Kids hanging around me while fixing car

LegacyUser

Hi, this is more to get opinions of am I overreacting or not, than a what to do question.

I live in a gated development so all the kids play on the road / parking areas. I'm a middle aged single guy and, weather permitting, I thinker with my car by the side of the road. It's a classic car, and lately the kids (about 3 to 8 I'd guess) have been coming over to me in small groups, asking me stuff and saying your car is nice mister etc.

I try not to engage with them, without being rude. Yesterday, one of the asked me to tie his shoelace, I said ask your mammy, was told she was out so I said ask you dad then, forget the response. I didn't do it anyway.

I felt doing so might look bad to any parents looking on, in this day and age (I'm sure I don't need to write what I was thinking?).

Am I paranoid or doing the right thing?

MissShihTzu

How well do you know the kids, OP? For me, the response seems odd. Why would you NOT tie the child's shoelace? Or at least let him tie it himself with you telling him how.

But then again, I'm female. Although I do not have kids, my natural instinct would be to of course tie the lace good and tight, so he doesn't trip and hurt himself.

But I guess times have changed and you can't be too careful.

Loveinapril

Unfortunately I think you are doing the right thing. Often men only have to look in the wrong direction for people to jump to conclusions. I work with vulnerable children and young people so child protection is always at the forefront of my mind, so maybe I am over- vigilant in circumstances like this. Next time you see the parents, maybe try to strike up a conversation and mention that the kids are interested when you are out fixing the car. Just name it with them and they can manage it as they see fit. They may tell the kids to leave you alone or they may be fine with them hanging around by you but at least it will all be in the open. Obviously if you don't feel comfortable, tell the parents you are working with dangerous tools and are worried the kids may get hurt. They should realise you don't want the audience then and keep the kids away.

El_Duderino 09

Out on the street, in plain sight and doing something innocent like tinkering with your car, I'd be OK with helping the child with his shoelaces. And chatting with children is ok. As long as you don't try to touch them and keep your distance, I'd say it's fine. Anyone watching in good faith will see it's innocent chatting.

Dial Hard

I think you're overreacting. You're out in public clearly working on your car. A vigilante mob isn't going to form just cause you tied a kid's shoelace.

Is the real issue that you just find them annoying, by any chance?

KungPao

You’re probably right not to tie his lace or get too chatty if you don’t know them. So many crazy paranoid people nowadays, you’d end up having your picture shared around the local neighborhood watch WhatsApp groups saying you’re a creepy perv or something. Made to look like Jimmy Savile for nothing.

Sad but true.

Man with broke phone

I'd stay on the side of caution OP. Lot of mad people out there. Id one woman jump off a bench in a playground and run to my child asking who's child he was when I walked over to him. I had to explain he was in fact my child and I had just been pushing his brother on the swing. I'm a fairly normal looking person with a standard haircut, clean shaven and clean Jean's and t shirt, and a perfect BMI.
There is a world of middle aged women around now reading the daily mail and dublin live and getting their knickers in a twist. I should have checked if she had kids with her to be honest.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

MissShihTzu - I don't know the kids at all, or who the parents are. I thnk the optics are different for a female vs male

Loveinapril - like I said I don't know the parents. But great idea re dangerous tools, that would be a good way to ask them to move without being rude!

Dial Hard lol yeah they are a bit annoying,but that's not why I posted this

KungPao & broken phone - yes, I'll try to discourage it.

Idle Passerby

Dial Hard wrote: »

I think you're overreacting. You're out in public clearly working on your car. A vigilante mob isn't going to form just cause you tied a kid's shoelace.

Is the real issue that you just find them annoying, by any chance?

I'd be annoyed if random kids were hanging around me too, to be fair. Probably most people would. I doubt you'd get lynched for tieing a shoelace but you shouldn't really have to entertain strangers kids when your busy doing your own thing. Mention to the parents that your working with dangerous tools/engine fluids and hopefully they'll steer them away in future.

Purple Mountain

Yea, unfortunately you can't be too careful now a days. Well done for being vigilant in my opinion.
It's also annoying to be working away and being distracted by these children not to mention dangerous.
I'd say maybe don't engage at all with them, be brusque without being rude (that's another minefield) and hopefully they'll pee off and leave you alone.

LegacyUser

I would be more concerned with the possibility of them getting hurt. if there are that many dangerous items maybe you should not be working on the car there. I would wonder about it s legality

JustAThought

moreconcerned wrote: »

I would be more concerned with the possibility of them getting hurt. if there are that many dangerous items maybe you should not be working on the car there. I would wonder about it s legality

Y - that’s the typical reply you’d expect from the bored housewife/ husband brigade when you don’t fawn over their children and indulge them at every point.

