Does this happen anyone else?

LegacyUser

Hi lads, anon for this one.
So, I’m 28F, single a long time. Never had a serious relationship, longest relationship was 3 months. I can’t seem to meet men to date. I would say I’m good looking, in shape, fun and a balanced, calm woman with a good job. I find that men tend to look and stare at me in real life but that’s....it. Any man I meet on a night out, it’s all drink and stupidity..
Anyway, I decided to get on the dating apps and get myself out there after hearing all my friends positive stories about dates etc
Plenty of matches, not much conversations or dates.. the lads who do have a conversation with me, chat on snapchat and want nudes/sexts. And think they are getting a hook up.
And they’re onto me about following on Instagram. When I do have a peak, their lists are full of their tinder matches. So in other words, I’m nothing special in their eyes.. just another girl on a list.
I’m completely confused. It’s either these lads chatting to ya and the rest match you and it’s radio silence???
I was onto a fella who seemed normal but he cancelled our date.
I’m honestly losing the will to live? What is happening? I don’t know what I’m doing right or wrong.
When I chat, I’m polite, pleasant and flirty. I might as well not be on the apps cause nothing has changed in my life if I’m honest!!! I am a young woman sitting in on a Saturday night when I should be out on a date with a fella and having fun?

What is happening with dating? Or maybe it’s just me!

Any advice??

ILoveYourVibes

You have to meet men through friends really. Or work or whatever ...more through socializing.

KrustyUCC

No you don't

Meeting through friends, work or whatever, socialising or dating apps are all potential avenues to meeting someone

Dating apps certainly do work for plenty of people but as the OP has alluded to there is a load of crap with dating apps as well

From your description I don't see a lot of what your doing wrong OP

"When I chat, I’m polite, pleasant and flirty"

Keep that up. If you do build up a rapport with a guy suggest a date after a given amount of time

It might help increase dates whilst also weeding out some lads who aren't serious

What hobbies have you OP?

If in a big city try a MeetUp for your hobby. At least you would have something in common with the group straight off

LegacyUser

Hey guys..

So, I was meant to have a date Saturday. I was stood up. I’m still upset over it. He then told me not to overreact when I told him I was going home.. cause apparently going home is overreacting when he wasn’t coming.. I dropped him off my social media and he has filled his list up with new tinder girls.
I understand what you are saying above but if I was able to meet someone in real life, I would. This was a last resort but I find it has been more damaging to my self confidence.
I don’t understand how I’ve been treated like crap and my friends etc have had great success finding normal people. I’m finding that men don’t even want to do the minimum anymore - go for a coffee etc...

wiggle16

Hi Op

I think posters would have more scope for advice if you were to give more information about how you are as a date. What I mean is that both of your posts outlined the things that have happened/haven't happened with men in your life, their behaviour, and their attitude to you (as you perceive it) - but there's not much anyone can say to advise on that.
What are your expectations around a date? Do you expect that men should approach you first on a night out, for example? When you match on Tinder, do you initiate a conversation or wait until the guy messages you? If you're on a date, who does most of the talking? To be clear, I'm not suggesting the problem lies with you, it's just very hard to advise based upon the information you've given so far.

Also I don't really understand what this means:

singlegirl28 wrote: »

I dropped him off my social media and he has filled his list up with new tinder girls.

Do you mean his instagram? How do you know they're girls from Tinder?

cannotlogin

This happens almost everyone else. Modern dating is flaky.

I don't think the issue is really a cancelled date. I think it's more to do with your self confidence. If you're confident in yourself, you'll just genuinely think **** it, his loss!

I tried online in the past before & while it's a good way of meeting people you might never bump into in real life otherwise, you have to take it with a pinch of salt and not get invested until you have something worth getting invested in. Some people met someone and it works out but that's more the exception than a typical experience.

Always have a back up plan, i.e. if this date is cancelled, decide you're going to spend the evening watch a film you've been meaning to for a while, heading to the gym etc. It'll take the sting out of it.

S.G.M.

