Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to?

FTA69

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

My absolute weapon of an ex-wife.

Stop the lights. I split up with my one there four months ago and for the first three weeks we were chatting away about house matters and I’d call around and give her a hand with DIY stuff while moving my stuff out etc.

All of a sudden then one day she’s gone full lunatic, obstructing the smallest thing and sending me passive aggressive nonsense. Absolutely we’ll rid; nothing more lonely or dispiriting than being stuck in a relationship with someone like that.

FTA69

Don’t speak to my aunt who lives over here. She’s a seething racist who was talking lorry-loads of sh*t about me going out with a black woman, on top of that she’s an investment banker and member of the Conservative Party while I’m a socialist who works for a trade union. I couldn’t care less about political differences but every time I met her she’d start ranting about Corbyn or the poor or blacks or some nonsense and then storm off in a rage when someone contradicted her. She’s ruined countless family occasions with her antics, none of us can stand her but we put up with it for my Nan’s sake. I haven’t spoken to the wagon in years.

_Brian

Yea.
Two sisters of mine and their families, two brother in laws on my wife’s side.

**** them, life’s too short to deal with crazies

freshpopcorn

I've an aunt who's a troublemaker and she's tolerated. She visits maybe once or twice a year. She threat's people fairly badly, is always giving out, always wants to see people in trouble,etc.
She contacts radio stations and plays the victim and the saint.
If you did cut her out she'd be out to get you at work,report you to social welfare, litter warden, you name it and they'd be no issue.

My siblings don't get along and I can see both sides off it. They both have valid reasons but they push one an others buttons. My mother finds it very difficult and I end up being the one she talks to.

D3V!L

Unfortunately you can't pick your family. I have quite a few siblings and talk to all them bar one, not as frequently that I'd like though. The one I don't talk to manages to re-enforce my opinion of him every time we meet. I'll happily walk past him on the street and not bat an eyelid.

freshpopcorn

One tad of a disadvantage I was at regarding cousins was. When I was born my siblings and first cousins were all teenagers so I never got the childhood experience a lot would have with them.

My brother is an absolute basket case. He'll tell the few remaining people still prepared to put up with his crapola what a total selfish kunt you are if you have the temerity to interfere with his entitlement to steal from you.

valoren

My younger brother. We haven't spoken since 2015. He'd been with his now-wife since 2003 and while she was a head-melting attention seeking drama queen, she was treated civilly for his sake. She had him groomed since day dot that she was a victim of years of bullying at school and at work and being extremely gullible as he is, he believed her. He would protect her.

She exploited him to that end because he was a good looking guy who had his pick of partners and she feared getting dumped I suppose. It was a trauma bond. It was hard to watch her be increasingly abusive towards him over the years but still he was a grown man who needed to figure out by himself that she was just a manipulative liar who was mugging him off. If he was happy getting screamed at, it was his problem and so long as her screaming remained directed at him there was no problem.

Over time she groomed him against our older brother, had him believing he had no time for him but they remain close. He got abuse for not falling out with him after he made an innocuous but poor joke about her appearance (i.e. "You're dressed like a hooker lol!") and had a meltdown demanding an apology for getting "called a whore"). My younger brother knew he was joking and for literally years after was harangued about not falling out with him. I guess what she was doing was to try and enact a split between them so that my younger brother would consequently become isolated from our brother's wife, who is a lovely person. The less time he spent around her (and her sane normality), the more bat **** crazy she looked in comparison.

All this played out when she started a new job in 2013. She lovebombed my now wife who she worked with and who I subsequently met through them socially. My younger brother had gotten married not long before. As we were dating, his controlling wife expected us to go out with them virtually every weekend. To do our own thing was grossly insulting to her, a rabid, vapid attention whore. When it became apparant that this wasn't happening, that we had our own pursuits, interests etc on one of the intermittent nights out we had, she had a toxic and very public meltdown attacking me and my family for having no time or respect for her. It was so vitriolic that I simply chose to go no contact.

Subsequently at their job, she began bullying my girlfriend terribly, ostensibly to provoke a reaction from me. Months went by and seeing that she'd been cut out, to cover up her meltdown and subsequent cutting out, she began grooming my brother to believe I had instead cut HIM out intentionally and that I did it to hurt him on purpose. The toxic narrative she spun was that I was always an arrogant asshole and I had abandoned him at the first sign of a serious relationship, that he'd been used.

