House Issue

LegacyUser

Almost a year ago my boyfriend and I decided to buy a house together and started looking at properties in Dublin. I have to say it has been a nightmare for both of us!

It is clear now that we both want two very different houses. My preference would be for a new house as I had owned an older house before - it took a long time, loads effort and money to refurbish it and I'm not keen on repeating that experience any time soon. I managed to sell that house and now I'm in a position to put money towards a new house (new build). I've always been very careful with money (don't really go out, buy luxurious items, clothes etc) so I've managed so save good bit on top of that. My contribution towards the house would be over 120k.

My boyfriend has only started properly saving about 2 years ago. His contribution towards the house will be around 15k. He's very passionate about cars and his only dream is to have his own shed/garage that comes with the house. The problem is that there are no new houses with garages/sheds so we pretty much have to look at older properties. There are not many 2nd hand properties with garages/sheds in decent locations that don't require work. Most are priced pretty high and require thousands to make them comfortable.

He keeps finding houses that are either at top of our budget and require work or are in not so great locations. Only thing he cares about is if the house has a garage/shed or not. We argue a lot over that. I am tired from my past experience and I would like a house that does not require a lot of work other than decorating. I don't want to be saving for next few years to do up a kitchen or bathroom. My ideal plan would be to have a low maintenance, modern house (hence the idea of getting a new build) and travel as much as possible, see the world. The idea of getting a new build would give us a relatively stress free lifestyle.

I feel like we are not equal in this. I have significantly more money than him and I try and push myself to save as much as possible every month. He saves as well but he's not pushing himself too hard - he would have a capacity to save more but often chooses to buy things instead e.g. car parts. Am I wrong thinking that he should compromise on the garage/shed idea? Many people would love an opportunity to buy a house in the current climate. He has an opportunity to live in the 500k brand new house but makes me feel bad for the fact that there is no garage in it!

I'm very tired of constant fighting over that. We do get on well otherwise, just the house thing...Should I buy something smaller on my own instead?

tony1kenobi

Yes. Buy a house on your own.

The only thing he wants is a shed and you are asking him to compromise by not having a shed.

strandroad

Yes it doesn't bode well.

Even without the shed issue, if his contribution is a fraction of yours, how would you split mortgage payments?

How much commitment is there in your relationship? You say boyfriend rather than partner, and yet you are ready to buy a 500k house together. Are you sure that he is on the same page? It doesn't seem mature on his part to ignore all aspects of house hunting but the garage, and to expect you to cover 90% of the deposit too.

punisher5112

I wanted exactly that but I understood I had to compromise...

We now have a deadly home where I've turned it into a lit up disco when I want;-)...

Still would love a garage but I'll work on the car in the drive...

LegacyUser

strandroad wrote: »

Yes it doesn't bode well.

Even without the shed issue, if his contribution is a fraction of yours, how would you split mortgage payments?

How much commitment is there in your relationship? You say boyfriend rather than partner, and yet you are ready to buy a 500k house together. Are you sure that he is on the same page? It doesn't seem mature on his part to ignore all aspects of house hunting but the garage, and to expect you to cover 90% of the deposit too.

I'll own a higher % of the house based on my contribution, around 70%. We've been together 4 years - boyfriend or partner - just a different word but same meaning to me anyway so wouldn't focus on that. We've been living together 3 years, renting atm.

For example; we've recently found a 2nd house with a massive garage. House itself is disappointing to me - top of our budget, needs some modernisation, not too much but still, one bathroom, on a busy enough road with north facing garden, location is a plus.

Somehow it doesn't feel right to me putting all my money into it, delaying some travel plans and still not getting the house that I've always wanted just so that he gets a garage. I'm selfish but so he is.

LegacyUser

Do you intend on also paying 70% of the mortgage repayments because if not you might want to look into the legalities re. ownership if there was ever breakup

s14driftking

Peonie83 wrote: »

I'll own a higher % of the house based on my contribution, around 70%. We've been together 4 years - boyfriend or partner - just a different word but same meaning to me anyway so wouldn't focus on that. We've been living together 3 years, renting atm.

For example; we've recently found a 2nd house with a massive garage. House itself is disappointing to me - top of our budget, needs some modernisation, not too much but still, one bathroom, on a busy enough road with north facing garden, location is a plus.

Somehow it doesn't feel right to me putting all my money into it, delaying some travel plans and still not getting the house that I've always wanted just so that he gets a garage. I'm selfish but so he is.

Travel the house can come with time. Plus travelling might also show u a different side to your partner!!!

zapper55

Like the other poster said def check about the %, I wouldnt assume that stands up legally.

If he's not great at saving how is he going to save up for a new kitchen, pay off a loan etc?

