I cant get any girls to like me

completedit

Not even platonically. I notice girls are more comfortable with other guys. I’ve got told I’m handsome but doesnt’t seem to manifest itself in girls taking a genuine liking to me. It makes me really insecure because if my looks are good then my personality must suck but I am a proper friendly guy, just girls I like seem sort of standoffish with me. My theory is they’re shy around me but I’m not that attractive, at best I am probably decently good looking.

GingerLily

It sounds like you make them uncomfortable, it probably doesn't have much to do with looks at all.

Have you ever had many female friends?

What age are you?

completedit

30 and never had any female friends, at least not close ones.

I’m not a creepy guy at all though tbh, it’s not that they’re not nice to me but it’s a distant nice, like they’’l give me a nice smile when I see them but I dunno, whenever I try to build a rapport with a girl it just doesn’t go anywhere.

eviltwin

How do you get on with men and people you meet in your day to day life?

GingerLily

completedit wrote: »

30 and never had any female friends, at least not close ones.

I’m not a creepy guy at all though tbh, it’s not that they’re not nice to me but it’s a distant nice, like they’’l give me a nice smile when I see them but I dunno, whenever I try to build a rapport with a girl it just doesn’t go anywhere.

Well to be fair, you don't know if you're creepy or not, you could be making these women (I presume you mean women and not actual girls) uncomfortable around you.

completedit

No I mean I just amn’t creepy at all. It just wouldn’t be a trait that would be thrown at me at all. Passive, too nice, pushover, dumb, unconfident but not creepy.

Muckka

completedit wrote: »

Not even platonically. I notice girls are more comfortable with other guys. I’ve got told I’m handsome but doesnt’t seem to manifest itself in girls taking a genuine liking to me. It makes me really insecure because if my looks are good then my personality must suck but I am a proper friendly guy, just girls I like seem sort of standoffish with me. My theory is they’re shy around me but I’m not that attractive, at best I am probably decently good looking.

I wouldn't worry about it.
You're doing nothing wrong.
It's just you haven't met the right one yet.

Either have I looking at some of my post's on board's I probably know why.

You could be an extremely attractive guy and sometimes thats a curse rather than a blessing.
I don't approach women unless they're a friend, work colleague or family member.

Why ?

Because I don't want to or need to.

Once you're happy enough on your own two feet, and don't depend on another.
Then the right situation will present itself.

Anyhow relationship s are a lot of work, I don't like to have to go out of my way to be someone I'm not.

Be yourself....
It's not you

It's them.

GingerLily

completedit wrote: »

No I mean I just amn’t creepy at all. It just wouldn’t be a trait that would be thrown at me at all. Passive, too nice, pushover, dumb, unconfident but not creepy.

Its very hard it see ourselves objectively!

What are you actively doing to try form friendships with women?

Do you work with/interact with many women?

Muckka

GingerLily wrote: »

Well to be fair, you don't know if you're creepy or not, you could be making these women (I presume you mean women and not actual girls) uncomfortable around you.

That's not a particularly nice thing to say or presume about the OP.

Nobody makes anyone uncomfortable, it's up to an individual to define their own comfort zone.

ceadaoin.

Just because you are nice to someone and smile at them etc doesn't mean they owe it to you to like you as anything more than friends. Is every interaction with the opposite sex based on finding a date/shag for you? That's very off putting and I can almost guarantee you are coming off as either creepy or desperate. You can't "make" someone fancy you. Why not just get to know people without any expectations of romance? Do you ever try to make friends with girls that you dont find attractive?

completedit

TBH, I just want to feel normal, it’s not about sex for me, I just would like to be able to build a rapport with someone I like and watch it build from there. I haven’t a breeze what I’m doing wrong wrong.

completedit

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Just because you are nice to someone and smile at them etc doesn't mean they owe it to you to like you as anything more than friends. Is every interaction with the opposite sex based on finding a date/shag for you? That's very off putting and I can almost guarantee you are coming off as either creepy or desperate. You can't "make" someone fancy you. Why not just get to know people without any expectations of romance? Do you ever try to make friends with girls that you dont find attractive?

The second part is interesting. I like girls for their personality I think. I really like a girl right now, I think she is so attractive but I liked her for her personality. It will never happen with her but I still want to be friends despite that. It seems girls don’t want to be friends with guys they aren’t attracted to.

