Co-worker keeps asking me for money

The Young Wan

I started my job in August. Every month since then, my co-worker (who sits in my office with me, and it's a two-person room) has asked me for some money.

Now, if this were "Can I borrow €2 for coffee" or so, I'd be fine with it. But it's significant amounts of money. Once she asked me to transfer her €350 as her rent needed to be paid **today** and she didn't have it in her account.

Just today, while she has been off sick with a while, I got a message from her:

"Hey OP, you bank with * name of institution * right?" (In a way to imply if I transferred her money, it would be there instantly.)

When I told her no, I wasn't going to give her anything as I have an expensive bill to pay already, "can't it wait until Monday for you to pay it?" I found that particularly rude and didn't respond.

She has also tried it with other co-workers, and has even asked a co-worker if she could use their car when hers was in the mechanics. However, it's now making me really uncomfortable to work with her. How can I (gently or otherwise) knock this on the head?

antimatterx

Tell her to **** off and report her to HR.

gwalk

Refuse

Block her on social media

enricoh

Does she pay you back? Keep asking her for money, she'll swiftly move on to another victim!

El_Duderino 09

The Young Wan wrote: »

I started my job in August. Every month since then, my co-worker (who sits in my office with me, and it's a two-person room) has asked me for some money.

Now, if this were "Can I borrow €2 for coffee" or so, I'd be fine with it. But it's significant amounts of money. Once she asked me to transfer her €350 as her rent needed to be paid **today** and she didn't have it in her account.

Just today, while she has been off sick with a while, I got a message from her:

"Hey OP, you bank with * name of institution * right?" (In a way to imply if I transferred her money, it would be there instantly.)

When I told her no, I wasn't going to give her anything as I have an expensive bill to pay already, "can't it wait until Monday for you to pay it?" I found that particularly rude and didn't respond.

She has also tried it with other co-workers, and has even asked a co-worker if she could use their car when hers was in the mechanics. However, it's now making me really uncomfortable to work with her. How can I (gently or otherwise) knock this on the head?

I’m not even going to ask if they paid you back because that’s not relevant. Just say no. Say it’s a terrible idea to load fiends or colleagues money. You did it once to help her out but if it’s a long term issue, tell her she should get a loan from the bank.

No need to be aggressive or snarky because it’s just the truth. That should be direct enough.

endacl

I presume you’ve never given her any?

lunamoon

OP I really hope you've never given her any. Nip this in the bud as soon as you can by flat out telling her no, that you've no extra income.

endacl

lunamoon wrote: »

OP I really hope you've never given her any. Nip this in the bud as soon as you can by flat out telling her no, that you've no extra income.

Wouldn’t bother with the explanation. Just the ‘no’.

Bigboldworld

She must have serious issues if she’s asking someone she’s not very close with for that kind of money, very odd, sounds like a chancer, don’t lend anything and don’t feel bad about it

shesty

Gosh, just no!!! That's it! No explanations needed. No I don't have the money to spare, sorry. End of.
Very,very odd that she is even asking. Don't pay, there is absolutely no reason for you to give her money.

P2C

Just tell them nicely you do not have that amount of money in your account and all your spare cash is currently accounted for and will be for the foreseeable future

Paddy Cow

This is one of the most bizarre things I've read on this forum. How can she think it's ok to be hitting people up for such large amounts of money? Tell her no, you can't and please stop asking. Don't let her guilt trip you. She is not your responsibility.

Damien360

Was there not a very recent thread of a female saying she is short of cash and asking about loan sharks ? If I remember correctly, she was asking a co-worker for rent money also.

Purple Mountain

The best advice I ever heard was 'Yes and no are full sentences.'
Therefore, don't offer explanation or apology.
Just no, if she asks you in person.
If she texts or emails, don't reply and block her number.

El_Duderino 09

I’ve got to imagine the person who’s asking would have absolutely no respect for the people who actually gives them money. Anyone with self respect will start by saying no.

Paddy Cow

Damien360 wrote: »

Was there not a very recent thread of a female saying she is short of cash and asking about loan sharks ? If I remember correctly, she was asking a co-worker for rent money also.

I only read the first page of that thread but my understanding of it was that the op got fecked over by her boyfriend and it was a one time thing. She came across as pretty reasonable as she didn't want to hit up her Dad and brother who had already helped her out and they inadvertently got screwed by the ex. She sounded like a reasonable person and I don't think there is any connection to this story.

Rubberchikken

Just say no.
People like your colleague, who would ask a virtual stranger for mone, are to be refused, and
ignored.

And dont feel any guilt. This person has no shame.

joeguevara

Money and people are really strange. I forgot my wallet today but had cash for lunch. I had 3 quid left over but bus home is 3 30. Maybe it's just me but no way was I going to ask anyone for 30c. Luckily I found change in my drawer

Your op is bizarre. How can anyone ask for that. At this stage you have to be firm and abrupt. Also stand firm on the little things like coffee. They are not your friend or family.