I'm 26m and on the dating apps and have heard a lot of the women on these apps say they had similar experiences. Personally, I am looking for dates but again have had very little luck. I get chatting plenty of women but rarely find a spark.
It doesn't bother me too much as I've very little expectations from online dating.
I think you've got to take online dating with a pinch of salt. If you go into it, hoping for something substantial, you may be disappointed cos it can often be a cesspit. Go into nonchalantly and have some fun chatting people.
I'd try and get out and meet more people.

woodchuck

Mod note:

S.G.M., PM offers are not permitted for the reasons outlined in the charter.

OP if you receive any PMs in relation to this thread, please let the mod team know.

SozBbz

OP, I could be off the mark here, but it seems to me like you're excusing a lot here and letting them away with murder, all the while hoping for scraps. This is doomed to fail.

If someone so much as asks for a nude or sends a dick pic - immediate block.
If someone stands you up - immediate block
If someone does anything that doesn't meet up with the standards of someone you'd want to know in real life -immediate block

It sounds to me like you're still engaging with these clowns after they've shown their true colours. Value yourself and your own time more.

I know there was (is?) a narrative that women have to be the "cool girl" if you want any chance of getting a man. You can't be seen to be too demanding or have any expectations, everything has to be fun, flirty and casual of you'll scare the man away. Anything outside of this persona is deemed to be a bitch/psycho. This is Bullsh1t of the highest order and my main bit of advise is to rebel against this with all your mite.

I used to think like this, that getting a man to like me was just a game of bending over so far backwards to be breezy so that i didn't ruin it by asking to actually be treated well. I had a bit of an ephiphony and just stopped. I put my cards on the table early doors with the next man I met and we're still together 6+ years later. I'm not saying I demanded marriage on our second date, but I told him I was looking for a proper boyfriend and wasnt going to entertain someone who just wanted a hook up. Nothing dramatic, no ultimatiums, but in hindsight I think I was communicating to him that I valued myself by putting my cards out on the table and letting them fall where they may.

I've some friends on the apps and they get real dates with genuine men. I know plenty of couples who have met on line. It can and does work.

Don't entertain time wasters - they will not magically turn into prince charming.

LegacyUser

SozBbz wrote: »

OP, I could be off the mark here, but it seems to me like you're excusing a lot here and letting them away with murder, all the while hoping for scraps. This is doomed to fail.

If someone so much as asks for a nude or sends a dick pic - immediate block.
If someone stands you up - immediate block
If someone does anything that doesn't meet up with the standards of someone you'd want to know in real life -immediate block

It sounds to me like you're still engaging with these clowns after they've shown their true colours. Value yourself and your own time more.

I know there was (is?) a narrative that women have to be the "cool girl" if you want any chance of getting a man. You can't be seen to be too demanding or have any expectations, everything has to be fun, flirty and casual of you'll scare the man away. Anything outside of this persona is deemed to be a bitch/phyco. This is Bullsh1t of the highest order and my main bit of advise is to rebel against this with all your mite.

I used to think like this, that getting a man to like me was just a game of bending over so far backwards to be breezy so that i didn't ruin it by asking to actually be treated well. I had a bit of an ephiphony and just stopped. I put my cards on the table early doors with the next man I met and we're still together 6+ years later. I'm not saying I demanded marriage on our second date, but I told him I was looking for a proper boyfriend and wasnt going to entertain someone who just wanted a hook up. Nothing dramatic, no ultimatiums, but in hindsight I think I was communicating to him that I valued myself by putting my cards out on the table and letting them fall where they may.

I've some friends on the apps and they get real dates with genuine men. I know plenty of couples who have met on line. It can and does work.

Don't entertain time wasters - they will not magically turn into price charming.

It’s true.
Entertain being the word because, if I’m honest, I enjoyed the attention...
But yeah, months ago before I used dating apps, I would of had high standards and knew what I would/ would not tolerate, wouldn’t suffer fools easily and I found looking back on the interaction with the last dope that I was more tolerant of down right pervy and stupid behaviour!
I also felt that the more lads I encountered that were like that - seeking hook ups/ sexts etc the more I felt like I was the odd one out and prudish? I know that’s ridiculous now and should slap myself but it’s true and I feel that I was manipulated to an extent..! I sound like a naive teenager but it did mess with my head and perspective on dating..
I dropped him and blocked him when he stood me up. He says “don’t overreact” after I hung around waiting and wondering in the cold. Luckily I didn’t wait too long because it was an hour later he decided to tell me he wasn’t coming! What a joker!
But it wasn’t just him. He’s just the most recent example.
The rest of them are the pits really. It’s a sad reflection...

