Advice on new(ish) relationship

Big Bag of Chips

Up to you, OP, but I'd be asking what is his reason for meeting up? If he wants to meet up to turn everything around on you and continue to accuse you of exactly what he in fact has been doing then I'd wonder is there any point. If he wants to meet to apologise unreservedly for being a knob, then maybe.....

My guess is he'll be looking for an apology, as you apologised repeatedly the last time.

TTour

So we met last night and to be honest the conversation went around in circles.
He asked why I didn't contact him - I said because he walked out and made it clear he didn't want to talk.
I asked why it took him so long to get in contact with me - he said he was angry.
He brought up about the being single comment again and said that I knew what he meant, that at our age I should know - I said that I didn't know what he meant otherwise I wouldn't have asked.
He said about feeling he has to tip toe around what he wants to say to me - I said at the felt the same as we were both not understanding each other.
He said I was very quiet - I said that I was giving him the opportunity to talk (he then asked if this was a game to me)

He did apologise for upsetting me (not for his behaviour)

We didn't get anywhere. Before he left I asked if he wanted to try and sort this out - he said that if he didn't he wouldn't have asked to meet. I replied if I didn't I wouldn't have agreed to meet. He said that maybe we both need to take some time to see how we feel. And that's where it's at at the moment.

TheBoyConor

Sounds like a teenage drama.

This is a dead end and by agreeing to take time etc or think about things you are only drawing out the inevitable. Just tell him to sling his hook and be done with him. He is a headmelter.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Are you bothered putting up with all that? None of us can tell you what to do, only what we would do.

To me, for someone in their 40s, in the early stages of a relationship, this is ridiculous behaviour/communication. I'm also of the opinion that the single comment was innocent and you took it up wrong but JESUS he's still bringing it up? What do you think he'll be like if you stick with him and you have a falling out in ten years and he's got a decade of ammo to draw on?

The comments about "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want it to work" are bullsh1t too. It's a yes or no question and he wouldn't give you one of those answers. He's either being tactical or he just couldn't let an opportunity to make a snarky comment go by.

Ursus Horribilis

This isn't looking too promising, is it? After 4 days of radio silence, all you get are more mind games and an attempt to blame you for what happened. There's no self-reflection here, no realisation that he was acting like a dick, no apologies or explanations. Just a mealy-mouthed non-apology and passive aggressiveness. Goodness knows what he was hoping for from this meeting because he certainly didn't do much of a job communicating. I'm not sure he particularly wanted to make up. He wanted to win.

Big Bag of Chips

He wanted you to chase him. He wanted you to react like you did the last time and contact him apologising over and over. He would have still waited a few days to get back to you and then it would have been to let you know that you were lucky he was forgiving you and giving you a chance. Then in future you'd watch what you say around him and be more careful not to upset him because twice now you would have caused a problem and your apology would be acknowledgement of that.

This is twice he's carried on like this in a very short period of time. This is him telling you how it's going to be.

I love how he is turning his behaviour around and making out like it's you doing it. I bet you will now already be watching what you say around him. He's playing a game with you and accusing you of playing games.

I wouldn't see this as a healthy stable relationship, OP. Your head is already wrecked trying to figure it out. That's not going to miraculously just disappear. At best he's a childish bully who's used to getting his own way. At worst he's an abusive manipulative bully who is hoping to wear you down to the point where you question everything and are no longer sure of anything.

Neither of those personality types should be attractive thing in an adult relationship.

Emme

OP when I first read this thread I thought both of you might have had a misunderstanding due to having a bit much to drink. Now I don't think that.

I think he is manipulative and will get worse. You are already walking on eggshells around him. Somebody said he could be emotionally abusive and showing his true colours at the end of the honeymoon period. Trying to make everything seem like your fault when it isn't can be a sign of that.

Think carefully if you want to continue with this man. He may ease off a bit to reel you in again but if he starts the head games again walk away for good.

He's a manipulative headwreck. life is way too short for this sh!te. it's draining.

sorry but i think it is time to walk away

Yellow pack crisps

You both seem really bad at communicating. You both seem to struggle with basic understanding of conflict resolution. In saying this when I hear people saying ‘you’re playing mindgames’ that’s enough for me to not take them seriously.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm not seeing where they're both bad at communicating? Please elaborate.

Yellow pack crisps

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I'm not seeing where they're both bad at communicating? Please elaborate.

Nine months is a substantial amount of time to be seeing someone. I think in most cases regardless of who did or said what that either one of them ignoring each other for four days is not a good set of communication skills by either of them. Also meeting a second time afterwards and discussing it for several hours without a resolution is shows also a lack of meaningful communication skills to resolve it one way or the other. People who are good at communicating do not leave these things festering one way or the other. It’s I am sure bad for the OPs mental happiness to have no contact for four days with someone they were regularly seeing without an idea of what’s going on.

Ursus Horribilis

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this.

Yellow pack crisps

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this.

Which is perfectly fine as in general I respect your advice on here.

con___manx1

id never want to know about exes. He sounds like the jelous type to me. Get rid