Alcohol ruining my life.

Priestess101

Overitforgood wrote: »

Going anon for this.

I have to stop drinking. It starting to destroy my life.
It’s affecting my personal relationships with friends, my romantic relationships (I lost a guy whom I really cared about recently due to the control alcohol has over me), my work, my health, basically it’s ruining everything.

I have tried to stop but I can’t.

My living and working situ doesn’t help. I live on my own and work from home,

I have gone to an addiction councillor 9 months ago who was very good but expensive. He told me to stop drinking for 2 weeks and if I couldn’t I needed to check into rehab. I can’t afford a rehab course.

I am going to speak to my doctor (again) about it and ask for medication.

Has anyone here been in similar situ or have any advice re. Quitting,
Anyone been to AA?

Thanks

I was struggling with serious addiction issues where it landed me in ICU fighting for my life. Between numerous hospitalisations over the past two years thankfully I went to St Pats rehab and I haven’t drank or taken drugs since bar a few slips. Literally walk into your GP and get them to make a referral to st pats for ? low mood, alcohol abuse, thoughts of suicide ? (I don’t know your history) etc. They do have a waiting list but once you get in they have a wonderful dual diagnosis programme where they detox you first (6 weeks minimum) and teach you how to manage your underlying mental health issues that was probably the reason addiction became such a coping mechanism in your life. You just need to stay sober, the recovery process is slow but everything else will fall in place.

Abstinence won’t happen if you don’t have the support of your community, counsellors, family & friends, doctors, psychiatrists etc. You are not alone you just need to ask for help.

Overitforgood

tara73 wrote: »

see, a general doctor can only do as much as you listed above. your last sentence tells you're giving away your own responsibility for this drinking mess to the rubbish doctors.

as said, they can assist with the things you described above but it's your own willpower which will bring you out of this, this and nothing else, no mediaction, no shrink, not even a specialised one. They can only assist. If your willpower isn't there, none of this will help.

what about AA? sorry if I overlooked it but I didn't read you tried them. I heard they're quiet good, they must be as there are the people with the same problem as you.

Yes you are totally right.
I thought about that point when I was typing it out in my original post. But another downside to this addiction for me is I have become very self-centred and blame everyone for everything other than myself. It's a bad trait in me which I have to stop.

I really do feel this time I have to do it. I don't want to be the horrible person booze turns me into anymore.

AA I am not sure about. I'm not in anyway religious and I have heard there's a part in that or at least 'a higher being' which you have to acknowledge.. I really don't know.

I am looking at rehab options now. I think I would feel easier with that than AA.

Cheers

Porklife

Overitforgood wrote: »

Porklife wrote: »

Doctors are very reluctant to give Xanax as it's so addictive but also they worry you'll mix it with alcohol which to be fair you probably would!
I remember begging my doctor for some and her saying you're not exactly the safest bet to not get addicted to them...heh....kinda funny sat there pleading for them before I'd even been given them, I was already acting like I needed them!
That said, they are a godsend and I hope your doctor gives them to you. I imagine they'd give them to you if you were in a treatment center. Just highlight to your doc that you are acutely aware of how addictive they are and you would never mix them with alcohol.
Fair play to you for starting this thread Op. It's a good step, you're on the right path, unfortunately it's a long road. You will conquer this though if you truly want to and I hope you do x

A doc has given me Xanax before for anxiety and I've taken valium over the years on and off.

Actually when I went to my doc 6 months ago about this, she did give me Librium for a week, I continued drinking though. I took the tablets on occasions but not many. During the second week I took one in the morning for anxiety around 12pm. I sort of forgot about it after taking it. That night I went to a gig in the Olympia of a band I have wanted to see all my life. I was looking forward to it for months. I rallied about 5 of my mates up. I started drinking in the house at 5, had downed a bottle of white almost in an hour. Was half twisted by the time I got into town. Proceeded to drink all night.

I have never felt so drunk in my life. I was picking arguments with bouncers, giving out to other people at the gig. I had no iota how messy drunk I was. Ironically an ex was at the gig. I was speaking to him later in the week and he said "Yeah I did see you at the gig, but you were at the bar having a mad argument with some fella, so I didn't want to go up and say hello"

I have utterly zero memory of that said "argument at the bar".

I was mortified. As I hadn't seen him in over a year and I left him because he was verbally abusive to me. The shame I felt when he told me.

