Ways to sabotage your online dating profile

Ubbquittious

Tis easily done, but what would do the best job of it?

I was thinking of putting down "I hate Netflix and don't get me started on this chilling business, fcuking waste of time lazing about doing feck all"

"Feminism is a load of bollix"

Hobbies: Making lampshades from human skin

Leg End Reject

"All men are assholes."

"I'm a real woman with curves."

Hobbies: "Vino with de girlies, cat collecting and celebrity gossip."

'If you can't handle me at my worst...'


Honestly, just leave your profile blank. Let people think you might be an idiot..

killbillvol2

Just link to your OP. Job done.

beejee

It's a big hi all the laydeez out there (big, know what I mean?! Wink wink)

I'll get rule numero uno out of the way first. I like to have lots of fun and don't like being tied down by one person (unless... you know what I mean?! Wink wink). But loyalty is a deal breaker, my girl has to have it, don't want any slappers, no offence (but then again if you're up for it, you're up for it, eh?! Know what I mean?! Wink wink)

Not too keen on wrapping up the sausage, but I can't respect a woman who plays unsafe. No thanks!

Fairly unmotivated guy, don't weigh myself down with ambitions. That stuff is for losers and I don't like to get held back with that stuff, but seriously, I like a woman whos able to support themselves. And support me too, the odd time lol!

Gave up the car thing years ago, parents didn't want me on their insurance after I crashed their car. Any lucky laydeez must have their own transport. For real. But it's a sweet deal living at home with the parents, all my mess is cleaned up and free food too! That reminds me, I like a girl who knows how to cook, very important to me. A deal breaker to be honest. Must have their own place too, no housemates crapola

Dont be annoying me with phone calls and texts wrecking the head. No headwreckers. If you're a headwrecker keep going. At the same time, it's nice if a girl actually gets v back to you when you call or text, no waiting ages for simple stuff. If I need a lift, I'll let you know there and then, not the day before lol! Or if I need a "lift", know what I mean?! Lol wink wink

Anyway, if I've caught your attention, send all your nude pictures (joking! Not really! wink wink) to madman5million@freemale.com

KungPao

Saying Lost Prophets are your favourite band.

Or that Jimmy Savile wasn’t all bad - he did fun runs for charity, like.

Weinstein, damn, some classics in his catalogue. A hero in many respects.

anewme

As I'm not Mrs. Robinson, no Graduates need apply.

pgj2015

dont message if your just looking for a one night stand.

garyskeepers

eh

"Havin the Craic"


JAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSUS

lalababa

My last tinder experience:
Me...Hi🙂. >Hi back.> What do you like to do on a date?🙂> A coffee and a chat.> Great , when do we meet up for sex??🙂.............................no answer
This is after many inane interactions with many many ladies where I'm making all, repeat ALL the running.
It's like you have to pester them adinfinitum before they can show any interest. Coz of the whole Catholic/slut shaming/ chip on the shoulder kind of thing.
Like I'll swipe you right but then show indifference to your next 10 messages, not that I'd go to ten..about 3 is my max.

anewme

lalababa wrote: »

My last tinder experience:
Me...Hi🙂. >Hi back.> What do you like to do on a date?🙂> A coffee and a chat.> Great , when do we meet up for sex??🙂.............................no answer
This is after many inane interactions with many many ladies where I'm making all, repeat ALL the running.
It's like you have to pester them adinfinitum before they can show any interest. Coz of the whole Catholic/slut shaming/ chip on the shoulder kind of thing.
Like I'll swipe you right but then show indifference to your next 10 messages, not that I'd go to ten..about 3 is my max.

Its clearly their loss.

Better Than Christ

I find that mentioning my height on Tinder (a whopping 5'7) results in fewer matches. Which suits me because I don't think I'd be interested in someone who cares about trivial shit like that anyway. Although I qualify it by referring to the fact that I'm 6ft in heels.

AllForIt

Your favorite movie is The Silence of The Lambs

KungPao

Education: School of Hard Knocks
Occupation: full-time Mad Bastard

Although bell ends like this still pull, somehow.