It's well for him to go for an older place thinking the refurbishment will get done eventually but the only reason you guys can afford a house is because of your lump sum, which i assume you made from selling the other house you worked so hard on and you dont want to do up another house.

How do you and him communicate generally? Is there fairly equal compromise on things?

amcalester

Sounds like your boyfriend actually has 2 passions.

Cars and spending €105K of your money.

The_Honeybadger

Your partner is being selfish and unreasonable. I’d love to have a big garage with a properly equipped home gym and space for my bike and other stuff. We ended up buying the perfect house in a great location but no garage, it wasn’t feasible with our budget and where we wanted to live.

You are exactly right about buying a newer house with less maintenance required. Older properties can be money pits but it sounds like you know that already. What does he say when you point this out to him? It sounds like he’d be happy to live in a kip once it has a garage.

The fact that you are putting in all of the deposit and he only started saving two years ago would have me a bit concerned too. If it’s not a priority for him what happens once ye have bought the house? Is he on board with the travel plans or would he be more likely to spend his money on his hobby, I.e. the cars?

Edit: is it possible for you to hold back say €100k of your deposit and put it in to an investment for yourself? Could ye still afford a decent house between ye? I’d be very uncomfortable with that tbh, especially given that there are some red flags and you are frustrated enough with him to start a thread on here. Look in to the legalities anyway as others have suggested.

harr

I to would love a house with a nice garage or a decent home office. Unfortunately we couldn’t afford such a house and had to go for a new build 3 bed semi.

OP why don’t you buy the house you can afford especially if he is only putting 15k in, put the house in your name and let him pay towards the mortgage (rent ) .
It’s a bit cheeky of him insisting on a bigger house when he only has the 15k.

His 15k might pay for furnishings for a new build. Legally I think if you get a mortgage together and split up later he could be entitled to half of sale of the new house so thread carefully.

Ursus Horribilis

Definitely get legal advice. The co-habitation laws that are now in effect may come as a shock to you.

Money is one of the biggest reasons why couples argue and even split up. Aside from a difficulty in finding a compromise, there seems to be a glaring disparity in both your outlooks. I also have the feeling that if he gets his garage/man shed, it will give him the space to pursue his hobby in a way he hasn't done to date. Will you come to resent him spending his spare cash on his hobby rather than the house? Even as things stand, you are passing judgment on how he saves/spends his money. He's never going to be as frugal and disciplined as you are. Maybe you should just go travelling and leave the house-hunting for a while. Then decide if it's wise to buy with him.

qwerty13

Apart from the disparity in investment, and attitude towards saving (which is a whole topic by itself), would it be possible to buy the kind of house you want, and for him to rent a garage space?

dellas1979

Your investment in this shook me a little. I dont think the + or - a garage would be my first concern.

If you even cohabit, after X amount of years, he could be entitled for up to half (doesnt matter you put in a huge deposit contribution).

A friend of mine married a guy she loved. She put in a massive amount to buy the house. Bigger than him. Circumstances changed. Guess who now lives in the house and is refusing to sell?

You need to remove emotions of love when doing a transaction like this, and protect yourself for what could (hopefully not, but could) happen in the future. As suggested, please get legal advice on this first. You have a hell of a lot to loose. Get your ducks in a row on that issue first.

Are you going to "jointly" own the property together (both names on the title) in which this case, if you split, both are entitled to an even share. Or will the property be in your name/your name on the title only).

Back to the actual dilemma, I dont know if he realises this either, we are gone into a renovation and building boom (I say as someone building) and getting builders/trades on site is tough. To make a long story short, if you can get away with not renovating and buying a new build (done though a contractor looking to sell), you wont loose your mind/the stress. I do think ignorance is bliss in this case, as he doesnt seem to have the experience or knowledge to know what it will actually be like. He does realise his hobby will have to be put on hold, and money pumped into the house?

He seems all a bit too lax and in lala land. And "shur it will be grand" is not good enough when youre talking about that amount of money.

cannotlogin

I would be asking myself some serious questions about this guy.

For someone who has so little to invest comparatively to continue select houses at the top of your budget would irk me no end. It screams selfishness and talking your contribution for granted.

In terms of his savings, it works out at roughly €625 per month. For some this may be massive, but how does it tie in with his salary and capacity to save. Is he doing his best to contribute or is he taking you & your funds for granted? His attitude here would matter a lot to me.

With cohabitation laws and all, you need to give this strong consideration, you cannot just divide up ownership of the property in terms of contribution, in the eyes of the Bank and the law you will own it equally unless you draw up a specific legal document which says otherwise & even then that can be challenged.

