Sibling Robbing money from father

corklily05

Hi,

I just want to try and get some insight into this. My mother passed away a few years ago, the relationship between my father and mother was very old school, mother handled all the money, ran the house etc..

My dad inherited the money (life insurance) from my mothers death, but even with my dad still working, the amount in his bank account has stagnated for the past 6 years and i've been a bit suspicious over the last few weeks. I admit i should've looked into this a long time ago but he kept on fobbing me off. I eventually had enough and looked into his finances.

Just to let you know, my dad does not drive and is not a big spender. To my amazement while my dad is at work, my dad's ATM card is being used every week in the local petrol station and the local supermarket and also i suspect his ATM card being used for cash back while paying for groceries.

There also has been random unexplained usage of my dad's ATM card in ATM machines where he would never be. My dad is a very trusting person and always left his ATM card where my sibling could get access to it easily. I locked the card and requested a new PIN for the card last week.

I'm going to get bank statements for the past few years and get as much proof as possible, also going to setup internet banking so i can keep an eye on things without my siblings knowledge. I only had access to bank statements for 1 year and 15,000 has been spent in that time, i can only imagine the total amount. My own investigation will continue..

I apologise for long thread, i guess i'm looking for advise here on what else i could do without tearing the family apart? Has anybody else been through this?
I only have 1 sibling and they live close to my dad, i live in another county.

hawley

I don't think that there's any need to continue the investigation; it's obvious that your sibling is stealing from your father. I think that you need to bring all the evidence to your father and put measures in place so that the sibling can no longer thieve from him. It will be obvious to your sibling that ye know about the theft if there is no longer any easy access to your father's debit card. I would avoid saying anything to your sibling, it would only inflame the situation and would cause a major split in the family. Like it or not, your father might need that close relationship.

AidoEirE

I would confront both at the sane time, get all together and ask whats going on.
Youve gone to get a new card so the sibling will know something is up and presumeably your father will when you give him the new pin.

Confront the sibling with your father and see what the story is.
No point beating around the bush when all parties will know something is up.
Attack it head on.

To be fair, only you know the relationship between father/sibling/yourself so my advice might be a bit full on.
Id rather the full on approach than the gently gently stuff, as it might happen again.

Ursus Horribilis

Why do you need to continue your investigation? You seem to have enough proof as it is. Is it because you're dreading having to bring what you know to your father?

I presume he knows you've been looking at his bank statements? If so, just show them to him and say you've noticed all the transactions taking place. Even though you're understandably concerned about what is going on, this isn't your battle to fight. I find it very hard to believe that your father hasn't checked his bank balance or looked at a statement in all this time. He might know this is going on and is turning a blind eye to it.

corklily05

Thanks for replies so far.
I just want to clear a few thing up. My father is well aware that i'm after requesting a new PIN as i bought him to the bank when i did it. My father is also not at all savvy with technology and my sibling exploited this to the full extent. I never mentioned that my sibling also put a holiday on the card, flights/hotels etc..

There is a certain amount of turning a blind eye to it. My father is a frail man who has never liked confrontation of any description. He's been through a good bit of hardship these last few years including an attempt on his life since my mother died.He has also struggled with alcohol.

I feel my father will bury his head in the sand and i know the amount is in the tens of thousands.

A few questions:

Has anybody been through something similar?

Is it worth going to the guards?

Shouldn't my sibling legal or otherwise be made pay back every single cent of what he stole?

368100

So was your father aware that they were taking money from the account?
If so, there mightnt be a legal avenue unless you went down the path of your dad being of diminished capacity. He would need to be prepared to fully press charges against your sibling, by the sounds of it he may not do that.

What sort of person is your sibling? Do you think they have any conscience of what they've done? Do they think they're entitled to it in some way? Or are they just a bit of a scumbag?

I've had a similar situation with my younger sister, unfortunately she was the latter.

corklily05

Not so much that he was aware, he had full trust in my sibling to handle his finances. He did get suspicious a few weeks back when my sibling started to encourage him to start using his card more and to hols on to his cash. But, as i said, he was trusting and never thought that this would happen.

