Do you think life is as fun for an introvert?

Steve F

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Ridiculous generalizations and I'd classify myself as an introvert who was a painfully shy teen and now have learned to turn on extrovert behavior when I need to, like a closet extrovert.

It nearly sounds like you perceive extroverts as the popular kids in coming-of-age/American teen movies, mindless bimbos and soccer jocks.

There's people blessed with intelligence and social skills and others who have excellent emotional intelligence to talk to anyone.



Very weird example... nothing to do with introverts/extroverts and more to do with politics and representing the voters.

I consider myself fairly intelligent (modest too ha) but as I posted earlier extreme introvert.
I don't think intelligence comes into the equation of intro or extro
As for Fun,as an introvert I can confirm that we are just as capable of having as much of it as an extrovert.

However,we don't have the added pressure of having to live up to the image of being the life and soul of the party.
I get immense pleasure in my own company.
Horses for courses I suppose

Steve F

Your Face wrote: »

I don't go in for this introvert/extrovert categorization - I'd say most people are a mix of both.

I guarantee you I'm NOT a mixture of both Ha ha
I must be special 😜

zuhuraswa

People are taking this post way too serious, some even offended, which is funny.
You can be a complete introvert, or complete extrovert, or in between. It's all about what works for you and feeds your energy. There's no right or wrong way to live life, it's just whatever works for you, keep doing that.

I am a complete introvert now in my late 30s. I was an extrovert in my 20s, and this aspect still helps me a lot as I like going out to celebrate occasions, so I'm able to do that in small and spaced out sessions and do whatever small talk is necessary, but enjoy my time out too.
As an introvert, I do try to understand what internally changed from my 20s. In my 20s, I was totally carefree and pretty much lived a YOLO life. As I have grown older, my social circle grew smaller and smaller. And as I pulled back from the YOLO college attitude, I did realize also I became an extreme empath. I genuinely really feel deep compassion for whatever ups and downs my friends and family go through (maybe a bit more than the average person). This aspect is what made me pull back a bit as I genuinely feel drained as I really experience and share whatever ups and downs that my friends and close family go through emotionally.
It's this emotional drainage that made me realize I need to kinda have some recharge time, so I'm able to enjoy hanging out with my family and friends again without resenting them (as I initially did, when I became an introvert). I am now able to enjoy hanging out with them or even going on holidays together, but I definitely need some down time after that.

I also in reality hate the un-authentic, on-the-surface small talks. But of course as with everything, you have to find a balance. I do it at work lunches or with acquaintances, neighbors, estate's barbeques at summer etc. But as they are just small limited doses, I don't mind. Funnily enough I train and mostly give presentations at work, so I'm usually 80% of the time doing these small talk. I am by no means shy or dread social settings once they are in small doses and spaced out.

coffee_cake

amadangomor wrote: »

Anyone else an ambivert?

Generally an introvert but can enjoy socialising. At times can be the life and soul of a party. Saying that when I was younger and going out a lot would prefer to go out on a Friday night and then relax for the rest of the weekend.

Think I have a finite amount of socialising in me and it needs to get replenished.

I think that's just an introvert...no prob socialising but recharge by being on your own

Enjoy a good night out

Spanish Eyes

The big issue is that being Introvert is seen as negative by many. Well that is what the narrative is. Whereas extroverts never seem to have to explain.

That is the big issue. Conforming to a social construct is imperative otherwise you are odd. That is so not true at all. And many people pretend they are extrovert just to conform.

Steve F

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

The big issue is that being Introvert is seen as negative by many. Well that is what the narrative is. Whereas extroverts never seem to have to explain.

That is the big issue. Conforming to a social construct is imperative otherwise you are odd. That is so not true at all. And many people pretend they are extrovert just to conform.

Couldn't have put it better myself.
Must be very tiring being something you're not

Spanish Eyes

Check out Susan Cain on Ted Talks re introverts. Opened my eyes anyway. This is a wordy version!

http://www.openculture.com/2017/10/the-power-of-introverts.html

completedit

People here have such a simplistic idealistic view of the introvert. It's not as simple as 'Oh I rejuvenate while am in my own company' ; that's the simplistic textbook way of viewing it. Read Spanish eyes link

“If you take a group of people and put them into a meeting,” says Cain in the short RSA video above, “the opinions of the loudest person, or the most charismatic person, or the most assertive person—those are the opinions that the group tends to follow.” This despite the fact that research shows “zero correlation” between being the loudest voice in the room and having the best ideas. Don’t we know this all too well.

Some introverts might not care about stuff like this but others will feel that their nature is flawed or somewhat lacking. The above extract highlights the passivity that I talked about. The feeling of having no agency and watching things just drift by outside of your control.

