadn’t expected to like/need/want! You also don’t want to find the fun years creeping by when everyone has sown their wild oats and you still trying to get started & with noone to go out with as they all settle down. Like your work goals and savings goal consider having a night a week where you head out with the objective of meeting someone or clubbing or mixing with a wider circle of people including females! It won’t happen for a few months yet but you need to have action plan for when the country is open again - you’ll get away with it now but when more years start to creep by it won’t be as normal or acceptable. Whatever about school - did you go to college? And how did you get through college with never having a gf? We have a couple of guys in work who are serially single and at least two who fit the classic forty year old virgin pattern - you can smell the desperation off them and any female is a target - they have left it far too late and everybody realises it. Don’t end up being that guy. Ireland is full of fabulous females looking for a date - don’t keep putting it off - take the plunge. It dosn’t have to be forever, or serious, or not just fun - but the longer you leave it the harder and weirder it will get.
cannotlogin wrote: » Don't ever be married to your job. If anything happened any single one of us, our employers would just replace us and move on.
kowloonkev wrote: » Disagree with this to be honest. The OP seems to genuinely like what he is doing and I don't think he is working in Tesco or something. At 21 now is a great time to be obsessed with work. I think the OP has a fantastic attitude when a lot of his age group are more likely obsessing over video games or having their head wrecked by girlfriends. OP I think you should be very careful of the first love. Don't let it take over your life as its easily done. If you get into a relationship your work will suffer tremendously. If you're in a job/career with a good future, then put in the work now, keep earning, make yourself financially strong and stable and in ten years you'll have your pick of women. That's not to say don't have your fun in the meantime. Good luck.
artdecko wrote: » You sound like me 25 years ago and that is why I am replying on this thread. I have always had a tendency to be introverted and I made the mistake of burying myself in my work. It never bothered me that I wasn't out there dating or had much of a hectic social life. Suddenly I was 30 and then I was 40. Time flies by at a shocking rate when you get older and you will hear many people say that. Be careful you don't let your life drift the way I did. Now that I am in my mid 40's I am reaping what I sowed. The last few years and Covid have brought my life into sharp focus. I have come to realise that I am lonely and scared about my future. I always wanted to buy a house and i don't regret having it from a security point of view. It has also become my prison, especially with Covid-19. I live alone and am working from home. Often, the only people I speak to face to face are shop assistants. I still have friends but they've got busy lives of their own and are scattered around the place. One of my parents has died and I know the other one isn't going to be around forever. I have one sibling who lives away and has their hands full with their own family and issues on their spouse's side of the family. If I take holidays I have nobody to go with. I have nobody to go with to concerts, to the cinema, to weddings. I know a partner isn't going to solve my problems but god, I'd love to have somebody to share my life with. I wish I had tried harder to meet somebody when I was younger and that I had a fuller life. My good job and my nice car and my house are not filling the emptiness in my life. Be careful you don't marry your job and use it to fill the social gaps in your life.
SusieBlue wrote: » ... But if you never socialised in your teenage years and don’t socialise now, never went to discos etc, and don’t know anyone your own age you are going to be in a really tough position in a few years and will be at a massive disadvantage when you do decide you might want a girlfriend. You will be starting from the ground up then when you could be working on some of those things now.
Tork wrote: » ^^^This. Looking at what you have written, I'm not at all confident you will take your own advice. Your mindset is wrong and I can see you kicking the socialising can down the road again and again. You're at the age where making friends is at its easiest and these are the years to take yourself out of your comfort zone. I think work is an excuse for you and is a vehicle for you to hide away. As people move further into their twenties and on into their thirties, they tend to get more insular. That doesn't mean you can't or won't make new friends at that age but it is something to bear in mind. You don't have a track record of socialising or fitting in. That is not going to change unless you make the effort. Even though it's nice to have a girlfriend, your lack of friends and interests outside your job is a more immediate worry.
