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House Issue

LegacyUser

Almost a year ago my boyfriend and I decided to buy a house together and started looking at properties in Dublin. I have to say it has been a nightmare for both of us!

It is clear now that we both want two very different houses. My preference would be for a new house as I had owned an older house before - it took a long time, loads effort and money to refurbish it and I'm not keen on repeating that experience any time soon. I managed to sell that house and now I'm in a position to put money towards a new house (new build). I've always been very careful with money (don't really go out, buy luxurious items, clothes etc) so I've managed so save good bit on top of that. My contribution towards the house would be over 120k.

My boyfriend has only started properly saving about 2 years ago. His contribution towards the house will be around 15k. He's very passionate about cars and his only dream is to have his own shed/garage that comes with the house. The problem is that there are no new houses with garages/sheds so we pretty much have to look at older properties. There are not many 2nd hand properties with garages/sheds in decent locations that don't require work. Most are priced pretty high and require thousands to make them comfortable.

He keeps finding houses that are either at top of our budget and require work or are in not so great locations. Only thing he cares about is if the house has a garage/shed or not. We argue a lot over that. I am tired from my past experience and I would like a house that does not require a lot of work other than decorating. I don't want to be saving for next few years to do up a kitchen or bathroom. My ideal plan would be to have a low maintenance, modern house (hence the idea of getting a new build) and travel as much as possible, see the world. The idea of getting a new build would give us a relatively stress free lifestyle.

I feel like we are not equal in this. I have significantly more money than him and I try and push myself to save as much as possible every month. He saves as well but he's not pushing himself too hard - he would have a capacity to save more but often chooses to buy things instead e.g. car parts. Am I wrong thinking that he should compromise on the garage/shed idea? Many people would love an opportunity to buy a house in the current climate. He has an opportunity to live in the 500k brand new house but makes me feel bad for the fact that there is no garage in it!

I'm very tired of constant fighting over that. We do get on well otherwise, just the house thing...Should I buy something smaller on my own instead?

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tony1kenobi

Yes. Buy a house on your own.

The only thing he wants is a shed and you are asking him to compromise by not having a shed.

strandroad

Yes it doesn't bode well.

Even without the shed issue, if his contribution is a fraction of yours, how would you split mortgage payments?

How much commitment is there in your relationship? You say boyfriend rather than partner, and yet you are ready to buy a 500k house together. Are you sure that he is on the same page? It doesn't seem mature on his part to ignore all aspects of house hunting but the garage, and to expect you to cover 90% of the deposit too.

punisher5112

I wanted exactly that but I understood I had to compromise...

We now have a deadly home where I've turned it into a lit up disco when I want;-)...

Still would love a garage but I'll work on the car in the drive...

LegacyUser

strandroad wrote: »

Yes it doesn't bode well.

Even without the shed issue, if his contribution is a fraction of yours, how would you split mortgage payments?

How much commitment is there in your relationship? You say boyfriend rather than partner, and yet you are ready to buy a 500k house together. Are you sure that he is on the same page? It doesn't seem mature on his part to ignore all aspects of house hunting but the garage, and to expect you to cover 90% of the deposit too.

I'll own a higher % of the house based on my contribution, around 70%. We've been together 4 years - boyfriend or partner - just a different word but same meaning to me anyway so wouldn't focus on that. We've been living together 3 years, renting atm.

For example; we've recently found a 2nd house with a massive garage. House itself is disappointing to me - top of our budget, needs some modernisation, not too much but still, one bathroom, on a busy enough road with north facing garden, location is a plus.

Somehow it doesn't feel right to me putting all my money into it, delaying some travel plans and still not getting the house that I've always wanted just so that he gets a garage. I'm selfish but so he is.

LegacyUser

Do you intend on also paying 70% of the mortgage repayments because if not you might want to look into the legalities re. ownership if there was ever breakup

s14driftking

Peonie83 wrote: »

I'll own a higher % of the house based on my contribution, around 70%. We've been together 4 years - boyfriend or partner - just a different word but same meaning to me anyway so wouldn't focus on that. We've been living together 3 years, renting atm.