BRB

completedit

completedit wrote: »

People here have such a simplistic idealistic view of the introvert. It's not as simple as 'Oh I rejuvenate while am in my own company' ; that's the simplistic textbook way of viewing it. Read Spanish eyes link



Some introverts might not care about stuff like this but others will feel that their nature is flawed or somewhat lacking. The above extract highlights the passivity that I talked about. The feeling of having no agency and watching things just drift by outside of your control.

BRB

This reminds me of a few situations, some very recent, which have happened to me..
Just getting shouted down by people who don't know what they're talking about, are very wrong, and have convinced those who should have known better of stupid sh1t that's just wrong..and because there's more of them you're outvoted, by idiots, being wrong..

I was reminded of the adage of not arguing with idiots and being dragged down to their level..and like, you just get to a point where it's like 'what's the f*cking point?..' so you leave it, knowing that at some point there will be another argument and you'll have to sort it out then..

auspicious

Okay ( from reading the first page) BRB means big red butt. We have at least established that. Good.
Now, we need a definition as per the OP, of what an introvert is and then, maybe, we can really zero in on the subject matter.

FGR

I've often read competency based job applications and can't help but see a desire for extroverts primarily over introverts. Team players and effective communication skills are great but many excellent people I've worked with have had analytical minds and leadership skills derived solely from knowing what has to be done and simply being understanding about the demands on everyone to achieve them.

These people wouldn't look great on those forms as they're not ones who are 'alpha' nor are they ace gaa players.

I would see myself as an introvert and have had to put myself out there often. I do envy those who have the natural desire to be out there mixing but I also think they don't realise how nice it is to enjoy their own company.

Zak Flaps

I'm an introvert. I'm content enough but I'd be happier if i was a little more extraverted. I'm quiet and a little shy and i always feel that it's held me back. I'm 48. I wish that I'd met someone and had a couple of kids, i'd be happier.

IAMAMORON

Introverts are fundamentally boring, they need to catch up.

mrcheez

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Introverts are fundamentally boring, they need to catch up.

Name checks out

Wibbs

Steve F wrote: »

I consider myself fairly intelligent (modest too ha) but as I posted earlier extreme introvert.
I don't think intelligence comes into the equation of intro or extro
As for Fun,as an introvert I can confirm that we are just as capable of having as much of it as an extrovert.

+1 I've known introverts/extroverts that were bright and thick and all shades in between. It's not about emotional intelligence either, again the full range was going on regardless. Even social intelligence wasn't a given in either direction.

Though at least online there is more than the sniff with some self described introverts to think as TuringBot put it It nearly sounds like you perceive extroverts as the popular kids in coming-of-age/American teen movies, mindless bimbos and soccer jocks. And if you get a group chat going on the more that vibe tends to be displayed.

However,we don't have the added pressure of having to live up to the image of being the life and soul of the party.

Ah but you as an introvert S see it as a pressure. You're kinda viewing it from your own perspective, that an extrovert is almost like an introvert having to put on a performance and that's where the pressure comes from. If someone is naturally socially outgoing and "extroverted" it's not a pressure, more a pleasure. There's also a tendency to look to extremes. You don't have to be the life and soul of the party to be an extrovert. Indeed I've suspected quite a few life and souls to be introverts forcing a performance.

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

Introverts can very often act a bit like extroverts when in a large crowd, or if people get too much into their personal space... but it's not like a true extrovert, as if you look closely at their behaviour, you can see that they are "acting out" as a result of being uncomfortable.

IAMAMORON

They are hopeless, especially at meetings. partys and social gatherings. They just stand there saying nothing.

Introverts really need to get a grip.

Wibbs

Oh c'mon, it depends on how we're defining introvert. There's a large gap between someone who is more content to be with a few trusted people or on their own and people who are very socially awkward and transmit that to others. Especially if the latter is deliberately so.

As for saying nothing. There's rarely been a business meeting I've attended down the years that couldn't have benefitted from being about 80% shorter in time and about the same as far as the talk went. The few exceptions were non corporate. Corporate meetings, or at least the ones I wasted my time in were purgatories. I knew early on that there was no way in hell I could stomach that office/cubicle existence and one day I'd throw a middle manager through a window. I feel for those who are the same but got stuck in it.

jackboy

The western world has been completely set up for extroverts for decades now and it has been tough for introverts. The pandemic has quickly reversed that. Parties, talking to strangers, being in packed rooms are now verboten. It will be interesting to see how extroverts adapt long term, because things won’t go back to the way they were for a very very long time.