ILoveYourVibes

singlegirl28 wrote: »

Hey guys..

So, I was meant to have a date Saturday. I was stood up. I’m still upset over it. He then told me not to overreact when I told him I was going home.. cause apparently going home is overreacting when he wasn’t coming.. I dropped him off my social media and he has filled his list up with new tinder girls.
I understand what you are saying above but if I was able to meet someone in real life, I would. This was a last resort but I find it has been more damaging to my self confidence.
I don’t understand how I’ve been treated like crap and my friends etc have had great success finding normal people. I’m finding that men don’t even want to do the minimum anymore - go for a coffee etc...

IMO when you are meeting someone you have never met before. You are just checking them out.

Even if you have chatted romantically online. If i chat to a guy online ..and we grab a coffee ...i don't consider it a date ...i am just checking him out ..he is checking ME out too. I might hate him.

Maybe if you thought about it that way ..it wouldn't damage your confidence.

Your confidence can't be built on who wants to go for coffee with you.

Yes a guy getting you to the trouble of going out to meet him then standing you up etc is annoying.

Put it down to fate ...you were NOT meant to meet that guy ..and if he is the Type to stand you up...well that is a good thing..

I find people are usually lamenting the loss of something they should be glad to see the back of. Think about that.

You keep saying all these men are not making an effort. Think about it this way ...you are not having to go through dating all these emotionally unavailable men to find out they are like that.

Maybe you are lucky in love and just not seeing it right.

Be a bit more suspicious of people. See if they are willing to work for it a bit. Then you won't be let down so much.

And try to increase your social circle. Make more friends spend more time with them.

Bob Harris

I'd say your friends are either vastly inflating their experiences or have vastly inferior expectations.

I Am The Law

No need to 'lose the will to live ' particularly as things change in the blink of an eye, probably when you least expect it.
I'd recommend 'The School of Life' YouTube channel.
Alain de Botton has a fantastic insight into human behaviour and has many short videos on relationships. I've added one link.

https://youtu.be/O1poLVn7hbs

zapper55

In my experience of OD half will disappear before or after a date has been arranged. Think they are either terrified.of meeting up with a real.life person or flakey. If you dont learn to not take that personally then maybe it's not the place for you.

Also you mention connecting with them on social media before you've even met. You are investing a lot emotionally in these strangers.

Jurgen Klopp

Ah don't take him standing you up as a reflection on you.

You wouldn't believe the amounts of dickheads of both genders on OD and their behaviour.

skallywag

I think that the catchment area is massive these days.

With the dawn of dating apps, it is very likely that the person you have arranged a date with on a Tuesday may have found someone who they find more interesting or attractive by Thursday, hence you get canned in favour of them.

ITman88

skallywag wrote: »

I think that the catchment area is massive these days.

With the dawn of dating apps, it is very likely that the person you have arranged a date with on a Tuesday may have found someone who they find more interesting or attractive by Thursday, hence you get canned in favour of them.

This is very accurate, I think both sex’s overvalue themselves in online dating. Girls avoid guys that aren’t immediately attractive or don’t take a great pic(and could be incredibly genuine) and the guys that are attractive and still single are only after one thing!!

Confused dad

Personally, I've always been old school. I'm all for meeting someone in the real world, not through an app. I think striking up a conversation with someone in a pub or club or any other social environment is all part of the fun and excitement of starting off a new relationship. Makes for nice memories too :-)

bitofabind

This is a pretty common online dating experience OP, to meet time-wasters and players and chancers on the apps. When you're swiping on human faces like you're ordering a pizza this tends to be the overall effect. People are overwhelmed by their "options" and tend to dehumanise everyone, hence the flaky behaviour, forceful come ons and all the rest of it.

