Cheating in-law

farmchoice

there have been a lot of very good points made on this thread, having read them all this is where i stand.
earlier on in the thread i was saying you probably should not tell her as you have no evidence except hearsay and it could be you who ends up as the bad guy.
i suppose when you think about it you cannot tell her her husband cheated because you have absolutely zero evidence that he did.what you have is a story someone else told you.

however what you can do is tell her what person X told you( and name this person no more cloak and daggers, if that person is prepared to go around telling people this man cheated he better be prepared to deal with the consequences of that, for a start he expects you to and secondly if he had told you he has told others).
say listen this is what X said to me i dont know if its true, he seemed sure you better speak to him because out from anything else if its not true he is scandalizing you and your husband around the town.


in this way your conscience is clear and the person who is making the allegations can then back them up.
if this person X has sworn you to secrecy and you cannot break his trust then the decision you have to make is do you believe the story enough to do the right thing and tell your sister and face the consequences for you with the story teller. this is a lot harder for you than just lobbing a hand grenade into your sisters life and then letting them deal with it.

zig

IMO Forget about evidence, people rarely have evidence for something like this to be honest. When people get caught in these situations its usually because someone said something. You're hardly going to have a set of secret photographs that have been buried for 10 years.

I would tell her, both for yourself and for your sister, you have deep knowledge about something that matters hugely to their relationship and I think its your responsibility as a sister to say something. Just pass on what you heard, and who told you. Everyone deserves truth in circumstances like this.

She may be suspecting something and is questioning herself, who knows, or she may not be at all, but she is your sister and she has a right to know.

If it wasnt direct family this would be more complicated because its less of your business, but she is family, this is your business.

Butterface

If it was my sister, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her what I'd heard and from whom.

I'm a twin so I absolutely wouldn't keep anything like that from her.

I would expect her to act in the same way.

Wouldn't it be better to hear it from your sibling, than a randomer a few years down the line?

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here again. Thanks again for all your replies. I have been reading them and mulling over what to do.

I'm still as confused as before though. I haven't seen my sister since I was told this news. I just don't know what I'm going to say to her and how to approach this if I do decide to tell her.

I can't even talk to anyone about it so feeling very alone in this situation

If you don't tell her what you know and she finds out later that you knew and didn't tell her she will hate you forever and understandably IMO. I'd agree to only tell her what you've been told rather than slam dunk certainty that "your husband is cheating."

There could be someone with a grudge spreading rumours.

Caranica

Given that it's 10 years ago is there a chance that she knows he cheated and they've worked through it? I would be concerned about the prostitute thing but my first port of call would be the brother in law rather than my sister