Should I ask colleague for his number?

Doublechoice1

There’s a guy at work I like. I think he likes me too. We don’t work directly together but when he comes to my department we always very friendly with each other and he went out of his way to talk to me the other day even asking me where I live what I was doing for my day off etc. I have decided to be brave and ask him out (you only live once) but because of shift work I don’t see him all that often and there are always people around.
I have tried searching him on social media but can’t find him. My only last resort is to ask a friend who works closer with him for his number. I know this friend will be discreet but would this be too much/creepy to do this?

LegacyUser

I wouldn't get a friend to do it for you. Sounds immature and schoolyard-ish. You're an adult. If you are going to do it at all then approach him yourself. People will respect you more as it takes courage as shown in a similar thread here. Unless someone is a bit of a d*ck, people are generally flattered even if nothing happens between you. Go for it!

zapper55

I dont think itd be creepy but why don't you just ask him out without going through his friend?

Or if you dont see him could you email him?

The problem with asking his mate is that they mightn't be as discreet as you think and it seems a bit schoolyardish.

Definitely ask him out tho. I asked a colleague out last week. He very very nicely said no but I'm so glad I did. I would have always been thinking, what if?

(Edit: snap to previous poster).

Doublechoice1

The reason I was sourcing the number is because I don’t see him that often maybe 1/2 a fortnight. Yes I agree it may look immature.

Can someone advise how I ask him for his number or ask him out? Next time I see him should I just ask him or hint at going for coffee ?

zapper55

Definitely just ask. A hint is confusing and vague.

Hey would you fancy going for a drink/coffee some evening?

The evening part so that he doesn't think it's a work coffee during the day.

Purple Mountain

Firstly are you sure he's definitely single?
Can you discreetly find this out first?
Do you have his work email?
I would send him a short casual email saying you don't have his number so you had to email.
Would he have any interest in a coffee some evening after work. Tell him there would be no awkwardness or hard feelings if he says no.
Sign off with your number.

Keep it light and fun.

Doublechoice1

Don’t have his email.
He is only temporary here for about 6months.
I assume he’s not single judging by the conversation we had the last day. He also indirectly complemented me, I was chatting to two colleagues and one said doesn’t she look nice today and he was close by then added ‘yes she does’. Following that he came after me and struck up a small conversation asking about my day where I live etc.
Maybe he’s not but no one knows him well enough to know as he is only knew so it’s a gamble.
He could say no because he has a partner then again he could say no for other reasons even if he is single.
I was thinking coffee would be a more casual informal thing since I’m not sure, it plays it safe.

So would you recommend next time I see him strike up conversation then ask him for coffee or wait and talk to him a bit more build up more of a rapport and then ask?

Big Bag of Chips

Could you even organise a few of you to go out some evening? Few drinks after work or whatever. That way you can get to know him in a more casual setting and gauge whether or not he is single/interested.

Terminal 2

I would ask him out in person

Anything I ever tried 'remotely' never went anywhere.

Doublechoice1

Terminal 2 wrote: »

I would ask him out in person

Anything I ever tried 'remotely' never went anywhere.

What do you mean by remotely?

Terminal 2

Doublechoice1 wrote: »

What do you mean by remotely?

Via a 3rd party or electronic means

Doublechoice1

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Could you even organise a few of you to go out some evening? Few drinks after work or whatever. That way you can get to know him in a more casual setting and gauge whether or not he is single/interested.

Unfortunately no it wouldn’t work because we don’t work directly with each other, we are healthcare professionals in different departments

Big Bag of Chips

Doublechoice1 wrote: »

Unfortunately no it wouldn’t work because we don’t work directly with each other, we are healthcare professionals in different departments

You don't have to work directly with each other. You're friendly with him, that's all that's needed to arrange a few drinks, with a few others who are also friendly with him. I don't know how not working directly with him means you can't invite him out for a few drinks in a group, but you can ask him out for a coffee?

wirelessdude01

Why would you ask him out if he isn't single?

Doublechoice1

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Why would you ask him out if he isn't single?

I said I don’t know if he’s single but based on our interactions I doubt it but I’ll never know he could be overly flirty and still have a gf some guys are like that it’s a chance if he does he does

Doublechoice1

I don’t think I should not ask him out just because I don’t know if he’s single or not

wirelessdude01

Doublechoice1 wrote:

I don’t think I should not ask him out just because I don’t know if he’s single or not

Ask discreetly so seeing as you were going to discreetly acquire his number.

