Dumped at 43

charlietheminxx

Madeupname99 wrote: »

I had expected my ex-wife to initiate in November. Which she didn't. My girlfriend had been awaiting that as well. December was busy. She then finished with me on 20th Jan.

Having gone back to my solicitor this week, she told me that I was completely correct in having waited two years before looking to get divorced.

I haven't been living like a married man. I understand there is a lot of uncertainty surrounding my personal situation, but I was emotionally there for her.

The problem with this, and it's something you don't seem to have fully grasped yet, is that it wasn't and isn't enough for her. She wanted to plan a future, you weren't moving forward. She might be willing to try again if she sees that has changed but if she doesn't then I think you need to let her go, to be honest.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Probably my last post on this. Things get a bit out of sync when going anon as a mod has to read it before putting it up.

I just want to say thanks to everyone because I faced some dark times over this and the people on this thread were often a ray of light. It is a truly charitable act to take the time to spell things out to someone who is too caught up in a problem which they can't see a way through. Tough love, hand holding, kick up the arse. It all helped.

By way of an update, I was invited round by the girlfriend last night. I told her my update with the solicitor etc, but told her that this is something which is entirely being done for me, not for her, not for anyone else.

I laid my heart on the line in terms of my feelings for her, and how badly I felt when I was apart from her. I also corrected her on a few things she had said to me in the weeks prior, which I thought were unfair or inaccurate. She had accused me of not taking major events in her life seriously enough, and I spoke to her about them last night with a level of detail that made her realise that I had paid them a great deal of attention, when she had told me, and thought since.

Where we now are is that we agree that our relationship has moved back from where it was prior to the split, but the grounds are there to go forwards. And to go forwards in a different way. Not unquestioningly be 100% in each other's pockets this time, more open and honest about feelings and fears.

We had a bit of a kiss, but no sex, and I left after three hours. I have agreed to go back round and talk some more on Wednesday, and then to do something fun on Friday night for Valentine's together and enjoy each other's company instead of talking seriously for a third night.

I do agree with the posters on here who have told me that my reaction was not normal. To try to get me over the breakup, I had booked a series of six counselling sessions through my work health insurance policy. The first is due to start on Friday and, while I am feeling much more positive now, I will still go. I will talk through everything with the counsellor, try to get some insight as to why I reacted the way that I did. I think it might be some delayed trauma from my initial marriage breakup as well as issues with unhappiness at work, and an impending sense of doom from mid-life crisis / seeing my parents get older and less able. When I have had counselling in the past, I have always loved it.

But things look good. I have my divorce in train, the chance to build something with the girlfriend again, and springtime is on the way.

Thank you all for your input.