How can I encourage my toddler to stay in his bed?

chases0102

Hi all,

Would love a bit of advice.

My son (2 years, 3 months) has graduated to his own bed in the last couple of weeks - he was climbing out of his cot so we felt this was the best course of action.

Got him a bed, but unfortunately now he just has free reign, and is loving his new found freedom. Bedtime has become very long, a bit of a battle and quite strained for myself and my wife! When he was in the cot, night time was (mostly) good - he'd sleep through the night, with the odd middle of the night wake up.

Does anyone have any tips/experience in trying to settle him?

Also....when eventually he does go to sleep in his bed, he wakes at about 1/2 am and makes his way into our bed. Which is not ideal either!!

Have you tried putting him in a sleeping bag? I know people who use them as they are somewhat restrained inside them and it’s much more difficult for them to get up or get out of them.

shesty

You have to keep bringing him back to it (sorry).
I have read that they only really get the concept of "staying" somewhere at about 2.5 but look, they have to move eventually.
A groclock or some similar thing like a timed nightlight could help, but you will have to enforce it.
He's small and it's a novelty, so it is a phase that will probably pass eventually, if you keep returning him to the bed.

Limpy

He will grow out of it. Some. Take longer. When a child is ready to sleep they will sleep anywhere so its probably related to his sleep pattern rather then the bed.

If he comes in for a cuddle then enjoy it as he will grow up soon and you will never get to do that again.

scarepanda

Op we had the exact same thing with our girl when she went into her bed. It's a head wreck for sure when your used to an easy bedtime.

All I'll say is routine routine routine. Make sure both of ye are on the same page and take turns when the other is getting to their limit - show a United front!

We did the supernanny thing of first time up she got a cuddle and kiss and tucked in and told it was bedtime. Second time up she was just told it was bedtime. After that she got put up to her bed and left to it. Sometimes she went down quickly, sometimes she'd have the mother of all tantrums. We didn't worry about blankets being on her or what position she was in till she was asleep. Same for the midnight visits, although my girl got up between 4&5. My husband's a heavy sleeper so that job usually fell to me. You just need to stick to the game plan unfortunately. Eventually they will get the idea.

For us at least, a sack wouldn't have been suitable. It wouldn't have kept her in bed and she used to climb over the guard rail when she wanted to get in or out.

beertons

Is he getting up too early or not staying down at night?

chases0102

Hi all,

Thanks a lot for the replies - much appreciated.

Think he's a bit too old for a sleeping bag - he was in one up until about Christmas time.

I agree Shesty - probably just have to keep bringing him back! Tantrums at 2am will undoubtedly follow, but as someone else said, just persevere, and be on the same page as your partner - maybe split the nights? - and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, he'll settle?!?! This is what I am telling myself.....

I bought a Groclock last Friday....hasn't made a difference to be honest.

Scarepanda - sounds very similar to us alright. Any other tips/strategies?!?! Did ye survive it all?!?! Even though this is a new-ish pattern, it seems like we are a long way from solving it....we now both dread bedtime!

Beertons - he is not going to sleep until about 22:00/22:30, despite starting the bed time routine at 19:00!!! And then he wakes at about 1/2 am, into our bed then (complete with horrendous sleep for me and my wife...he flails and sleeps perpendicular to us - elbows, legs and heads flying) and we all wake at 7 am. So I am also worried he's operating on a complete deficit of sleep for a 27 month old.

Again folks, really appreciate the responses.

fits

It is just a phase but its a complete pain in the ass until it sorts itself out. You could lie with them while they go to sleep and go in and lie beside them if they wake in the middle of the night. Ours (twins, 2.5) don't really come into our bed at all and we have a superking. One of mine will lie for a while and then go for a wander around upstairs before coming back into the bed and settling down. Its just his way of settling himself. With the other, there's not a hope until he's properly sleepy.

7 is very early for bedtime by the way! Does he still nap during the day?

Hope you get sorted soon.

chases0102

fits wrote: »

It is just a phase but its a complete pain in the ass until it sorts itself out. You could lie with them while they go to sleep and go in and lie beside them if they wake in the middle of the night. Ours (twins, 2.5) don't really come into our bed at all and we have a superking. One of mine will lie for a while and then go for a wander around upstairs before coming back into the bed and settling down. Its just his way of settling himself. With the other, there's not a hope until he's properly sleepy.

7 is very early for bedtime by the way! Does he still nap during the day?

Hope you get sorted soon.

He does nap alright, about 1 - 1.5 hours before/after lunch.

fits

One of mine has dropped his nap. He was up until 11 some evenings on the days he had naps. He might still have one the odd day but we never let him go on more than an hour. He is up at 7.30 ish, Bed around 8. The other boy is up at 6, naps 1-1.5 hours in the morning and goes to sleep at 9.

shesty

He is enjoying the bedtime novelty, just persevere with him for a few weeks.Make sure your cut-off time for the nap is to wake before 3pm...earlier if possible, give him a good long run into bedtime.

I think 7pm is a good bedtime myself for that age, it is bedtime in our house-not necessarily driven by us, the kids are so exhausted they are ready to head up round then.But each to their own.

