I cant get any girls to like me

qwerty13

completedit wrote: »

My sister just says you have the type of looks that girls would think you are a dickhead and you’re not, says I’d turn girls off though with my aspects of my personality. No idea what she means though, I don’t think she can judge me accurately though.

What does she mean, that aspects of your personality would turn women off? Do you think it’s worth asking her to elaborate on that?

redfox123

LillySV wrote: »

As above, u need confidence and arrogance more so than anything else... girls love it ... ignore the other soft chat from some of the others here

Confidence yes, arrogance a huge turn off. If I or most women I know even get a whiff of arrogance/ego/entitlement it immediately makes us think ugh what a d**k. They won't say it no but they won't like you. An easy confidence and a genuine friendly nature is so attractive. Be present and open with women you meet with no goal in mind to get the attention of anyone in particular. That comes across desperate and insecure. You have to start to genuinely like yourself and concentrate on your own goals (not to do with women) and that is vey attractive. The fact you're over analysing every interaction and the way you're coming across is going to come across insecure and like you're seeking validation, it's unconscious but is most likely to be causing you the lack of interest.

Dial Hard

OP, I remember a lot of your posts in the "Short men" thread in tGC and I think it's fair to say your attitude towards women is a little bit "off" in general and that yes, this is more than likely coming off you in waves in real life and affecting your interactions with them.

The fact of the matter is that you are not owed anything by women and getting angry about it is beyond pointless.

This quote:

completedit wrote:

For **** sake, I just want a girl that I like to find me attractive and want to get to know me and like me for who I am. I’ve lived throughout my 20’s without really getting to the latter stage especially.

Is a case in point. The sense of entitlement coming off it is quite alarming. It almost reads like you feel you have ticked a series of boxes and now the "right" response from women should come out of the female company vending machine. But it doesn't work like that.

LegacyUser

hi op i think what it boils down to is there is a difference between talking to / flirting with someone because you have a genuine interest in them, or because you just want someone just to have someone, and women will usually be able to tell the difference. For example coming on to someone too soon or showing too much interest too soon usually means you just want anyone. (i don't mean you personally, just general) .If you come on to someone once you actually know them it seems genuine and has a better chance of success, i'd say. Women are just people and we all just want to be liked, too, not necessarily just for our appearance, but for who we are. (This is more general advice, really. i'm not saying that this is exactly what you've been doing, as I don't know). Hope this made sense

LolaJJ

OP, I think you have a weird view of women and men and how they are supposed to interact.

It sounds as though you have no interest in being friends with any girls unless there is some kind of romantic interest. My feeling i'm getting is that you might be very nice but when a girl you potentially might like comes near you she gets intense relationship vibes, which is really off-putting and honestly a little insulting.

It's not "creepy" but the sense girls get is "he doesn't even know me, or isn't even bothered getting to know me before turning on the charm

Maybe go chat to some girls, even ones you don't fancy and see if you can make some pals. You never know, they might have good looking friends.

What your sister says doesn't really make sense btw so I would disregard that. Guys who are good looking and use and abuse are never short of offers when it comes to girls in their twenties. Girls in their thirties have usually grown out of that nonsense.

Anyway, attractiveness is way more about charisma and confidence than actual features. I know many guys who in a photo are beautiful but you'd be turned off them in 5 mins by how they act.

amcalester

What are you OP, a 30 year old man or a 27 year old girl?

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057946968/1

ginandtonicsky

+1 to Dialhard's post.

I recognised your username OP and I'm glad you didn't go anonymous here because I think that context is very important. I've read countless posts from you that demonstrate a major complex with both women and with your height and you would need to be beyond daft to think that women can't pick up on these things in their interactions with you.

They won't be able to pinpoint exactly what it is, but as Dialhard described, something will just seem "off" to them. This stuff runs deep and impacts your demeanour, your confidence, your communication style...everything.

Listen, we all get lonely. We're human, we all need relationships and connections with other humans, not to mention intimacy, sex, affection. These are not rights but that won't stop most of us from being driven by those needs on a daily basis regardless. When you've not had access to those things for a long time, life becomes frustrating and painful. I understand.

But developing this bitter, entitled, negative mindset is the most counter-productive thing you can do in the face of that. Over-focusing on the superficial (your appearance) and not doing any work on the more substantial parts of you (your attitude, your beliefs, your behaviours). Instead, you need compassion and understanding. You need to work through these issues with a trained professional over a significant period of time - there's no quick fix here. This issue of your perceived lack of mutual attraction with women will begin to resolve itself if you resolve the issues that have led you to this mindset in the first place.

I strongly, strongly advice counselling.