I felt incredibly bad and remorseful for a fair few days after that. I couldn't work out how I was SO pissed. It was, I imagine the mixing of the booze with the Lithium. Never again would I do that.

I've been looking into rehab today, my health insurance I think will cover it. I'll speak to my doc on Monday.

Thanks again

Aw darling that story makes me so sad and I can rival it with a million similar stories of my own. I've wound up in some of the most insane and dangerous situations that it's lucky I'm even here today.
Rehab will save your life. You're a brave lady and I wish you every success. You come across as really sweet and lovely. That angry lunatic at the bar isn't the real you. Think of it this way, some people are dickheads like that sober. I bet you're not, it's the demon drink so don't beat yourself up x

Overitforgood

Priestess101 wrote: »

I was struggling with serious addiction issues where it landed me in ICU fighting for my life. Between numerous hospitalisations over the past two years thankfully I went to St Pats rehab and I haven’t drank or taken drugs since bar a few slips. Literally walk into your GP and get them to make a referral to st pats for ? low mood, alcohol abuse, thoughts of suicide ? (I don’t know your history) etc. They do have a waiting list but once you get in they have a wonderful dual diagnosis programme where they detox you first (6 weeks minimum) and teach you how to manage your underlying mental health issues that was probably the reason addiction became such a coping mechanism in your life. You just need to stay sober, the recovery process is slow but everything else will fall in place.

Abstinence won’t happen if you don’t have the support of your community, counsellors, family & friends, doctors, psychiatrists etc. You are not alone you just need to ask for help.

Thanks for that.

Can I ask re. St Pats. do you actually stay there as an inpatient? If so, generally for how long?
I deffo need somewhere with the duel diagnosis approach. I have a fair few issues I need to address which I know contribute the drinking and a lot of unhappiness in my life.

Overitforgood

Porklife wrote: »

Aw darling that story makes me so sad and I can rival it with a million similar stories of my own. I've wound up in some of the most insane and dangerous situations that it's lucky I'm even here today.
Rehab will save your life. You're a brave lady and I wish you every success. You come across as really sweet and lovely. That angry lunatic at the bar isn't the real you. Think of it this way, some people are dickheads like that sober. I bet you're not, it's the demon drink so don't beat yourself up x

Ah thanks. In fairness I am a Jeckyl and Hyde when it comes to booze. It turns me so different from my normal personality that it is verging on Schizophrenic. I was always the happy drunk, dancing around all night at parties. Now booze just turns me into an angry, argument picking, insult hurling weapon. I wouldn't dream of saying half the things I text mates if I was sober.

Booze is really f*cking sick what it does to some people.

Wesser

Its not the doctors fault if you choose to continue to drink.

It's not likely that ALL of the doctors you have seen are crap. this kind of staement makes me think more likely you are shirking self responsibility.

naltrexone is not liscenced for alcohol detox. benzos are a short term.measure and should not be mixed with alcohol. they are addictive and should not be presribed to anyone at risk of addiction.

i wouldnt be marching anywhere or demanding anything. sounds like drunk talk to me. I would advice you to join aa where you will get the help you need. A counsellor may be able to help you . best of luck.

Overitforgood

Wesser wrote: »

Its not the doctors fault if you choose to continue to drink.

It's not likely that ALL of the doctors you have seen are crap. this kind of staement makes me think more likely you are shirking self responsibility.

naltrexone is not liscenced for alcohol detox. benzos are a short term.measure and should not be mixed with alcohol. they are addictive and should not be presribed to anyone at risk of addiction.

i wouldnt be marching anywhere or demanding anything. sounds like drunk talk to me. I would advice you to join aa where you will get the help you need. A counsellor may be able to help you . best of luck.

Did you read my reply 5 or so posts up?

tara73 wrote: »

see, a general doctor can only do as much as you listed above. your last sentence tells you're giving away your own responsibility for this drinking mess to the rubbish doctors.

as said, they can assist with the things you described above but it's your own willpower which will bring you out of this, this and nothing else, no mediaction, no shrink, not even a specialised one. They can only assist. If your willpower isn't there, none of this will help.

what about AA? sorry if I overlooked it but I didn't read you tried them. I heard they're quiet good, they must be as there are the people with the same problem as you.

Yes you are totally right.
I thought about that point when I was typing it out in my original post. But another downside to this addiction for me is I have become very self-centred and blame everyone for everything other than myself. It's a bad trait in me which I have to stop.