Diceicle

€350! That’s a lot of … audacity.
It sounds like you’ve been telling her no on a case-by-case basis. Try giving her a blanket no: “Jane, please stop asking me for money. I am never going to be able to lend you money, and it’s really uncomfortable having you ask every month.”
If she continues after that, let your boss know this is happening (and that it’s widespread). I’d want to know if I had an employee who was regularly hassling coworkers for money.

The Young Wan

Diceicle wrote: »

€350! That’s a lot of … audacity.
It sounds like you’ve been telling her no on a case-by-case basis. Try giving her a blanket no: “Jane, please stop asking me for money. I am never going to be able to lend you money, and it’s really uncomfortable having you ask every month.”
If she continues after that, let your boss know this is happening (and that it’s widespread). I’d want to know if I had an employee who was regularly hassling coworkers for money.

You directly copy-pasted this from Ask a Manager, didn't you.

SusanC10

Just tell her quite firmly that you don't lend money to people. Full stop. Tell her not to ask again.

Tbh, I find it quite bizarre that she is even asking. The only time I ever asked a colleague for money was when my handbag was stolen from the Pub where we were having a drink after work. I borrowed money to get home but that was it.

road_high

Surely this can't be a real problem? OP there's a very handy word you can use -"No"

lunamoon

endacl wrote: »

Wouldn’t bother with the explanation. Just the ‘no’.

Yeh you're right. A simple no should be enough.

Neyite

"No I can't I'm afraid. I'm broke myself this month"
Repeat as required.

Don't apologise because that infers that you are in the wrong -and you are not. Don't explain where you need to allocate your money because she will try to convince you that her 'need' is more urgent that yours. "I don't feel comfortable discussing my personal finances with anyone" is a polite and reasonable reply if she's trying to find out what you spend your money on. If you feel like saying it jokingly then "sheesh, Even a Guard wouldn't ask that kind of question!" is ok too. And a firm "please stop asking me for money. I've told you I do not have it, it's embarrassing for us both when you keep asking."

If pushed, suggest that maybe HR could sort out an advance on her salary with Payroll for her.

She's targeting you because you are new, and because she's tapped everyone else she can think of. I'd say HR are well aware of her antics already, but if she works in a role that handles any kind of money then I'd be inclined to have an informal chat with them and show them the texts you get because if she's that desperate for large sums like that then she could be easily tempted to dip into company money - and if two of you are in the same office doing the same role you could easily get implicated if there's discrepancies in company finances that you both handle.

ncmc

She sounds like she is mentally unbalanced. Who on earth would ask a work colleague for that kind of money ever! Never mind after a couple of months!


I wouldn't go down the road of saying you're broke etc as she'll keep asking month after month.


As a previous poster said, a firm no, saying you do not and will not every lend money to work colleagues and to stop asking or you will escalate it to management. Don't give excuses etc as she sounds like she will not take the hint. It sounds like she is creating an unpleasant work environment. I would be inclined to avoid her wherever possible and keep interaction to a minimum.

Grab All Association

joeguevara wrote: »

Money and people are really strange. I forgot my wallet today but had cash for lunch. I had 3 quid left over but bus home is 3 30. Maybe it's just me but no way was I going to ask anyone for 30c. Luckily I found change in my drawer

Your op is bizarre. How can anyone ask for that. At this stage you have to be firm and abrupt. Also stand firm on the little things like coffee. They are not your friend or family.

If you randomly came up and asked me for 30c on the street, 30c my assumption would be that you were short 30c for the parking meter or the bus. €2, €3 I’d assume you were going to spend it to buy alcohol or drugs. I think most people wouldn’t care about someone asking for 30c.

utyh2ikcq9z76b

Grab All Association wrote: »

If you randomly came up and asked me for 30c on the street, 30c my assumption would be that you were short 30c for the parking meter or the bus. €2, €3 I’d assume you were going to spend it to buy alcohol or drugs. I think most people wouldn’t care about someone asking for 30c.

If that where true then the drug addicts would have figured it out a long time ago and be asking for 30c

gwalk

Grab All Association wrote: »

If you randomly came up and asked me for 30c on the street, 30c my assumption would be that you were short 30c for the parking meter or the bus. €2, €3 I’d assume you were going to spend it to buy alcohol or drugs. I think most people wouldn’t care about someone asking for 30c.

Can you point me in the direction of where you get your drugs for €3 please

its eh for a friend

bitofabind

This is totally wtf behaviour. Does she think of you as a friend, OP? Not that it would make this OK, but I'm honestly struggling to understand how anyone without a mental impairment or emotional imbalance could consider this to be an appropriate thing to ask a colleague.

Is there a chance she's in some big trouble with money, has an addiction or something? I'd go the absolute NO route with her anyway and if she persists beyond that, straight to HR.

Diceicle

The Young Wan wrote: »

You directly copy-pasted this from Ask a Manager, didn't you.