P.S You don't "get women to like you". They either are attracted to you and feel a connection or they don't. You can't influence that decision by wearing the right shirt or saying the right thing. There is no right shirt, each and every single woman is different. You can only give yourself the best chance by being the best version of yourself, which is someone confident, comfortable in their own skin who genuinely likes women as people. That's what your goal should be.

LegacyUser

OP lots of good advice here already

I think women want to be with a man they fancy, respect & who's company they enjoy

You say you're attractive objectively so without even going into the subjectivity of attractiveness & how diff people find diff things attractive, let's say this ain't your problem

Do women respect you? Do they think ah yeah there's a fella who has his life together, who is responsible, in control, likely passionate about something & they admire?

Are you good company to be with? I've found if you can sit & have coffee, dinner with women & talk about everything & anything and have a fun conversation, this will bode well for when you meet a woman who is available and fancies & respects you.

My 2c

completedit

amcalester wrote: »

What are you OP, a 30 year old man or a 27 year old girl?

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057946968/1

Let my sister use account

silverharp

You probably need to back it up a bit and see where your is and going. Are you financially independent? have you taken a year off from your busy banking career to do an MBA or are you towards the other end, bouncing around and aimless? is the masters you are doing something that will translate into career prospects or not?
How are you socially , if you are too passive etc then its going to indicate that you don't care about yourself or respect yourself so why should anyone else? If you have direction and are passionate about some things in your life someone out there will want to hitch their wagon to yours and come along for the ride.

EdgeCase

My experience of it is that any relationship I've ever had has started as having something in common and being friends and the rest follows on from that.

Yeah the sex and physical attraction part is great but that's not what you spend most of your time with someone doing. It's more like the icing on the cake and adds a whole other layer to what is already a good relationship.

I think you're seeing this as some kind of puzzle to solve or game to play. It's not like that at all. There isn't really a strategy. You'll either get on with someone or you won't.

You won't find Mrs right by behaving like it's some kind of "hunt" or that there's a game to play with a prize. It's nothing at all like that and I think a lot of "he won the girl" type mythology gets put out there.

It's about putting yourself out there and meeting people and getting to know them. Get to know more women and don't just see them as potential sexual partners.

Also relax and be yourself! People want to get to know a real person not a performance.

You're trying to find someone to connect with, not 'trick' someone into going out with you.

I mean in most relationships, you spend most of your time doing stuff together and being what amounts to very very close friends and ultimately partners/family if it goes well. So you have to be prepared to be open and get to know someone properly before they can take steps towards that.

Also don't go into this with the notion that because you look a particular way, because you've done x, y or z that you're entitled to something. It's very much the opposite to that.

I mean some of the most attractive people I've ever met have not been rich or absolute model good looks. They've been just really interesting, sexy in ways I can't explain and I enjoy spending time with them and could literally hang out with them without ever getting bored.

Also a lot of it is at a subconscious and impossible to explain level. There's a connection, body language, probably even pheromones flying around. You know that sense when you can literally feel the mutual attraction? You'll know if / when it happens. Eyes meet and you literally feel it. It's not a logical decision like doing through someone's CV.

That's why my view of it is it's simply about meeting the right people and that means broadening your social circle.

The only "strategy" is to meet as many people as you can.

Don't over think it.

completedit

Jesus I hate myself

EdgeCase

completedit wrote: »

Jesus I hate myself

All you need to do is approach things a bit differently.

You simply have yet to find someone who "clicks" and to do that you need to expand your social circle to meet more people.

My tip would be just get yourself out meeting more people and see what happens.

Don't let a few knock backs get you down. It happens to everyone. Just move on.

wiggle16

NOTE: Thread locked pending review

Thread reopened.

Posters are reminded to keep advice civil and constructive.

Thanks

joeguevara

LillySV wrote: »

As above, u need confidence and arrogance more so than anything else... girls love it ... ignore the other soft chat from some of the others here

Some girls like it. Some girls don’t. Also arrogance is probably an incorrect term. Also if you display bravado and Uber confidence and a bit of a player it usually only works for short term. Have a look at most successful long term relationships. Rarely do you see the guy acting the pr1ck and being arrogant. Confident yes arrogant know. If you see that it’s not an equal partnership.

Don’t be a doormat but equally don’t stop being nice to girls. I often hear about friend zoned. It usually happens because one doesn’t fancy the other not because one is nice. Also often friends eventually get together but don’t rely on that.

Focus on grooming and do things that are interesting. Be yourself but always look at improving yourself. You will find someone. Remember to have fun along the way. Stop worrying about finding the one. Focus on finding the one right now. Also everyone gets knocked back. Don’t worry. Brush yourself off and move on. Sure Jason Stratham was dumped by Kelly brook.