I would be buying a house of my own, you can always add him to the deeds at a later stage if you get married etc. but while there are so many disparities between your attitudes to money etc., it looks like a joint purchase is high risk.

Ursus Horribilis

dellas1979 wrote: »

I dont know if he realises this either, we are gone into a renovation and building boom (I say as someone building) and getting builders/trades on site is tough. To make a long story short, if you can get away with not renovating and buying a new build (done though a contractor looking to sell), you won't lose your mind/the stress.

This is a very good point. I also fear that it's not just your mind you'll lose here. You could easily lose your relationship. My feeling is that if you buy a house that needs work, you and he are going to have a lot of rows over its renovation. He might not care what state the bathroom or the kitchen is in. But if the money starts getting diverted away from his hobby, it could get interesting. If he's prepared to buy in a less desirable area or hike up your mortgage payments, you need to ask questions about his maturity and mindset.

Always Tired

Irish houses aren't really built to accomodate ppl who want a space to pursue a hobby. You have to rent a separate space. That's reality.

But I find people who are 'passionate about cars' are often a bit out of touch with reality. If I was a woman I would never date someone with that passion I just find it so annoying and pointless. Here in Donegal they have this big rally every year, every year people are killed at it, this year no exception. But still it continues. Stupid redneck nonsense. No way I'd let it affect my home or a huge investment like that. I'd tell him to take his 15k and rent a garage and buy the house on my own. The activities of a garage often are loud and spill out onto the front of the house and that would wreck my head.

strandroad

Peonie83 wrote: »

For example; we've recently found a 2nd house with a massive garage. House itself is disappointing to me - top of our budget, needs some modernisation, not too much but still, one bathroom, on a busy enough road with north facing garden, location is a plus.

Don't cave in, there is no way you can enjoy such a house.

Either he does spend time in his garage, therefore he has no time or money for renovations and they will be left to you.

Or he does not really use it as planned if it fizzles out, and you end up living in a wrong house because he had a pipe dream.

strandroad

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

This is a very good point. I also fear that it's not just your mind you'll lose here. You could easily lose your relationship. My feeling is that if you buy a house that needs work, you and he are going to have a lot of rows over its renovation. He might not care what state the bathroom or the kitchen is in. But if the money starts getting diverted away from his hobby, it could get interesting. If he's prepared to buy in a less desirable area or hike up your mortgage payments, you need to ask questions about his maturity and mindset.

How would he even fund the mortgage and the hobby (not to mention the renovations), is he only saves a couple hundred quid a month?

Please look after your own future OP.

taking other poster's doubts about the relationship in its entirety to one side, its absolutely clear you two should not be looking at or for a house before agreeing what it is that you actually want

you shouldn't even open daft.ie until you are in the same ballpark.

anything else is pushing trouble down the road and for something like this, the trouble down the road is a lot worse than just facing it now

Get Real

dellas1979 wrote: »

Your investment in this shook me a little. I dont think the + or - a garage would be my first concern.

If you even cohabit, after X amount of years, he could be entitled for up to half (doesnt matter you put in a huge deposit contribution).

A friend of mine married a guy she loved. She put in a massive amount to buy the house. Bigger than him. Circumstances changed. Guess who now lives in the house and is refusing to sell?

I get what you're saying saying here, but there's hundreds of thousands of people in this country where one partner put a vast majority of the deposit up/a sole earner funded the house and their partner moves in and contributes to the repayments or doesn't contribute at all.

There'll always be a risk of cohabitation issues. And there are people up and down the country who have contributed nothing and the relationship subsequently fell apart for other reasons, and the house becomes an issue.

However, many couples, if most of us look at our mothers and fathers etc get a house as a joint decision -regardless of who contributes more- and live as a couple to death.

My advice to the OP would be to (a) compromise on a house on a case by case basis (b) rule out a garage altogether, or (c) buy on her own without factoring his income into the loan application.

The garage and house issue seems to revolve around who's giving more here, rather than do you trust and are you dedicated to each other enough to get a place for the long, long haul.

Cohabitation rights have been an issue for decades. It's rare there's an ideal scenario where each partner pays 50/50. Couples buy houses where one party has contributed a small fraction of the other, and they live out their days.

It's one for all and all for one in scenarios like this, so don't commit yourself to it if you're unsure.

If your first thought is to get out the calculator, and think about the "what ifs" of the future, then buy a house yourself.

5uspect

A colleague of mine bought a new build in Royal Canal Park this year and it came with a garage. Obviously your needs may be different but at least there are some new builds that may fit.

