What's the etiquette here??

TomasMacR

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Tommo..... we are talking of severe issues in r e m o t e areas for this drill.

Like as been discussed, trains in Thailand, in SA, we are not talking about the real world, this is off grid stuff, where if you stopped the motor and exited to blow out your guts, it could be your last dump.

Central Africa, Central America, The West Indies, you keep moving, bro.

You do not stop for man or beast you keep ploughing on.

Mate of mine was taking a dump in an area between Rusape and Mutare in Zim

Just near the main road,,, the only road... middle of nowhere,,, got bitten by a serious snake in the nutbag as he hung the fcuker out, snake sniffed the heat and had a go at the dangle bag.

Survived, but only just, half the bag had to go, and the rest is like perished rubber he tells me.

So. Dont dis the plastic bag.

Point taken, apologies. I was taking this discussion more from a mullingar to Galway journey type of perspective, not some African bear grills mission.

My condolences to your pals ballbag. Let’s hope the snake got a mouthful of his semi deposited shįte at the same time as some kind of consolation.

PicardWithHair

TomasMacR wrote: »

Point taken, apologies. I was taking this discussion more from a mullingar to Galway journey type of perspective, not some African bear grills mission.

My condolences to your pals ballbag. Let’s hope the snake got a mouthful of his semi deposited shįte at the same time as some kind of consolation.

Jaysus! sounds grim!

EmmetSpiceland

TomasMacR wrote: »

Point taken, apologies. I was taking this discussion more from a mullingar to Galway journey type of perspective, not some African bear grills mission.

Listen, you could be on the side of a motorway with no access to any grassland, you’d be thankful of the bag then.

EICVD

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I had to open my business today for a few hours, and asked one of the lads to come in and give me a hand. I was out last night watching the Liverpool game, and I've a stage 6 hangover as a result.



Anways, it got to about half 10 and I felt my 'sheriff's badge' starting to twitch. Headed into the jacks and dropped a serious anchor into Brown Water Bay. I was sitting there afterwards on my phone when what do I hear but the jacks door opening, and someone heading into the stall beside mine. Down go the trousers, a slight groan, a string of watery farts, and then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic. A smaller fart to finish up, and a deep exhalation of breath. :eek:



I was shocked, and very angry. Am I overreacting, or should the fúcker have waited until I had finished using the boombox before he decided to go and pinch one out? He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

What happens in a bathroom stall stays in a bathroom stall.

Brendan Bendar

padd b1975 wrote: »

An opened newspaper will also suffice, although this is very much diet dependent.

Broadsheet(no pun intended) though, the tabloid doesn’t provide a big enough damage footprint, I find.

Hamsterchops

An old friend once told me that there was a practice/fetish back in the 70s whereby one person would lie down under a glass topped coffee table, while the other would squat above & curl one out...

Presumably the witness below would gain some warped satisfaction as the wee jobby emerged from the sphincter above & landed on the glass, right in front of their eyes.

Dirty pigs :-)

Hotblack Desiato

Hamsterchops wrote: »

An old friend once told me that there was a practice/fetish back in the 70s whereby one person would lie down under a glass topped coffee table, while the other would squat above & curl one out...

Presumably the witness below would gain some warped satisfaction as the wee jobby emerged from the sphincter above & landed on the glass, right in front of their eyes.

Dirty pigs :-)

That's called a Cold Karl. A Hot Karl skips the table... swap the table for cling film a Warm Karl. So I hear.

PicardWithHair wrote: »

What ? she stopped for a sh1t ?

Indeedy-doody, as it were.

"Doing a Paula Radcliffe" is now synonymous with taking an alfresco eldumpo, especially within the view of the unwitting public.

TomasMacR wrote: »

I’ve done it myself including between two cars in the car park of the Slieve Russell hotel late in the evening of a wedding.

Jeez. Hope the guy who owned the car on the right was the first to drive off, might have given the owner of the car on the left the chance to "see and avoid" as they say in RAF low-level training.

EmmetSpiceland

Hamsterchops wrote: »

An old friend once told me that there was a practice/fetish back in the 70s whereby one person would lie down under a glass topped coffee table, while the other would squat above & curl one out...

