Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to?

opining on how people should relate to their own lived experience with addicts in their lives is never a good look

Peatys

When my 40th came and went without even a phone call, i decided i wouldn't bother with my brother and two sisters until they made an effort with me.

Haven't been in contact with any of them since.

Mad_maxx

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Your reasons are valid, nobody would dispute that. But she has an illness, and that's also valid. It doesn't mean you must forgive her, neither does it mean she's at fault. You have a sister with a mental disorder.

Alcoholism is not an illness and referring to it as such only indulges the alcoholic

If alcoholism was a disease, how come the starving in Africa never catch it?

Only disease which requires you to spend money to get it

corner of hells

Pay attention,

My OH doesn't talk to her sister in law , niece, two nephews and barely talks to her brother.

Her other brother doesn't speak to the same sister in law , her two sisters don't talk to any of the family on the first paragraph .

We're going to the wedding of the niece in the first paragraph later on the year and that niece doesn't talk to her brothers or any of her cousins.

I'm going to the wedding for the row. It'll be like "culture boss" wedding.

Tell me how

corner of hells wrote: »

Pay attention,

My OH doesn't talk to her sister in law , niece, two nephews and barely talks to her brother.

Her other brother doesn't speak to the same sister in law , her two sisters don't talk to any of the family on the first paragraph .

We're going to the wedding of the niece in the first paragraph later on the year and that niece doesn't talk to her brothers or any of her cousins.

I'm going to the wedding for the row. It'll be like "culture boss" wedding.

That's the sort of wedding I want to see covered on Boards. Or on Twitter. Starting pre Hen/Stag.

Mad_maxx

corner of hells wrote: »

Pay attention,

My OH doesn't talk to her sister in law , niece, two nephews and barely talks to her brother.

Her other brother doesn't speak to the same sister in law , her two sisters don't talk to any of the family on the first paragraph .

We're going to the wedding of the niece in the first paragraph later on the year and that niece doesn't talk to her brothers or any of her cousins.

I'm going to the wedding for the row. It'll be like "culture boss" wedding.

Sounds like a pikey family?

corner of hells

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Sounds like a pikey family?

Better again, northsiders of Jewish descent with a bit of gypsy thrown in.

368100

Tell me how wrote: »

That's the sort of wedding I want to see covered on Boards. Or on Twitter. Starting pre Hen/Stag.

Why does your OH want to go to the wedding if she doesn't speak to her?

corner of hells

368100 wrote: »

Why does your OH want to go to the wedding if she doesn't speak to her?

It not his OH , its mine.

Laois_Man

I literally don't talk to any of my siblings - If I can help it!

And I am far happier that way!

amber2

Had 2 siblings youngest died in an accident in their 20’s, middle died of SAD in early 30’s and one of my parents died Of cancer a year later, life can be very short any differences you can put behind you do. In short I don’t get the opportunity to talk to family only a headstone.

donkeykong5

amber2 wrote: »

Had 2 siblings youngest died in an accident in their 20’s, middle died of SAD in early 30’s and one of my parents died Of cancer a year later, life can be very short any differences you can put behind you do. In short I don’t get the opportunity to talk to family only a headstone.

It must be horrific for people who arnt talking to family members when they die. I dont think I could take the guilt. Life is so short what's the point of ignoring each other.

Gadgetman496

donkeykong5 wrote: »

It must be horrific for people who arnt talking to family members when they die. I dont think I could take the guilt. Life is so short what's the point of ignoring each other.

If for whatever reason, a person makes the decision to cut ties with a family member, I don't see why death would or should make any difference. The shunned one is effectively dead to the instigator from the moment that decision is made.

Emotional blackmail is often one of the reasons these events occur in the first place.

banie01

donkeykong5 wrote: »

It must be horrific for people who arnt talking to family members when they die. I dont think I could take the guilt. Life is so short what's the point of ignoring each other.

Why do many people assume that because you share a bit of DNA with someone that you will regret it when they die?
When you can't make it up anymore?
The choice to estrange oneself from family members is never taken lightly, its not a whim, its usually the result of being the victim of at best long term emotional abuse and at worse a hell of a lot more.

40yrs of knowing someone is a cúnt doesn't magically disappear on their death?
Or do we subscribe to that wonderfully Irish notion of forgetting the deceased asshat behaviour when they kick the bucket?

Sharing a womb, a bedroom or a splash of DNA doesnt necessarily equal a constant forgiveness card.
Eventually, you have to choose whats best for you.

banie01

banie01 wrote: »

Sharing a womb, a bedroom or a splash of DNA doesnt necessarily equal a constant forgiveness card.

A certain priest emphasized the forgiveness card to my mother over many years. In the last few years mum said over the phone to him she would not be attending his “healing masses “ because as she said herself as an 82 year old “my prayers weren’t answered”.

Recliner

banie01 wrote: »

Why do many people assume that because you share a bit of DNA with someone that you will regret it when they die?
When you can't make it up anymore?
The choice to estrange oneself from family members is never taken lightly, its not a whim, its usually the result of being the victim of at best long term emotional abuse and at worse a hell of a lot more.

40yrs of knowing someone is a cúnt doesn't magically disappear on their death?
Or do we subscribe to that wonderfully Irish notion of forgetting the deceased asshat behaviour when they kick the bucket?

Sharing a womb, a bedroom or a splash of DNA doesnt necessarily equal a constant forgiveness card.
Eventually, you have to choose whats best for you.