OP - things can go wrong and get out of hand very quickly where children - ie their parents are concerned. Personally I’d also be wary of being too brusque to the kids or being too familiar and friendly - the easiest way to anger a mob of bored or frustrated househusbands/wifes is not to tolerate their kids, and equally to be too friendly with them - its hard to win.

I remember years ago kids would cluster around anyone doing anything mechanical or interesting on the road and vie to be in with them or hang around with them - especially car mad or attention starved boys. Sadly those innocent days have long passed and it might be better to pass a few minutes being nice but not too friendly with them before say something like Goodbye now - I have to concentrate & can’t talk anymore - enjoy your playing before stucking your head firmly in the engine and becoming deaf. Headphones might help too!

ILoveYourVibes

You are doing the right thing.

Also you should tell the kids not to be talking to strangers. Tell their parents they need to do more training on this.

Im kind of worried a kid is going up to random men asking them to tie his shoelace.

Heres Johnny

I have a similar living situation to you and have a similar problem although my object of attention is a puppy I got. The kids are always hanging around my garden and although I engage as little as possible with them, I do try to be polite to them but makes me uneasy. Only saving grace is there's always loads of them but never on their own.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replies. Nice to know I was not being silly in refusing to tie a lace! (and sad we have to think this way)

I'll try to get rid of them in future using the danger of tools angle as suggested by some, thanks!

El_Duderino 09

kidshangingaround wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies. Nice to know I was not being silly in refusing to tie a lace! (and sad we have to think this way)

I'll try to get rid of them in future using the danger of tools angle as suggested by some, thanks!

That might work. But I've never heard of a young lad who isn't Intrigued by power tools and telling them they're dangerous will only sweeten the deal. And if you find out who the parents are, don't lie to them about imaginary dangers from spanners and wrenches. They'll see through the lie and have legitimate reason to wonder about you. If you have genuinely dangerous tools like angle grinders or welding equipment then fair enough but they might have good reason to ask you not to use those tools in the public road (if you're doing it on the street)

In any case, employing obvious subterfuge is only going to make you seem suspicious. Just chat with them for a couple of minutes, satisfy their curiosity and they'll probably get bored and be ready to move on. Then say you need to concentrate, as the poster above suggested, and say goodbye.

LegacyUser

kidshangingaround wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your replies. Nice to know I was not being silly in refusing to tie a lace! (and sad we have to think this way)

I'll try to get rid of them in future using the danger of tools angle as suggested by some, thanks!

if the tools are that dangerous they should not be on the roadway and its not "just typical reply you’d expect from the bored housewife/ husband brigade". You asked for advice and should consider what will happen if one of them hurt themselves. If there are so many and so many tools how will you watch them all?

Ultima Thule

You are dead right in what you are doing. I wouldn't tie the shoelace either. All it takes is one small misinterpretation for it to blow up.

The kid could twist the words at home "oh mister x showed me his car today......helped put my shoes on."

qwerty13

Can you not fix the car outside your own house, rather than the road? And maybe close over your gates? (Maybe that’s not how your housing development is laid out though)

Iodine1

You are right. Do not put a hand near one of them for any reason, you will be labelled.

El_Duderino 09

Iodine1 wrote: »

You are right. Do not put a hand near one of them for any reason, you will be labelled.

Ah come on. There's very little chance that they would be labelled anything. The idea that tgey would be labelled is being hysterical. Let's not pretend every time an adult talks to a child or does something like tie their shoelaces, in plain view and not being any way secretive or dodgy or trying to touch the child, someone labels them.

GreeBo

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Ah come on. There's very little chance that they would be labelled anything. The idea that tgey would be labelled is being hysterical. Let's not pretend every time an adult talks to a child or does something like tie their shoelaces, in plain view and not being any way secretive or dodgy or trying to touch the child, someone labels them.

It doesnt have to be everytime, it just has to be once and happen to you.

Adam9213

kidshangingaround wrote: »

Hi, this is more to get opinions of am I overreacting or not, than a what to do question.

I live in a gated development so all the kids play on the road / parking areas. I'm a middle aged single guy and, weather permitting, I thinker with my car by the side of the road. It's a classic car, and lately the kids (about 3 to 8 I'd guess) have been coming over to me in small groups, asking me stuff and saying your car is nice mister etc.

