Questioning relationship after 2 years - normal?

CBear1993

HildaOgdenx wrote: »

Not going to add much more, OP.

You have had lots of advice across your various threads/ posts. Just to say, I think some of it is as a pp said, ennui. It's been a strange strange time for everyone, regardless of circumstances over the past four or five months.

You seem quite self aware. I would recommend stepping away a little from the various posts/ threads and looking for and taking time to ponder on any common themes, in the advice received.

I also agree with the advice you received on another forum, in relation to the type of counselling you would likely find beneficial.

Thanks, Hilda.

cj maxx

OP , at 2 years you're at a time when both of you are wondering if this is the person to bring it further. It's normal after 2 years . don't worry about it

CBear1993

cj maxx wrote: »

OP , at 2 years you're at a time when both of you are wondering if this is the person to bring it further. It's normal after 2 years . don't worry about it

Thanks for the reassurance. Thinking a talk but maybe also a weekend away or a day spent together just discussing everything might help.

But also need to look at myself big time on reflection of this thread.

OP, judging from some of your posts, you seem unsure of a lot of things in your life & wish someone else would tell you what you should do.
That is not going to happen.
As you get older, you know yourself better, & can rely on your own judgement more.
Take a break from the stress & just think about what you will be happiest doing. In all aspects of your life.

About the relationship, sorry but I think it's over. Seems to have run its course, no-one fault these things happen, but don't drag it out because you don't have anyone else in Dublin. It's not fair on her.
Time to stand on your own two feet I think.

CBear1993

bubblypop wrote: »

OP, judging from some of your posts, you seem unsure of a lot of things in your life & wish someone else would tell you what you should do.
That is not going to happen.
As you get older, you know yourself better, & can rely on your own judgement more.
Take a break from the stress & just think about what you will be happiest doing. In all aspects of your life.

About the relationship, sorry but I think it's over. Seems to have run its course, no-one fault these things happen, but don't drag it out because you don't have anyone else in Dublin. It's not fair on her.
Time to stand on your own two feet I think.

Yep, I’m extremely cautious and weigh up all sides before I make decisions, which wrecks my own head sometimes. Rather than just going for it! And learning from the mistake if it doesn’t pay off.

I try to calculate everything so that I don’t fail

Ok... I think if i took a step back and did some reflection I can find a new appreciation for her after getting this off of my chest. Definitely think a better effort on my behalf can mean a new lease of life into the relationship and I’ll look back at this wondering what I was on about, picking small holes out of nothing, in an unsure time.

Shelga

CBear1993 wrote: »

Yep, I’m extremely cautious and weigh up all sides before I make decisions, which wrecks my own head sometimes. Rather than just going for it! And learning from the mistake if it doesn’t pay off.

I try to calculate everything so that I don’t fail

Ok... I think if i took a step back and did some reflection I can find a new appreciation for her after getting this off of my chest. Definitely think a better effort on my behalf can mean a new lease of life into the relationship and I’ll look back at this wondering what I was on about, picking small holes out of nothing, in an unsure time.

Do you love her or not?

CBear1993

Shelga wrote: »

Do you love her or not?

Yes

Augme

Therapy and counciling is always an interesting beast. The most important part of therapy is how someone approaches it. You need to figure out why you are doing it, what you want from it and how much work are you willing to put into achieve that.

I think often the biggest problem is that people approach it as some fix all remedy that they will just need to turn up, do some talking and then the therapist will just tell the person what is wrong and what needs to be done. That's not how it should work or how it would ever be successful.

It weird, but there is a sense of feeling like it is a waste of money because on the surface all a therapist should be doing is just asking questions and giving vague responses. What differentiates the quality of therapists is the kind of questions they ask, the qualify of the vague response and their ability to push their client into exploring their issues themselves outside of the sessions.

This is were the hardwork comes into it, you have to be investing a lot of your own time into exploring your own issues and really digging deep and going into places you'd be recluctant/afraid to go between sessions. It really is a huge amount of work too but massively rewarding.

You definitely seem like someone who is very capable of analysising themselves and has a very good level of self-awareness for someone your age and a willingness to push that more too so I really would recommend not giving up on therapy and give it another try. But before you do really ask yourself what you want to achieve from it and what kind of person you would like to be at the end of it.

tara73

I read all your responses here OP, and I have to say I agree with the posters here who say you should let her go, this relationship is doomed.

in every post you kind of contradict yourself or find more or less strange excuses why you are thinking of other women. the strangest for me is that you don't have your 'lads' around in Dublin. You can't go out with them...
What a lame excuse, it's possible to find new friends, especially in a big city as Dublin. Join sport clubs or find other activities you are interested in to meet people. You are still very young, yes, it's getting much more difficult the older you get to find real friends, but not in your agegroup if you really want to.

And you described you already talked things through with her and both agreed to make more of an effort. You always mention you want to discuss things again with her. I ask myself what else is there to discuss?

She's already putting words into practice and started to initiate sex although she's the shy type and it's not easy for her. what more do you want her to do and what are you doing to improve the relationship?

you are still thinking of having sex with other women and are bordering on opening an account on a dating app. for me, this is a step further than just having doubts of a 2 year relationship as many others here tell you.

Yes, I think you should have another talk with her, and in this talk you should tell her that you are longing for sex with other women and you want to open an account on a dating app. Than let her decide what she wants to do with the relationship.

You are very immature, you want to have both worlds, the secure girlfriend at home and also the single life sleeping with different women, as others here pointed out already.

I pity your girlfriend and hope for her you will let her go sooner or later before you cheat on her and break her heart.

CBear1993

tara73 wrote: »

I read all your responses here OP, and I have to say I agree with the posters here who say you should let her go, this relationship is doomed.

in every post you kind of contradict yourself or find more or less strange excuses why you are thinking of other women. the strangest for me is that you don't have your 'lads' around in Dublin. You can't go out with them...
What a lame excuse, it's possible to find new friends, especially in a big city as Dublin. Join sport clubs or find other activities you are interested in to meet people. You are still very young, yes, it's getting much more difficult the older you get to find real friends, but not in your agegroup if you really want to.

And you described you already talked things through with her and both agreed to make more of an effort. You always mention you want to discuss things again with her. I ask myself what else is there to discuss?

She's already putting words into practice and started to initiate sex although she's the shy type and it's not easy for her. what more do you want her to do and what are you doing to improve the relationship?

you are still thinking of having sex with other women and are bordering on opening an account on a dating app. for me, this is a step further than just having doubts of a 2 year relationship as many others here tell you.

Yes, I think you should have another talk with her, and in this talk you should tell her that you are longing for sex with other women and you want to open an account on a dating app. Than let her decide what she wants to do with the relationship.

You are very immature, you want to have both worlds, the secure girlfriend at home and also the single life sleeping with different women, as others here pointed out already.

I pity your girlfriend and hope for her you will let her go sooner or later before you cheat on her and break her heart.

Wow, Ok, points taken. Interesting to say the least.

Can a moderator now close/discontinue the thread please?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Thread closed as per OPs request.

Thank you all who took the time to reply.

HS