House type Hazel (A)
http://royalcanalpark.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Camden_Brochure_spreads.pdf

KevRossi

I'm big into classic cars and motorbikes so I'll give you some advice on it - to be blunt tell him to rent a garage space or a lock up. If you do buy a house with a garage then expect the garage to 'need improvement', i.e. anything from extra power sockets, to new lighting, new doors, painted industrial floors, new cabinets for tools etc; the list is incredibly long.

From a house buying point, he seems to be either a bit immature or just not able or willing to plan long term. Get a legal contract made up with proposals for future ownership depending on how much is paid month by month - you will need legal advice for this.

Get the legal advice by yourself, in the meantime suggest a lock up or renting a space somewhere else and see how he reacts.

Personally I'd be looking to buy my own spot and have him as a tenant.

wildwillow

Buy your own home on our own. Spend what you can. Treat him as a licencee if you decide to share. Pay the mortgage yourself and let him do the other bills. He can rent a garage.

In a few years if you are still together, and he has matured a bit, then you can reconsider.

Remember having an A rated house is essential for the future and will cost significant money to renovate an old house to the new standards.

the_pen_turner

These threads make me sick.
The ops boyfriend has done nothing wrong and is being painted as a selfish useless and immature child. All he wants is a garage at the house he is buying with his girlfriend. That's a perfectly normal request. He is saying that the OP can have what ever she wants in the house . He is being very reasonable .
op it you that is being selfish here.

In fact by him wanting a garage on site he is committing to the OP. If he was renting one then he would be hedging his bets with the op

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best spec on the house. I would want the same but it shouldn't come at the cost of completely disregarding yout boyfriends only requirment

dellas1979

Get Real wrote: »

I get what you're saying saying here, but there's hundreds of thousands of people in this country where one partner put a vast majority of the deposit up/a sole earner funded the house and their partner moves in and contributes to the repayments or doesn't contribute at all.

Do you have property and that sort of money to gamble with? What is your experience?

None of us know the future - but there are things we can do to safe guard our well being.

There are hundreds and thousands who have divorced and separated. Divorces and separations are increasing, and laws havent changed. We are only beginning to change these. And at that, very little so. In this case, they are not married. Whose name should go on the title in your opinion?
The person putting in 100K+ or the person putting in 15k, or both?

Sorry - no. Head firmly in reality here. If I was putting as much money into a project as she could be (100K+) with someone else, I would want to protect it. That is my way of showing myself self love and care, now and in the future. This is what is the most important over loving someone else.

She could be the one picking up bits of her life in years to come - the money she is talking about could financially ruin her - because of a feeling that she or he may or may not have in the future....

amcalester

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These threads make me sick.
The ops boyfriend has done nothing wrong and is being painted as a selfish useless and immature child. All he wants is a garage at the house he is buying with his girlfriend. That's a perfectly normal request. He is saying that the OP can have what ever she wants in the house . He is being very reasonable .
op it you that is being selfish here.

In fact by him wanting a garage on site he is committing to the OP. If he was renting one then he would be hedging his bets with the op

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best spec on the house. I would want the same but it shouldn't come at the cost of completely disregarding yout boyfriends only requirment

He wants the garage and he wants her to pay for it.

He doesn’t even want the best spec he’s picking houses that need work, so he’s willing to “compromise” on the spec while also looking at houses at the top end of their budget. A budget they have because of the OP.

And I’m not sure how the OP stumping up the cash to allow him have his dream garage instead of paying for it himself show his commitment to her, you might have to explain that one to me.

wildwillow

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These threads make me sick.
The ops boyfriend has done nothing wrong and is being painted as a selfish useless and immature child. All he wants is a garage at the house he is buying with his girlfriend. That's a perfectly normal request. He is saying that the OP can have what ever she wants in the house . He is being very reasonable .
op it you that is being selfish here.

In fact by him wanting a garage on site he is committing to the OP. If he was renting one then he would be hedging his bets with the op

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best spec on the house. I would want the same but it shouldn't come at the cost of completely disregarding yout boyfriends only requirment

I'd have no problem with that if he had a comparable amount of savings, or even showed a commitment to such saving. As it is he is dictating his needs without any thought for the actual situation.

the_pen_turner

amcalester wrote: »

He wants the garage and he wants her to pay for it.

He doesn’t even want the best spec he’s picking houses that need work, so he’s willing to “compromise” on the spec while also looking at houses at the top end of their budget. A budget they have because of the OP.

And I’m not sure how the OP stumping up the cash to allow him have his dream garage instead of paying for it himself show his commitment to her, you might have to explain that one to me.

So he isn't going to be paying for any of it.

How did the OP end up her section of the money. We don't know all the facts , maybe she inherited it etc or saved a huge amount or was very lucky or worked really hard for it. What's his situation. That 15k could be a lot for him and his situation. Maybe he had to invest in his trade and the op didn't. We don't know.

