Ghosting

DonnaDarko09

I agree it’s bad form. You don’t need to be honest in your reasons for not wanting to see someone after all! But it’s respectful to at least reply and let them know you’re not interested in taking things further.
I was never ghosted in my dating days but i can imagine how hurtful it could be. I always let men know when I wasn’t interested (without getting into specifics).

JustAThought

DonnaDarko09 wrote: »

I agree it’s bad form. You don’t need to be honest in your reasons for not wanting to see someone after all! But it’s respectful to at least reply and let them know you’re not interested in taking things further.
I was never ghosted in my dating days but i can imagine how hurtful it could be. I always let men know when I wasn’t interested (without getting into specifics).

So you lie to keep someone happy ok - no point in being cruel, I totally get that- but people don’t typically ghost to end a long term solid relationship - it is the few week dates, the crazy abusive loons, the cruel clingers and desperates who want to analysise everyting and refuse to let go that (I imagine) are the big ghoster triggers - not a normal relationship that gradually breaks down.

I’ve been ghosted by recruitment companies AFTER I have done multiple interviews for (the same) job. Now I do take offense at that - they are paid to be objective and professional. They’re not making a mistake in a nightclub after ten tequilas. Or realised after a few texts that they’ve swiped wrong and are possibly now talking directly to someone from prison cell block H in for GBH. The dating world is a different place - nowadays not all ghosts are equal, or monsterghosts.

DonnaDarko09

JustAThought wrote: »

So you lie to keep someone happy ok - no point in being cruel, I totally get that- but people don’t typically ghost to end a long term solid relationship - it is the few week dates, the crazy abusive loons, the cruel clingers and desperates who want to analysise everyting and refuse to let go that (I imagine) are the big ghoster triggers - not a normal relationship that gradually breaks down.

I’ve been ghosted by recruitment companies AFTER I have done multiple interviews for (the same) job. Now I do take offense at that - they are paid to be objective and professional. They’re not making a mistake in a nightclub after ten tequilas. Or realised after a few texts that they’ve swiped wrong and are possibly now talking directly to someone from prison cell block H in for GBH.

Eh no. I don’t lie. I just don’t go into detail as to why I no longer want to see them again. The point is I let them know that I see no future for us and so that allows all parties to move on. No point in letting people hang otherwise. It is literally a few words in a text.

Porklife

Lie to keep someone happy? I don't see where Donnadarko said or implied either of those things. Ghosting is an unfortunate part of modern dating and there are a myriad of reasons why it happens. The person could be married and looking to cheat but then chickened out, they could actually be cat fishing you and look nothing like their pictures or, in a case where you've met them, they could just not find you attractive and decide to take the cowardly route of ghosting to avoid an awkward conversation.
Ultimately unless it's an actual relationship, they dont really owe you an explanation. Of course it hurts and we would all like a sense of closure but think about this way....if you liked the person and felt a spark but afterwards they messaged saying hi, was nice to meet you but I don't want to meet again, bye...you would feel equally as hurt! Its down to rejection and nobody likes rejection but life is short, you will find someone more suited to you, keep on fighting the good fight and know this too shall pass and good times wait ahead.

magic17

Ghosting is acceptable for me pre-meetup. In my experience it's one of three reasons:

- The conversation went dead and the same effort isn't coming from the other side to keep it going. Eventually you just get fed up and stop.

- Chances are nearly everyone is talking to  X amount of other people. Someone more interesting, or better looking, has come along and shown interest in them so they ignore you. On some occasions they will come crawling back with a story such as "Sorry, crazy busy week".

- The background check. It happens. If you know someone's first name, their job and where they're from you can probably find most people on some form of social media.

Ghosting someone after you've met no matter how many dates is just cowardly. If you can't say it to their face then at least send them a text. Most people understand when you tell them you're not feeling it.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

As the OP hasn't been back and the thread continues to stray into general discussion, rather than offering advice, we'll close the thread there.

OP if you need further advice and want the thread reopened, you can PM one of the Mod Team and they'll do it for you.

Thank you all for your help and advice.

HS