Why do so many people think everyone wants to be in a relationship?

pgj2015

"dont worry you will meet a nice girl soon enough"

this is the kind of stuff i hear a lot.

the fact is i don't want to meet anyone, i much prefer being single, would happily stay single for the rest of my life.

most people think this is abnormal, but i think being stuck with 1 person for the rest of your life is abnormal.

the pros of being single for me are

more money

more free time

can work as much as i like (run my own business and am a workaholic)

dont have to attend events such as her friends wedding

no fights

never know who i will meet on a night out

i can decide to move to a different country in the morning if i want to

no worries that my partner/wife will suddenly loose interest in me and divorce me taking half my wealth i worked hard for


i even had a friend tell me to get married as he is married and is very happy, said friend cheated on his new wife less than 1 hour before telling me to get married.

ChikiChiki

Because a lot of people seem to be unable to think for themselves and that there is a set of societal norms that must be conformed to and you are odd if you step outside these norms.

Canis Lupus

You sound like you're just trying to convince yourself you want to be single.

Bet you can't count how many times you've watched Love Actually at this stage.

Sunflower 27

Genuine answer:

I think for many it's the companionship and sense of belonging.

Not everyone is comfortable with their own company and find it lonely on their own .

Regular sex.

There is also comfort in knowing someone has your back and supports you.

For many there are financial benefits.

To make a family.

Some people think if they are not in a relationship they may be viewed as something is wrong with them by others.

AH answer:

Single people are losers.

Conversations with friends about how great it is to be single leave less of a mark (if they happen at all) than those about liking people, wanting a relationship, or the heartbreak after a relationship.

So naturally, most people end up thinking everyone wants to be in a relationship.

worded

I think everyone has nailed it, its about listening to each other


This is very funny

https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

The Bishop Basher

pgj2015 wrote: »

the fact is i don't want to meet anyone, i much prefer being single, would happily stay single for the rest of my life.

most people think this is abnormal, but i think being stuck with 1 person for the rest of your life is abnormal.

That fine but you live in a world and a society where most people want to hang out with one other person. The reasons will be wide and varied but for the most part it will be because they fall in love with that other person.

There’s not much point getting the hump about that.

pgj2015 wrote: »

the pros of being single for me are

more money

more free time

can work as much as i like (run my own business and am a workaholic)

dont have to attend events such as her friends wedding

no fights

never know who i will meet on a night out

i can decide to move to a different country in the morning if i want to

no worries that my partner/wife will suddenly loose interest in me and divorce me taking half my wealth i worked hard for

There’s a great saying that we get “too soon old and too late smart..”

By the time you realize how futile most of these are it will be too late for you to do anything about it.

You won’t find yourself counting your cash on your deathbed while wishing you’d worked more.

You’ll probably just wish you had a loved one there for company and support.

Life is about the special moments and who you share them with.

It’s not about money.

NSAman

On the flip side of this, why do so many married people wish they were single?

(Just a thought)

secman

I've yet to see a headstone with the inscription
" should have spent more time in the office "

The office meaning work, whereas I've often spoken to older people who have said should have spent more time with the family.

Gay Byrne frequently says it of late, family and friends are more important than money.

whisky_galore

It's a lottery, some people get stung and stung badly.
For every perfect couple there's prob dozens of hellish relationships that should never have happened.

Wibbs

Humans are a social animal who like all creatures have a drive to reproduce. Individuals obviously differ, but the majority want social and intimate contact and family. I agree with Rennaws; it's not about the money.

begbysback

worded wrote: »

I think everyone has nailed it, its about listening to each other


This is very funny

https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

I take it you are female

Graces7

whisky_galore wrote: »

It's a lottery, some people get stung and stung badly.
For every perfect couple there's prob dozens of hellish relationships that should never have happened.

,, because folk are hung up on a relationship at all costs?

Yer Da sells Avon

pgj2015 wrote: »

the pros of being single for me are

more money

I dunno. I wouldn't mind having that special someone, with whom I could split the rent.

Romance. It ain't dead.

anewme

It's not just about money, it's about doing what makes you happy and content.