I really do feel this time I have to do it. I don't want to be the horrible person booze turns me into anymore.

AA I am not sure about. I'm not in anyway religious and I have heard there's a part in that or at least 'a higher being' which you have to acknowledge.. I really don't know.

I am looking at rehab options now. I think I would feel easier with that than AA.

Cheers

Overitforgood

Wesser wrote: »

sounds like drunk talk to me.

That's a really nasty comment. Thanks for that.

Porklife

Overitforgood wrote: »

Wesser wrote: »

sounds like drunk talk to me.

That's a really nasty comment. Thanks for that.

Don't let that comment affect you, that poster is most likely someone who doesn't understand the nature of addiction.
Regarding At. Pats....they do a brilliant six week drying out stint but I've no idea what it costs.. worth looking into though. Depending on your doctor's referral, you either stay in or are a day patient. You can always leave though..I know all this from first hand experience. Beds can be hard to get though so may be a few weeks/months.
You need an immediate plan though darling..

Overitforgood

Porklife wrote: »

Don't let that comment affect you, that poster is most likely someone who doesn't understand the nature of addiction.
Regarding At. Pats....they do a brilliant six week drying out stint but I've no idea what it costs.. worth looking into though. Depending on your doctor's referral, you either stay in or are a day patient. You can always leave though..I know all this from first hand experience. Beds can be hard to get though so may be a few weeks/months.
You need an immediate plan though darling..

Yes, docs appointment on Mon and have been checking out treatment.
BTW I sent you a message, when you have time, if you could have a look, would be appreciated. Cheers

antodeco

Overitforgood wrote: »

I agree 100% too. Everything here is drink related, I don't know anyone here in Dublin who doesn't drink at all. Every fella I have met drinks like a fish as does my family and friends.

Absolutely. I rarely drink, as I actually despise the grip it puts on people. It changes people. People expect it. I was always called a weirdo, odd, boring, because I didn't drink. The irishness if requiring to be off your face on alcohol is horrendous. Thing is, the cocaine influx into the country is about to overtake people's "drinking" habits.

Xraymond

OP , give aa a try. Whether you go to rehab or not find a few meetings that are on at your trigger times.
Personally I preferred going to a town I wasn't known in but that's me.
Get to see how meetings work because they aren't all about sharing and big personal talks. You can go , you can speak or stay silent.
Nobody will ask you any personal stuff and if someone does, just say you're only there to listen.
You won't insult anyone.
I found great personal satisfaction in going simply because I realised that I , myself, was fighting back and living MY life. It is hard but the main tenant of AA is one step at a time ( I think)
It's not a case of going to AA and never drinking again , it more going and not drinking TODAY. Then tomorrow you do it all again , one day / hour at a time.
And step by step.
Boredom and low self worth are my triggers to drink. I dont sink pints in a pub but cans at home in my splendid isolation.
The great thing about AA is if I feel I'm sinking into that place I can jump in my car ( because I'm sober), take a bus , taxi , Luas ,camel to a meeting somewhere and get through THAT day.
Tomorrow I'll do the whole thing again if I need to or because I'm in a better place I wont need to.
But I know it's always there if I need.
Goodluck op remember one step at a time.

Overitforgood

Xraymond wrote: »

OP , give aa a try. Whether you go to rehab or not find a few meetings that are on at your trigger times.
Personally I preferred going to a town I wasn't known in but that's me.
Get to see how meetings work because they aren't all about sharing and big personal talks. You can go , you can speak or stay silent.
Nobody will ask you any personal stuff and if someone does, just say you're only there to listen.
You won't insult anyone.
I found great personal satisfaction in going simply because I realised that I , myself, was fighting back and living MY life. It is hard but the main tenant of AA is one step at a time ( I think)
It's not a case of going to AA and never drinking again , it more going and not drinking TODAY. Then tomorrow you do it all again , one day / hour at a time.
And step by step.
Boredom and low self worth are my triggers to drink. I dont sink pints in a pub but cans at home in my splendid isolation.
The great thing about AA is if I feel I'm sinking into that place I can jump in my car ( because I'm sober), take a bus , taxi , Luas ,camel to a meeting somewhere and get through THAT day.
Tomorrow I'll do the whole thing again if I need to or because I'm in a better place I wont need to.
But I know it's always there if I need.
Goodluck op remember one step at a time.

