2 Year Old Won't Sleep - Afraid of the Wind

Pocos

Oregato YOU HAVE DONe NOTHING WRONG!!! No one knows how to handle kids we are all just learning on the job there’s no manual no two kids are the same! It’s so so so so hard! There are days I feel like pulling up on the side of the road and throwing herself out and driving off! 2 year olds are tough! Anyone who says otherwise has been lucky and has a placid child, that is nature and it’s the luck of the draw!

I would really find it hard to think a two year old is “playing” ye against each other! I just think it’s a development thing or the new baby has affected your little one! It sounds like your little one has no idea what she wants, and is frustrated as she can’t tell you how she is feeling! Imagine not having the language skills to explain when you are annoyed!!!

Have ye tried letting her lead? So literally letting her make all the decisions? Just for one night let’s say tomorrow as it’s Friday! And the weekend is coming! What pjs she wants? What book? Who to bring her to bed? Are you ready now? When do you want to go to bed? I know it could be 12 by the time she wants to go but you can observe her and her queues when she is tired! Because you are second guessing everything at the moment, bringing too early, bringing too late it’s a minefield!
Maybe If the process is calm and relaxed she might be more inclined to go to sleep and relaxed to go into a deep sleep! It’s sounds hippy and I know loads would say 2 years olds can’t make these decisions you need to be in charge! Yes I get that but I def know when our little one thinks it’s her idea regarding anything she’s far more placid and it’s far easier than making her do something she doesn’t want to

Because the whole thing sounds very stressful and imagine if someone sent you to bed at 3 in the day and expected you to sleep all night and you not tired??? Look it’s just another option!

Sleep consultant is a great idea and as someone said they can help you see the wood from the trees! Because sleep deprivation is a form of torture and ye are def in the middle of it!

Honestly my heart goes out to you and your wife and it’s so hard not to think it’s something ye have done but it’s not! It’s just your child’s personality and ye dealt with the situation best ye could at that given time! No one else in the world could have done anything differently so don’t feel it’s ye! As it could be any of us with a 2 year old! They are unpredictable and they aren’t called the “terrible twos” for nothin

Pocos

Sorry now I’m no expert and haven’t a clue! So sorry about another post but I just was thinking!

What exactly does your little girl want? Like In what scenario does she sleep the longest?

You mentioned you’ve had to sleep on the floor beside the cot! Does she just want ye in the room? Could you move her cot into your bedroom for a little bit? Then she’s knows ye are there all night and it might settle her into sleeping deeper or longer!

Like I know you and your wife are exhausted but I can only imagine your little girl must be beyond tired! Good sleep brings on good sleep.. so even if you got a few good nights for her and yourselves ye may be better at tackling problems next week!

You mentioned ye don’t want to give bad habits like sharing beds or what ever but what you are doing is doing no one any favours! A few nights rest and at least you might be able to think a little bit clearer!

Anyway I do wish ye the best of luck sounds like a very tough situation

OREGATO

We don't know what she wants to be honest. She's just in her cot screaming her head off saying no daddy or no mammy or screaming for one of us. She wants to get down out of her cot which is something we can't keep giving into. We are not sure she knows what she wants herself.

She sleeps longest when we give into her demands during her bedtime routine like taking her into the room next to hers to look out the window. Some nights she doesn't ask for this and stays calm in her cot, over the past two months we've almost stayed in the room with her until she's asleep at bed time. If we don't pander to her and run in she gets worked up and the night ends up really really hard, like tonight.

We've tried to be consistent but nothing works. Admittedly, we've tried different things throughout the last two months and nothing has seemed to work. When we get her down, she will wake at some point from 1130 to 2 or 3am screaming and inconsolable, some nights she'll wake once and take an hour to settle, other nights it's several times a night.

Moving her cot into our room isn't an option and we don't want that to become the norm. Moving her cot also involves disassembling her cot and reassembling it so it's not an easy thing to try for a night or two. I'm not sure if she wants us in the room or not, when she's screaming like this we are not sure if she wants us there or not.

The comment about playing us off each other was made by the sleep consultant, I didn't speak to her, my wife did and I think what she meant was that she is playing us in general as opposed to playing us off each other. Like she knows what to do to get our attention, the whole scared of the wind or airplanes or noises is just her way of grabbing our attention.

She's started screaming 20 minutes ago and I've had to get my wife to go in as I really am finding the night tough as is my poor wife.

I'm not sure if we can let her lead and determine her own bedtime, i think if we did that, she would just get over tired and we would still have a bad night. We are both out of ideas and it's nearly three weeks until the sleep consultant is free. I don't know how I'll cope with another night like this let alone a few weeks.

fits

You are overly hung up on her being in her room. To everyone’s detriment. You just need to get through this phase. Think of it as supporting her rather than pandering to her.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say once again. If I were you I’d ditch the cot , get a mattress on the floor and stay with her. You can move out when she settles then. And a later bedtime. 8 pm is perfect here.

fits

^ Im sorry if that was abrupt, I just think you need to stop focussing on a hypothetical problem that you dont have and deal with the problem that you do have.