Yes, yes I did. I was wondering would anyone notice. :pac:
Saw the post there when I was reading it this morning......

Mr. Incognito

She must have an addition problem.

I'd not leave my wallet or purse or anything valuable lying about either

I'd mention it to HR in case things have gone missing.

Batgurl

My take is a little different on this OP.

Is this person very young/naive/newly graduated/fresh to the professional world?

I’ve come across staff who have lived very sheltered lives, always relying on either the bank of mummy and daddy, and/or always had other people do everything for them.

They come out into the “real world” with no concept of what’s acceptable behaviour. I once had a naive member of my team call in sick for a week because they had been given an eviction notice on their apartment and they genuinely didn’t know how to cope or what to do.

She sounds like this person who is just so used to having everything handed to them on a plate. I think a brief conversation “no I will not lend you money and that is not an acceptable request to make to colleagues in a working environment. Please do not do it again.”

Grab All Association

gwalk wrote: »

Can you point me in the direction of where you get your drugs for €3 please

its eh for a friend

They don’t just beg one person. They’ll do it throughout the day and depending on how many people feel sorry for them, in Dublin they can earn €20-30 within a hour on foot

joeguevara

Grab All Association wrote: »

If you randomly came up and asked me for 30c on the street, 30c my assumption would be that you were short 30c for the parking meter or the bus. €2, €3 I’d assume you were going to spend it to buy alcohol or drugs. I think most people wouldn’t care about someone asking for 30c.

I meant that I would feel bad asking anyone even colleagues for a tiny amount. The fact that someone would ask for 350 beggars belief.

Ursus Horribilis

Not asking someone you know for 30c sounds crazy to my ears. It is such a miniscule amount of money, to think that there's shame in asking someone for it beggars belief. Would you really have walked home or only taken a partial bus journey rather than ask a colleague for 30c? If that happened in my office, not only would you be given 30c but you'd be asked if it was enough to get you home? And you'd be called an eejit for even considering trying to get home without the full fare

Owing money sometimes happens in my office and nobody bats an eyelid. Someone might be nipping out to the supermarket to get a few things and asks does anybody want anything? (This would be small items of food usually) If they don't happen to have the money on them at the time because of it being a spur of the moment thing, or they only have a large bank note, it gets settled up later on. It doesn't mean anything other than someone didn't have €2 in their wallet at the time. I once bailed out a colleague who had forgotten his wallet and gave him money to buy his lunch. He had the money for me the next day. No biggie at all. These are the sorts of normal interactions that happen in a workplace where people trust each other and behave like adults.

Back to the OP, I can only agree with the others. Say a firm no to this woman. If it was me, I'd say I don't loan money to people (I don't). As you can see, there are differing opinions on what to say to her. The main thing here is to be firm and consistent with your refusal.

mfceiling

Little move that we did on a lad a few years back.
He constantly was asking every day for a euro here or 2 euros for something else.

The lads just fought fire with fire. 20 minutes before break one lad would ask him for a fiver. A minute later someone would ask him for a euro. 5 minutes later he would be asked for 2 euro. At least 6 or 7 lads would ask him for a lend every day.
This went on for a month...Just basically annoying him before he got to anyone else. He got the message fairly lively.

dellas1979

The Young Wan wrote: »

When I told her no, I wasn't going to give her anything as I have an expensive bill to pay already, "can't it wait until Monday for you to pay it?" I found that particularly rude and didn't respond.

That gave me a great laugh - thanks very much OP and inconsiderate lady.

Id just start laughing at her at this stage and shame her instead in a "are you for real/do you hear yourself-no ahahaha" way.

I once had a colleague come up to me and ask me if I was going to the canteen. I said no (I was sitting at my desk). She said, "would you go down for me anyways? I want a chocolate bar and am too lazy to walk down"

Same lady, we were at a house party one night in another colleagues house. And she demanded I go up stairs into my colleagues bedroom to get her a pair of socks as her feet were cold.

I.swear.to.God

wiggle16

Mod note:

Posters are reminded to keep posts on topic and address replies to the OP.

StinkyMunkey

Op your colleague is a compulsive spender who will always borrow, max her card, have loans on the go constantly, always be behind in rent, lives hand to mouth etc etc etc.....

She is self absorbed and cannot fathom that you or anyone else have bills to pay or may need the money you have for something.

Do yourself a huge favour and never loan this person another cent, if you do it will encourage her to ask you constantly.

The simplest and easiest way to stop this is a simple "no I don't have it", after a couple of times she will not see you as a target for borrowing.

Your wasting your breath trying to explain it to her any other way - being so self absorbed she won't be able to comprehend you simple are not an ATM For her to use.

I've plenty of experience dealing with this type of person, the path of least resistance is a simple "no I don't have it".

Panthro

OP fair dues you know her behaviour is completely out of order.
As everyone else has said, do not give her money. Do not engage. She's a fraud.

Hold the chin up high, you've recognised a complete fraud, let her go an Shyte.