Where does it say he wants a dream garage. Most dream garages would cost 100k minimum

By the sounds of it the OP has her list of requirements and the boyfriend has only one.
So should he give up his only requirment to the OP can have everything on her list at the cost of his one thing

amcalester

the_pen_turner wrote: »

So he isn't going to be paying for any of it.

How did the OP end up her section of the money. We don't know all the facts , maybe she inherited it etc or saved a huge amount or was very lucky or worked really hard for it. What's his situation. That 15k could be a lot for him and his situation. Maybe he had to invest in his trade and the op didn't. We don't know.

Where does it say he wants a dream garage. Most dream garages would cost 100k minimum

By the sounds of it the OP has her list of requirements and the boyfriend has only one.
So should he give up his only requirment to the OP can have everything on her list at the cost of his one thing

It’s in the OP where the money came from, maybe you should re-read it.

Apologies, not his dream garage. His dream to have a garage, you’re right these are not the same.

The point still stands, he has €15K to contribute and is suggesting houses that meet his wants but not the OPs. And the houses he’s suggesting he can only afford if he spend the OPs money.

the_pen_turner

amcalester wrote: »

It’s in the OP where the money came from, maybe you should re-read it.

Apologies, not his dream garage. His dream to have a garage, you’re right these are not the same.

The point still stands, he has €15K to contribute and is suggesting houses that meet his wants but not the OPs. And the houses he’s suggesting he can only afford if he spend the OPs money.

No there is not.
She added to it by by saving g really hard. That's great but it doesn't explain where the first house and the money from it came from. It could be from hard work but it's not clear

amcalester

the_pen_turner wrote: »

No there is not.
She added to it by by saving g really hard. That's great but it doesn't explain where the first house and the money from it came from. It could be from hard work but it's not clear

It’s irrelevant though. It’s her money.

Even if it was a lottery win or inheritance or stolen he has no claim to it.

MissShihTzu

I speak from bitter experience. OP - DO NOT buy a house with a partner! You're setting yourself up for a world of pain, should you separate. It's an absolute minefield trying to split the asset, should you be unlucky enough to part.

The only way I would buy now is with my husband.

babi-hrse

Always Tired wrote: »

Irish houses aren't really built to accomodate ppl who want a space to pursue a hobby. You have to rent a separate space. That's reality.

But I find people who are 'passionate about cars' are often a bit out of touch with reality. If I was a woman I would never date someone with that passion I just find it so annoying and pointless. Here in Donegal they have this big rally every year, every year people are killed at it, this year no exception. But still it continues. Stupid redneck nonsense. No way I'd let it affect my home or a huge investment like that. I'd tell him to take his 15k and rent a garage and buy the house on my own. The activities of a garage often are loud and spill out onto the front of the house and that would wreck my head.

As someone who bought a house that needs renovation nothing I have to move out of it for which I am still doing and enjoy.
I have a shed that was probably knocked up in a week by previous owner who worked on stock racing cars. I've been picking rusted nuts and bolts and indicators out of the gravel for 6 Months and still finding more everyday. Oh and a whole heap of spent tires. You'll just have a project car laid up with the tyres sagging and moss growing in the windshield if you let him turn your property into a hobby.

the_pen_turner

amcalester wrote: »

It’s irrelevant though. It’s her money.

Even if it was a lottery win or inheritance or stolen he has no claim to it.

Of course its relivent
It is being used against him to diminish the level of savings he has.
If the op earned it then its hugely different than if she won it.

I'm not saying he has any claim to it.
The OP wants a 500k home. The boyfriend wants a garage with his home. If they can save some money and put it towards his requirements while still getting as many of the ops as possible then it's the right decision. We cannot have everything we want

amcalester

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Of course its relivent
It is being used against him to diminish the level of savings he has.
If the op earned it then its hugely different than if she won it.

I'm not saying he has any claim to it.
The OP wants a 500k home. The boyfriend wants a garage with his home. If they can save some money and put it towards his requirements while still getting as many of the ops as possible then it's the right decision. We cannot have everything we want

Well the boyfriend seems to be making a good attempt at it, €500K house with a garage, a fair chunk of which is paid for by someone else.

The_Honeybadger

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Of course its relivent
It is being used against him to diminish the level of savings he has.
If the op earned it then its hugely different than if she won it.

I'm not saying he has any claim to it.
The OP wants a 500k home. The boyfriend wants a garage with his home. If they can save some money and put it towards his requirements while still getting as many of the ops as possible then it's the right decision. We cannot have everything we want

I don’t agree that’s relevant at all, it is her money, end of. However she came to have it she is putting it at risk by buying with a partner, that’s all that’s relevant.
Perhaps he has done nothing wrong but she has enough doubts about this enormous life changing transaction to post a thread on here about it and look for advice. We only have one side of the story but it does sound like he is at best being irrational by putting forward houses at the top of their budget that need significant work.