My sibling plays all the angles and makes decisions on whats in it for him. I have suspicions that he's a heavy gambler and is fond of the drink aswell. They put on a charm when he needs to so very few people know whats they're really like. Conscience? As my dad said, he feels they're some sort of carer for him so they feel a sense of entitlement to this money.

I want to make it clear that there was never a time where my dad gave consent for my sibling to use his card and NEVER thought my sibling would steal from him. To say my father is in shock is an understatement and is very cut up over the whole thing. Its killing me to see him like this

368100

What would be the reaction if you confronted your sibling? Sounds like you have plenty of proof.

If that doesn't go well then your next port of call is the guards, but again, they'll need your dad to press charges for anything to be done.

It should be reported to the bank too, theres a chance they might refund some of it as fraud. But you'll need the crime reference number for the guards to get them to take it on.

corklily05

Total Denial if i was to confront him, they'll be like "what would i be doing with the card". they made some other moves before like buying a paper shredder to shred all the bank documents. It all makes so much sense now. I live away so don't see as much of whats going on. I know its my dad that will have to go the legal route but i just don't think he has the bottle for it

Other than the denial they'll say "i'm the one that's always around" so there'll definitely be a sense on entitlement.

sabat

What does your dad do for money? Is it a case of them being tasked with his shopping etc and helping themselves to top-ups? €300 a week isn't huge if it includes your dad's outgoings.

Ursus Horribilis

I think you need legal advice. I don't mean to attack you here but you are drip feeding us information. It's very hard to give advice when the story changes with every update. There is no "nice" way to deal with this problem and it probably is going to cause a huge rift in the family. If you're intent on pursuing this, then random strangers on boards probably aren't the best people to advise.

corklily05

Hi Sabat,

My dad works for the council, he's closing in on retirement but working full time. My sibling is stealing his wages. My dad does not task my sibling with getting his food shopping, he does his own. 1 year alone my sibling stole 15,000 off my dad, add that up over 6 years which i will get proof off is 90,000 which is a lot of money.

Can you please edit your post to they, as i don't want to give away gender of sibling. I've gone back and corrected my part. 300 a week dosen't include my fathers outgoings, and thats just a normal week. When my sibling put hols on the card they were stealing over 1000 in a week.

The amount hardly matters sabat? The fact that this is a weekly occurance and tens of thousands have been stolen does matter

corklily05

@ ursus horbillis my intention is not to change anything. I dont think i'm drip feeding you the info. Longand short of it is, my sibling is robbing money off my father and my father is very upset over it. I'm wondering about the best way to get the money back that has been stolen from my father (if possible). Or whether or not to persue legal action?

There's no way somebody should get way with this

sabat

Sorry I was just trying to clarify whether it was entitled occasional pilfering or wholesale theft (which it is.) I think you should print off all of the statements for all the years and show them to your father so he can see the full extent of it in black and white. After that it's up to him what he wants to do vis-a-vis the law but in any case make sure your sibling never sees the (new) card or has any dealings with his finances ever again. I'd also run your father's details through the credit bureau to see if any loans have been applied for and to inform the bank to put a note on the account about what's happened.

corklily05

Thanks sabat, very helpful

qwerty13

Are you really sure that your parent and sibling don’t gave some sort of arrangement/agreement going on?

You said that your sibling lives near, and you live in another county. Is there any chance that your sibling does stuff for you father that you’re just not aware of? I kinda doubt it - but it’s worth considering, before accusations of stealing

corklily05

@ qwerty13, sibling does nothing! I dont really understand where you're going with the question. My sibling does not have the right to use my fathers ATM card without consent and rob him blind.

I have spoken to my father about this and he cant believe its happened. Please read back on previous posts.

Even if he does do stuff, he still has no right. He's a thief full stop

qwerty13

I have read previous posts.