I often get asked why I didn't get married. It is often a curious question but can come across as condescending as if no one would have you and you are left on the shelf. Older people tend to be worse, as if they pity you, they almost want to pat your shoulder in sympathy. (Poor aul Spinster)

People find it hard to understand that a woman might actually not want tto get married and have children or even be in a relationship.

True about working to live not living tp work, but some people enjoy what they do.

I'd like to be able to work less and would definitely get a couple of dogs as I love them.

Your life does not have to be in any way less fulfilled if you are not in a relationship or married.

sk8erboii

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Because a lot of people seem to be unable to think for themselves and that there is a set of societal norms that must be conformed to and you are odd if you step outside these norms.

Cringe. Just get a gf

BeerWolf

I am an Aroace. :pac:

TheAnalyst_

Single people have less money.

CPTM

I'm not sure why so many single people think they want to be in a relationship when they clearly don't. Going on dates and then ghosting, matching with people on dating websites but not engaging with them, cheating or messing people around with "I just don't know how I feel these days". Get out of the dating world for God's sake!

Graces7

anewme wrote: »

It's not just about money, it's about doing what makes you happy and content.

I often get asked why I didn't get married. It is often a curious question but can come across as condescending as if no one would have you and you are left on the shelf. Older people tend to be worse, as if they pity you, they almost want to pat your shoulder in sympathy. (Poor aul Spinster)

when I was 21, my great uncle who was a wit, gave me a parcel tied up with rough string in abundance... "That is to catch yourself a man with!"

Unheard of at my advanced age in the place at the time

Sorry, dear dear old Uncle! Remained an unclaimed treasure... no regrets.

ArchXStanton

CPTM wrote: »

I'm not sure why so many single people think they want to be in a relationship when they clearly don't. Going on dates and then ghosting, matching with people on dating websites but not engaging with them, cheating or messing people around with "I just don't know how I feel these days". Get out of the dating world for God's sake!

It's the call of the meat... I don't think men or women are very satisfied with the current state of dating

asteroids over berlin

most of this comes from the female perception, at all costs you should strive to be in a relationship for security, if he has a bit of cash - all the better, next step, kids. Males don't mind being single, of course those that are brainwashed by their female "soulmate" will deny this with venom.

PhiloCypher

Because they remember feeling like a third wheel on nights out with couples and assume nobody in their right mind would want that in perpetuity.

worded

begbysback wrote: »

I take it you are female

Male

See there you go ..... your not listening :-)
See video

bnt

I think I would be happy in the right relationship - but not in a relationship just for the sake of it. So the problem is in finding that right relationship, and as I get older I have a better idea of what I want and - more importantly - what I don’t want. I’ve never wanted children, for example, and that can be a dealbreaker, as I found out. There are other things, but they can be summed up as: life is already hard, I’m not interested in making it harder, and I’ve seen too much of that. I’ve given up on the chance of finding the right relationship.

orourkeda1977

I've been in real love twice and they've turned out to be the 2 unhappiest experiences of my life.

Once because it wasn't returned and the second was because it couldn't be returned.

Sometimes these thing don't work for reasons entirely beyond your control.

Therefore, I resent people who treat their better half like dirt for no good reason or that they cant keep their knickers on for five minutes.

Just get in to a relationship if it makes you happy and youre in it for the right reasons.

Dont bother otherise

NSAman

TheAnalyst_ wrote: »

Single people have less money.

Horsecrap.

Not all single people are rich, but likewise not all single people are poor either.

I have married friends who have literally nothing, I stock the fridge when I go there. i have single friends with multiple homes earning millions a year.

You cannot generalize like that.

Besides money does not make you happy.

Cina

I agree that being single suits some people better (not me), but more money?

Sure, if you had kids you'll certainly have less money, but until that point, no way. When you live together you split all the bills, get groceries etc together.

If you ever want to buy somewhere you can get a bigger mortgage and get somewhere easier.