Thanks so much for your considered reply. Greatly appreciated. I am amazed at how supportive people can be when it comes to this subject as there are so many people affected by alcohol here. It's very lovely to receive such non-judgemental support.

A family member kicked the booze 20 years ago, and fags on the same day, never touched either since. He has mentioned in the past that he would come to an AA meeting with me to support me. I brushed it off at the time as I didn't think I needed it. I'll do whatever I can now and am going to give him a call.

Your post has helped me think that f*ck it, maybe it's worth a shot. What have a got to lose but I think I would need him to come with me. So I'll take him up on his kind offer.

Me too re. "Boredom and low self worth are my triggers to drink" I am exactly the same. And loneliness and my current living/working situ.

Thanks again.

Xraymond

Its worth a shot. Bring company. It really is the most non- judgemental place. You'll be amazed, not by AA , but by yourself.

Porklife

Great

Xraymond wrote: »

OP , give aa a try. Whether you go to rehab or not find a few meetings that are on at your trigger times.
Personally I preferred going to a town I wasn't known in but that's me.
Get to see how meetings work because they aren't all about sharing and big personal talks. You can go , you can speak or stay silent.
Nobody will ask you any personal stuff and if someone does, just say you're only there to listen.
You won't insult anyone.
I found great personal satisfaction in going simply because I realised that I , myself, was fighting back and living MY life. It is hard but the main tenant of AA is one step at a time ( I think)
It's not a case of going to AA and never drinking again , it more going and not drinking TODAY. Then tomorrow you do it all again , one day / hour at a time.
And step by step.
Boredom and low self worth are my triggers to drink. I dont sink pints in a pub but cans at home in my splendid isolation.
The great thing about AA is if I feel I'm sinking into that place I can jump in my car ( because I'm sober), take a bus , taxi , Luas ,camel to a meeting somewhere and get through THAT day.
Tomorrow I'll do the whole thing again if I need to or because I'm in a better place I wont need to.
But I know it's always there if I need.
Goodluck op remember one step at a time.

Great post and couldn't agree more:)

whiskeyman

Try and surround yourself with positive people who will support you.
This country and so many of us have problems with alcohol. I've pretty much given up myself.
You can do this.
You will do this.
Best of luck!

cj maxx

OP I caught the very end of an interview of Richard Sadlier ( irish soccer player ) on the last word. Today fm on Friday I think.
About his alcoholism and how he's stopped and how he stays stopped.
Might be worth listening back to it .

Overitforgood

Cheers thanks for that, I'll try and find it.

Strike that. Found it. Listening now.

Edited to say it's great. Everything he is saying I can totally relate to. Thanks again.

Xraymond

Overitforgood , how are you doing?

Fingers Mcginty

Great Thread, I have had my own problems with alcohol and have actually escaped one time for 3 months but the problem is remembering the reasons why you gave it up in the first place.
I've seen whole families destroyed by alcohol.
It's one of the worst drugs out there but you're seen as some sort of weirdo in this country if you don't dabble.
Time for me to hit the reset button again myself.
Best of luck OP...I have to say when I'm off the booze for a while my life is so much better in every way.

Ralphyroo

Wesser wrote: »

Its not the doctors fault if you choose to continue to drink.

It's not likely that ALL of the doctors you have seen are crap. this kind of staement makes me think more likely you are shirking self responsibility.

naltrexone is not liscenced for alcohol detox. benzos are a short term.measure and should not be mixed with alcohol. they are addictive and should not be presribed to anyone at risk of addiction.

i wouldnt be marching anywhere or demanding anything. sounds like drunk talk to me. I would advice you to join aa where you will get the help you need. A counsellor may be able to help you . best of luck.

Of course it's not the doctors fault but a good doctor who understands addiction can make a world of difference.
My husband had quite a severe alcohol dependency and saw one GP who was extremely judgemental and made him feel terrible about himself. He then went to another GP and he was so supportive, getting him to come in regularly and praising how well he was doing. A short term course of librium can really help take the edge off for the first while, plus stopping drinking suddenly when you're a heavy drinker is very dangerous so its important to get medical help.
He was also referred to a brilliant alcohol counselor which really helped. A friend of mine was referred to a different counselor who she felt judged by and unfortunately is still drinking, at best she's a functional alcoholic and its greatly affecting her relationships.
Of course will power is the biggest thing but take it one hour at a time, avoid pubs and don't have drink in the house, surround yourself with support and find something to fill the time when you would have been drinking.
You can do this OP and it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. My husband is a new man, he was never a nasty drunk but he could do nothing when he was drinking or hungover. Now he looks great, feels great, is sleeping and eating properly, and although he still gets the odd craving the benefits of not drinking are enough to remind him why he stopped. Our lives have never been better and it will be the same for you.
Wishing you all the luck OP you can take your life back and be happy x