My question is very simple: it is whether there are arrangements / understandings with your sibling that you are unaware of.

This can sometimes happen, where a parent makes an unofficial arrangement with the nearest child. I don’t think my question was exactly an alien one. I understand that it’s an emotional issue for you, but all logical angles need to be fully considered before you accuse your sibling of criminal activity

corklily05

NO!! Absolutely NOT!!

qwerty13

Ok. I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m merely suggesting that you explore all avenues before you accuse your sibling of criminal activity

corklily05

I know and i understand why you asked. I've asked my father have you ever given any sort of verbal consent for my sibling to use the card or anything like it and he said no way!! I believe him.

Also, its the underhanded way of going about their business, my sibling knows my father does not have internet banking and never pays any attention to bank statements. All the stealing is done while my dad is at work. The card is put back is the same place so my father is none the wiser.

I didn't mean to come across as abrupt, i understand you're trying to help

ScottCapper

What a snake. Hope your father gets the money back

qwerty13

You did come across as quite abrupt.

But I totally understand that that you are so upset over how your sibling has treated your parent. I just wanted to bring the point up re whether you were really sure that there wasn’t some sort of weird understanding going on.

So now that that point is out of the way, you parent has been too trusting. But future financial transactions are now secured. What does your parent feel about past financial transactions?

qwerty13

Personally, I couldn’t cope with the sibling who did this - but it is actually up to your parent.

corklily05

Apologies again, my father is a frail man who has a history of burying his head in the sand. As he said himself "you hear about this all the time on the radio and you never think it'll come to your own front door". He's very disappointed in my sibling and i reckon he hasn't processed this at all yet.

This has all happened in the past week or so, and is fully complying with what i'm doing so far. Getting a new PIN etc.. Thing is now is trying to keep my sibling from manipulating the PIN out of him. Also, trying to prove it will be tough as even though my sibling is a theif, you'd stiil have to go to the guards and get a court order for CCTV footage of him carrying out the act to prove anything.

This would mean family torn apart, as i live in another county my dad in later years might be dependent on my sibling. This might mean i would have to give up my life and move home, which will take some planning as i own a home in the county i live in.

I also think my dad dosen't have the bottle to pursue this. I'm very torn!

hawley

I think that you need to look at it from the angle of "How am I going to prevent this happening in the future?". It doesn't seem like your father would want to take a case against his child. Is there any relation who you trust, that you could involve in this? I would be worried that your sibling might start bullying your father. Your sibling sounds quite aggressive, so it would be useful if your father had someone he could call on. How about getting your father to keep a log of every financial transaction he makes in future. Maybe you could set up a second bank account and if you had access to the online codes, your father could ring you and ask you to transfer e100 in the second account as he needs to withdraw money. Cut up the card linked to the main account, but that account can still be used for direct debits etc.

qwerty13

No apologies necessary. I understand better where you’re coming from now - and how upset you and your parent must be.

In my opinion, the most important things to do is what you are already doing: reassuring your Dad, and preventing this from happening in the future. I don’t know how to convince him not to hand over his card / PIN number, but it is imperative that he doesn’t. No ‘loans’, no temporary money, no sob stories. I don’t know what his overall financial situation is like, but could he start telling sibling how worried he is re his finances in his old age? - not ideal, but I gather he’s unlikely to meet this situation head-on.

I’m afraid I think it’s unlikely that he’ll ever recover the money from your sibling. And that it is best to write that off if he can afford to do so

qwerty13

That is an excellent idea from Hawley re a 2nd account, with only enough for your Dad’s day to day living expenses in it. A card/PIN for this account - and the account with the bulk of the money outside of horrible sibling’s access.

qwerty13

And not to scare you, but if your Dad is an old school gentleman, you might need to keep an eye on whether he is being pressured/guilted into signing property over to horrible sibling. Your Dad may need this asset in the future to fund his own care as he gets older.