I was more than happy being single in my twenties but once the late 20s hit and the holidays and sessions with my friends became far more scarce due to their own relationships, it became pretty depressing. Having my girlfriend has changed all of that for the better. There is a lot to be said for having someone at your side to do things with when you get older.

begbysback

worded wrote: »

Male

See there you go ..... your not listening :-)
See video

I listen intently, unfortunately my reading lets me down!!

Mad_maxx

pgj2015 wrote: »

"dont worry you will meet a nice girl soon enough"

this is the kind of stuff i hear a lot.

the fact is i don't want to meet anyone, i much prefer being single, would happily stay single for the rest of my life.

most people think this is abnormal, but i think being stuck with 1 person for the rest of your life is abnormal.

the pros of being single for me are

more money

more free time

can work as much as i like (run my own business and am a workaholic)

dont have to attend events such as her friends wedding

no fights

never know who i will meet on a night out

i can decide to move to a different country in the morning if i want to

no worries that my partner/wife will suddenly loose interest in me and divorce me taking half my wealth i worked hard for


i even had a friend tell me to get married as he is married and is very happy, said friend cheated on his new wife less than 1 hour before telling me to get married.

Im engaged and have two kids but I don't bother going out anymore and don't miss it, people think it's odd, some people are constantly preoccupied with what others are doing

AMKC

Wibbs wrote: »

Humans are a social animal who like all creatures have a drive to reproduce. Individuals obviously differ, but the majority want social and intimate contact and family. I agree with Rennaws; it's not about the money.

Humans are a social animal who like all creatures have a drive to reproduce.

Ye never had that myself. Never understand why someone would want the stress and worry of having to raise and look after someone for at least 18 years until they are old enough to go out and earn there own living. Feck that and no thanks.

I would like to share life with someone just no interest in having kids.

Wibbs

And like I said AM in what you quoted: Individuals obviously differ

NSAman

That is not entirely true.

Many couples have little intimacy no children and die alone.

Being single is something that suits some. I have single friends who have literally die for them. They are great people. Never wanted to get married and never wanted children. They make great uncles and aunts, their nieces and nephews love them to pieces. Some have “arrangements” with both same sex and boyfriends / girlfriends of the opposite sex, some don’t. They do not want to live with someone full-time.

Think about how many marriages fail and those people never go on to marry again.

It is all about personal choice. The “expected” norm in society is that people get married/live with someone... others do not want that for themselves... I can handle that. Would I ever judge them on their choice? Of course not! As long as they are good people, I don’t care that they are single married or whatever... they always get invited to my ‘get togethers’ ... better to be inclusive than exclusive in this life.

the_pen_turner

lots of marrages have no love or intanacy in them. a lot of people stay married for convenience or beacuse of shame due to breaking up.

most people die alone. very rarely do couple die near each other. there is often years or decades between them.

scamalert

as opposed to what mass family suicide :pac: Plenty of old people with families that get put into homes and left alone for occasional once a year visit, now that's cruel life.

dellas1979

Am single female building my own house.

I have great craic being single (and am not bad looking either, good craic, educated - so I can hold a conversation, with adds fuel to the fire with the coupled up couples). I love to travel also. Ive been in Egypt, Iceland, and Holland alone this year.

I mean, there are single people out there who will feel sorry for themselves and just wallow. But, I chose not to be like this. Would miss out on so much life and other experiences.

I get:

- Poor you/pat on the back thing *my life is better than yours*
- Must be something wrong with me
- Must be a lesbian (Ive had this said at least 3/4 times in the last year alone)
- Am going to run off with a married man (I really wouldnt waste my time).
- Am bit of a social pariah. Youre less of a threat to couples if you are in a couple. You get asked more to dinner parties and social occasions.
- Ive been asked if am worried about my fertility.
- How could I build a house on my OWN! *Shock*

Ive learned that all these comments etc are projections of other people's realities.

So, when I was introduced to a woman a few months ago and she was told I was building, she roared in front of everyone "HOW could you BUILD a house on your OWN!? You mean you DONT have a PARTNER!?" what she was telling me about her self was that "she" felt she wouldnt be able to do something like that on her own. And that's a bit sad. She has no idea who she is.