GingerLily

completedit wrote: »

TBH, I just want to feel normal, it’s not about sex for me, I just would like to be able to build a rapport with someone I like and watch it build from there. I haven’t a breeze what I’m doing wrong wrong.

Where do you generally try meet women?Do you see many women in your day to day life?

You need to focus on making female friends. Can you join a club/hobby group?

Other women who know you are probably the best and telling you what your doing wrong.

GingerLily

completedit wrote: »

It seems girls don’t want to be friends with guys they aren’t attracted to.

I doubt this, it's more likely they know you like them and don't want to garner false hope.

completedit

I’m doing a masters at the moment. I’m in a small class so that’s my main way of meeting girls. They all(including girl I like I have to say) all have boyfriends though. I’m on Tinder, I’m photogenic so get matches like crazy but it just isn’t the same really. It’s all about looks on there and I prefer the feeling of finding a girl attractive in real life. The girl I like now I may not even swipe right to her on Tinder. TBH, I’ve had the biggest crush on her for like 5 months now even though I know I shouldn’t and it will never happen. I didn’t see her for a month over Xmas and while I thought about her a lot it was like in a distant way but then I walked into class the other day and when she smiled at me when I walked in, the feelings came right back

Renegade Mechanic

completedit wrote: »

No I mean I just amn’t creepy at all. It just wouldn’t be a trait that would be thrown at me at all. Passive, too nice, pushover, dumb, unconfident but not creepy.

There are more women who see that and look the other way than there are grains of sand in the Sahara. Its not a collection of traits people go for. Only advice I can give is to work on them without going to the other extreme but obviously that's easier said than done..

completedit

GingerLily wrote: »

I doubt this, it's more likely they know you like them and don't want to garner false hope.

Definitely this.

GingerLily

Do you ever try make friends with women you aren't attracted to?

ceadaoin.

completedit wrote: »

The second part is interesting. I like girls for their personality I think. I really like a girl right now, I think she is so attractive but I liked her for her personality. It will never happen with her but I still want to be friends despite that. It seems girls don’t want to be friends with guys they aren’t attracted to.

Well that's not true at all. But if they sense that a guy likes them or if he makes it obvious and they aren't interested, they may feel uncomfortable in case he feels like she is leading him on or that he takes it as interest or whatever. That's just from my own perspective.

completedit

That’s a hard question. I suppose I do. I’m 30 you know, having friends at this age is a little different, I’m open to all types of people though in terms of who I will give me time to including ones I ain’t romantically attracted to.

Bigmac1euro

Do you drink ? Unfortunately in Ireland most hookups happen when on the sauce with people they already know.

Do you go to college outings ? It made me more relaxed been tipsy when I was single to meet women or have a laugh I am genuinely funnier when I’m drunk but there’s a fine line when I become annoying. It helped with confidence.

Also if it’s Irish people your chasing try changing because Irish women are notoriously picky imo. I’ve dated Irish English french Finnish German Argentinian. The foreign women were easier to kind of figure out if that makes sense. As Irish people we can be quite awkward.

cannotlogin

Do you have sisters by any chance? Could you ask them about this as you'll probably get more accurate feedback from them than your male mates.

It's very hard to know what the issue is without knowing you. There may not even be an issue, if may just be your perception.

completedit

My sister just says you have the type of looks that girls would think you are a dickhead and you’re not, says I’d turn girls off though with my aspects of my personality. No idea what she means though, I don’t think she can judge me accurately though.

Ursus Horribilis

Your subject line is a bit odd "I can't get any girls to like me". It's almost like pick up artist speak, thinking that there's something you can say or do that'll magically make women like you. Are you sure you're not coming across as a bit creepy or desperate? That'll set women running in the opposite direction.

LegacyUser

completedit wrote: »

My sister just says you have the type of looks that girls would think you are a dickhead and you’re not, says I’d turn girls off though with my aspects of my personality. No idea what she means though, I don’t think she can judge me accurately though.

OP, I would agree with your sister 're personality being off putting and that's just from reading your posts throughout boards. You come across as a bit almost entitled or resentful that women don't like you. Women aren't obligated to like you. You could be the nicest person in the world but if your personality in real life is anything like what comes across here then I can understand why women would be put off.