However, as an adult you have the choice of either opting out altogether or setting some serious boundaries. People will treat you the way you let them treat you at the end of the day. You can decide what you want and stop accepting crumbs from fcuk boys because you like the buzz of it.

Singlegirl28 wrote: »

It’s true.
Entertain being the word because, if I’m honest, I enjoyed the attention...

You say this so flippantly, but it's probably the crux of your problem. You're going along for the ego boost and then getting surprised when you're meeting all these clowns that are playing the same game. Few swipes and matches, bit of texting, push for sexting, get the social media add and onto the next one.

How much do you like the attention? Enough to continue ignoring all these glaring red flags and meeting the same kind of eejit over and over? The apps can be a minefield, I don't use them myself anymore, but I don't recall ever heeding anyone who tried to get me to follow them on instagram or jumped into sexting straight away or asked me out and bailed. Act with integrity, set your boundaries and be direct about your needs. And stop using them for your own validation - it's a sad and empty game and just leads to more of the frustration you're feeling now.

I'd also recommend changing your profile preferences. I'll bet the farm you're going for the same type of guy every time. Jump up your age range, weed out any fella that's prolific on social media or immediately throwing out innuendos, look for less cocky more even keeled types, stop being led by looks if that's something you're doing.

ITman88

bitofabind wrote: »

weed out any fella that's prolific on social media or immediately throwing out innuendos.

This is good advice, any guys I know who are prolific on social media are only after one thing

bitofabind

ITman88 wrote: »

This is good advice, any guys I know who are prolific on social media are only after one thing

Yeah it's a serious turn-off. Any guy that's using his dating profile to accrue instagram follows and has a bunch of random tinder matches in his friends list...cringe. Not exactly a keeper.

LegacyUser

bitofabind wrote: »

Yeah it's a serious turn-off. Any guy that's using his dating profile to accrue instagram follows and has a bunch of random tinder matches in his friends list...cringe. Not exactly a keeper.

This gave me a much needed laugh! I thought since these fellas were in abundance looking for you on Instagram that I was out of touch and thought that was the norm? (especially since I hadn’t dated recently)
It is very cringe !! And even more cringe when they’re adding young ones 5 and 10 years younger than them who are barely finished the leaving!!

SozBbz

Singlegirl28 wrote: »

It’s true.
Entertain being the word because, if I’m honest, I enjoyed the attention...
But yeah, months ago before I used dating apps, I would of had high standards and knew what I would/ would not tolerate, wouldn’t suffer fools easily and I found looking back on the interaction with the last dope that I was more tolerant of down right pervy and stupid behaviour!
I also felt that the more lads I encountered that were like that - seeking hook ups/ sexts etc the more I felt like I was the odd one out and prudish? I know that’s ridiculous now and should slap myself but it’s true and I feel that I was manipulated to an extent..! I sound like a naive teenager but it did mess with my head and perspective on dating..
I dropped him and blocked him when he stood me up. He says “don’t overreact” after I hung around waiting and wondering in the cold. Luckily I didn’t wait too long because it was an hour later he decided to tell me he wasn’t coming! What a joker!
But it wasn’t just him. He’s just the most recent example.
The rest of them are the pits really. It’s a sad reflection...

Don't let clowns on the internet undermine what you know to be true. Trust your gut, you probably already know the right thing to do, you just need to get out of that attention seeking mentality and actually listen to your instincts.

As for the "overreaction" comment - pure gaslighting.
If the first real impression a man makes is to stand you up, wanting nothing futher to do with them is a perfectly reasonable and valid reaction. Its not like you'd some shared history that you were throwing away over one misstep. Ignore, block, delete - its the only language morons like that understand.

The second someone shows you who they really are, believe them and act accordingly.

Also maybe get a friend (who is honest to a fault) to review your profile - you mentioned before liking the attention so is it possible that you've set yourself up in such a way to maximise attention but its resulting from you getting the wrong attention only? Genuine, ordinary nice blokes might be put off if you're being an OTT version of yourself.

armaghlad

bitofabind wrote: »

Yeah it's a serious turn-off. Any guy that's using his dating profile to accrue instagram follows and has a bunch of random tinder matches in his friends list...cringe. Not exactly a keeper.

What about girls that do the same thing? In my experience it’s just an ego boost for girls (and guys) to increase their followers on insta.

LegacyUser

SozBbz wrote: »

Don't let clowns on the internet undermine what you know to be true. Trust your gut, you probably already know the right thing to do, you just need to get out of that attention seeking mentality and actually listen to your instincts.

As for the "overreaction" comment - pure gaslighting.
If the first real impression a man makes is to stand you up, wanting nothing futher to do with them is a perfectly reasonable and valid reaction. Its not like you'd some shared history that you were throwing away over one misstep. Ignore, block, delete - its the only language morons like that understand.

The second someone shows you who they really are, believe them and act accordingly.

Also maybe get a friend (who is honest to a fault) to review your profile - you mentioned before liking the attention so is it possible that you've set yourself up in such a way to maximise attention but its resulting from you getting the wrong attention only? Genuine, ordinary nice blokes might be put off if you're being an OTT version of yourself.

Agree with the gaslighting ! Definitely!!
I understand what you mean by the wrong attention comment.
But my pictures are very decent, not drunk party/suggestive/bikini pics. They’re decent photos by myself and with friends and I look good in them.. but I totally understand why you were wondering that ...
When I say I enjoyed the attention, I meant more in a “I’m flattered” kind of way.
I would of actually been under the impression that women and girls who have been over emphasising their sexuality/ over compensating and leaving little to the imagination online and IRL were winning or having more success at dating these days..

I dunno what’s right and wrong anymore. Shutting men down for bad behaviour got me nowhere. Being cool and fun got me nowhere... and that’s during the first stages of interactions.

Homelander

To be honest it sounds like you're playing a big role in it as well and it most definitely sounds like you're continously going for (or else inviting) a type. Get off the likes of Tinder if you have to. Use something like Plenty of Fish were people actually put effort into their profiles and it's easier to get a sense of who a person is. Don't be afraid to initiate conversation with someone who find interesting. My last relationship was actually through POF and she messaged me first, I wouldn't have messaged her in the first place to be honest, had assumed I wouldn't be her type.

Have a long think about a) how you're presenting yourself and b) what you're genuinely looking for in a partner. I can't speak for men in general but way, way too many women make their profile about weird projected versions of themselves, almost like they're afraid to be the real version of themselves.

There are loads of genuine men out there looking for a relationship. First dates don't always work out, good conversations don't always lead to dates either. But someone who is constantly encountering nothing but dickheads and can't get a date needs to really examine the problem from their end rather than blaming it entirely on the opposite end.

Porklife

I agree with all that has been said so far OP and just to add my two cents - anybody who stands anybody up is not anybody worth knowing. I've been around the dating block and have had many dick pics sent to me, many guys pushing for sex talk early on and many many awful dates but I was yet to be stood up until a few months ago. I just didn't think anybody would go to the effort of swapping numbers, arranging a time and a place only to not show up.

I was left sitting in a bar like a fool on a Saturday night and when I messaged him after 45 minutes waiting he said 'Was that tonight? As in this Saturday? I thought you meant next Saturday?'.... like f*ck you did pal... jog on!!

It hurt OP and I was really upset that night but looking back on it, it wasn't anything personal and he was nothing to cry over. You're just a topping on a pizza (to use the analogy bitofabind used) and he decided he wasn't hungry for you anymore. NEXT!!!!

Online dating requires thick skin, good judgement of character and low expectations, that is until you meet somebody who is worthy of coming into your little world. Try to stay positive. Keep on swiping but also try and expand your real life circle too. Say yes over the Christmas period to every invite out and chat to as many people as you can but most of all - don't let the b*stards drag you down!

Calypso Realm

Porklife wrote: »

I
I was left sitting in a bar like a fool on a Saturday night and when I messaged him after 45 minutes waiting he said 'Was that tonight? As in this Saturday? I thought you meant next Saturday?'.... like f*ck you did pal... jog on!!
!