I try not to engage with them, without being rude. Yesterday, one of the asked me to tie his shoelace, I said ask your mammy, was told she was out so I said ask you dad then, forget the response. I didn't do it anyway.

I felt doing so might look bad to any parents looking on, in this day and age (I'm sure I don't need to write what I was thinking?).

Am I paranoid or doing the right thing?

No not all haha, do not tie that kids shoelaces whatever you do.

Adam9213

My grandparents live in a rough area I'm middle class myself but in those areas it would be very normal to chat to the kids playing, I've noticed the kids in those areas are a lot more grown up and are very easy to have a laugh with if they were hovering around your car, but if you were in a middle class area it would be different there's a big difference between the kids in those two communities.

LegacyUser

Just to clarify, since lots are mentioning I should not be working on my car by the road. it's just basic servicing I'm doing, not changing engines. And If I had a driveway I'd be using it for sure.

LegacyUser

Adam9213 wrote: »

My grandparents live in a rough area I'm middle class myself but in those areas it would be very normal to chat to the kids playing, I've noticed the kids in those areas are a lot more grown up and are very easy to have a laugh with if they were hovering around your car, but if you were in a middle class area it would be different there's a big difference between the kids in those two communities.

Didn't you do well for two generations? You are right it depends really on how well the op knows the kids. in some places there is an "everyone knows everyone" vibe in others not so much

For instance OP do you know the children to say hello to when you drive out. Where my friend lives all the kids know the adults and wave to the adults as the drive by and say hello on the street. I wouldn't tie a shoe though like you have to touch the lace. Just be nice andsay your hands are dity from the car and ask your mum to tie it

Adam9213

kidshangingaround wrote: »

Just to clarify, since lots are mentioning I should not be working on my car by the road. it's just basic servicing I'm doing, not changing engines. And If I had a driveway I'd be using it for sure.

Also it depends on what type of person you are if you're that creepy weird guy on the street and people see you talking to a bunch of kids it might not look good for you

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Adam9213 when replying to threads in PI/RI, either offer the OP constructive advice as per the Charter, or don't post in the thread at all.

dd973

Think you're doing the right thing erring on the side of caution, nowadays just living alone and being childless is enough for some lamebrains to come up 2+2=5.

In Finglas there was an Egyptian chap who used to speak to local kids giving them sweets etc, he started having mental health issues and acting erratically some time later and in no time half the pyjama and tracksuit brigade were on the hunt for him gathering outside his home. I'd guess his over familiarity with the local kids might have been a cultural thing, the first thing that come to mind with Arabic countries is crowded souks and living areas, people in multi generational households with loads of youngsters running around.

leggo

OP what’s the context here? Are they being cheeky kids trying to annoy you and take the piss? Or are they nice kids just taking an interest because you’ve got a cool car? That’s kinda pivotal to how I’d view it.

I wouldn’t be overthinking whether people are going to worry you’re a pedophile. People will start to take notice of people when they’re taking an active interest in children. But just responding politely and engaging back when they engage you is fine. It’s weirder to be hostile towards them. Kids or not, as a rule, if you just behave appropriately in a given situation people will respond as such. But I appreciate for some gauging that can be a difficulty with absolutely no malice intended. So yeah if you’re finding that line difficult you’re probably best erring on the side of caution and doing your own thing.

dartboardio

Yeah kids can be annoying I wouldn't want them hanging around me either if I was you :V

Gregor Samsa

I honestly don’t think things are such that you’ll be “labelled” for talking to neighbourhood kids or tying a shoelace. My kids, and all their friends, occasionally chat to people in our estate about their car/cat/dog/whatever, and I have kids I don’t know come up to me and ask questions if I’m doing stuff in the front garden. It’s perfectly normal, and any parent who lets their kids out to play in public in the first place will know that it’s perfectly normal.

If you don’t want to talk to them for whatever reason, or don’t want to tie a lace, that’s perfectly fine, just tell them you’re busy and to move on and play elsewhere.

If you do chat to them, obviously don’t let them into your house, into the car, or give them treats or anything - that’s where a line would be crossed. But you clearly know that yourself.

Sometimes it’s good to get to know the kids in your area - as they grow up, they’re less likely to give you any hassle if they know you.

And I certainly wouldn’t worry about servicing your car on the road. Obviously don’t leave an angle grinder running unattended, but don’t worry about your bag of spanners and sockets.