Don't treat women like they're another species and don't expect anything for being a decent human being. Just try being normal and treat women like you would anyone. Chill out a bit.

Metroid diorteM

I recommend becoming familiar with women before trying to initiate an intimate relationship.

To do this I would recommend broadening your hobbies. Trampolining, drama, badminton, art classes.

Chances are you will end up in a relationship with a woman who is a friend of a woman you befriend.

So pretend the women you meet in social situations (attractive or otherwise) are men and just chat and hang out until you’ve built a circle or friends that includes both genders.

italodisco

As ridiculous as this sounds, it's time to drop the passive nice guy thing.

Be assertive, cocky and energetic. You'll see a huge difference.

I have a friend who looks like the back of a bus yet he has women on tap due to the above, guy has no fear of rejection and goes for it every time. Works well for him!!

completedit

For **** sake, I just want a girl that I like to find me attractive and want to get to know me and like me for who I am. I’ve lived throughout my 20’s without really getting to the latter stage especially.

EdgeCase

My tip would be to go do stuff that isn't related to trying to go out with someone.

Meet some people and broaden your circle of friends and just socialise with more women. There's loads of fun things to get involved in.

Everyone I've ever gone out with has been a total accidental meeting. I've never deliberately gone out with a view to find someone.

I think that's pretty much how it happens. You just need to relax, start socialising with more women and eventually you'll find someone you click with.

Also to be quite honest and and I say this as a bisexual male (we're uniquely qualified to comment on this) the differences between men and women are not huge. Just have some chats, talk and get to know people and if you get on, it may lead somewhere.

If you're interested flirt a bit and see if there's any response. If there's is, just ask her if she wants to meet up for lunch of a coffee or something. It takes a bit of a brass neck, but sure what's the worst she can say? No.
If she does just move in and try someone else.

My view is it is you're out with the aim of finding Mrs right, you'll just get stressed out. Don't build it up. Just be yourself and get to know people.

You'll make plenty of friends that way too.

leggo

I think some people are being a bit harsh, guys you've no idea if the OP is coming across creepy. As someone said, it's just as likely to be in his head. How many people have you known, women in particular because they'd get it more overtly, who say "I never get any attention" and then you're out with them and they're getting attention left and right but are totally oblivious to it because they've obviously got confidence issues?

From what you've given us OP, which isn't a lot to be fair though what else can you say also, you seem a bit goal orientated. That can come across. If someone is chatting to you with the sole purpose of being into you and wanting to advance it, it can be quite intense and off-putting without even meaning to be. What you could do when chatting to someone is approach it from the mindframe of "I'm a good person with a lot to offer and this person should be into me, so we're just having a conversation to see if we click and if I'm into her too." It takes a lot of the edge off, if you truly believe that mindframe then the confidence will radiate off you and get a good reaction, then you'll likely find yourself in a much better situation. But make sure you get to the point of genuinely feeling that way about yourself first. So if that means focusing on the positives about you instead of negatives (or other people's perceived viewpoints of you), and if need be do stuff non-dating related and fill up your life so you get that stage naturally.

LillySV

italodisco wrote: »

As ridiculous as this sounds, it's time to drop the passive nice guy thing.

Be assertive, cocky and energetic. You'll see a huge difference.

I have a friend who looks like the back of a bus yet he has women on tap due to the above, guy has no fear of rejection and goes for it every time. Works well for him!!

As above, u need confidence and arrogance more so than anything else... girls love it ... ignore the other soft chat from some of the others here

qwerty13

completedit wrote: »

My sister just says you have the type of looks that girls would think you are a dickhead and you’re not, says I’d turn girls off though with my aspects of my personality. No idea what she means though, I don’t think she can judge me accurately though.

What does she mean, that aspects of your personality would turn women off? Do you think it’s worth asking her to elaborate on that?

redfox123

LillySV wrote: »

As above, u need confidence and arrogance more so than anything else... girls love it ... ignore the other soft chat from some of the others here

Confidence yes, arrogance a huge turn off. If I or most women I know even get a whiff of arrogance/ego/entitlement it immediately makes us think ugh what a d**k. They won't say it no but they won't like you. An easy confidence and a genuine friendly nature is so attractive. Be present and open with women you meet with no goal in mind to get the attention of anyone in particular. That comes across desperate and insecure. You have to start to genuinely like yourself and concentrate on your own goals (not to do with women) and that is vey attractive. The fact you're over analysing every interaction and the way you're coming across is going to come across insecure and like you're seeking validation, it's unconscious but is most likely to be causing you the lack of interest.