The first thing they need to do is agree exactly what they are looking for, budget including any renovations etc. It sounds like they are pulling in opposite directions right now.

LegacyUser

Peonie83 wrote: »

Almost a year ago my boyfriend and I decided to buy a house together and started looking at properties in Dublin. I have to say it has been a nightmare for both of us!

It is clear now that we both want two very different houses. My preference would be for a new house as I had owned an older house before - it took a long time, loads effort and money to refurbish it and I'm not keen on repeating that experience any time soon. I managed to sell that house and now I'm in a position to put money towards a new house (new build). I've always been very careful with money (don't really go out, buy luxurious items, clothes etc) so I've managed so save good bit on top of that. My contribution towards the house would be over 120k.

My boyfriend has only started properly saving about 2 years ago. His contribution towards the house will be around 15k. He's very passionate about cars and his only dream is to have his own shed/garage that comes with the house. The problem is that there are no new houses with garages/sheds so we pretty much have to look at older properties. There are not many 2nd hand properties with garages/sheds in decent locations that don't require work. Most are priced pretty high and require thousands to make them comfortable.

He keeps finding houses that are either at top of our budget and require work or are in not so great locations. Only thing he cares about is if the house has a garage/shed or not. We argue a lot over that. I am tired from my past experience and I would like a house that does not require a lot of work other than decorating. I don't want to be saving for next few years to do up a kitchen or bathroom. My ideal plan would be to have a low maintenance, modern house (hence the idea of getting a new build) and travel as much as possible, see the world. The idea of getting a new build would give us a relatively stress free lifestyle.

I feel like we are not equal in this. I have significantly more money than him and I try and push myself to save as much as possible every month. He saves as well but he's not pushing himself too hard - he would have a capacity to save more but often chooses to buy things instead e.g. car parts. Am I wrong thinking that he should compromise on the garage/shed idea? Many people would love an opportunity to buy a house in the current climate. He has an opportunity to live in the 500k brand new house but makes me feel bad for the fact that there is no garage in it!

I'm very tired of constant fighting over that. We do get on well otherwise, just the house thing...Should I buy something smaller on my own instead?

Thank you for all the posts, currently reading them all and processing. Few things below to provide some clarifications:

BF savings:
- He is currently saving 19% of his net salary per month (I save 30%, earn 8% more than him). In addition we both put 100 per month each on holidays.

- We both have very good career prospects. However, I've had a continuous career for much longer than him. He was unemployed during the recession for a while (architecture).

- To be fair he is not a user. I mean we share all expenses 50/50, he treats me well, we enjoy our time together. However, we do have very different attitudes towards money which clearly bothers me as otherwise I wouldn't be on this thread.

BF and cars:
- He is currently renting a shed for which he pays 100 per month. For him getting a house with a shed is a way of saving that money and being able to work on his car or other DIY projects more frequently.

- Once we are done with saving for a house - his statement which I highly dislike as to me saving is a way of living. He suggests having a monthly amount to spend on car stuff which I guess is ok as I would also dedicate some part of my income towards things I enjoy. It might mean him staying at home (with his car stuff) and me going on few extra trips a year without him.

House:
- It would not be a joint tenancy but tenants in common. Of course I will seek legal advice and only pursue if I'm well protected. Thankfully, I have an excellent Solicitor that I've been dealing on family/house matters in the past.

- Very good advice from someone: "Buy your own home on our own. Treat him as a licencee if you decide to share. Pay the mortgage yourself and let him do the other bills." One of the ways to avoid issues later on as a cohabiting couple is to ensure that your partner does not contribute to the mortgage so that he/she can't make a claim on your property later.

- In fairness, the reason why we are looking at 500k properties is totally on me. I would love a good location, high spec, 3 bedrooms, walk in closet etc. All that comes with a price tag. He would be happy with a cheaper house in a less desirable location as long as it has a garage. Unfortunately, many of those houses require work. Also, pretty much any property is very expensive in Ireland atm.

- Yes, we did view houses with garages in Royal canal Park but I did not like the location and 900 per month management fee so said No to those.

- Yes I do think we would fight a lot over renovations. We both have very strong opinions and don't like compromising, I totally agree this might be a big issue. As i mentioned before, renovations are not for easy, they drain everything out of you - time, money, energy.

- It has been a roller coaster year looking at houses, arguing, trying to decide. I'm starting to resent my BF...our relationship is definitely deteriorating, I'm not happy atm.

amcalester

The_Honeybadger wrote: »

We only have one side of the story but it does sound like he is at best being irrational by putting forward houses at the top of their budget that need significant work.

