Everyone is too negative.

Finchie1276

pinkyeye wrote: »

This is the most PATRONISING crap I've ever read here on Boards. OP, please don't take this approach, you will end up with no family or friends.

Did you ever think people come here for a variety of opinions and madly, (I know you find this hard to believe given your use of block caps n all) they might just find an opinion that is wildly different from theirs. Mad eh? Also mad is that the post is for the poster, not you. Next time try to be a little kinder, even if you don't like the sentiment. It's an easy thing to do and it makes you look like a grown up.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod note

The OP has come here seeking advice and posters are asked to reply in a way that offers this to them.

As per the forum charter, if you have no advice to offer, please refrain from posting at all.

Daisy78

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I have to agree. Toxic positivity is a thing, and it's finally getting some air time. Venting is good for mental health in many cases. There's nothing worse than being around someone who makes you feel like you can't ever complain or say anything negative, especially in an environment that should be 'safe', like home, or in a relationship.

There is a difference between occasional venting and habitual toxic negativity. If someone is constantly giving out, seeing the worst in people, bitching, moaning, etc, then that is a problem. Everyone has a rant now and again but it doesn’t sound like that’s the issue here. I can totally understand how the op feels frustrated and down about it, it just seems to be a characteristic trait of some of the people around her and that can be very draining.

splinter65

OP here is my simple advice after many long years of being myself being insufferably enthusiastic and upbeat and optimistic in all my waking hours just because that is how I am hard wired, and being swamped, sometimes in the work place and sometimes in family situations, with negativity.
Just change the subject.
Other person: “ OMG I’m so sick of coming in here day after day and finding no parking space. It’s bad enough having to work in this kip 8 hours a day without having to park 10 miles away. And John took all the hot water this morning again for his “shower” so the water went cold on me I swear to god I don’t know why I married him he’s useless”.
Me: Ah God help ya, listen did you hear on the radio Genesis are reforming and going on the road? I love Genesis and id go to see them so I would. Who do you like or do you ever go to concerts?”
The worst can happen is they just walk off to find someone else to listen to them.
Just change the subject. It’s easy to think of things. If you can’t think then you suddenly can’t find your glasses and have to look for them.
It’s not your job to “re-educate” people, especially people who are elderly. All you can do is introduce a positive spin on things and hopefully it will rub off. Not easy I’m not saying it is but it is doable.
Main thing is don’t let it get you down.

Tokyo

Mod: @splinter65, @Finchie1276 - take the petty bickering elsewhere. Don't post in the thread again.

qwerty13

My take on it OP:

Sometimes people don’t want to be ‘fixed’, or feel like someone is trying to ‘fix’ them. They just want to be listened to, and sympathised (empathised?) with. However irrational that might be.

However, there’s a point when this tips over into feeling like you’re constantly listening to someone giving out, or just bemoaning an inordinate amount about their life.

I think there could be a happy medium: giving people space to have a bit of a rant / vent; but not letting that become a constant thing, or intrude on your own well being.

Like most things in personal relationships (and I mean relationships between family and friends too - not just romantic ones), it involves compromise. Some days they’ll just need to be listened to and feel heard. Not ‘corrected’, just heard. And other days that may be you. But when the balance goes entirely towards them telling you endless takes of feeling slighted / wronged etc, well that’s time to readdress the balance.

There’s ways of doing it though. That depends on your personality/experience, and theirs. My take would be a certain amount of listening first, then maybe a positive input. Ah bit of ‘ah now’. Followed by a bit of listening. A few very gentle suggestions. And I mean nothing too out there; you want to bring them along with you - not feel put down.

That’s just my take. To be fair, it’s worked better for me in a work environment than a personal one! And it takes a bit of effort. I do think balance though that it generally produces good results.