For example; we've recently found a 2nd house with a massive garage. House itself is disappointing to me - top of our budget, needs some modernisation, not too much but still, one bathroom, on a busy enough road with north facing garden, location is a plus.

Somehow it doesn't feel right to me putting all my money into it, delaying some travel plans and still not getting the house that I've always wanted just so that he gets a garage. I'm selfish but so he is.

Travel the house can come with time. Plus travelling might also show u a different side to your partner!!!

zapper55

Like the other poster said def check about the %, I wouldnt assume that stands up legally.

If he's not great at saving how is he going to save up for a new kitchen, pay off a loan etc?

It's well for him to go for an older place thinking the refurbishment will get done eventually but the only reason you guys can afford a house is because of your lump sum, which i assume you made from selling the other house you worked so hard on and you dont want to do up another house.

How do you and him communicate generally? Is there fairly equal compromise on things?

amcalester

Sounds like your boyfriend actually has 2 passions.

Cars and spending €105K of your money.

The_Honeybadger

Your partner is being selfish and unreasonable. I’d love to have a big garage with a properly equipped home gym and space for my bike and other stuff. We ended up buying the perfect house in a great location but no garage, it wasn’t feasible with our budget and where we wanted to live.

You are exactly right about buying a newer house with less maintenance required. Older properties can be money pits but it sounds like you know that already. What does he say when you point this out to him? It sounds like he’d be happy to live in a kip once it has a garage.

The fact that you are putting in all of the deposit and he only started saving two years ago would have me a bit concerned too. If it’s not a priority for him what happens once ye have bought the house? Is he on board with the travel plans or would he be more likely to spend his money on his hobby, I.e. the cars?

Edit: is it possible for you to hold back say €100k of your deposit and put it in to an investment for yourself? Could ye still afford a decent house between ye? I’d be very uncomfortable with that tbh, especially given that there are some red flags and you are frustrated enough with him to start a thread on here. Look in to the legalities anyway as others have suggested.

harr

I to would love a house with a nice garage or a decent home office. Unfortunately we couldn’t afford such a house and had to go for a new build 3 bed semi.

OP why don’t you buy the house you can afford especially if he is only putting 15k in, put the house in your name and let him pay towards the mortgage (rent ) .
It’s a bit cheeky of him insisting on a bigger house when he only has the 15k.

His 15k might pay for furnishings for a new build. Legally I think if you get a mortgage together and split up later he could be entitled to half of sale of the new house so thread carefully.

Ursus Horribilis

Definitely get legal advice. The co-habitation laws that are now in effect may come as a shock to you.

Money is one of the biggest reasons why couples argue and even split up. Aside from a difficulty in finding a compromise, there seems to be a glaring disparity in both your outlooks. I also have the feeling that if he gets his garage/man shed, it will give him the space to pursue his hobby in a way he hasn't done to date. Will you come to resent him spending his spare cash on his hobby rather than the house? Even as things stand, you are passing judgment on how he saves/spends his money. He's never going to be as frugal and disciplined as you are. Maybe you should just go travelling and leave the house-hunting for a while. Then decide if it's wise to buy with him.

qwerty13

Apart from the disparity in investment, and attitude towards saving (which is a whole topic by itself), would it be possible to buy the kind of house you want, and for him to rent a garage space?

dellas1979

Your investment in this shook me a little. I dont think the + or - a garage would be my first concern.

If you even cohabit, after X amount of years, he could be entitled for up to half (doesnt matter you put in a huge deposit contribution).

A friend of mine married a guy she loved. She put in a massive amount to buy the house. Bigger than him. Circumstances changed. Guess who now lives in the house and is refusing to sell?

You need to remove emotions of love when doing a transaction like this, and protect yourself for what could (hopefully not, but could) happen in the future. As suggested, please get legal advice on this first. You have a hell of a lot to loose. Get your ducks in a row on that issue first.

Are you going to "jointly" own the property together (both names on the title) in which this case, if you split, both are entitled to an even share. Or will the property be in your name/your name on the title only).