Groclock-you have to enforce.Keep bringing him back-look the sunshine isn't awake yet, it's time to be in your bed.Again, he is at an age where he won't fully understand until you do it a few times.Wouldn't bother telling him about counting stars on it or anything, just sunshine asleep, sunshine awake!!

If you would prefer him to stay in his own bed all night, then you will have a few bad nights of bringing back to it.But it's normal enough for him to wake at night for a bit yet, you might have to just go in to him instead.

beertons

Yeah, I'd lose the afternoon nap. He obviously isn't tired enough. Activities all day, chill from 6, maybe push it out to 730. Reward the next day if he sleeps for the night, a sticker or something. We didn't do a reward chart, but others have.

Put a black cloth behind the curtain, if the room is too bright. Open the door before you go to bed, so the room isn't too stuffy. Can't think of anything else. Good luck!

Tazium

The threat of the cot returning might be an incentive to encourage staying but that's a fear factor not everyone will be comfortable with. One thing I used was a mickey mouse analogue clock and explained the hands being at an acceptable position meant they could come and wake me up.

Napping during the day will impact readiness for sleep, but removing that has its own challenges too. Best of luck.

scarepanda

chases0102 wrote:

Scarepanda - sounds very similar to us alright. Any other tips/strategies?!?! Did ye survive it all?!?! Even though this is a new-ish pattern, it seems like we are a long way from solving it....we now both dread bedtime!

Ha, I was pregnant at the time so the up and down up and down was hard.

Only tip/strategy is stick to the plan. With our girl if you gave her an inch she'd take a mile so we had to be fairly rigid in the routine. Hardest thing at the beginning is to not get pissed off or frustrated - lots of deep breaths! I honestly can't remember when it all clicked with my girl, but at some stage I think around Xmas/January it all got easier, she went into her bed in October, with good and bad phases in those few months.

shesty

Their sleep does go a bit funny around age two -can't remember why but it happens.As Scarepanda says, find your routine and stick to it.
Joys of parenting.

fits

Yes I found it went funny around age 2 as well. And then it got much better.

Kintarō Hattori

This is just around the corner for us I think. Our 2.2 year old has been cocking her leg up on the cot for a few weeks now so I'm sure it won't be long til we have to take the side off. :eek:

sillysocks

Are there toys or things to play with in his room? Maybe worth making his room a boring place so it’s less tempting to get up.
We’ve moved our two and a half year old to a bed, but have nothing in her room for her to play with, and also have a stair gate on the door so she can’t get out of the room.

I have a groclock for my older boy and it’s great but I know the two year old wouldn’t grasp the concept.
Aside from that I’d day it’s just perseverance as frustrating as that is!

GreeBo

Stair guard across the door?

NSAman

Velcro!

Pawwed Rig

No harm in him coming into your bed. You will miss it when he doesn't do it anymore.

Our 5 year old still clambers in every now and again if something disturbs him in the night.

sillysocks

GreeBo wrote: »

Stair guard across the door?

Yep, have done it for all three children while they’re very young. Didn’t want them getting up and going into bathroom or down stairs etc (gate on the door means we don’t need one on stairs).

GreeBo

sillysocks wrote: »

Yep, have done it for all three children while they’re very young. Didn’t want them getting up and going into bathroom or down stairs etc (gate on the door means we don’t need one on stairs).

Sorry I was giving that as advice to the OP not asking you about it....we posted at the same time

GarIT

Or skin reacts in certain ways to light and darkness which results in it being significantly easier to sleep in darkness and we also feel more tired in darkness. Try to keep things as dark as possible around bedtime it might help.

scarepanda

We had no toys in her room at that stage and also a baby gate on the door, neither had any effect. Being able to get up was fun enough in itself. Now we did have the gate loose enough (we live in a bungalow, it was mainly a deterrent for the dogs to stay out, although one of them learned where to push to open it!). Eventually madam learned like the dog how to push it open and the click was our cue to head up the hall.

ncmc

I think 27 months is quite young to give up the nap, I think most sleep sites recommend keeping it til 3 (unless they give it up of their own accord) As others have mentioned, make sure he is sleeping no later than 2:30/3 and try limit the nap to 60-90 minutes. I also think he's probably a little young to understand the concept of the gro clock, I found it great when my little girl was young, but she would have been a bit older than 27 months before she got the jist of it. As others have said, persevere, persevere, persevere! Be consistent and it and the novelty will wear off eventually. I personally am not an advocate of bringing them into bed with you, I would be more along the thinking of keep putting him back til he falls asleep. But I know that is a personal decision. Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page and take it night on night off to avoid burnout. Best of luck, my 2 year old will be going in to a bed shortly and I am dreading it, but 'this too will pass!'

sillysocks

For us the nap never impacted on night time sleep. Our girl is 2.5 and still sleeps up to 2 hours every lunchtime. Yesterday she missed her nap as we were out and still went to bed at normal time and woke at normal time. If he’s happy having the nap I would be slow to drop that. I’d say the late bedtime is more the novelty of the bed rather than the nap causing any issue. And my kids also go to bed at 7/7:15 so I don’t think that’s too early as a bedtime either.