Presumably the witness below would gain some warped satisfaction as the wee jobby emerged from the sphincter above & landed on the glass, right in front of their eyes.

Dirty pigs :-)

I remember hearing that when the lads from the band Status Quo were starting out they had a neighbour in an upstairs apartment who’d pay them to do that sort of thing. Pretty easy money, I guess, but dirty money all the same.

PicardWithHair

Hamsterchops wrote: »

An old friend once told me that there was a practice/fetish back in the 70s whereby one person would lie down under a glass topped coffee table, while the other would squat above & curl one out...

Presumably the witness below would gain some warped satisfaction as the wee jobby emerged from the sphincter above & landed on the glass, right in front of their eyes.

Dirty pigs :-)

I remember years ago when I was in college there was a video doing the rounds, you'd find the bloody thing on the /temp drive on almost every PC in the labs.
Some young one with her mouth open taking great big lumps of chod from some blokes arsehole.
f*cking vile

yermandan

Best thread since Facekicker imo. Stellar

TomasMacR

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Cant see how a plastic bag on the ground with some aggregates to hold it flat would have saved his ball sack there.
Unless theres a diagram to explain?

I don't think it was intended to get out of the car and **** in a bag roadside. I think the logic behind it was that if he never exited the vehicle in the depths of jungle Africa and took a sh*te in a bag in the passenger seat his ballsack would still be in tact. I totally understand this, however, a few landscape gardeners in the back of a van going from a-z in Ireland sh*tting into a plastic bag in the back of a van DOES NOT make any sense to me

By the way Brendan, was it definitely confirmed as a snake? I've heard those honeybadgers in Africa are right nasty f*ckers and go straight for the ballbag if the opportunity arises.

PicardWithHair

Thanks to JohhnyFlash that mentioned 4th floor of Brown Thomas , today I was picking up some books at Hodges Figgis and felt the old hairy starfish itch , popped into BT and was delighted at the luxury of the traps there.

Felt a bit like a fool walking quickly through the makeup section with some serious beauties .... passed some awful handbag for 800EUR (boom is well and truly back).
Into the jacks and deposited a nice heavy load of fresh brown midden to the fine white pewter.

Relief, and the soap and handcream after ..... as well as lovely disposable hand towels.

top class.

TomasMacR

PicardWithHair wrote: »

Thanks to JohhnyFlash that mentioned 4th floor of Brown Thomas , today I was picking up some books at Hodges Figgis and felt the old hairy starfish itch , popped into BT and was delighted at the luxury of the traps there.

Felt a bit like a fool walking quickly through the makeup section with some serious beauties .... passed some awful handbag for 800EUR (boom is well and truly back).
Into the jacks and deposited a nice heavy load of fresh brown midden to the fine white pewter.

Relief, and the soap and handcream after ..... as well as lovely disposable hand towels.

top class.

F*ck you, you ungrateful Star Trek baldy c*nt, that was my recommendation. I’m regretting even mentioning it here being honest, that little bit of paradise is going to be a bio harzard zone within a week with all the filthy f*ckers on this. There’ll be a plastic spar bag in the corner of the trap leaking brown filth all over those pristine tiles in no time.

Brendan Bendar

TomasMacR wrote: »

I don't think it was intended to get out of the car and **** in a bag roadside. I think the logic behind it was that if he never exited the vehicle in the depths of jungle Africa and took a sh*te in a bag in the passenger seat his ballsack would still be in tact. I totally understand this, however, a few landscape gardeners in the back of a van going from a-z in Ireland sh*tting into a plastic bag in the back of a van DOES NOT make any sense to me

By the way Brendan, was it definitely confirmed as a snake? I've heard those honeybadgers in Africa are right nasty f*ckers and go straight for the ballbag if the opportunity arises.

Yes that’s the idea, you don’t stop and it wasn’t jungle just highland bush scrub for miles and miles.

It was confirmed a snake, lad must have encroached as he struggled for purchase to release the load, appears the snake has a nest with young very close to the ‘shíte footprint’ and had a go at the nutpurse which was swinging in his/her strike area.