Actually Porklife this may well have been a genuine misunderstanding on his part. I know, for example in UK this coming Saturday is referred to as 'this Saturday' and the following one as 'next Saturday', whereas in Ireland 'next' means this coming Saturday. Has caused a lot of confusion sometimes.

Also if he genuinely stood you up, he wouldn't have answered your call!

Porklife

Calypso Realm wrote: »

Actually Porklife this may well have been a genuine misunderstanding on his part. I know, for example in UK this coming Saturday is referred to as 'this Saturday' and the following one as 'next Saturday', whereas in Ireland 'next' means this coming Saturday. Has caused a lot of confusion sometimes.

Also if he genuinely stood you up, he wouldn't have answered your call!

I wish that was true Calypso but he 100% knew which day it was. We were talking the night before and our last message was see you tomorrow. He knew damn well. I didn't call him either, I sent him a whatsapp message saying these pints won't drink themselves, where are you? And got that bull**** reply. I replied saying give me a break, as if you didn't know and he blocked me!
These people unfortunately do exist but luckily so do lovely genuine people!

Calypso Realm

Porklife wrote: »

We were talking the night before and our last message was see you tomorrow. He knew damn well.

In that case, what an absolute ass to stand you up like that. Sorry about that. At the very least he could have called you beforehand. I really don't understand folk like that!

Porklife

Thanks Calypso.. it was the first and hopefully last time that happens to me. It really is an awful thing to do to someone.

I remember my old flatmate went to meet a girl in town and he was really looking forward to it. He got to the bar and no sign of her so after 20 minutes he messaged her to say hey, I'm down the back or whatever. She replied saying sorry for the delay, traffic is awful, be there soon! So he relaxed and thought ah ok, she could have told me but i'll let it slide. Another 20 minutes pass and still no sign. Long story short she kept up this charade for over an hour. Anytime he messaged saying nearby? She'd say... 10 minutes away! Unbelievable carry on. She let the poor guy sit in a pub believing she was minutes away and all the while she had no intention of ever showing up. He was really upset.

He blocked her but as I recall she got back in touch somehow a few weeks later apologising, saying she was just out of a long term thing and couldn't handle it yada yada yada.

There are some truly horrible people out there I tells ya!!

Homelander

That goes beyond bad form, that's actually verging on mentally ill territory. I've met loads of people and to be really honest they were all really normal people, no weird stuff, no no-shows, nothing really. Some good dates, some great, some less so, but like....everyone turned up at least. I can't begin to wrap my head around someone just not turning up after arranging something specific, let alone get into that whole "Yeah almost there" bit you've mentioned above, that is actually disturbing.

Calypso Realm

What you've written about your flatmate Porklike is truly incredible! Don't blame the poor guy for feeling upset. And the fact she made a comeback at a later point. Jeez.

What I can't understand is why on earth not just shoot off a text to say you can't make it, for whatever reason, instead of this ridiculous charade? Nowadays it's just so easy compared to years ago when they had to pick up the phone and actually speak to someone to cancel!

skallywag

Porklife wrote: »

Thanks Calypso.. it was the first and hopefully last time that happens to me.

Nothing worse that getting a fifty to be fair.

I had my first taste of the pain when I was 17, took me a while to recover from it!

Lily_Aldrin7

I can’t imagine going out with someone I met online ! I imagine the “date” to be like a job interview and I’d be nervous that we won’t have what to talk about or something. Don’t you go out with friends ? I think it’s so much better meeting someone in a bar or the library/work/gym than online. I’ve always met guys at school/college/work or through friends. I’m lucky I met my partner when I was young and didn’t want to meet anybody, it gets so hard when you want to!
Have you watched How I met your mother ?

Porklife

Lily_Aldrin7 wrote: »

I can’t imagine going out with someone I met online ! I imagine the “date” to be like a job interview and I’d be nervous that we won’t have what to talk about or something. Don’t you go out with friends ? I think it’s so much better meeting someone in a bar or the library/work/gym than online. I’ve always met guys at school/college/work or through friends. I’m lucky I met my partner when I was young and didn’t want to meet anybody, it gets so hard when you want to!
Have you watched How I met your mother ?

What a strange post. What relevance does how I met your mother have?
It's not that easy to meet someone you click you be it online or in real life. Online dating is just an additional avenue and it works for a lot of people. You have never done it so you really aren't in a position to comment on it tbh.

Porklife

skallywag wrote: »

Nothing worse that getting a fifty to be fair.

I had my first taste of the pain when I was 17, took me a while to recover from it!

Nothing worse that getting a fifty to be fair.

I have no idea what that means Skallywag!!

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Sorry haven’t been back..
I’m very confused with dating and what goes/what doesn’t.
I am looking for dates and see how I get on with someone and if all good, move forward. Simple. But it seems so complex now to even get a date.
I rejoined the apps and here we are again, plenty of matches, radio silence and feeling crap..
Do I stay on them or do I go?
The apps have only damaged my self confidence really. But at the same time, I don’t meet anyone in real life so I’m at a loss??

I don’t want to hit 30 and still be in the same position looking for a first date?!? I want to make some progress in my dating life..my end goal is a relationship but I just wanna meet someone and see if I like them to start off but can’t even do that??

Help !!

S.G.M.

Putting too much pressure on yourself and the situation. Apps should only ever be used as a bit of fun. A bit of fun as in having the flirty chats and maybe getting a date (I don't mean just for casual)
Apps can work but I think if you're on them really hoping you'll meet your perfect partner then you're only gonna be in for some hurt.
I'm 26 and in a similar position and was where you were about 2-3 years ago with regards online dating. I'm on tinder and POF but don't take them seriously.
My main aim is to get out and do things that I enjoy and want to do. I'm working hard to better myself in all aspects of my life this last year and if I meet my Mrs Right in the process then great, if not, then that's ok too.
You have to work on yourself first imo. If you're beating yourself up over not getting a date then I think that shows that you have to focus on yourself more OP.
Hope any of this helps.

woodchuck

Mod warning:

@Millionaire only not - PI/RI is not the place for attempts at humorous one liners. I'm deleting your most recent posts because they are completely irrelevant and off topic. Please read the charter and only post again if you have advice to offer the OP.

The chan chan man

Met my wife online years ago and baby no. 3 is due in 2 weeks. Its not all bad on there!

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

I think that the catchment area is massive these days.

With the dawn of dating apps, it is very likely that the person you have arranged a date with on a Tuesday may have found someone who they find more interesting or attractive by Thursday, hence you get canned in favour of them.

This is my fear when dating now. I’ve done a lot of self improvement in the last year, lost weight, look great, good job and good personality, never been married and no kids..
I’m not arrogant or a narcissist but I do believe I am somewhat decent and a catch.
But men my age and older are not interested and only seem to be interested in younger girls...
This has happened me a couple of times..

I don’t think it matters if you are a supermodel these days, men just keep swiping and swiping...


How is anyone meant to find someone and build a life with someone if men keep swiping, swiping and swiping... it’s hollow, shallow and dull.

I want more than the odd text and snapchat. I want to have fun and go on dates.


S.G.M talked about using the apps for fun. I’m not looking for a husband there but I would like to date someone, have fun and if it leads to a relationship, that’d be nice if we were a good match.
The trouble is, I’m not having fun? I’ve put my best foot forward each time, had chats that went nowhere, flirty chats that faded out, flirty chats that ended with requests for sexts and nudes, maybe 3 or 4 fellas I liked whom looked to organise a date, I agreed and they were either cancelled or I was stood up and they all disappeared afterwards..and as said, the other 90 odd matches - radio silence!
Maybe lads are having fun somewhere with nudes etc and they may be satisfied with that exchange but I’m not.

I mean, are 90 odd men between the ages of 27-37 all just happy with an ego boost and swipe?
In real life, their heads are in the phones so no luck there either?

What do men want exactly?
I just can’t get my head around any of it and don’t understand what game men are playing these days.

achmairt

Get a part-time job in a pub. Its like the university of life. It teaches you a lot about people. You can see who is putting on an act and who is genuine. You're in control of your own life and don't let anyone make you feel inadequate. Go girl !!!

wiggle16

Mod note:

As this thread has been inactive for a couple of weeks I am locking it.

Thanks & GRMA all who posted.