OUTDOORLASS

I would also suggest you talk to your Dad about getting Enduring Power of Attorney.
If anything happens to your Dad in the future, it would ensure that only the best
decision is made for your Dad. If your Dad ever became non Compos Mentis it would
ensure your sibling would not have control of your Dads money/assets.

LegacyUser

Could you set up a Revolut account and card for him linked to his bank card but with the app on your phone. That way you can hold onto his card and top up as required and any spending on it will send an instant notification to the app on your phone?

woodchuck

It sounds like your father knows what's going on and presumably doesn't want to take any legal action? So the focus should probably be on damage control from this point onwards to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Changing the PIN is a good move, but obviously the onus will be on your father to protect the card and PIN. You said that the card is being used while he's at work - can you tell him to make sure to bring the card with him to work? It's strange that he doesn't do this already. Also stress to him the importance of keeping his PIN to himself. That he should dispose of the letter containing the PIN asap (ideally at work instead of home - sounds like your sibling is the type who would go through the bins to get it!).

Dial Hard

Tell your dad to stop leaving the bank card at home during the day. That's the obvious solution to preventing any further theft. What you do about the historic stuff is another matter.

hawley

Dial Hard wrote: »

Tell your dad to stop leaving the bank card at home during the day. That's the obvious solution to preventing any further theft. What you do about the historic stuff is another matter.

The OP is worried about their father revealing the pin to the sibling even now, so obviously the sibling has a fair degree of control over him. We need to remove the possibility of this happening, so it would be easier if there was two cards or some other method of transferring money when the father needs it. It's difficult to get to the crux of the matter because we don't know what type of person the sibling is. Does s/he have a job or is sibling unemployed and looking for cash to gamble and drink? How aggressive is the sibling and is the OP worried about potential elder abuse? It must be serious enough if the OP is considering moving home because of the current situation.

corklily05

corklily05 wrote: »

Apologies again, my father is a frail man who has a history of burying his head in the sand. As he said himself "you hear about this all the time on the radio and you never think it'll come to your own front door". He's very disappointed in my sibling and i reckon he hasn't processed this at all yet.

This has all happened in the past week or so, and is fully complying with what i'm doing so far. Getting a new PIN etc.. Thing is now is trying to keep my sibling from manipulating the PIN out of him. Also, trying to prove it will be tough as even though my sibling is a theif, you'd stiil have to go to the guards and get a court order for CCTV footage of him carrying out the act to prove anything.

This would mean family torn apart, as i live in another county my dad in later years might be dependent on my sibling. This might mean i would have to give up my life and move home, which will take some planning as i own a home in the county i live in.

I also think my dad dosen't have the bottle to pursue this. I'm very torn!

The holiday was a mistake by your sibling on this front, buying petrol etc is hard to tie down but a holiday will have to be booked with specific details etc and likely will even be pictures on Facebook etc showing them there.

hawley

Naomi Greasy Potassium wrote: »

The holiday was a mistake by your sibling on this front, buying petrol etc is hard to tie down but a holiday will have to be booked with specific details etc and likely will even be pictures on Facebook etc showing them there.

I'm not sure that it makes much difference. They know that the sibling is stealing money from the account and it doesn't seem like the OP's father wishes to take a criminal action against the offender.

Gerianam

corklily05 wrote: »

NO!! Absolutely NOT!!

How did your sibling get your dad's PIN ?

wiggle16

Hi OP

I know you're afraid of there being a family rift but in all fairness the rift has already happened.

This is probably the worst thing that a son or daughter can do to a parent, your father must be heartbroken. They cannot be trusted to look out for or look after your father while you are living abroad. If you cannot move home, do you have a trustworthy relative who could look out for him? (Obviously without access to his bank account).

As others have said, make arrangements for the sibling not to have any sort of access to your father's money first of all.
It will be up to your father at the end of the day if he wants to go to the guards. But I would be confronting the sibling myself even if your father doesn't. The rift has already happened.

seamus

As others have said, forward damage control is probably the most prudent course of action here. Trying to recoup the money is decision for your father, and if he's not likely to chase it, there's little you can do.