Back to the actual dilemma, I dont know if he realises this either, we are gone into a renovation and building boom (I say as someone building) and getting builders/trades on site is tough. To make a long story short, if you can get away with not renovating and buying a new build (done though a contractor looking to sell), you wont loose your mind/the stress. I do think ignorance is bliss in this case, as he doesnt seem to have the experience or knowledge to know what it will actually be like. He does realise his hobby will have to be put on hold, and money pumped into the house?

He seems all a bit too lax and in lala land. And "shur it will be grand" is not good enough when youre talking about that amount of money.

cannotlogin

I would be asking myself some serious questions about this guy.

For someone who has so little to invest comparatively to continue select houses at the top of your budget would irk me no end. It screams selfishness and talking your contribution for granted.

In terms of his savings, it works out at roughly €625 per month. For some this may be massive, but how does it tie in with his salary and capacity to save. Is he doing his best to contribute or is he taking you & your funds for granted? His attitude here would matter a lot to me.

With cohabitation laws and all, you need to give this strong consideration, you cannot just divide up ownership of the property in terms of contribution, in the eyes of the Bank and the law you will own it equally unless you draw up a specific legal document which says otherwise & even then that can be challenged.

I would be buying a house of my own, you can always add him to the deeds at a later stage if you get married etc. but while there are so many disparities between your attitudes to money etc., it looks like a joint purchase is high risk.

Ursus Horribilis

dellas1979 wrote: »

I dont know if he realises this either, we are gone into a renovation and building boom (I say as someone building) and getting builders/trades on site is tough. To make a long story short, if you can get away with not renovating and buying a new build (done though a contractor looking to sell), you won't lose your mind/the stress.

This is a very good point. I also fear that it's not just your mind you'll lose here. You could easily lose your relationship. My feeling is that if you buy a house that needs work, you and he are going to have a lot of rows over its renovation. He might not care what state the bathroom or the kitchen is in. But if the money starts getting diverted away from his hobby, it could get interesting. If he's prepared to buy in a less desirable area or hike up your mortgage payments, you need to ask questions about his maturity and mindset.

Always Tired

Irish houses aren't really built to accomodate ppl who want a space to pursue a hobby. You have to rent a separate space. That's reality.

But I find people who are 'passionate about cars' are often a bit out of touch with reality. If I was a woman I would never date someone with that passion I just find it so annoying and pointless. Here in Donegal they have this big rally every year, every year people are killed at it, this year no exception. But still it continues. Stupid redneck nonsense. No way I'd let it affect my home or a huge investment like that. I'd tell him to take his 15k and rent a garage and buy the house on my own. The activities of a garage often are loud and spill out onto the front of the house and that would wreck my head.

strandroad

Peonie83 wrote: »

For example; we've recently found a 2nd house with a massive garage. House itself is disappointing to me - top of our budget, needs some modernisation, not too much but still, one bathroom, on a busy enough road with north facing garden, location is a plus.

Don't cave in, there is no way you can enjoy such a house.

Either he does spend time in his garage, therefore he has no time or money for renovations and they will be left to you.

Or he does not really use it as planned if it fizzles out, and you end up living in a wrong house because he had a pipe dream.

strandroad

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

This is a very good point. I also fear that it's not just your mind you'll lose here. You could easily lose your relationship. My feeling is that if you buy a house that needs work, you and he are going to have a lot of rows over its renovation. He might not care what state the bathroom or the kitchen is in. But if the money starts getting diverted away from his hobby, it could get interesting. If he's prepared to buy in a less desirable area or hike up your mortgage payments, you need to ask questions about his maturity and mindset.

How would he even fund the mortgage and the hobby (not to mention the renovations), is he only saves a couple hundred quid a month?

Please look after your own future OP.

[Deleted User]

taking other poster's doubts about the relationship in its entirety to one side, its absolutely clear you two should not be looking at or for a house before agreeing what it is that you actually want

you shouldn't even open daft.ie until you are in the same ballpark.

anything else is pushing trouble down the road and for something like this, the trouble down the road is a lot worse than just facing it now

Get Real

dellas1979 wrote: »

Your investment in this shook me a little. I dont think the + or - a garage would be my first concern.