Doublechoice1

Is it such a big deal if I ask him for coffee without finding out if he has a gf or not? Surely if he has one he would say no anyway?

Jurgen Klopp

Doublechoice1 wrote: »

Is it such a big deal if I ask him for coffee without finding out if he has a gf or not? Surely if he has one he would say no anyway?

Well there's always teh chance he has a gf and ye go for coffee and colleagues think you know this but are happy to chase taken types

So that may be something to consider in a work environment

Doublechoice1

He’s only here three weeks they may not even know themselves. I don’t really care what others think I know I’m not like that that’s all that matters.

You guys are putting me off the idea now

redfox123

If you assume he's not single don't ask him out. You would need to know that first.

Addle

Just ask him out.
He'll either say yes or no.
It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

Doublechoice1

redfox123 wrote: »

If you assume he's not single don't ask him out. You would need to know that first.

I assume he’s not single judging by the conversation we had the last day. He also indirectly complemented me, I was chatting to two colleagues and one said doesn’t she look nice today and he was close by then added ‘yes she does’. Following that he came after me and struck up a small conversation asking about my day where I live etc.

Faith

Doublechoice1 wrote: »

I assume he’s not single judging by the conversation we had the last day. He also indirectly complemented me

These appear to contradict each other. What did he say in the conversation that made you assume he’s not single? Because that’s far more important than an indirect compliment he couldn’t avoid giving.

Big Bag of Chips

Agree with Faith. You say you assume he's has a gf because he flirted with you? If a colleague said "doesn't she look well today", in front of you, he's hardly likely to reply with "I've seen better".

Look, you obviously want to ask him out. So just do it. Get his number from a friend and ask him. What's the worst that can happen?

Doublechoice1

Sorry guys I mistyped I said I assumed he was not single I meant to say I assumed he WAS single based on my last post, that he complimented me (when he wasn’t part of the group conversation) and when he made the effort to talk to me after. Sorry for confusion

Doublechoice1

Maybe I have it all wrong and I am reading way too much into it though

wirelessdude01

Doublechoice1 wrote:

Sorry guys I mistyped I said I assumed he was not single I meant to say I assumed he WAS single based on my last post, that he complimented me (when he wasn’t part of the group conversation) and when he made the effort to talk to me after. Sorry for confusion

Ask away so.

Purple Mountain

Doublechoice1 wrote: »

Sorry guys I mistyped I said I assumed he was not single I meant to say I assumed he WAS single based on my last post, that he complimented me (when he wasn’t part of the group conversation) and when he made the effort to talk to me after. Sorry for confusion

Thanks for clearing that up.
I was confused too!
Yes indeed ask away.
A guy in my old job very discreetly asked me for my number totally out of the blue one day. It was in a room of colleagues but he did it so casually noone noticed. I scribbled it on a page and gave it to him again, noone noticed.
He rang that evening to ask me to a function.
I didn't fancy him at all so I politely declined but I told him I thought it was very admirable to have plucked up the courage. I was very flattered.
And I made sure we were totally fine afterwards chatting away etc and I never told anyone else at work because there were quiet a few nosey bats there!
I admire your confidence. Well done!

Doublechoice1

Thing is I really want to ask him out I genuinely want to talk to him more and know more about him but I don’t know how to do it. There will never be a time where we will be alone together unless I ask to speak to him alone in a side room and then do I just spill and ask him? I’m very nervous he won’t like it or reciprocate and I will look like a desperate weirdo

sReq | uTeK

World has gone bonkers......

Guy talks to you, you like him, ask him bloody out, worst that can happen is its a no and he takes it as a HUGE compliment.

Good luck

Doublechoice1

But does it not look a bit desperate to ask a guy out only after speaking to him 2/3 times at work?

zapper55

No and no. Please just do it and put yourself out of your misery and before you overthink it to oblivion

osarusan

Doublechoice1 wrote: »

But does it not look a bit desperate to ask a guy out only after speaking to him 2/3 times at work?

Seems like last time, when he wanted to chat with you, he 'came after' you and you did chat together.

Next time you see him, get him to one side and casually ask him. He won't know you've been thinking about it for the previous 2 weeks.