Adam9213

It's good the kids in your area are at least playing outside, I don't what the kids are up to in my area pretty sure they all just sit in playing video games and go to eachothers houses.

dobman88

This is really a sad situation but you're probably right to not fully engage with them. I say it's sad because we had an old man on my estate when I was a kid who was a welder. Any time we saw him out in his shed we would all go in and watch him work on whatever and he would teach us and tell us what he was doing. Unfortunately I couldnt see that happening nowadays and it's a sad reflection on society.

Even from my own pov, we have the kids from across the green knock into our house to ask can they take my dog to play with him. At first I wasnt sure what to do so went over to ask the parents was this ok. Now when they knock in I always make sure they've told their.parents first and they go off happily with the dog around the green. It's sad that I have to be so careful about something so simple as a child wanting to play with a dog.

Bobtheman

I disagree. Tying a kids shoe laces is just that no matter how social service over Lord's spin it. Perhaps move your car tinkering to another place if you want privacy

Edgware

Bobtheman wrote: »

I disagree. Tying a kids shoe laces is just that no matter how social service over Lord's spin it. Perhaps move your car tinkering to another place if you want privacy

All it takes is someone to say " that old fella is always chatting with the young kids and asking do they want a spin in his car" and you will be labelled a paedo under the " no smoke without fire" rule. Middle aged, single, no kids enough said

Bobtheman

dobman88 wrote: »

This is really a sad situation but you're probably right to not fully engage with them. I say it's sad because we had an old man on my estate when I was a kid who was a welder. Any time we saw him out in his shed we would all go in and watch him work on whatever and he would teach us and tell us what he was doing. Unfortunately I couldnt see that happening nowadays and it's a sad reflection on society.

Even from my own pov, we have the kids from across the green knock into our house to ask can they take my dog to play with him. At first I wasnt sure what to do so went over to ask the parents was this ok. Now when they knock in I always make sure they've told their.parents first and they go off happily with the dog around the green. It's sad that I have to be so careful about something so simple as a child wanting to play with a dog.

You don't have to be careful about letting a dog out for a walk. 90% of child abuse is in the home. The era where adults of a peadophilic nature got access to kids without supervision is over. Then we wonder why kids suffer anxiety because they are listening to the social worker over Lord's who see danger just around the corner

leggo

Edgware wrote: »

All it takes is someone to say " that old fella is always chatting with the young kids and asking do they want a spin in his car" and you will be labelled a paedo under the " no smoke without fire" rule. Middle aged, single, no kids enough said

Like this isn’t something that realistically happens though, is it? I’m sure people have anecdotal stories that can’t be verified, but it’s not something I’ve ever heard of in my own life happening nor do I see it on the news. If anything what I’d be more familiar with from my own experience is people who I’d consider a bit suss being allowed to actively participate in areas that’d give them access to children, rather than innocent people being burned at the stake over non-incidents. But the point is what you’re saying isn’t enough of a thing IMO to advise another person to modify their behaviour accordingly.

wiggle16

Bobtheman wrote: »

You don't have to be careful about letting a dog out for a walk. 90% of child abuse is in the home. The era where adults of a peadophilic nature got access to kids without supervision is over. Then we wonder why kids suffer anxiety because they are listening to the social worker over Lord's who see danger just around the corner

Mod:

Please keep posts on topic and have advice for the OP when you post. General discussion is not permitted in this forum as it distracts from the OP's issue.

Thanks

Sandor Clegane

Id make it clear you don't want the attention or audience, spin it like you're doing something dangerous and they could get hurt.

The real issue here is not the children, its the parents.

A lot of people aren't right in the head.

suicide_circus

yeah...i wouldn't be tying any random kids shoelaces for them on the street.

It's sad but that's the way it is.

ToddDameron

I work with kids and a very small minority of parents are incredibly over protective of their kids, sometimes to the point where it interferes with me doing my job. You can never be too careful with how you interact with kids, especially when the parents don't know you. You did the right thing telling them to ask their parents to tie their shoelace, because though rare, those types of parents do exist.

80j2lc5y7u6qs9

ToddDameron wrote: »

I work with kids and a very small minority of parents are incredibly over protective of their kids, sometimes to the point where it interferes with me doing my job. You can never be too careful with how you interact with kids, especially when the parents don't know you. You did the right thing telling them to ask their parents to tie their shoelace, because though rare, those types of parents do exist.

Don't the parents have any resposibility to see to it the children are not exposed to any possible danger.If they do not want them around someone working on a car shouldn't they tell them stay away and ensure they do. The man working cannot tell them F off so what can he say if they approach him?

wiggle16

Mod:

Thread locked as it was pointed out that the OP hasn't been back in two weeks.

Thanks & grma all who posted.