As he was always walking on eggshells in the cycle of abuse that was his marriage he just went along with it, betraying me in the process and chickening out on calling his wife to account for her historical toxic behaviour. I guess he couldn't face even more abuse. She continued to bully and harass my girlfriend (again, to prevent my brother from getting to know her) about the 'rift' that had developed and by haranguing my girlfriend it drew me back. After she started confronting her at work repeatedly I met my brother to compel him to talk some sense to her before we personally fell out. I asked him if he thought what she was saying (i.e. me having no time for him) was true and he firmly said he did. His wife, before he came to meet me, had told him that my girlfriend had been bullying her at work since they'd met. My brother believed that too and that was the last straw. We'd never had a bad word with each other before but I guess my wife and the good nature she represented just inflamed his toxic wife and she manipulated us against each other, isolating my abused brother all the more. All because of one cancer in our family he had the stupidity to remain involved with and marry. She would subsequently slander and smear my wife and me as the bullies and essentially condemning my brother from ever having his own personal relationship with us. She cyber bullied her on Facebook and I called her to account, did my brothers talking for him. I wiped the floor with her and she subsequently ran to her parents who contacted me with accusations of bullying and a warning to cut further contact. I was happy to do so and we were vindicated.

A narcissistic personality disorder matched to a gullible, easily lead partner is a lethal combo. They have two kids now and the only thing keeping him having access to his kids is the expectation that he believes the toxic narrative that my wife and I are bullies. So long as he continues to turn a blind eye to her abuse/lies then he'll be ok and can pretend that his wife didn't split his family apart.

Rubberchikken

no but then im too lazy to fight with others.

Tell me how

On speaking terms with all siblings and very close to parents. Can see gaps widening between me and most of my siblings as they all progress with forming and focusing on their families. I understand that, but I do find it difficult personally for different reasons. Don't think it'll lead to falling out per say, but it does make it easier for misunderstandings to turn in to arguments as you aren't in contact as much to nip them in the bud.

My father doesn't talk to one his brothers. Don't know why that is but I feel sorry for both of them as they could be company for each other. I saw him (my dad) walk directly past him (his brother) on the street once and I thought it was very sad. I asked him about it once and he said, 'we do talk, as much as we want to.......'

aoh

Youngest of 6. Talk to one brother every week. When (if) the rest of them call, I'll talk to them but they are condescending and demeaning. I don't live in the right country, I'm not married and don't have kids therefore I'm stupid. I'm never right and they all have to "fix" me

Mad_maxx

Father died when I was twenty three, if he were alive, I suspect we would not be talking, wasn't a violent man but hadn't a clue what being a father was, day he died, one sister ( seventeen at the time) uttered the following to me

"I never knew my own father"

Most self centred person I've ever known, probably had some sort of narcissistic personality thing going on, don't believe he knew how to consider others

Day of my twenty first birthday which I celebrated in Australia, had a letter arrive from him, demanding I sign some legal document which he required for revenue, no asking how I was, this was 1998 so email and mobile communication was less common

Recliner

I don't speak to my mother. I'm not close to any of my family, left over legacy from the upbringing we had. We do speak, but not regularly, wouldn't be unusual for over a year to pass where we wouldn't speak or see each other.
It's desperately sad.

Infernal Racket

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Don't take this as sermonizing, but I have an alcoholic sister too. I've mentioned here before the heartache she caused over many years. She's well into recovery now, and I'm so glad we didn't cut her off, or she'd probably no longer be alive.

It isn't easy to maintain contact with someone over years of personal abuse, financial and emotional blackmail, deception; not to mention, watching a loved one systematically destroy themselves. I don't blame you for cutting contact, and we did that many times, but never walked away finally. The hardest thing in the world for some of us to accept is that she wasn't to blame. She was seriously sick.

Not telling you what to do, but it really is an illness, almost as though your loved-one is possessed by alcohol. Nobody chooses addiction, and bad behaviour is just a manifestation of that addiction -- not unlike other mental disorders. I hope there comes a day when you can all move on and bury the hatchet (but never forget where it is buried, it's always trying to get out again).

My sister got every opportunity to get well and kick the disease. Her ex husband spent thousands on rehab but she couldn't give a toss and doesn't even attempt to try and get well. So again, I'll say she can **** right off, life is too short. My parents have up on her too eventually after years of trying.

Gerry G

Gerry G wrote: »

My sister got every opportunity to get well and kick the disease. Her ex husband spent thousands on rehab but she couldn't give a toss and doesn't even attempt to try and get well. So again, I'll say she can **** right off, life is too short. My parents have up on her too eventually after years of trying.