Lucky he didn’t lose the whole tackle.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Yes that’s the idea, you don’t stop and it wasn’t jungle just highland bush scrub for miles and miles.

It was confirmed a snake, lad must have encroached as he struggled for purchase to release the load, appears the snake has a nest with young very close to the ‘shíte footprint’ and had a go at the nutpurse which was swinging in his/her strike area.

Lucky he didn’t lose the whole tackle.

Have you ever used the lidl sand bag on domestic soil Brendan?

JohnnyFlash

Was in the Guinness Storehouse last night as they had a celebration to mark their 20 millionth visitor. The Guinness was fücking putrid there, served up by surly and unmotivated foreign bar staff who took no pride in their work. But it was free so I drank a gallon and a half of it. There was free food as well so had a dozen oysters and about half a kilo of cheese and crackers.

My farts today are wojus as a result, loud, hot, and extremely musty. I’m lying on the couch dying, but it can’t be long until I’m perched on the throne squirting out arse acid in a crop duster style. Shïtting is the curse of the drinking man to paraphrase Wilde.

Brendan Bendar

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Have you ever used the lidl sand bag on domestic soil Brendan?

No Patrick, reserve that for off grid scary places, where even stopping is dangerous and hanging your clump out can and does invite issues both human and animal.

However do use the ‘plastic beaker’ approach especially at ball games.

Was attending ‘Linster ‘ game in the RDS with Pat Porter and had two beakers of Heino in the seats, finished these lads, and as it happens got a ‘surge’ in the pipes.

Unreeled the stem and under the coat hosed a good blast of hot piss into the beaker, almost filling it.

Porter did the same... nobody too near except two ladies in the row in front of us.
Later...
Anyway to cut the story short, Leinster attacking, lost control of the beaker dropped it and showered the two ladies in piss.

Luckily they thought it was just lager and after apologizing profusely the matter ended there.

But a lesson was learned Patrick.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Was in the Guinness Storehouse last night as they had a celebration to mark their 20 millionth visitor. The Guinness was fücking putrid there, served up by surly and unmotivated foreign bar staff who took no pride in their work. But it was free so I drank a gallon and a half of it. There was free food as well so had a dozen oysters and about half a kilo of cheese and crackers.

My farts today are wojus as a result, loud, hot, and extremely musty. I’m lying on the couch dying, but it can’t be long until I’m perched on the throne squirting out arse acid in a crop duster style. Shïtting is the curse of the drinking man to paraphrase Wilde.

I’d slip a copy of the Connacht Telegraph under you on that couch John, in case of an unstable round sets off a chain reaction.

On second thoughts, maybe not,probably a fcuking cheap IKEA unit as well ‘greased’ as the inside of Fr. Aidan Piggots’s work soutane.

Whack of stale rashers and ‘spend’ off it.

stefanovich

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I had to open my business today for a few hours, and asked one of the lads to come in and give me a hand. I was out last night watching the Liverpool game, and I've a stage 6 hangover as a result.



Anways, it got to about half 10 and I felt my 'sheriff's badge' starting to twitch. Headed into the jacks and dropped a serious anchor into Brown Water Bay. I was sitting there afterwards on my phone when what do I hear but the jacks door opening, and someone heading into the stall beside mine. Down go the trousers, a slight groan, a string of watery farts, and then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic. A smaller fart to finish up, and a deep exhalation of breath. :eek:



I was shocked, and very angry. Am I overreacting, or should the fúcker have waited until I had finished using the boombox before he decided to go and pinch one out? He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

I use the toilet at home. Never when out. I find it a bit disgusting.

Ush1

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Was in the Guinness Storehouse last night as they had a celebration to mark their 20 millionth visitor. The Guinness was fücking putrid there, served up by surly and unmotivated foreign bar staff who took no pride in their work. But it was free so I drank a gallon and a half of it. There was free food as well so had a dozen oysters and about half a kilo of cheese and crackers.

My farts today are wojus as a result, loud, hot, and extremely musty. I’m lying on the couch dying, but it can’t be long until I’m perched on the throne squirting out arse acid in a crop duster style. Shïtting is the curse of the drinking man to paraphrase Wilde.

I'm the same, went on a bit of crawl which finished in 4 Dame Lane.