My Dad's already doing this in respect of my mother and she's still alive. Blames her dementia on everything and can't be told that 40/50 years ago she didn't have dementia. Rewriting history to absolve himself.
Eventually, for your own headspace, you have to just cut ties. Honestly I have no kind feelings for her and the only regret I'll have when she dies is the regret that she did so much damage to my family.

donkeykong5

donkeykong5 wrote: »

It must be horrific for people who arnt talking to family members when they die. I dont think I could take the guilt. Life is so short what's the point of ignoring each other.

no two circumstances are the same tbh and you might be surprised, if people in our culture were able to speak honestly of the dead, what you might find out about people's experiences.

mrsgiller

Haven't spoken to my younger brother and his wife for about 14 years, started over me not buying their child what they wanted me to buy him for Xmas and just snowballed. Can't see it ever being resolved

jobeenfitz

I try my best.

donkeykong5

Deleted User wrote: »

donkeykong5 wrote: »

It must be horrific for people who arnt talking to family members when they die. I dont think I could take the guilt. Life is so short what's the point of ignoring each other.

no two circumstances are the same tbh and you might be surprised, if people in our culture were able to speak honestly of the dead, what you might find out about people's experiences.

Dont think I could cope if a close family member died eg parents or brothers and sisters or children and I wasnt talking to them at the time. Its just me.but I do feel blood is thicker than water.

banie01

donkeykong5 wrote: »

Dont think I could cope if a close family member died eg parents or brothers and sisters or children and I wasnt talking to them at the time. Its just me.but I do feel blood is thicker than water.

Blood is thicker than water...
The source this saying comes from actually means the complete opposite and it's one of those mistakes that has become accepted as axiomatic.

The original phrase is.
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

The passage actually means that the bonds of friendship formed in adversity or battle are thicker than those of the womb.

Or as someone smarter than me once said, "friends are often God's apology for family".

eviltwin

donkeykong5 wrote: »

Dont think I could cope if a close family member died eg parents or brothers and sisters or children and I wasnt talking to them at the time. Its just me.but I do feel blood is thicker than water.

What else can you do when your family treat you like dirt, when they are toxic and damaging to your mental health and sense of security? I don't know anyone that is happy to be estranged from a family member, it's a personal tragedy to have no relationship with the people who are meant to be your closest allies. Please don't judge.

donkeykong5

donkeykong5 wrote: »

Dont think I could cope if a close family member died eg parents or brothers and sisters or children and I wasnt talking to them at the time. Its just me.but I do feel blood is thicker than water.

its not "you"

its the experience and relationship you have with those people.

ive siblings and friends it would cut me to the bone to fall out with, but i know why and how theyve earned it.

thats a hard lesson to learn in this life and tbf not everyone has to learn it or should learn it, and good luck to them.

but i dont think it should be taken for granted either way.

donkeykong5

donkeykong5 wrote: »

Dont think I could cope if a close family member died eg parents or brothers and sisters or children and I wasnt talking to them at the time. Its just me.but I do feel blood is thicker than water.

Don't know what that quote is supposed to mean, if my father died tomorrow I couldn't care less.
Perhaps you have been very lucky with your family, some of us haven't unfortunately.

i dont think donkeykong meant it personally folks

if you havent had to cut ties with someone society constantly presumes you owe loyalty/devotion to regardless of anything they do, its a difficult thing to imagine

Gimme A Pound

I'm extremely lucky as I come from a very happy close family but I still disagree with "Blood is thicker than water" after a certain point. It took me a while to realise it but having met so many people with awful family stories, I get it now. It's not something they want - anyone would prefer a happy family.

Blaizes

Talk to everyone in my immediate family but never take it for granted. We don’t live nearby so maybe easier not to fall out.

Know wills have caused terrible rifts in families and people not speaking to each other as a result. Always think the parents are to blame here as they should act fairly and make clear what each person is being left before they pass that way siblings don’t end up never speaking again and have seen this happen in a few families.

donkeykong5

eviltwin wrote: »

donkeykong5 wrote: »

Dont think I could cope if a close family member died eg parents or brothers and sisters or children and I wasnt talking to them at the time. Its just me.but I do feel blood is thicker than water.

What else can you do when your family treat you like dirt, when they are toxic and damaging to your mental health and sense of security? I don't know anyone that is happy to be estranged from a family member, it's a personal tragedy to have no relationship with the people who are meant to be your closest allies. Please don't judge.

Omg. I am not judging. Why would you say that. I'm just saying that I myself couldn't cope with a very close family member dying that I wasnt talking to. I'm only giving my opinion.

eviltwin

donkeykong5 wrote: »

Omg. I am not judging. Why would you say that. I'm just saying that I myself couldn't cope with a very close family member dying that I wasnt talking to. I'm only giving my opinion.

Fair enough if you aren't. It's a very sensitive topic for me, I get defensive. Your comment about life being to short to be ignoring people felt like a judgement. Apologies if I took it up incorrectly.

erica74

I don't speak to my brother. I haven't spoken to him in 10 years. No interest in any relationship with him. He's a vile individual.
I also don't speak to my mother. Another vile individual. Very very mentally unstable for my whole life but refuses to get help.
If my mother or brother dropped dead, I'd be very happy to know he/she is not on this planet anymore.
I grew up in an abusive household, sexual abuse, verbal, physical and emotional abuse.