I would let it be known to your sibling that you know what they've done and you're keeping an eye on things. That'll likely make them think twice about trying to coerce the PIN out of your father again.

"He's old school" and "he's set in his ways" are lame excuses for your father's situation to be honest. If his house kept getting robbed because he left the key under the mat, you wouldn't accept, "Ah sure I'm too old to change me ways now" as a reason to keep doing it. You'd tell him to cop on.

He's a man in his sixties. He's still working, so he's far from "frail". He's not a 5 year old, or an 80 year old in residential care. He needs a dose of cop on tbh, to manage his own affairs. By all means help him out, but if he keeps allowing this to happen to him, you're going to need to tell him to grow up and step away. It's not your responsibility to "mind" him, when he's a grown man in full control of his faculties.

Step back for a second and think about why this is suddenly your problem instead of your father's.

Gerianam

Are you sure your Dad is not telling YOU what you want to hear? Seems very strange that a man who is still working would not have a better grasp of what is happening to his money ?

Markcheese

I'm not sure what the relationship is with other siblings (if any), but if possible make sure everyone is on side, because the spending sibling is going to spin this...
And if they're taking up to 300 a week, plus holidays, they're going to need money to continue that lifestyle, almost anything is possible, so be prepared...

hawley

seamus wrote: »

As others have said, forward damage control is probably the most prudent course of action here. Trying to recoup the money is decision for your father, and if he's not likely to chase it, there's little you can do.

I would let it be known to your sibling that you know what they've done and you're keeping an eye on things. That'll likely make them think twice about trying to coerce the PIN out of your father again.

"He's old school" and "he's set in his ways" are lame excuses for your father's situation to be honest. If his house kept getting robbed because he left the key under the mat, you wouldn't accept, "Ah sure I'm too old to change me ways now" as a reason to keep doing it. You'd tell him to cop on.

He's a man in his sixties. He's still working, so he's far from "frail". He's not a 5 year old, or an 80 year old in residential care. He needs a dose of cop on tbh, to manage his own affairs. By all means help him out, but if he keeps allowing this to happen to him, you're going to need to tell him to grow up and step away. It's not your responsibility to "mind" him, when he's a grown man in full control of his faculties.

Step back for a second and think about why this is suddenly your problem instead of your father's.

The OP's father seems to be in a vulnerable place. He lost his wife and seems to be struggling with other problems. He is obviously not a fool and am sure that he noticed the money going from his account, but he can't deal with the problem by himself. It comes across that he feels intimidated by the sibling, but that he also is partially reliant on her/him. The OP has only started trying to deal with this problem, it's not like it's been known about for years.

cannotlogin

OP, I understand this is a very emotive issue but I think there's a number of parts to it.

1. Prevent it from ever happening again.
You seem to have done most of this already - (a) get a new card (existing details may be known to sibling and can be used online (b) get a new PIN (c) make sure your father cards the card with him all the time (d) if he needs your sibling to pick him up anything, let him give him cash only - therefore pocketing the change is the only risk.

2. Plan for the future
Maybe suggest your father speak to a solicitor 're a power of attorney which nominates you to look after this affairs if he ever gets sick, vulnerable etc. He may also wish to look at his will etc.

3. The Betrayal & Trust
This one is for your father to decide. Talk to him about what he wants/needs from this and let him decide how to address it, if at all.

4. Recovery of Funds
I'm not sure how the Bank will view it given your father disclosed his PIN to your sibling. If he hadn't, then your sibling couldn't have taken the funds unfortunately. Legal advice may say, there's a case for pursuing your brother but I doubt the Bank will.

5. Your own relationship with your sibling
This one is for you to decide - the others above are your father's choice

Be careful about letting your own outrage influence your father's decisions. He still has to be able to make his own decisions. He is working and clearly not incapable. He has already been subject of undue influence from your brother, it would be a shame for the relationship between you and your father become strained too.

splinter65

Please read this leaflet OP

https://www.ageaction.ie/sites/default/files/29253-age_action_a5_leaflet_web.pdf

and contact Age Action to get proper advice on how to move forward with this issue as it’s quite a minefield and you don’t want to risk making things worse then they actually are.