I've been on the throne 4 times already. Very spluttery, like an old diesel engine starting.

EmmetSpiceland

stefanovich wrote: »

I use the toilet at home. Never when out. I find it a bit disgusting.

I agree with you, using the shítters in pubs is rarely a nice experience but sometimes needs must and you just have to face it head on and hope for the best.

You talk all you want about “going at home” but that’s cold comfort when you’re “out and about” and nature comes calling.

stefanovich

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I agree with you, using the shítters in pubs is rarely a nice experience but sometimes needs must and you just have to face it head on and hope for the best.

You talk all you want about “going at home” but that’s cold comfort when you’re “out and about” and nature comes calling.

And then it touches the cold rim and you think, instant STD

Brendan Bendar

stefanovich wrote: »

And then it touches the cold rim and you think, instant STD

If in doubt, the ‘turban’ procedure is your man.

Wrap the knob in arse tissue, two or three layers and then you can rest the unit on the rim in confidence.

No crabs getting thru a good turban, bro.

Then just shake her off or leave as a trophy on the window sill.

padd b1975

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

If in doubt, the ‘turban’ procedure is your man.

Wrap the knob in arse tissue, two or three layers and then you can rest the unit on the rim in confidence.

No crabs getting thru a good turban, bro.

Then just shake her off or leave as a trophy on the window sill.

I used to regularly travel to Germany on important business some years back.

50c at the time to use most facilities on the excellent Autobahn network, although that was cost neutral as you got a meal voucher back.

The toilet seats were self cleaning.... that's right, self cleaning.
The seat would rotate on a complex set of rollers when flushed, through some sort of disinfected sponge.

No need for caveman like tomfoolery (admittedly unavoidable at times) with tissue and tucking in etc

Never seen anything like it in these isles since and probably never will.

Pintman Paddy Losty

padd b1975 wrote: »

I used to regularly travel to Germany on important business some years back.

50c at the time to use most facilities on the excellent Autobahn network, although that was cost neutral as you got a meal voucher back.

The toilet seats were self cleaning.... that's right, self cleaning.
The seat would rotate on a complex set of rollers when flushed, through some sort of disinfected sponge.

No need for caveman like tomfoolery (admittedly unavoidable at times) with tissue and tucking in etc

Never seen anything like it in these isles since and probably never will.

Point of order there padraig but I don't think driving a lorry full of tampons from Germany back to Ireland qualifies as important business.

padd b1975

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Point of order there padraig but I don't think driving a lorry full of tampons from Germany back to Ireland qualifies as important business.

Tell that to a woman in a bad mood Paddy.

PicardWithHair

TomasMacR wrote: »

F*ck you, you ungrateful Star Trek baldy c*nt, that was my recommendation. I’m regretting even mentioning it here being honest, that little bit of paradise is going to be a bio harzard zone within a week with all the filthy f*ckers on this. There’ll be a plastic spar bag in the corner of the trap leaking brown filth all over those pristine tiles in no time.

All right calm down!!
I only got a few drops of scutter on the doorhandle, no bother !

Voodoomelon

Just boarded a plane back from Lanzarote, hopped into the jacks before everyone was even seated and was greeted with this fine scene.



Its unlikely to be what it looks like, but it raised an eyebrow none the less.

It's better than being met by a bowl of chocolate arse cake which is all-too common a sight.

Brendan Bendar

Relax....just Harpic.

Utter Consternation

padd b1975 wrote: »

I used to regularly travel to Germany on important business some years back.

50c at the time to use most facilities on the excellent Autobahn network, although that was cost neutral as you got a meal voucher back.

The toilet seats were self cleaning.... that's right, self cleaning.
The seat would rotate on a complex set of rollers when flushed, through some sort of disinfected sponge.

No need for caveman like tomfoolery (admittedly unavoidable at times) with tissue and tucking in etc

Never seen anything like it in these isles since and probably never will.

Unfortunately that type of toilet technology would never take off here. Some cnut would find a way to sabotage it and probably bring a claim against the owner of the toilet because they caught their tits or ball bag in the machinations of the device.

The compo culture has ruined everything. :mad::mad: