Married and friends with benefits

SusieBlue

SusieBlue wrote: »

What kind of man intentionally pursues a sexual relationship with another woman while married?.

Historically the answer to that question is all men, and more recently (since the advent of agriculture), successful men (men who controlled resources also tended to accumulate wives/mistresses/harems).

Course, the whole "while married" thing is an utterly modern modern. We have no idea of marriage in pre-historic society, though presumably some sort of pair bonding did exist. In the primitive tribes we can study, marriage doesn't exist as we understand it.

This forum is a fascinating picture of the great damage done due to the illusion of marriage.

But anyhow OP, all you can do is do what works for you. Good luck.

Big Bag of Chips

Posters are all reminded that personal issues is an advice forum. General chat should be taken off thread. It's off topic and adds nothing to the thread.

Thanks.

Stacksofwacks

If you came here not expecting to be judged you'll be sorely dissapointed. Extramartial affairs tend to be frowned on in almost all walks of life even if in reality these relationships of course do happen. My advice would be to bring this relationship to an end as quickly as possible before any real damage is done, if it hasnt been done already. Me personally i would find it difficult to lie next to my wife every night knowing i was cheating on her. I would think if you have any remorse you should consider confessing to her that you had an affair and were sorry about it. Maybe then you could work through whatever issues made you cheat in the first place. But thats up to you. The tone of your post is very odd so I dont know where your head is at but continuing on as is cannot be an option. You've some serious **** to sort out buddy

Honeydew3456

hiya john wrote: »

We consider it friends with benefits, even tho we know that it' the incorrect term considering neither of us is single. And yes we don't have our head buried in the sand, correct term is affair, we both know that, emotional up until it became sexual. Thing is we're wondering has anyone else been in similar situation? Can we really keep this casual random sexual and revert back to the way things were, or are we only fooling ourselves.

I am going to keep the moral question out of this and give you my take on it.

Yes, you are totally fooling yourselves. That delicious, lusty, hormone soup that you got brewing is distracting you from your own married life. I guarantee you no matter how much you think you can hide it otherwise, your wife/her husband will pick up on it. This is what makes spouses suspicious. While you are lost in fantasy during the day (you are not a robot so this happens, even for a split second) and you may think you are hiding it, you are not.

Women tend to have an instinct for these things and it may well be your wife rather than her husband that starts to dig deep behind your back on this until you are discovered.

Most likely if she is enjoying sex with you she is not giving it to her husband (unless she is clever). The more you guys do this the more you become addicted to the thrill/forbidden fruit aspect of it and bonded to eachother. It's a chemical thing. Those emotional ties you had before the sex are gonna explode and go to the next level. It's a house of cards.

My bet is if you continue, one or both of you will give the game away while under the illusion of thinking you have it under control OR one or both of you will get the real bad guilts, reach breaking point and give the game away OR one or both of you will eventually want more from the other, it could turn nasty and thus give the game away.

In my opinion it's not just playing with fire its playing with a wild fire that has a 120kph wind at its back.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

Look you've made your decision.......personally I think you're gonna end up in whole world of pain.
You need to talk to your wife and sort out your marriage.
Never mind the religious "for better or for worse" side of things...we're talking about the moral implications here.
You're completely disrespecting your wife.
Talk to your wife. Reconnect. Fix your marriage.

I'm sure you've had a think about the consequences, but have you really thought this through?

From my experience, you could be heading for a hell of a lot of heartache.
End it now.
Seriously.
Walk away.
Cut all ties with this woman.
If it means leaving your job...then do it.

IF your wife finds out about this, have you honestly thought how she will react?
Alienation by friends and family?
She'll probably kick you out of the house.
I really hope you don't have kids.....
You've also got to think about who else she decides to tell....YOUR AFFAIR PARTNERS HUSBAND?
Right, so that's your wife's anger addressed, now all you have to worry about is the other husband.
Let's not even think about the physical implications that COULD be involved if he finds out.
Ireland is a small country.
People talk.
Think about your job, your livelihood, your reputation (professional and social) and your future mental state of mind.

Seriously pal......wake up. Smell the f***ing coffee.
Sort your life and your marriage out.

Best of luck - you've got a tough time ahead.

SusieBlue

<Snipped deleted post>

That doesn't mean its an acceptable, respectable way to conduct yourself and it doesn't mean that being unfaithful should be encouraged.
If you are unwilling to remain faithful you should be single.

wiggle16

Mod warning:

Lobster Book

There is already a perfectly clear mod instruction in the thread to stop general conversation and off topic back and forth.

Your posts have offered no advice to the OP, just pseudo-sociological soapboxing.

Do not post in this thread again.