Purple Mountain

OP, I am pretty sure if your dad left his pin lying around or disclosed it to other person, the bank would be very reluctant to treat as fraud.
AFAIK your dad would definitely need a Gardai report to forge ahead with any kind of claim.
But obviously the bank would verify all this.
I'm just telling you, I wouldn't be too hopeful about money recovery.
Please also get your dad to never leave the card unattended as its very easy to use online without the pin number.
You should have him change the pin for online banking as well as the card pin too.
I hate to say it, but he possibly had a feeling this was happening by the way you describe the dynamics.

corklily05

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Opening a 2nd account seems to be the way to go and i'm going to look into it.

There's a few thing i would like to clear up.

@ seamus, hawley hit the nail on the head. My father is frail, has struggled with mental health issues and made an attempt on his own life a few years back. He's also a very nervous man and stand 5ft 5inches tall. My siblin is 6ft 2inches tall and can be very intimidating towards him. They're clearly very manipulative and has a lot of control over my father.

My sibling does work for the public sector and i feel that a lot of the spending from my sibling is as a result of an ongoing gambling problem that he would never admit to.

They made up this bulls**t last week about training for some job that they could do during a career break, the reality is that i reckon they were at the galway races.

@ markcheese I have no other siblings, and all of my cousins seem to be of a mouthpiece and i would deem them untrustworthy. I will try and get my father to change his will which has been recommended to me and hit my sibling where it hurts.

I have actually told my father to leave the card back where my sibling would get to it, and when they go to use it, it'll be locked. My sibling won't be able to help themselves and will begin to ask roundabout questions about the PIN on the card. Good or bad idea?

@ gerianam My dad is most certainly NOT telling me what i want to hear, also when my mother died my father didn't know how to use an ATM card, yes really!! So. my brother took it upon himself to teach him! Therefore, he got the PIN. It galls me as i write this

@ wiggie16, i'm aware that the rift has already happened but my sibling is always playing the angles and thinks he's smarter than everyone else. He clearly underestimates me as a sibling to even think about doing what i'm doing. Very fond of the drink also so i'm afraid as we all know money tears apart familes, this could get violent

@Nathalie Greasy Horsefly thanks for the tip about the holiday, brother does not have fb, nor do i

@woodchuck my father just dosen't have it in him to take legal action, he's a peaceful man who'd never harm a fly and cannot believe this has happened.

wiggle16

corklily05 wrote: »

@ markcheese I have no other siblings, and all of my cousins seem to be of a mouthpiece and i would deem them untrustworthy. I will try and get my father to change his will which has been recommended to me and hit my sibling where it hurts.

I would recommend against doing this, for a couple of reasons. The first is that trying to interfere in his affairs may backfire: he's just found out he's been betrayed and taken advantage of in a horrible way by one of his kids. His trust is likely shot and he might suspicious of you too if you try to interfere in his will. You'd mean well but it may not come across that way. It's your father's will and it's up to him who gets what after he's gone.
The other is that you'll only be provoking your sibling, who you say is imposing and can intimidate your father.

Personally I think this little scrote deserves to be disinherited, but you need to leave that to your father. Other than making sure that his documentation (will, titles to any assets etc) is someplace safe that your sibling can't get to it, I would not interfere in his will.

You've described your father as very trusting and peaceful - you could end up putting pressure on him to do things he doesn't want to, without meaning to.

I have actually told my father to leave the card back where my sibling would get to it, and when they go to use it, it'll be locked. My sibling won't be able to help themselves and will begin to ask roundabout questions about the PIN on the card. Good or bad idea?