Dial Hard

OP, I remember a lot of your posts in the "Short men" thread in tGC and I think it's fair to say your attitude towards women is a little bit "off" in general and that yes, this is more than likely coming off you in waves in real life and affecting your interactions with them.

The fact of the matter is that you are not owed anything by women and getting angry about it is beyond pointless.

This quote:

completedit wrote:

For **** sake, I just want a girl that I like to find me attractive and want to get to know me and like me for who I am. I’ve lived throughout my 20’s without really getting to the latter stage especially.

Is a case in point. The sense of entitlement coming off it is quite alarming. It almost reads like you feel you have ticked a series of boxes and now the "right" response from women should come out of the female company vending machine. But it doesn't work like that.

LegacyUser

hi op i think what it boils down to is there is a difference between talking to / flirting with someone because you have a genuine interest in them, or because you just want someone just to have someone, and women will usually be able to tell the difference. For example coming on to someone too soon or showing too much interest too soon usually means you just want anyone. (i don't mean you personally, just general) .If you come on to someone once you actually know them it seems genuine and has a better chance of success, i'd say. Women are just people and we all just want to be liked, too, not necessarily just for our appearance, but for who we are. (This is more general advice, really. i'm not saying that this is exactly what you've been doing, as I don't know). Hope this made sense

LolaJJ

OP, I think you have a weird view of women and men and how they are supposed to interact.

It sounds as though you have no interest in being friends with any girls unless there is some kind of romantic interest. My feeling i'm getting is that you might be very nice but when a girl you potentially might like comes near you she gets intense relationship vibes, which is really off-putting and honestly a little insulting.

It's not "creepy" but the sense girls get is "he doesn't even know me, or isn't even bothered getting to know me before turning on the charm

Maybe go chat to some girls, even ones you don't fancy and see if you can make some pals. You never know, they might have good looking friends.

What your sister says doesn't really make sense btw so I would disregard that. Guys who are good looking and use and abuse are never short of offers when it comes to girls in their twenties. Girls in their thirties have usually grown out of that nonsense.

Anyway, attractiveness is way more about charisma and confidence than actual features. I know many guys who in a photo are beautiful but you'd be turned off them in 5 mins by how they act.

amcalester

What are you OP, a 30 year old man or a 27 year old girl?

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057946968/1

ginandtonicsky

+1 to Dialhard's post.

I recognised your username OP and I'm glad you didn't go anonymous here because I think that context is very important. I've read countless posts from you that demonstrate a major complex with both women and with your height and you would need to be beyond daft to think that women can't pick up on these things in their interactions with you.

They won't be able to pinpoint exactly what it is, but as Dialhard described, something will just seem "off" to them. This stuff runs deep and impacts your demeanour, your confidence, your communication style...everything.

Listen, we all get lonely. We're human, we all need relationships and connections with other humans, not to mention intimacy, sex, affection. These are not rights but that won't stop most of us from being driven by those needs on a daily basis regardless. When you've not had access to those things for a long time, life becomes frustrating and painful. I understand.

But developing this bitter, entitled, negative mindset is the most counter-productive thing you can do in the face of that. Over-focusing on the superficial (your appearance) and not doing any work on the more substantial parts of you (your attitude, your beliefs, your behaviours). Instead, you need compassion and understanding. You need to work through these issues with a trained professional over a significant period of time - there's no quick fix here. This issue of your perceived lack of mutual attraction with women will begin to resolve itself if you resolve the issues that have led you to this mindset in the first place.

I strongly, strongly advice counselling.

P.S You don't "get women to like you". They either are attracted to you and feel a connection or they don't. You can't influence that decision by wearing the right shirt or saying the right thing. There is no right shirt, each and every single woman is different. You can only give yourself the best chance by being the best version of yourself, which is someone confident, comfortable in their own skin who genuinely likes women as people. That's what your goal should be.