Also, my observation is partners use each other as social crutches (even ones who dont particuarly like each other).

I would like to meet someone who is right for me. And am willing to wait. And maybe it does/doesnt happen, but I wont die.

In meantime, I'll just continue to laugh at the lack of awareness of the spew/judgement coming out of people's mouths.

Gimme A Pound

I think most people would like to be in a loving relationship. Some people think being single is utterly terrifying though, and transfer this view onto people who are single - feeling sorry for them or even viewing them with disdain.

Being single is hardly such a terrible situation (unless it's just after a break-up but it gets easier) and it's not healthy to be so terrified of it and willing to be with someone you only kinda like, for the sake of it. Despite the insistence to the contrary also, there are advantages to being single.

If you are waiting until you meet someone you really like, then you'll have to be single at times, and that's a perfectly healthy situation.

Shakey_jake

The pressure people put on themselves, the pressure others put on them is mad

Although must be a headwreck for women who really really want kids

HappyAsLarE

The instinct to partner up is an evolutionary selection for reproduction. In fact, nearly all human traits exist for this reason. Enlightening piece of knowledge when you think about it.

suicide_circus

some people are too awkward to be in a relationship. some don't possess the social skills, empathy or the ability to compromise. perhaps it's nature's way of minimising the chance of their dna being passed on.

dellas1979

HappyAsLarE wrote: »

The instinct to partner up is an evolutionary selection for reproduction. In fact, nearly all human traits exist for this reason. Enlightening piece of knowledge when you think about it.

That's fair enough. But what if you dont want children or meet someone after childbearing years? It cant be the same motivation, can it?

Roger Hassenforder

dellas1979 wrote: »

Am single female building my own house.

I have great craic being single (and am not bad looking either, good craic, educated - so I can hold a conversation, with adds fuel to the fire with the coupled up couples). I love to travel also. Ive been in Egypt, Iceland, and Holland alone this year.

I mean, there are single people out there who will feel sorry for themselves and just wallow. But, I chose not to be like this. Would miss out on so much life and other experiences.

I get:

- Poor you/pat on the back thing *my life is better than yours*
- Must be something wrong with me
- Must be a lesbian (Ive had this said at least 3/4 times in the last year alone)
- Am going to run off with a married man (I really wouldnt waste my time).
- Am bit of a social pariah. Youre less of a threat to couples if you are in a couple. You get asked more to dinner parties and social occasions.
- Ive been asked if am worried about my fertility.
- How could I build a house on my OWN! *Shock*

Ive learned that all these comments etc are projections of other people's realities.

So, when I was introduced to a woman a few months ago and she was told I was building, she roared in front of everyone "HOW could you BUILD a house on your OWN!? You mean you DONT have a PARTNER!?" what she was telling me about her self was that "she" felt she wouldnt be able to do something like that on her own. And that's a bit sad. She has no idea who she is.

Also, my observation is partners use each other as social crutches (even ones who dont particuarly like each other).

I would like to meet someone who is right for me. And am willing to wait. And maybe it does/doesnt happen, but I wont die.

In meantime, I'll just continue to laugh at the lack of awareness of the spew/judgement coming out of people's mouths.

Oooo

*swipes right

HappyAsLarE

dellas1979 wrote: »

That's fair enough. But what if you dont want children or meet someone after childbearing years? It cant be the same motivation, can it?

It can.

Here’s an example: our instinct to fear a lion exists to help us stay away from them, and thereby survive long enough to increase our chances of reproducing. You can go your whole life without having children, but that won’t mean you’ll walk up and pet a lion.

Everything you do is geared towards increasing your probability of reproducing. It doesn’t make it a dead cert.

dellas1979

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Oooo

*swipes right

Lols! Hope that's a good thing.

Wibbs

suicide_circus wrote: »

some people are too awkward to be in a relationship. some don't possess the social skills, empathy or the ability to compromise. perhaps it's nature's way of minimising the chance of their dna being passed on.

There's something to that alright, though if it were the case in reality one would think those pretty common traits should have been winnowed out at this stage? Maybe those same traits also come with other advantageous traits? One might imagine a man who is on the psychopathic spectrum also being more successful on average in business. Quite a few top end CEO's show said traits, so that's a plus that potential partners ignore the minuses?