While I'd get great satisfaction from this, I don't know what it would achieve that confronting them wouldn't. You already know they've been stealing from your father. Your father knows. And your sibling knows they've been stealing all this time. So you won't learn anything from it and it will only put your father in the difficult position of waiting for your sibling to come to him.
Basically I wouldn't go playing games. You know they've been stealing, and have stolen a lot of money. Whether they find out you know because you confront them or because the card no longer works, the result is the same. You have more control over things if you confront them because it doesn't give them a chance to come up with a BS response.

@ wiggie16, i'm aware that the rift has already happened but my sibling is always playing the angles and thinks he's smarter than everyone else. He clearly underestimates me as a sibling to even think about doing what i'm doing. Very fond of the drink also so i'm afraid as we all know money tears apart familes, this could get violent

I think one way or another your sibling is going to find out pretty soon that the game is up, I think you'd be best off to put them wide to the fact that you both know what's going on and that you've put a stop to it and that any further attempts to take advantage of your father will end up involving the Gardaí.

Dial Hard

I think you can drop the "my sibling" thing at this stage. You've referred to him as "he" several times and I doubt anyone thinks you have a 6' 2" sister. It's one less thing to be trying to think about when you're posting.

Anyway, it seems bananas to me that your dad is as helpless as you're making out - only in his early 60s and didn't know how to use an ATM card til last year? Is there more going on here than meets the eye? Is there a possibility he has an undiagnosed learning disability or early-onset Alzheimer's or similar? I'm not trying to give medical advice or anything of the sort, I'm just finding it really difficult to reconcile your description of him with the fact that he's still relatively young and working full-time. Was he always like this?

Also, your brother; what's his situation? You've mentioned his job but is he married? In a relationship? Kids? Friends? I'm just wondering is there *anyone* else who you can scope this out with/bounce some thoughts off?

corklily05

@ dial hard,point taken, i swear to you, its only in the past 2/3 years he can use an ATM, he was never really bothered when my mother was alive. He has struggled with alcohol and mental health problems for the past few years and it has put him in a vunerable situation. I would agree he may have an undiagnosed learning problem, alzheimer's definitely not.

Why are people finding it hard to believe that my dad is easily intimidated and he's frail? He is, end of story and it's because of this my brother took advantage, he's a scumbag through and through.

My brother has a house, girlfriend and child on the way. He changed careers a few years and took a big pay cut, probably on half of what he used to earn. But, still wanted to live the life he had before and resorted to this so he could keep that lifestyle up.

He also hit my father for 5,000 loan (which he hasn't paid back a single cent of) to buy a 161 audi high spec import a few months back. The audacity of him!!

@wiggie16, i see what you're saying about will, the card etc.. maybe its for the best

LegacyUser

corklily05 wrote: »

@wiggie16, i see what you're saying about will, the card etc.. maybe its for the best

Do not get him to change the will, it's only asking for trouble if and when your father dies, he could easily get legal he could say your father was mentally unwell and contest the will would end up costing a fortune and taking years.

Open a credit union account for your Dad and put some money there and open a saving acc in a bank too keep the minimum in his current account.


No harm talking to a solicitor abut what has happened and getting power of attorney for your dad now while he's all here my parents did it. We've seen others leave it to long and by the time the person needs it it's to late.

heretochat

I would tread very carefully here too OP.

Of most importance, do not under any circumstances get your father to change his will to your benefit. If he is as old and frail and open to manipulation as you suggest, do you really want to leave yourself open to accusations of having manipulated him for your own benefit?

I would also tread carefully when dealing with his banking affairs and money matters generally. Again your sibling could in due course accuse you of taking money, hiding money etc.

When a parent dies (which I have experience of), there is always a dominant "child" who takes over, who "looks after" the surviving parent's house, money etc.

There are innumerable cases before the courts regarding wills and allocations of wealth, with accusations being thrown around about dishonest dealing.

My advice is to leave all such matters in the hands of a trusted family solicitor, while keeping a weather eye on things.

Just don't fall into the situation of your sibling throwing the same accusations at you as you are at him.