Porklife

Ralphyroo wrote: »

Of course it's not the doctors fault but a good doctor who understands addiction can make a world of difference.
My husband had quite a severe alcohol dependency and saw one GP who was extremely judgemental and made him feel terrible about himself. He then went to another GP and he was so supportive, getting him to come in regularly and praising how well he was doing. A short term course of librium can really help take the edge off for the first while, plus stopping drinking suddenly when you're a heavy drinker is very dangerous so its important to get medical help.
He was also referred to a brilliant alcohol counselor which really helped. A friend of mine was referred to a different counselor who she felt judged by and unfortunately is still drinking, at best she's a functional alcoholic and its greatly affecting her relationships.
Of course will power is the biggest thing but take it one hour at a time, avoid pubs and don't have drink in the house, surround yourself with support and find something to fill the time when you would have been drinking.
You can do this OP and it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. My husband is a new man, he was never a nasty drunk but he could do nothing when he was drinking or hungover. Now he looks great, feels great, is sleeping and eating properly, and although he still gets the odd craving the benefits of not drinking are enough to remind him why he stopped. Our lives have never been better and it will be the same for you.
Wishing you all the luck OP you can take your life back and be happy x

Another excellent well informed and constructive post. In the early stages of withdrawal it’s dangerous to stop cold turkey. The mental anguish on top of the physical side effects can be crippling.
Xanax, Librium, Valium or any similar drugs can be just what the doctor ordered during the first few days/weeks of withdrawal depending on the severity. They can be the helping hand you need to get off
The alcohol merry go round and to start to feel level again and strong enough to continue with will power and determination alone. They help you sleep too and that can do wonders. When you’re going through
Withdrawal it’s very common to have insomnia, night terrors, sweats, shakes etc. and it can be unbearable. These drugs can alleviate all of those issues so are of great benefit at the start.

OP, really hope you had your appointment yesterday and are feeling better today. Thinking of you.

Mr. Incognito

Hello there

First of all congratulations on admitting you have a problem.

I would advise AA. I've been in a fellowship for about a year or so. I was reluctant, like you. I went twice in 2 years and finally had to admit to myself I had a problem and started going regularly.

AA is not religious. You have to admit that there is a power greater than yourself that can guide you to sanity. That can be the fellowship, a dead relative, an abstract. I was and pretty much still am an athiest. I sincerley believe all organised religions are scams.

Rehab is not some other programme of hugs. It is the AA programme but with Counselling and Psychotherapy. You can pay 10K for it in rehab in an intensive course or you can go to an AA meeting for free every day. And for the first 30 days I would advise going every day.

I cannot give you any advice and pm is forbidden in personal issues but I would strongly advise you to go to AA. It has worked for millions and millions of people and you are no exception.

cj maxx

There are also AA meetings online in english https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://alcoholics-anonymous.eu/online-meetings/&ved=2ahUKEwjAqdWLyJ7lAhWhQxUIHRLQA1gQFjAAegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw3CxSGTidbRlsSA8UK5XX6D can join with Skype

cj maxx

You have to copy and paste that link and I don't know if the times suit but yet another option
And don't worry about the 'higher power' thing . It's in no way religious or a cult. everyone there has hit rock bottom.

SnrInfant

Hi

I am going through the same thing as you at the minute. I hit rock bottom 3 months ago when my husband came home from work early and I was pissed on the couch after drinking gin, not my finest moment.
I have been thinking for ages about how much I needed to give up, it was affecting everything. My working life, my social life - I was racing to get home form work so I could get a bottle of wine into me before the hubby got in. Then spending the night trying to avoid him in case he smelt it off me.
He finally gave me a much needed ultimatum and I've been off it ever since. But I have to admit, if I lived on my own like you, I would be on it day and night.
I've tried AA and have found it helpful. Listening to everyone else's stories have really opened my eyes.
Every day is a struggle, it's a lonely feeling.
I relapsed a couple of weeks ago after being on a beautiful family holiday. There was people drinking wine everywhere so I snapped and had loads of secret drinks.
Today is my first day back off it.
I really wish we had our own forum, especially for women dealing with alcoholism.
I wish you well on your journey, you are totally not alone xx