Karson Spicy Apprentice wrote: »

I think most people would like to be in a loving relationship.

I'd reckon so, though it's finding one. I dunno, but personally speaking I have found the early days are (usually)great, but after a couple of years it can get more neutral, at best.

I have also found - and I fully acknowledge it's almost certainly a failing in me - that women friends are great and I've a few of them and for many years, but when bumping sticky bits comes into it(missus!) it's quite different and they act quite differently. I've seen that with a couple of women mates who are cool. Couldn't find more easy going and sound and fun people. However the dynamic they have with partners over the years is very different. I almost don't recognise them. Now they're extremes of this but I have found it generally to be the case to one degree or other. Example: They never really chill out with partners. They're nearly always at them. Keeping them on edge. They have to be doing something. They never relax. The sound of their partners arse hitting the sofa for any length of time seems to wind them up or something. Some if not most men accept/adapt/are OK with this, but TBH it winds me up to no bloody end. I'm just not cut out for it.

NSAman

Could it also be that many people are scared of being single?

I know a few friends who stay in marriages simply because they are terrified of being “alone”. It is probably best for them as in they are not equipped to face this world as a single person dealing with issues by themselves.

IMHO single people are much more resilient and able to problem solve out of necessity rather than defering to a partner a lot of the time?....

ginandtonicsky

NSAman wrote: »

Could it also be that many people are scared of being single?

I know a few friends who stay in marriages simply because they are terrified of being “alone”. It is probably best for them as in they are not equipped to face this world as a single person dealing with issues by themselves.

IMHO single people are much more resilient and able to problem solve out of necessity rather than defering to a partner a lot of the time?....

If you’ve been in long term relationships for most of your adult life, the prospect of being single can be everything from terrifying to downright taboo. The practical things also come into play - merged financial investments, family connections, kids, and then the reputational thing of “people will think I’m a failure / we’ll be the talk of the town” which I’ve noticed can be particularly strong in Ireland.

I know so so many miserable married couples that have no business being together, often one is a serial cheater, there’s emotional abuse, or an arrangement where they’re living together but living separate lives in all other ways.

I just can’t see the point of that. How long would life seem when you’re living it that way! Relationships are hard without a doubt, when the honeymoon phase is over you have to fight hard for your relationship oftentimes, but if you’re not propping each other up and enhancing each other’s lives, what’s the point?

The love and intimacy and support that comes with a happy, functional relationship is unparalleled though.

kuntboy

Life Choice Evangelists.

They're unsure about their own life choices so they seek validation by encouraging/ harrassing others to do the same. Generally the more vocal they are, the more doubts they have.

Mutant z

Only you can decide what is best for yourself don't let anyone say otherwise different strokes for different folks some are much happier being single others arnt it's down to your own personal preferrence.

Airyfairy12

I get this all of the time, allot of my friends are in relationships and see themselves as having their sh!t together because they have a partner, despite having a great and fulfilling job, my own money and 100% supporting myself, I always get sympathy from them for being single, theyre constantly telling me the right guy will come along eventually even though I told them im very content being single, its as if they think im lying to cover up feelings of loneliness or something? when in reality I feel sorry for them, every time we meet they complain about their partners and the stress their relationships are causing them, one is on the verge of ending a 15 year relationship, she does nothing but fight with her partner and when theyre not verbally fighting each other, theyre giving each other the silent treatment. One of the few perks of a relationship is regular sex but none of my friends in relationships are having regular sex, some arent having sex at all and havnt for months.
I love being single, its stress free, theres no chance of getting cheated on, I can do my own thing, make plans for my own future and not have to put my dreams and goals aside to accommodate somebody else. I go out when I want, come home when I want, dont have to deal with anyone elses issues. The only thing that bothers is me is because im single, ill never be in a position to buy a home as ill never have someone to combine income with in order to afford a loan for one. - Thats it, ive no other reason to want to be in a relationship.

MadDog76

So you don't die alone?