LaFuton

role models include patrick bateman

anewme

Posing in front of a souped up import A4 from about 2006

pgj2015

full time mummy to my 3 angles who are my world.

garyskeepers

pgj2015 wrote: »

full time mummy to my 3 angles who are my world.

A triangle ?

LaFuton

have a deeply saddening struggle of hiding failure and shame written across your cracked plastic overweight face?

pgj2015

garyskeepers wrote: »

A triangle ?

that is how they spell angel.;)

LaFuton

filthy animals!

Ficheall

Ubbquittious wrote: »

Tis easily done, but what would do the best job of it?

I find including a picture of my face does the trick.

Zebra3

Painted on eyebrows.

Rufeo

Put a gif porno on your profile (especially on shyte apps like tinder). That will piss women off no end.....and it will allow you to have a good laugh. Haha. You're dating profile won't last too long.

Tchaikovsky

In collage atm.

Church on Tuesday

"If you don't like my dog, I won't like you."

**** off.

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

Hobbies: Navel fluff collecting.

Only interested in dating "innie's". Please do not waste my time, if you are an "outie"!

1o059k7ewrqj3n

Better Than Christ wrote: »

I find that mentioning my height on Tinder (a whopping 5'7) results in fewer matches. Which suits me because I don't think I'd be interested in someone who cares about trivial shit like that anyway. Although I qualify it by referring to the fact that I'm 6ft in heels.

Hold up are you a lady or a chap?

ILoveYourVibes

I bought my wedding dress a few years ago. And i have prepaid the ceremony so don't worry about the money. Let's get this show on the road already.

ILoveYourVibes

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

In collage atm.

Collage drop out atm. True story!

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Collage drop out atm. True story!

Hmm... I wonder why that might be?

Make sure you spell it the correct way on your job applications! :pac:

SusieBlue

"No I Dont Do The Job Thing at Not That Posh To Own A Company"

Actually saw someone have this down as their job on Tinder. I wonder why he's single.

razorblunt

Dunno what to say ere. Ny questions just ask.

ILoveYourVibes

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! wrote: »

Hmm... I wonder why that might be?

Make sure you spell it the correct way on your job applications! :pac:

Job drip out atm.

ILoveYourVibes

Heevy drunker. If ya din't like me drunk this int gng to werk.

Wuff Wuff

their entire bio consiting of "x" or "xxx" or "Just ask xx"

Get. In. The. Sea

ILoveYourVibes

Hi !I like to correct people's spelling. Please check your profile to account for such.

ILoveYourVibes

Noticed no one corrected Tchaikovsky ....is it because he is a hot Russian?

I guess you don't get the joke guys.

Purple Mountain

Full-time mad baxtard.

ILoveYourVibes

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Full-time mad baxtard.

Part time free lance mad baxtard. 2 yrs interpretive dance.

stoneill

beejee wrote: »

It's a big hi all the laydeez out there (big, know what I mean?! Wink wink)

I'll get rule numero uno out of the way first. I like to have lots of fun and don't like being tied down by one person (unless... you know what I mean?! Wink wink). But loyalty is a deal breaker, my girl has to have it, don't want any slappers, no offence (but then again if you're up for it, you're up for it, eh?! Know what I mean?! Wink wink)

Not too keen on wrapping up the sausage, but I can't respect a woman who plays unsafe. No thanks!

Fairly unmotivated guy, don't weigh myself down with ambitions. That stuff is for losers and I don't like to get held back with that stuff, but seriously, I like a woman whos able to support themselves. And support me too, the odd time lol!

Gave up the car thing years ago, parents didn't want me on their insurance after I crashed their car. Any lucky laydeez must have their own transport. For real. But it's a sweet deal living at home with the parents, all my mess is cleaned up and free food too! That reminds me, I like a girl who knows how to cook, very important to me. A deal breaker to be honest. Must have their own place too, no housemates crapola

Dont be annoying me with phone calls and texts wrecking the head. No headwreckers. If you're a headwrecker keep going. At the same time, it's nice if a girl actually gets v back to you when you call or text, no waiting ages for simple stuff. If I need a lift, I'll let you know there and then, not the day before lol! Or if I need a "lift", know what I mean?! Lol wink wink

Anyway, if I've caught your attention, send all your nude pictures (joking! Not really! wink wink) to madman5million@freemale.com

Thanks...