Porklife

SnrInfant wrote: »

Hi

I am going through the same thing as you at the minute. I hit rock bottom 3 months ago when my husband came home from work early and I was pissed on the couch after drinking gin, not my finest moment.
I have been thinking for ages about how much I needed to give up, it was affecting everything. My working life, my social life - I was racing to get home form work so I could get a bottle of wine into me before the hubby got in. Then spending the night trying to avoid him in case he smelt it off me.
He finally gave me a much needed ultimatum and I've been off it ever since. But I have to admit, if I lived on my own like you, I would be on it day and night.
I've tried AA and have found it helpful. Listening to everyone else's stories have really opened my eyes.
Every day is a struggle, it's a lonely feeling.
I relapsed a couple of weeks ago after being on a beautiful family holiday. There was people drinking wine everywhere so I snapped and had loads of secret drinks.
Today is my first day back off it.
I really wish we had our own forum, especially for women dealing with alcoholism.
I wish you well on your journey, you are totally not alone xx

It makes me so sad reading that, just the idea and image of a woman obliterating herself and hiding it from her husband. It’s such an isolating feeling and that’s the insidious nature of alcohol.
It acts like your buddy and makes you feel warm and fuzzy but it’s fool’s gold and the wily b*stard will sneak up on you and suffocate you and make you lose all that you hold dear.
That little voice in your head telling you to pick up the bottle is the devil on your shoulder. Why oh why do we listen to him when we know he hates us and deep down we hate him 
Stay strong Snrinfant, it’s a very difficult place to be. Have you tried to get help before? Is your husband supportive? I’m sure he’s well aware of your ‘secret’ drinking btw. It’s pretty hard to hide
the effects of a bottle of wine no matter how high your tolerance is. The smell would be a give away that no amount of mouthwash can wash away!

SnrInfant

SnrInfant wrote: »

Hi

I am going through the same thing as you at the minute. I hit rock bottom 3 months ago when my husband came home from work early and I was pissed on the couch after drinking gin, not my finest moment.
I have been thinking for ages about how much I needed to give up, it was affecting everything. My working life, my social life - I was racing to get home form work so I could get a bottle of wine into me before the hubby got in. Then spending the night trying to avoid him in case he smelt it off me.
He finally gave me a much needed ultimatum and I've been off it ever since. But I have to admit, if I lived on my own like you, I would be on it day and night.
I've tried AA and have found it helpful. Listening to everyone else's stories have really opened my eyes.
Every day is a struggle, it's a lonely feeling.
I relapsed a couple of weeks ago after being on a beautiful family holiday. There was people drinking wine everywhere so I snapped and had loads of secret drinks.
Today is my first day back off it.
I really wish we had our own forum, especially for women dealing with alcoholism.
I wish you well on your journey, you are totally not alone xx

Hey..we all have a few slips trying to get sober..be thankful it only lasted a couple of weeks..they can last years..Holidays, especially early on are hard too..Hit a few meetings..take care of yourself..good luck..

SnrInfant

Hi, thank you for your reply. It is an awful, horrible demon taunting me all the time.
I was doing well up to the holiday, I was seeing an addiction counselor and I was happy.
I’ve underlying depression and that’s flared up again which isn’t helping my situation.
My husband is so supportive, if he wasn’t around I don’t think I could do it.

Xraymond

The hidden drinking thing is what I do.The wife gets home and I'm having a (1) beer . That's why she can smell beer.
What I don't let on is I've already sank 4 and got rid of the evidence. So I've sank 4 , another 4 to drink openly and another 4 hidden in the car probably. I might leave 2 full ones on the counter for days just to show I don't drink everything in sight.
I do the shopping. Groceries are paid for by card.
Sneaky drink is paid by cash and no club cards. No paper trail
I quit last week for 3 days. I spent half the time looking for AA meetings and the other half thinking when I could safely drink . When not drinking I lay awake at night . Sleeping for an hour then waking up to see the time in the horrors. As soon as it was 7o'clock I was up , getting breakfasts ready. I busy myself during the day doing stuff till the kids finish school.
And then I don't even want a drink till homework / supper and bedtime stories were done.
Then when all was done,and I was all alone sitting there bored, all I could think of doing was to have a beer.
Iinsidious is the perfect word for this.
I'm a man not a woman but
I'm glad I found this thread