Yeah, I’d have more sympathy for him if he was suggesting cheaper houses that could be done up and come in on budget.

the_pen_turner

The_Honeybadger wrote: »

I don’t agree that’s relevant at all, it is her money, end of. However she came to have it she is putting it at risk by buying with a partner, that’s all that’s relevant.
Perhaps he has done nothing wrong but she has enough doubts about this enormous life changing transaction to post a thread on here about it and look for advice. We only have one side of the story but it does sound like he is at best being irrational by putting forward houses at the top of their budget that need significant work.

The first thing they need to do is agree exactly what they are looking for, budget including any renovations etc. It sounds like they are pulling in opposite directions right now.

It's very relevant if it's being used against him
I agree that the OP needs to sit down with her boyfriend and talk things through but asking for a garage isn't a bit ask. Maybe a compromise buying a house with an area available for a shed

The_Honeybadger

the_pen_turner wrote: »

It's very relevant if it's being used against him
I agree that the OP needs to sit down with her boyfriend and talk things through but asking for a garage isn't a bit ask. Maybe a compromise buying a house with an area available for a shed

I wouldn’t be using the money to run him down personally but she did say that he only started saving two years ago. Whatever the case may be she is putting more at risk in the transaction and that is why the advice is being framed with a view towards protecting herself.

There will have to be some compromise on both sides probably, that’s a good suggestion regarding buying a place with room for a shed / garage. I do agree with the OP though that a newer more efficient and maintenance free home should be the priority and the garage very much second. They won’t be living in the garage.

Ursus Horribilis

the_pen_turner wrote: »

It's very relevant if it's being used against him
I agree that the OP needs to sit down with her boyfriend and talk things through but asking for a garage isn't a bit ask. Maybe a compromise buying a house with an area available for a shed

Yes, in areas that aren't so great, she says. Unless you want to suggest she might be a snob?

LegacyUser

the_pen_turner wrote: »

No there is not.
She added to it by by saving g really hard. That's great but it doesn't explain where the first house and the money from it came from. It could be from hard work but it's not clear

I don't think it matters where money comes from but to answer your question - working full time and saving since 25, bought a house with a family member in a very desirable location during the recession (mortgage), renovated it and sold at a profit not too long ago. Continued saving during that time, up skilled, got promoted few times.

Someone is suggesting in the other post that I might be a snob. Maybe I am. I am a snob about wanting to live close to some village with few shops/pub, having good commute, good schools at your doorsteps, not being too afraid walking home late in the evening.

LegacyUser

Easy solution here.
Equal partners= equal contribution = equal risk.
If he has saved €15k towards deposit , well then that's what you put towards your part of the deposit too. (Plus, the balance of your savings gives you freedom to travel, & a cushion should you ever part ways)
Unless you're married, protecting yourself against every eventuality is an absolute must. You can always pay off mortgage early in future if things become more serious commitment wise. Meantime, be smart about your investment

Ursus Horribilis

Peonie83 wrote: »

Someone is suggesting in the other post that I might be a snob. Maybe I am. I am a snob about wanting to live close to some village with few shops/pub, having good commute, good schools at your doorsteps, not being too afraid walking home late in the evening.

That would've been me and I was being a bit facetious. When it comes to buying a house, location is everything. I also think that you would come to bitterly resent making a compromise on this.


Is there a big gap between what you and your boyfriend earn? Would you be open to parking the house-hunting and giving him time to save more money towards his side of the deposit?

jlm29

Dgvvc wrote: »

Easy solution here.
Equal partners= equal contribution = equal risk.
If he has saved €15k towards deposit , well then that's what you put towards your part of the deposit too. (Plus, the balance of your savings gives you freedom to travel, & a cushion should you ever part ways)
Unless you're married, protecting yourself against every eventuality is an absolute must. You can always pay off mortgage early in future if things become more serious commitment wise. Meantime, be smart about your investment

This was my first thought too. Putting the issue of the garage aside, you do seem concerned about putting in more money than him, whether rightly or wrongly, and I don’t think your plan to own a bigger share of the house than him would actually mean much legally down the line, so maybe you should hold on to your savings and contribute an equal deposit, if it would make you feel better.
Ultimately, this might mean that One or both of you will need to compromise, but at least you might be happier that it’s equal. It’s the biggest purchase you’ll ever make, but that goes for both of you, regardless of where the deposit is coming from, so ideally it would be something that both parties would be happy with.
All that said, he needs to be realistic about what’s available, and maybe removing the larger deposit and lowering the budget accordingly will help with that