Pocos

fits wrote: »

You are overly hung up on her being in her room. To everyone’s detriment. You just need to get through this phase. Think of it as supporting her rather than pandering to her.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say once again. If I were you I’d ditch the cot , get a mattress on the floor and stay with her. You can move out when she settles then. And a later bedtime. 8 pm is perfect here.

Oregato I have to 100% agree with what fits says!!! You are trying to avoid a problem you don’t have ie having her in your room for the future!

Fits idea of a mattress on the floor and sleep beside her! Two years aren’t clever enough to manipulate you! I genuinely think she’s waking up and is scared as she’s in a cot in the room on her own! When she fell asleep ye were there and now you aren’t.

Also didn’t you mention ye have moved her room recently to a back room! So that’s new and can throw them! Your insistence on her sleeping in the cot in a room on her own seems to me to be the problem?

As fits says support her it’s not pandering! Ye have been strict and it’s not working!

As for her getting over tired with a later bedtime there’s no way after 3 weeks she isn’t overtired at this point!

Why the insistence on the cot? She’s 2 she will be out of it in the next few months (assuming you will need it for 4 month old!) it sounds like you are listening or thinking that she SHOULD sleep all night in a cot and she SHOULD be able to self soothe! Listen to your little girl she is struggling to do those things! Try and help her rather than fight her!

But I don’t have all the answers! But sometimes it’s easier to see the problem clearer as I’m getting sleep you aren’t!

I would do what ever I had to get give everyone sleep for the next 3 weeks and then take advice of sleep consultant!

shesty

Yeah Oregato, please know you have done nothing wrong.She is 2.Their sleep goes haywire at 2.They practiclaly have to re-learn all over again how to sleep, what to do.You have a 4 month old.I mean, you are mid-chaos here, even without the sleep deprivation.There is no manual for babies.

None of us are sitting there every night with you so we cannot make other suggestions.Hopefully that is where the sleep consultant will help.
She is not doing.anything with malice, she is just 2.New power, interestingly she can get mammy and daddy to hang around and maybe do what she wants, she is just trying that out.Don't worry about it, it is totally natural.There is a reason that sleep consultant is not available til end March...you are far from the only parent to have these problems.Don't apologise for what works for your family as regards sleeping...here, all 3 sleep in their beds in their rooms, and that's what works for us.I know plenty other people doing different things, to get sleep for themselves.It is just survival, especially with 2 smallies, you do what you have to.

Just get through the next few weeks, and hopefully she will help you find a solution that works for you all.

OctoberMammy

How have things been lately, OP?

Pocos

Hey oregatto,

Any improvement on the sleep situation?

OREGATO

Sorry for the radio silence, between Covid 19 etc etc I haven't had a chance to come back and respond.

Over the past month we've worked with a sleep consultant. We tried the chair method to no avail then moved to timed intervals (max 10 minutes) and had some success for 10 nights or so - she was easily settled when she woke and went down much easier at bed and nap times. We were thinking we were over the worst of this..

However, over the past two nights, out of nowhere, she's a disaster again, absolute disaster, same as before and the methods we've been using the past 2 weeks have just stopped working, so feels like we're back to square one and our time with the sleep consultant has officially ended.

She woke tonight at 11pm and it's been 45 minutes of going in and out like a yo yo to her but nothing calms her, she stands in the cot, taking off her trousers, throwing everything out of the cot, screaming her head off.

So disheartened, so drained, so fed up. I don't know any more. We are both absolute drained.

drunkmonkey

I'd up the 10 minute intervals, your back doing what you were at the start because of one or two bad nights. Stick to the plan. You can't keep going in and out like a yoyo.

OREGATO

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I'd up the 10 minute intervals, your back doing what you were at the start because of one or two bad nights. Stick to the plan. You can't keep going in and out like a yoyo.

We are sticking to the plan of up to 10 minute intervals but she's not calming. She still goes mad and never settles herself, ever since we started the intervals, she still needs us to go in after the elapsed time and then she'll settle when we bow down and put everything back into her cot etc. I feel if we leave it even longer, she'll get more and more hysterical.... So I'm completely lost.

shesty

Keep at it.
Sorry.I know its disheartening.Toddlers are very relentless though.I remember 3 weeks of relentlessly using a consistent approach over and over and over again every night before I saw light at the end of a tunnel....and it is tougher when they are older and have more opinions.

Pocos

Sorry to hear this oregato!

Must be very disheartening any improvement? Did the sleep consultant give any reason why your toddler behaves this way?

drunkmonkey

Just a thought, do either of you let her use a phone or tablet, our just gone 2yrd has had use of one a couple of times over lockdown and she's an absolute nightmare to get to bed if she's used it. She won't be getting it again, it's literally only happened on the days she had it. Saying that she does sleep all night. Her bed time is now close to 9.30 and she sleeps between 2 to 4 every day, she probably wakes up around 8.30, she's fast asleep now and the birds are chirping like mad outside her window.

fits

Theres lots of good advice earlier in this thread. Maybe read through it again.