LegacyUser

OP lots of good advice here already

I think women want to be with a man they fancy, respect & who's company they enjoy

You say you're attractive objectively so without even going into the subjectivity of attractiveness & how diff people find diff things attractive, let's say this ain't your problem

Do women respect you? Do they think ah yeah there's a fella who has his life together, who is responsible, in control, likely passionate about something & they admire?

Are you good company to be with? I've found if you can sit & have coffee, dinner with women & talk about everything & anything and have a fun conversation, this will bode well for when you meet a woman who is available and fancies & respects you.

My 2c

completedit

amcalester wrote: »

What are you OP, a 30 year old man or a 27 year old girl?

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057946968/1

Let my sister use account

silverharp

You probably need to back it up a bit and see where your is and going. Are you financially independent? have you taken a year off from your busy banking career to do an MBA or are you towards the other end, bouncing around and aimless? is the masters you are doing something that will translate into career prospects or not?
How are you socially , if you are too passive etc then its going to indicate that you don't care about yourself or respect yourself so why should anyone else? If you have direction and are passionate about some things in your life someone out there will want to hitch their wagon to yours and come along for the ride.

EdgeCase

My experience of it is that any relationship I've ever had has started as having something in common and being friends and the rest follows on from that.

Yeah the sex and physical attraction part is great but that's not what you spend most of your time with someone doing. It's more like the icing on the cake and adds a whole other layer to what is already a good relationship.

I think you're seeing this as some kind of puzzle to solve or game to play. It's not like that at all. There isn't really a strategy. You'll either get on with someone or you won't.

You won't find Mrs right by behaving like it's some kind of "hunt" or that there's a game to play with a prize. It's nothing at all like that and I think a lot of "he won the girl" type mythology gets put out there.

It's about putting yourself out there and meeting people and getting to know them. Get to know more women and don't just see them as potential sexual partners.

Also relax and be yourself! People want to get to know a real person not a performance.

You're trying to find someone to connect with, not 'trick' someone into going out with you.

I mean in most relationships, you spend most of your time doing stuff together and being what amounts to very very close friends and ultimately partners/family if it goes well. So you have to be prepared to be open and get to know someone properly before they can take steps towards that.

Also don't go into this with the notion that because you look a particular way, because you've done x, y or z that you're entitled to something. It's very much the opposite to that.

I mean some of the most attractive people I've ever met have not been rich or absolute model good looks. They've been just really interesting, sexy in ways I can't explain and I enjoy spending time with them and could literally hang out with them without ever getting bored.

Also a lot of it is at a subconscious and impossible to explain level. There's a connection, body language, probably even pheromones flying around. You know that sense when you can literally feel the mutual attraction? You'll know if / when it happens. Eyes meet and you literally feel it. It's not a logical decision like doing through someone's CV.

That's why my view of it is it's simply about meeting the right people and that means broadening your social circle.

The only "strategy" is to meet as many people as you can.

Don't over think it.

completedit

Jesus I hate myself

EdgeCase

completedit wrote: »

Jesus I hate myself

All you need to do is approach things a bit differently.

You simply have yet to find someone who "clicks" and to do that you need to expand your social circle to meet more people.

My tip would be just get yourself out meeting more people and see what happens.

Don't let a few knock backs get you down. It happens to everyone. Just move on.

wiggle16

NOTE: Thread locked pending review

Thread reopened.

Posters are reminded to keep advice civil and constructive.

Thanks

joeguevara

LillySV wrote: »

As above, u need confidence and arrogance more so than anything else... girls love it ... ignore the other soft chat from some of the others here

Some girls like it. Some girls don’t. Also arrogance is probably an incorrect term. Also if you display bravado and Uber confidence and a bit of a player it usually only works for short term. Have a look at most successful long term relationships. Rarely do you see the guy acting the pr1ck and being arrogant. Confident yes arrogant know. If you see that it’s not an equal partnership.

Don’t be a doormat but equally don’t stop being nice to girls. I often hear about friend zoned. It usually happens because one doesn’t fancy the other not because one is nice. Also often friends eventually get together but don’t rely on that.

Focus on grooming and do things that are interesting. Be yourself but always look at improving yourself. You will find someone. Remember to have fun along the way. Stop worrying about finding the one. Focus on finding the one right now. Also everyone gets knocked back. Don’t worry. Brush yourself off and move on. Sure Jason Stratham was dumped by Kelly brook.