Your reasons are valid, nobody would dispute that. But she has an illness, and that's also valid. It doesn't mean you must forgive her, neither does it mean she's at fault. You have a sister with a mental disorder.

is_that_so

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Your reasons are valid, nobody would dispute that. But she has an illness, and that's also valid. It doesn't mean you must forgive her, neither does it mean she's at fault. You have a sister with a mental disorder.

The trouble for addicts, especially ones who've been offered so many chances, is that ultimately many people give up on them. That's just human.

is_that_so

is_that_so wrote: »

The trouble for addicts, especially ones who've been offered so many chances, is that ultimately many people give up on them. That's just human.

Absolutely. And the more concentrated the burden on on particular relative, the more likely it will not be sustainable. We were lucky, we have a big family.

The more people who are around to support someone in recovery, the better. Unfortunately, alcoholics are like dying dogs: they are experts in chasing people away.

MuffinTop86

banie01 wrote: »

Yep, so many of them in fact...
That I sometimes wonder if I'm the problem, if I was wrong?!
But...
Then I remember, the majority of them are really just cúnts and my life has been a lot more copacetic since I cut some ties!
So it really was them

Copacetic?

Yeah maybe it’s you... :-D

eviltwin

Rubberchikken wrote: »

no but then im too lazy to fight with others.

Estrangement doesn't always involve fighting. I certainly don't have any animosity towards my family. For my own mental health and general wellbeing I need to be distanced from them but I wish them all the best.

Miaireland

I talk to all my family, admittedly keep in touch better with some more than other. Honestly if it wasn't for Social Media I would not know what some of them are up to.

i do these days, ive done stretches of a few years

extended family sure look who keeps tabs of all their cousins like

ToddyDoody

I'm currently not talking to my cat. She knows why.

paw patrol

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Your reasons are valid, nobody would dispute that. But she has an illness, and that's also valid. It doesn't mean you must forgive her, neither does it mean she's at fault. You have a sister with a mental disorder.

or they use their issues to their advantage …

banie01

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

Copacetic?

Yeah maybe it’s you... :-D

Could well be
I'm not so self unaware that I don't think I may have contributed to the tensions in some way.

Either way, my own life is honestly immeasurably better, less stressful and melodramatic without them

368100

Yes...my younger sister...we're both in our 30s.

Never held down a job for more than a month and I can actually only remember two of those.
She bled my mother dry of money as a teenager and constantly cane between us, so much so I didn't have a great relationship with my mother in my teens, moved out at 20. She then got dementia so while I had a couple of years to try and fix it before she died, she wasn't really there any more, didn't speak for the last year.
I blame my mother as much for letting my sister come between us, I tried at the time...Remember breaking down at one point saying I couldn't keep fighting with my mother (instigated by my sister), she seemed to listen but it just went back to giving my sister everything she wanted At the expense of me and others.

Some might say that Try And Let It as water under the bridge, but she's now turned this on my dad and is now causing friction between my other sister and him, where they previously got on so prove that she'll never change. Whatever she'll do once my dad dies I've no idea as she has him doing everything for her.
The rest of my family only tolerate her, whereas I dont even do that, she only contacts them when she wants something. She has tried to talk to me over the years but I knew she had never changed so ignored it.
She's toxic, no situation that I'll ever speak to her. As bad as it sounds, in ways im looking for when my dad isn't around any more as I won't have to be in her company....and she'll have to fend for herself.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

My grandad, but he's dead...

banie01

eviltwin wrote: »

Estrangement doesn't always involve fighting. I certainly don't have any animosity towards my family. For my own mental health and general wellbeing I need to be distanced from them but I wish them all the best.

100%

Sometimes you need to realize that you have to put yourself and your mental health ahead of those who would have you give away bits of your sanity on a regular basis without giving anything in return but pain, doubt and anger.

Church on Tuesday

banie01 wrote: »

100%

Sometimes you need to realize that you have to put yourself and your mental health ahead of those who would have you give away bits of your sanity on a regular basis without giving anything in return but pain, doubt and anger.

I reckon some family members do it primarily to feel better about themselves to be honest.

Personal experience.

Galwayguy35

Didnt talk to my brother for a long time, we had an argument that turned physical and kept our distance after that.

But he is my only brother and eventually we put it behind us and get on fine now.

chicorytip

Mr.Maroon wrote:

I may be making assumptions about your sisters "disability" and perhaps she deserves every penny, but the picture you painted suggests she conning the system. The eligibility for DA really needs to be tackled by the Government.

If she has an addiction to Alcohol she has a disability. Disablement or being incapable of holding down a job due to addiction to Alcohol or any other intoxicating substance is a reality for many - not a lie or a con.