Copy - Paste

ILoveYourVibes

Its 150 for the hr and 400 for the night.

pgj2015

people who put ????????? after every line on their profile.

I love the gym??????
family mean a lot to me?????
sure say hello?????

The Princess Bride

Looking to date very very soon as my biological clock is loudly ticking.
Must be handsome, over 6ft, have great genes and look great in jeans and, most important, own a fab car as I don't drive.
Must have a great job as I'll be giving up work when I'm pregnant, and you'll need to maintain my lavish lifestyle* #queeninwaiting

Hobbies: having weekly manicures, shopping and buying expensive handbags #Guccigirl and designer shoes #manoloblahnikslovemyfootsies

Swipe now boys, join the queue of lucky men who might get to marry me! #weddingplannerawaitsmyphonecall

:rolleyes::D:rolleyes:

* on his wedding day, my favourite cousin's new father in law said similar in his speech, he hoped that S would keep his daughter in the lifestyle she was used to- marriage ended within a year.

ILoveYourVibes

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Looking to date very very soon as my biological clock is loudly ticking.
Must be handsome, over 6ft, have great genes and look great in jeans and, most important, own a fab car as I don't drive.
Must have a great job as I'll be giving up work when I'm pregnant, and you'll need to maintain my lavish lifestyle* #queeninwaiting

Hobbies: having weekly manicures, shopping and buying expensive handbags #Guccigirl and designer shoes #manoloblahnikslovemyfootsies

Swipe now boys, join the queue of lucky men who might get to marry me! #weddingplannerawaitsmyphonecall

:rolleyes::D:rolleyes:

* on his wedding day, my favourite cousin's new father in law said similar in his speech, he hoped that S would keep his daughter in the lifestyle she was used to- marriage ended within a year.

Where did you find my profile?! :eek:

Cina

Live, Laugh, Love xx

Wanderlust. Love travel xx

If u cant handle me at my worst u dont deserve me at my best xx

ILoveYourVibes

If you can't handle me on heroin you don't deserve me on cocaine.

Deja Boo

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Looking to date very very soon as my biological clock is loudly ticking.
Must be handsome, over 6ft, have great genes and look great in jeans and, most important, own a fab car as I don't drive.
Must have a great job as I'll be giving up work when I'm pregnant, and you'll need to maintain my lavish lifestyle* #queeninwaiting

Hobbies: having weekly manicures, shopping and buying expensive handbags #Guccigirl and designer shoes #manoloblahnikslovemyfootsies

Swipe now boys, join the queue of lucky men who might get to marry me! #weddingplannerawaitsmyphonecall

:rolleyes::D:rolleyes:

* on his wedding day, my favourite cousin's new father in law said similar in his speech, he hoped that S would keep his daughter in the lifestyle she was used to- marriage ended within a year.

Love this PB .......oh wibbbbbbbs :pac: :pac:

ILoveYourVibes

54 yr old young at heart guy looking for 19-25 yr old lady. Russian /Eastern European only.

Its not that I don't like fat chicks its just i find Irish women are not as genuine as eastern europeans and are only into money.

ILoveYourVibes

Coronavirus guy seeks similar girl.

lalababa

lalababa wrote: »

My last tinder experience:
Me...Hi🙂. >Hi back.> What do you like to do on a date?🙂> A coffee and a chat.> Great , when do we meet up for sex??🙂.............................no answer
This is after many inane interactions with many many ladies where I'm making all, repeat ALL the running.
It's like you have to pester them adinfinitum before they can show any interest. Coz of the whole Catholic/slut shaming/ chip on the shoulder kind of thing.
Like I'll swipe you right but then show indifference to your next 10 messages, not that I'd go to ten..about 3 is my max.

Forgot to say that last message was not indicative , but out of pure frustration and devilment.