If you even cohabit, after X amount of years, he could be entitled for up to half (doesnt matter you put in a huge deposit contribution).

A friend of mine married a guy she loved. She put in a massive amount to buy the house. Bigger than him. Circumstances changed. Guess who now lives in the house and is refusing to sell?

I get what you're saying saying here, but there's hundreds of thousands of people in this country where one partner put a vast majority of the deposit up/a sole earner funded the house and their partner moves in and contributes to the repayments or doesn't contribute at all.

There'll always be a risk of cohabitation issues. And there are people up and down the country who have contributed nothing and the relationship subsequently fell apart for other reasons, and the house becomes an issue.

However, many couples, if most of us look at our mothers and fathers etc get a house as a joint decision -regardless of who contributes more- and live as a couple to death.

My advice to the OP would be to (a) compromise on a house on a case by case basis (b) rule out a garage altogether, or (c) buy on her own without factoring his income into the loan application.

The garage and house issue seems to revolve around who's giving more here, rather than do you trust and are you dedicated to each other enough to get a place for the long, long haul.

Cohabitation rights have been an issue for decades. It's rare there's an ideal scenario where each partner pays 50/50. Couples buy houses where one party has contributed a small fraction of the other, and they live out their days.

It's one for all and all for one in scenarios like this, so don't commit yourself to it if you're unsure.

If your first thought is to get out the calculator, and think about the "what ifs" of the future, then buy a house yourself.

5uspect

A colleague of mine bought a new build in Royal Canal Park this year and it came with a garage. Obviously your needs may be different but at least there are some new builds that may fit.

House type Hazel (A)
http://royalcanalpark.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Camden_Brochure_spreads.pdf

KevRossi

I'm big into classic cars and motorbikes so I'll give you some advice on it - to be blunt tell him to rent a garage space or a lock up. If you do buy a house with a garage then expect the garage to 'need improvement', i.e. anything from extra power sockets, to new lighting, new doors, painted industrial floors, new cabinets for tools etc; the list is incredibly long.

From a house buying point, he seems to be either a bit immature or just not able or willing to plan long term. Get a legal contract made up with proposals for future ownership depending on how much is paid month by month - you will need legal advice for this.

Get the legal advice by yourself, in the meantime suggest a lock up or renting a space somewhere else and see how he reacts.

Personally I'd be looking to buy my own spot and have him as a tenant.

wildwillow

Buy your own home on our own. Spend what you can. Treat him as a licencee if you decide to share. Pay the mortgage yourself and let him do the other bills. He can rent a garage.

In a few years if you are still together, and he has matured a bit, then you can reconsider.

Remember having an A rated house is essential for the future and will cost significant money to renovate an old house to the new standards.

the_pen_turner

These threads make me sick.
The ops boyfriend has done nothing wrong and is being painted as a selfish useless and immature child. All he wants is a garage at the house he is buying with his girlfriend. That's a perfectly normal request. He is saying that the OP can have what ever she wants in the house . He is being very reasonable .
op it you that is being selfish here.

In fact by him wanting a garage on site he is committing to the OP. If he was renting one then he would be hedging his bets with the op

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best spec on the house. I would want the same but it shouldn't come at the cost of completely disregarding yout boyfriends only requirment

dellas1979

Get Real wrote: »

I get what you're saying saying here, but there's hundreds of thousands of people in this country where one partner put a vast majority of the deposit up/a sole earner funded the house and their partner moves in and contributes to the repayments or doesn't contribute at all.

Do you have property and that sort of money to gamble with? What is your experience?

None of us know the future - but there are things we can do to safe guard our well being.

There are hundreds and thousands who have divorced and separated. Divorces and separations are increasing, and laws havent changed. We are only beginning to change these. And at that, very little so. In this case, they are not married. Whose name should go on the title in your opinion?
The person putting in 100K+ or the person putting in 15k, or both?

Sorry - no. Head firmly in reality here. If I was putting as much money into a project as she could be (100K+) with someone else, I would want to protect it. That is my way of showing myself self love and care, now and in the future. This is what is the most important over loving someone else.

