Wife doesn't want another child

AulWan

easpalinbh wrote: »

At the end of the day I'll obviously go with what she wants.

There was never any question that she would be acquiescing herself to his wishes.

From his very first post, the OP said he would be acquiescing himself to hers.

pwurple

AulWan wrote: »

There was never any question that she would be acquiescing herself to his wishes.

From his very first post, the OP said he would be acquiescing himself to hers.

Have you some point to make to the OP, or are you just wanting to pick a fight?

AulWan

No I made my point.

There was never any expectation from the OP that his wife acquiesce to his wishes over hers.

Lex Luthor

up for anything wrote: »

Do you really have any idea of how tough it is on a woman's body to be pregnant and deliver a baby both before and afterwards and she's already done it twice and you don't say how long ago? It's not as easy to lose weight after forty as it was before and if she's had caesarians then she has the c-section pouch unless she got a lot of time to get out every day and exercise it away. Does she breastfeed? Then there can be the very unappealing chicken skin breast flaps empty of tissue. How's her pelvic floor? Does she leak when she sneezes or moves suddenly? Those kids that nearly broke you... are they still breaking her? Interestingly you haven't said what ages they are. Is she juggling a job as well as raising the kids or is she a stay at home mother who may be feeling unappreciated and isolated? Is there any chance of you taking a year or two off work and staying home full time while she works? What if you have a special needs child who needs 24/7 care on top of the two you already have? What if she miscarries? What if she dies from pregnancy or childbirth/post partum complications?

Perimenopause and menopause will be along for her shortly - some perimenopause symptoms amongst others are irregular periods*, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, sleep disturbances, and mood swings. *Many women I know have periods that they describe as bleeding like a stuck pig along with the cramps which apparently feel like someone trying to turn their uterus inside out from within and which are termed irregular because they are constant - weeks on end of that. Stack lack of sleep from two sources on top of that and that the fact that she is probably still sleep deprived with the first two and life isn't really going to be worth living for her.

It's a huge amount to ask of her and I can see why she might be avoiding a discussion as you may be very persuasive or pushy and she could feel that she would end up agreeing to keep the peace and would then have to follow through. It's so much easier to say no, I've made up my mind and not discuss it.

A third child makes things way more unmanageable than having the second one did...both in terms of daily care and other logistics. The second one is always so much easier than the first in spite of there being two of them now but the third is harder. I think most people who have had more than two will agree with that. Four is not as hard as three.

Are you able to make a bit of space in your lives and take some proper time out to discuss it? Although to me it's a bit like discussing an abortion. The final decision really rests with one person which can make the other person very unhappy.

I think this is one of the most sensible replies on this topic. I was chatting with my wife about this and she said jokingly "maybe she doesn't want a 3rd child because she already has 3....!!!"

Joking aside, from my perspective we had a similar conversation about 10yrs ago when she was 38 and boys were 8 & 5.
Do we don't we?

In the end we didn't and I don't feel like I am missing out at all

Another thing to consider is your wife is 41
There's a chance she may not get pregnant immediately and it could take months, then she's maybe 42 and then probably 43 having the baby

Try putting yourself in her shoes and I'm sure you have already, and think what she is thinking

61 with an 18yr old and then 65/66 when/if they go to college and leave and start out on their life and maybe not even left the home yet

AT that point you should be thinking for yourself, enjoying those years and be able to financially plan for retirement
My lads now are 18 & 16 and feel like I would be constantly wrecked if we had an 9yr old aswell
Its all good when you are in your late 30's, early 40's but after 45 we both felt, "yes the body is now not as young as it used to feel"

CBCTer

A third child could throw a spammer in your relationship. I had my third child at 44 much wanted from both of us however pregnancy was hard at this age, the tiredness was unreal, I took 18 months off after the birth, went back to work full time and my marriage deteriored from there as I was doing everything at home in addition to a full time job, if the kids were sick I was the one having to take days off, I was the one bringing the older two to activities as it was easier than hearing my husband complained, with a young child and no family to help, we couldn’t go out together often, we started leaving separate life, I got depressed, I couldn’t cope anymore, he found me boring, unattractive and he left. I was and I still devastated by the breakup the only good things coming out of it is that he has a better relationship with the kids, he is spending more time with them.