Rothko

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh c'mon, it depends on how we're defining introvert. There's a large gap between someone who is more content to be with a few trusted people or on their own and people who are very socially awkward and transmit that to others. Especially if the latter is deliberately so.

Yeah, a lot of people, including the OP, seem to be confusing introvert with being socially awkward or shy. They're not the same thing.

Sandor Clegane

I definitely consider myself an introvert, for years I used alcohol as a crutch to get me to socialize.

I could never go to a gathering, party or any night out without the use of alcohol.

I used to drink too much and was basically forced to stop for health reasons and ever since I stopped I have not attended any social gathering, no pub, nightclub, party or anything since I quit. It's been a few years now.

The day I was told id have to cut out or moderate my drinking was the day I literally new id have to give up all my friends (I only ever socialized with them with drink)

You couldn't pay me to attend any of these things sober.

I soon realized i didn't actually miss the company, I do miss the alcohol and its effects from time to time but thats it.

I have my own hobbies and interests and they are all solitary endeavors, but im not alone by any means, I have a small family that im content with, mother and father no siblings, I wouldn't change anything there.

Wibbs

Rothko wrote: »

Yeah, a lot of people, including the OP, seem to be confusing introvert with being socially awkward or shy. They're not the same thing.

+1000 I've known plenty of introverts who weren't socially awkward, or shy(and a couple of extroverts who were actually quite shy one on one). Hell I know a guy actually on the spectrum that made a concerted effort and learned to be sociable and he's bloody good at it too and gets a lot back. Now he does say it can be tiring after a while as it's not quite natural to him yet, but still.

For that matter the introverts I've known weren't low level seething at sociable people, or extroverts as some on this thread seem to be, or at least give that impression at times.

Wibbs

jackboy wrote: »

The western world has been completely set up for extroverts for decades now and it has been tough for introverts. The pandemic has quickly reversed that. Parties, talking to strangers, being in packed rooms are now verboten. It will be interesting to see how extroverts adapt long term, because things won’t go back to the way they were for a very very long time.

Won't make that much of a difference I suspect. I mean you have phones, zoom, social media etc.

As for the world being set up for extroverts, eh... The majority of people enjoy the company of others, enjoy talking to strangers, going to parties, the pub etc. Society has evolved that way and did so in damned near every society on the planet. The Swedes may be more "introverted" than say the Spanish, but they still have pubs and restaurants and social gatherings. Humans are a social animal. Even the majority of the most hardline introverts look to social avenues online. Being antisocial is not the norm.

jackboy

Wibbs wrote: »

Won't make that much of a difference I suspect. I mean you have phones, zoom, social media etc.

As for the world being set up for extroverts, eh... The majority of people enjoy the company of others, enjoy talking to strangers, going to parties, the pub etc. Society has evolved that way and did so in damned near every society on the planet. The Swedes may be more "introverted" than say the Spanish, but they still have pubs and restaurants and social gatherings. Humans are a social animal. Even the majority of the most hardline introverts look to social avenues online. Being antisocial is not the norm.

A form of hyper extrovertism has become prevalent in recent decades coming out of the US. This is not the norm in general for societies. We have tried to mimic that in Britain and Ireland. Which like Americans, is part of the reason that the Irish are now seen as pains in the hole abroad.

The sooner we go back to easy going and friendly the better. The in your face stuff does not suit us.

take everything

My head is the sanest place I know in the universe so I love being introverted.

Spanish Eyes

We need to find a new moniker for the Introverts amongst us. It is far too negative IMV, and is not seen as positive. Whereas Extroverts are and never have to be concerned about being labelled. But they play a big game too.

Any suggestions?

completedit

I find it interesting we evolved to be intros. I think you have to hope you're born in the right time in history. In this time, overall, it doesn't pay to be an introvert. Especially in our culture

Mister Vain

completedit wrote: »

I find it interesting we evolved to be intros. I think you have to hope you're born in the right time in history. In this time, overall, it doesn't pay to be an introvert. Especially in our culture

Especially if you're an Instagramer or a TikToker. I think its a bit odd the way some people constantly articulate their thoughts on social media. I've met girls like that and its like they're always "on." As an introvert I find it exhausting just being in their presence for a few hours. It's mainly the younger crowd but I know a few people in their 30's that are the same. They just can't switch off.

andekwarhola

I wouldn't have thought people that love discussing their introversion on public message boards with thousands of users are as introverted as they think.

Is it more social awkwardness than genuine introversion?

JohnnyFlash

andekwarhola wrote: »

I wouldn't have thought people that love discussing their introversion on public message boards with thousands of users are as introverted as they think.

Is it more social awkwardness than genuine introversion?

How do you know someone is an introvert?

They tell you.