She could be the one picking up bits of her life in years to come - the money she is talking about could financially ruin her - because of a feeling that she or he may or may not have in the future....

amcalester

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These threads make me sick.
The ops boyfriend has done nothing wrong and is being painted as a selfish useless and immature child. All he wants is a garage at the house he is buying with his girlfriend. That's a perfectly normal request. He is saying that the OP can have what ever she wants in the house . He is being very reasonable .
op it you that is being selfish here.

In fact by him wanting a garage on site he is committing to the OP. If he was renting one then he would be hedging his bets with the op

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best spec on the house. I would want the same but it shouldn't come at the cost of completely disregarding yout boyfriends only requirment

He wants the garage and he wants her to pay for it.

He doesn’t even want the best spec he’s picking houses that need work, so he’s willing to “compromise” on the spec while also looking at houses at the top end of their budget. A budget they have because of the OP.

And I’m not sure how the OP stumping up the cash to allow him have his dream garage instead of paying for it himself show his commitment to her, you might have to explain that one to me.

wildwillow

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These threads make me sick.
The ops boyfriend has done nothing wrong and is being painted as a selfish useless and immature child. All he wants is a garage at the house he is buying with his girlfriend. That's a perfectly normal request. He is saying that the OP can have what ever she wants in the house . He is being very reasonable .
op it you that is being selfish here.

In fact by him wanting a garage on site he is committing to the OP. If he was renting one then he would be hedging his bets with the op

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best spec on the house. I would want the same but it shouldn't come at the cost of completely disregarding yout boyfriends only requirment

I'd have no problem with that if he had a comparable amount of savings, or even showed a commitment to such saving. As it is he is dictating his needs without any thought for the actual situation.

the_pen_turner

amcalester wrote: »

He wants the garage and he wants her to pay for it.

He doesn’t even want the best spec he’s picking houses that need work, so he’s willing to “compromise” on the spec while also looking at houses at the top end of their budget. A budget they have because of the OP.

And I’m not sure how the OP stumping up the cash to allow him have his dream garage instead of paying for it himself show his commitment to her, you might have to explain that one to me.

So he isn't going to be paying for any of it.

How did the OP end up her section of the money. We don't know all the facts , maybe she inherited it etc or saved a huge amount or was very lucky or worked really hard for it. What's his situation. That 15k could be a lot for him and his situation. Maybe he had to invest in his trade and the op didn't. We don't know.

Where does it say he wants a dream garage. Most dream garages would cost 100k minimum

By the sounds of it the OP has her list of requirements and the boyfriend has only one.
So should he give up his only requirment to the OP can have everything on her list at the cost of his one thing

amcalester

the_pen_turner wrote: »

So he isn't going to be paying for any of it.

How did the OP end up her section of the money. We don't know all the facts , maybe she inherited it etc or saved a huge amount or was very lucky or worked really hard for it. What's his situation. That 15k could be a lot for him and his situation. Maybe he had to invest in his trade and the op didn't. We don't know.

Where does it say he wants a dream garage. Most dream garages would cost 100k minimum

By the sounds of it the OP has her list of requirements and the boyfriend has only one.
So should he give up his only requirment to the OP can have everything on her list at the cost of his one thing

It’s in the OP where the money came from, maybe you should re-read it.

Apologies, not his dream garage. His dream to have a garage, you’re right these are not the same.

The point still stands, he has €15K to contribute and is suggesting houses that meet his wants but not the OPs. And the houses he’s suggesting he can only afford if he spend the OPs money.

the_pen_turner

amcalester wrote: »

It’s in the OP where the money came from, maybe you should re-read it.

Apologies, not his dream garage. His dream to have a garage, you’re right these are not the same.

The point still stands, he has €15K to contribute and is suggesting houses that meet his wants but not the OPs. And the houses he’s suggesting he can only afford if he spend the OPs money.

No there is not.
She added to it by by saving g really hard. That's great but it doesn't explain where the first house and the money from it came from. It could be from hard work but it's not clear