Anne_cordelia

I disagree with most posters here and think the OP is being unreasonable. It was her choice to sacrifice living her life in her 20’s to save so much (not going out or buying things for herself) and now she wants to dictate that they should buy in an expensive location and he should compromise. Her boyfriend has done what most people do and enjoyed life and his hobbies and now has knuckled down to saving. Sacrificing having a good time for years for an end goal doesn’t make such sense to me as we never know what way things will turn out. A garage is not an unreasonable request and the OP would probably be grateful for one to store things rather than having them piling up in and around the house.

the_pen_turner

Peonie83 wrote: »

I don't think it matters where money comes from but to answer your question - working full time and saving since 25, bought a house with a family member in a very desirable location during the recession (mortgage), renovated it and sold at a profit not too long ago. Continued saving during that time, up skilled, got promoted few times.

Someone is suggesting in the other post that I might be a snob. Maybe I am. I am a snob about wanting to live close to some village with few shops/pub, having good commute, good schools at your doorsteps, not being too afraid walking home late in the evening.

i think it matters a huge amount. if you got by inheriting it or similar and were holding the it agaist him it would be wrong. you hve clarified that it came from hard work and thats great

what was he doing during this time while you were saving and investing

im not sugesting your a snob but you do seem to value the things on your list over the one small thing on his list.

i agree with you about buying a new (ish) house with no problems . old houses are a bloody neusence . always something to fix or improve.
but there is no way i would live in a 500k house and be tied into any debt that comes with it without at least havign some of my needs met.
in this case its a shed to do his hobby in . im sure you will dedicate parts of the house to your indevidual needs so why not him.


a lot of people have dedicated areas for their hobby be it an alotment, garden, greenhouse, sewing room, workshop or garage, music room etc. its a space for that person to be themselves and get away from the world and relax

if i was in your boyfriends position and my girlfriend and i were having a row over me haveing a shed (my space) it would be a huge red flag. to me it would be controling behaviour ( not saying it is in your case)

sportsfan90

Anne_cordelia wrote: »

I disagree with most posters here and think the OP is being unreasonable. It was her choice to sacrifice living her life in her 20’s to save so much (not going out or buying things for herself) and now she wants to dictate that they should buy in an expensive location and he should compromise. Her boyfriend has done what most people do and enjoyed life and his hobbies and now has knuckled down to saving. Sacrificing having a good time for years for an end goal doesn’t make such sense to me as we never know what way things will turn out. A garage is not an unreasonable request and the OP would probably be grateful for one to store things rather than having them piling up in and around the house.

Eh who says the OP didn't enjoy her 20's? Not everyone likes spending stupid money on expensive shoes and clothes or falls into the category of wanting to get pissed drunk every weekend and drop €100 each time in the process.

The_Honeybadger

the_pen_turner wrote: »

i think it matters a huge amount. if you got by inheriting it or similar and were holding the it agaist him it would be wrong. you hve clarified that it came from hard work and thats great

what was he doing during this time while you were saving and investing

im not sugesting your a snob but you do seem to value the things on your list over the one small thing on his list.

i agree with you about buying a new (ish) house with no problems . old houses are a bloody neusence . always something to fix or improve.
but there is no way i would live in a 500k house and be tied into any debt that comes with it without at least havign some of my needs met.
in this case its a shed to do his hobby in . im sure you will dedicate parts of the house to your indevidual needs so why not him.


a lot of people have dedicated areas for their hobby be it an alotment, garden, greenhouse, sewing room, workshop or garage, music room etc. its a space for that person to be themselves and get away from the world and relax

if i was in your boyfriends position and my girlfriend and i were having a row over me haveing a shed (my space) it would be a huge red flag. to me it would be controling behaviour ( not saying it is in your case)

In fairness I don’t think she is actually against him having a shed, it’s more that properties in good areas with a shed or space for a shed are prohibitively expensive and him having his shed will therefore compromise the quality and location of the home they can afford. She has already been through a refurb and doesn’t want to go down that road again and I do not blame her, they can be a nightmare.

I can see both sides. It’s probably best to put off buying until they are on the same page whatever they decide

ive to be honest

if you are thinking about how to keep yr partner who you want to buy a house with out of your finances you need to throw the brakes on big time on either the relationship or the housebuying

earlier i thought it was the latter

reading your latest responses im not so sure

as an aside, if a fella was buying a house and putting more of the cash towards it i doubt it very much that there'd be such a strong support for him to keep her cut out of joint ownership and to keep her out of decisions about location and spec.

theres real signs here that you arent committed to this relationship- nothing wrong with that at all but why youd be rushing to buy a house in that instance is beyond me

reverse the roles for a sec- would you happily take the role of licencee in your partner's new house?