Shamboo1801

My 4 year old still pops into us, much less now though. At the height of it, one of us would just let her into the bed and go to the spare room. As it became rarer, we'd fight over who got to stay in the bed with her. There's nothing more special than to see your child sleeping and cuddling into you. My advice to you, enjoy it. When it stops you will definitely miss it.

Pawwed Rig

Shamboo1801 wrote: »

There's nothing more special than to see your child sleeping and cuddling into you. My advice to you, enjoy it. When it stops you will definitely miss it.

This always hits me in the feels

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

Shamboo1801

Pawwed Rig wrote:

This always hits me in the feels

Ah sweet jesus. I'm in work for God's sake haha. Don't be doing stuff like that to me. It is lovely though.

chases0102

Hi folks,

Just to give an update on the situations I was venting about a couple of weeks back!

Not a huge amount has changed. We have persevered, and persevered, with sticking to his normal bedtime routine - but the child still does not like going to bed. I don't allow him to leave the room, but if I leave the room a massive tantrum starts - so essentially I stay in the room until he lies down....often beside me, or even on the floor, and falls asleep. All in all, on average this is taking two hours.

It strikes me that he is simply not tired at his bedtime - 7/7.30. And even when the tiredness is catching up with him, he resists it fiercely (I imagine this is quite normal).

Once asleep, he will make his way into our bed. Last night, luckily I heard him going downstairs - he has worked out the stair gate (it is crap - will be putting up a different, more secure one later) and I just keep thinking in his dazed state he could have easily fallen down the stairs and hurt himself.

Tried for a week solid bringing him back into his own bed when he wakes, and it was a disaster.

This is more a rant/vent than a search for further advice (although any suggestion really welcome!!!), but we are seeing no progression really. The evenings are completely gone for either my wife or I every night. And I'm worried he's operating on a deficit of sleep for his age.

scarepanda

To be completely honest, while it's horrible, I'd let him tantrum all he wants as long as you know he's safe. By him throwing a tantrum, and you going back in he knows your limits and how far he needs to push you to get what he wants. If you let him tantrum its consequences are 2 fold, 1) he'll tire himself out and most importantly 2) he'll learn that throwing a tantrum won't get what he wants and it'll get old quickly for him.

Also, you need to give it more than a week for things to work, or at least we did anyhow. I think it is took us roughly 3 months to get our toddler on a good routine where she didn't resist actually getting into bed awake. We just stuck to the plan and one night she asked to go to bed after story and song time and for the most part we've never looked back. Now, during those 3 months there were good times and not so good times, but it took that length of time before she got reliable going to bed and staying in bed. It's the same for staying in bed at night. Take turns but keep to the same plan, and don't interact with him when ye are putting him back to his own bed, tantrum or not. If he kicks off wait till he's asleep before going back in and putting his blanket back on.

I think at that age there's no quick solution, aside from giving them exactly what they want, which isn't fair on you or your wife if ye have no down time.

Also, what time is he up at in the morning? Is he in daycare? How do they work naps in there? I'm a stay at home mam, so my kids are able to self regulate naps.I wasted manys the day trying to get my eldest to nap the recommended amount during the day to no avail, so i adopted the approach that she would sleep when she needed it and it worked out fine for us. She goes to bed around 9 and is up and awake around 7/8, she's nearly 3 and has been like this a good while. She'll nap during the day if and when she needs it. Maybe it would be easier all round if ye pushed bedtime a little later?

chases0102

Thanks a million for that Scarepanda.

He is in childcare 3 days a week. Childminder puts him down for his nap at approx 1pm.

I personally would be happy to let him tantrum, as what you say is true. However, because he is in a bed, and can work the door (nothing stopping him from leaving his room) he just leaves the room and either plays in the landing or tries to come downstairs.

scarepanda

chases0102 wrote:

I personally would be happy to let him tantrum, as what you say is true. However, because he is in a bed, and can work the door (nothing stopping him from leaving his room) he just leaves the room and either plays in the landing or tries to come downstairs.

Keep an ear out for him and as soon as you hear him out of the room put him back in the room/on his bed and walk away, don't interact with him. We had a baby gate on the door that wasn't tightened properly and a slight push would open it (we live in a bungalow so stairs aren't a problem), but the click of it opening was our cue to go up to her. We'd meet half way down the hall, pick her up or she'd turn and skaddadle, put her on the bed and walk out. She used to try everything with me. If she wanted me to look at her she'd try grab my face and turn it to hers while she'd also be contorting her body to be able to see into my eyes and repeatedly say mama mama mama.... Heart breaking and funny at the same time! They are determined little buggers for their age!

shesty

I am in the persevere side of things too.
Now I am posting at the end of a long day at home with 5, 3 and 1 year olds and the various levels of tantrum I have been dealing with.If you want him to stick with his bedtime in his bed, then you need to stick with it.

Coz it's a way worse argument when he is 3/4/5 and can answer back!!!That last time poem is lovely.But equally a bit of me feels thatwe all need something to keep our sanity as a parent and for some people, having them asleep early in their own beds is that thing (it is mime).So persevere if it's what you want.They are determined!