Is this normal sibling stuff?

AlbionCat

I wanted to say that your partner is brilliant and very supportive. There are many that would not be prepared to say anything when to comes to there other family.

I found a strategy that works ( most of the time) with a racist parent. When they came out with a racist term that offended me, I would ask them to repeat it "sorry, I didn't catch that, could you say that again" followed along by the line "I really don't understand what you are trying to say to me, please explain". This usually puts them on the back foot most of the time and shuts them down. Occasionally I have resorted to the "I find that term offensive and I will not continue to talk to you if you continue to use it". And have hung up on them more than once. We do still speak to each other.

This method often works well, especially in a public space as the person suddenly finds themselves having to explain a derogatory term in front of others - thus exposing themselves for the bigot/idiot they are and others around will see.

I find the term "womb faeces" particularly cruel - and I am person who does not have kids, never wanted them and don't particularly like them, and spend much time avoiding places where they are. But without them we won't have the next generation to help us in old age, or to be next super scientist or world leader, so I think they are here to stay 😀

If your happy occasion arises and you are pregnant, I would simply not tell her. It really is none of her business anyway. I would also look at keeping her at arms length ( or at least 10ft barge pole length) and keep contact to a bare minimum. If you can find a way of doing this that keeps your parents happy, I strongly urge you to do so, otherwise, bite the bullet and move her out of life. Stress and strains like this are absolutely no good for anyone and their mental health, and when you are pregnant you will have enough on your plate with hormones,preparing for the arrival and so on.

I hope everything goes ok for you OP, no matter what, try and stay strong and talk to that lovely partner of yours.

coffee_cake

I think it's time to stop offering olive branches, stop having chats, stop engaging, and stop enabling.
Distance yourself, say something isn't appropriate if it isn't, be civil if you're all with your parents, and leave it there.

while this applies to MILs, the situation here reminded me of it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/

And if your partner wants to tell her off, let him.

fallen01angel

Hi OP, I'm going to be blunt.....your sister is a horrible,twisted human being.
Why would you want to have anything to do with someone, who judging by your opening post made your childhood a living hell and has mentally scarred you.You and your parents march to her drum,your relationship is STRICTLY on her terms and that will never change.

I understand the fact that she's your only sibling but to be honest,I think you would have been better off as an only child. But you do have choices in this,you can a) do nothing and let her continue on being the absolutely vile human she is, b)contact your sister and lay all your cards on the table, let her know that you're not going to be putting up with any more of her cr*p or c) make the decision to cut the toxicity that is your sister out of your life. Plenty of people have done it,just because you share blood with someone, doesn't make them family.....

Big Bag of Chips

So what's going to happen within the family if you do have children? Will you not be allowed attend family events because she won't want you and your offspring there? Will she guilt your parents into not allowing you visit them for fear of upsetting her?

You've all tiptoed around her for her entire life and you've all inconvenienced yourselves and compromised yourselves for fear of upsetting her.

When will that stop? Will that stop?

wiggle16

She sounds like a thoroughly horrible yoke. I don't think any amount of good behaviour in other ways makes up for that kind of attitude. I'm not a "kid person" myself but refering to an unborn baby as womb faeces?? There is something seriously wrong with her.

I don't have any direct advice for you Lola but I think your sister is missing the irony of the fact that her carry on of being tiptoed around, wanting everything her own way is about as juvenile and childish a behaviour as you can get.

Actually no, I do have advice: tell her that. And let your partner put her in her place. If and when you do have children they will be miles better off without such a toxic person in their environment.

StinkyMunkey

Your sister is a total narcissistic, your need to accept she will never change.

Your best defence against this is to put no stock in what she says. In her mind the world revolves around her and this will always be the case.

Invest your time and effort in those who will support you and who have your best interests at heart.

Anyone who has kids will tell you that its like winning the lottery (granted I wanna kill the little ****s sometimes).

When you tell her your pregnant and she kicks off, either keep quiet and let it blow over or simply tell her that it's made you happy and that's what counts.