Dunno what path to take in life

HaloTop

I'm looking for some advice. This isn't a massive problem compared to others but I just wanna talk it out and get some views.

I'm working in Dublin. Paying a LOT for rent. Don't really like Dublin and have nothing keeping me here except my job. My heart aches to live abroad again. I lived abroad for two years in my 20s. I'm in my 30s now and single.
I know if I move abroad again I'll be staying there. I feel guilty leaving family. I also really like my job here and know I won't get the same job that I'm as happy in abroad. I also know I should realistically be trying to buy a home too. I really can't get my head straight and figure out what I want or where I should be it might sound silly but everyone appears to have their **** together and know what they want and I'm just so down because I feel like I'm never happy. Any words of wisdom or advice to help me choose a path?

ruahead

I would say, if you don't like Dublin why not move within Ireland ? If not, just go abroad but try to secure good job first. At the end of the day , do jobs matter over life experiences.

HaloTop

ruahead wrote: »

I would say, if you don't like Dublin why not move within Ireland ? If not, just go abroad but try to secure good job first. At the end of the day , do jobs matter over life experiences.

Because I like my job that's what makes it so hard. I love city living so moving within the country I don't think would give me the satisfaction I'm craving.

BBFAN

HaloTop wrote: »

Because I like my job that's what makes it so hard. I love city living so moving within the country I don't think would give me the satisfaction I'm craving.

There are other cities in Ireland?

HaloTop

BBFAN wrote: »

There are other cities in Ireland?

I really don't want to be in Ireland.

Rubberchikken

i agree - there are other cities here. even large towns.
rents in dublin are ridiculous. maybe not much better in any other city here but maybe a little less.

having said that, if you'd like to live abroad then maybe you should be considering that.
you dont have to actually own a house in your lifetime.. a lot people never do.
onky you can decide what you want to prioritize. good luck

BBFAN

HaloTop wrote: »

I really don't want to be in Ireland.

Have you looked at why you don't want to be in Ireland though?

You started off by saying you don't really like Dublin, have you lived anywhere else in Ireland? How do you know you hate all of Ireland?

If you're inherently unhappy in yourself a change of country is not going to change that.

HaloTop

BBFAN wrote: »

Have you looked at why you don't want to be in Ireland though?

You started off by saying you don't really like Dublin, have you lived anywhere else in Ireland? How do you know you hate all of Ireland?

If you're inherently unhappy in yourself a change of country is not going to change that.

I'm from kilkenny and lived in waterford for college. I love city living. Big cities. I lived in the US for two years with my ex and loved it. But because I really like my job here and don't think I'd get it as good elsewhere I'm torn.

BBFAN

HaloTop wrote: »

I'm from kilkenny and lived in waterford for college. I love city living. Big cities. I lived in the US for two years with my ex and loved it. But because I really like my job here and don't think I'd get it as good elsewhere I'm torn.

Okay if that's the case your options are limited. You can't go to America or Canada without a visa so for other major cities you're going to need another language.

Do you know any languages?

Ursus Horribilis

Did you ever settle anywhere? Why did you come back?

Esse85

Not everyone has their sh1t together, far from it, you only see the highlights reel on social media and not the full reality, so try not to compare yourself to others, unplug from social media if you have to.

Ursus Horribilis

Why can't you get a decent job abroad?

HaloTop

I'm sure I'd get a decent job elsewhere but I'm really happy in my current job so leaving could be a bad move.

I don't have any other language. I could move to Canada I've actually lived there for a while before years ago. I'm terrified of the grass not always being greener etc etc.

I left the US and moved back because my ex wanted to. We aren't together anymore so I'm a bit resentful of him now.

BBFAN

HaloTop wrote: »

I'm sure I'd get a decent job elsewhere but I'm really happy in my current job so leaving could be a bad move.

I don't have any other language. I could move to Canada I've actually lived there for a while before years ago. I'm terrified of the grass not always being greener etc etc.

I left the US and moved back because my ex wanted to. We aren't together anymore so I'm a bit resentful of him now.

You can't move to Canada without a permanent visa?

HaloTop

BBFAN wrote: »

You can't move to Canada without a permanent visa?

I know I was there before on one I could go back.

Where I go isn't really the problem it's been torn between what's the sensible thing to do and what would set me up in the long run or what my heart wants

Ursus Horribilis

Maybe you should just go. You're not happy here even with your job and your family close by.

strandroad

Don't let the job alone stop you. I liked almost every job I had in my life, but each time I changed them I liked the new one even more. I was simply making informed decisions about what I needed and wanted from a job.

Decide on your big picture first, there are many good jobs in the world.

Ursus Horribilis

You're speaking in very strong terms about living abroad. Your heart aches, you say. Maybe you should go and see if this is something to get out of your system or what you genuinely want long term. Your mindset is baffling me. You're in a job here that (I'm assuming) is a good one. Why can't you get a good job abroad? You mentioned college too. So you're experienced and you've got qualifications. You also seem to think that it's abroad permanently or nothing. Why no in-between? Go and if you don't like it,come back? You're driving yourself demented sitting on the fence and doing nothing.

HaloTop

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

You're speaking in very strong terms about living abroad. Your heart aches, you say. Maybe you should go and see if this is something to get out of your system or what you genuinely want long term. Your mindset is baffling me. You're in a job here that (I'm assuming) is a good one. Why can't you get a good job abroad? You mentioned college too. So you're experienced and you've got qualifications. You also seem to think that it's abroad permanently or nothing. Why no in-between? Go and if you don't like it,come back? You're driving yourself demented sitting on the fence and doing nothing.

Because I have a lot of perks in my Dublin job. I have my own parking space I can drive to work in ten mins, I've a lot of friends at work. Potential to move forward. The likelihood of finding a job in Dublin with parking and a ten minute commute in the future is unlikely. This is why I'm so on the fence

Ursus Horribilis

So what's wrong with Dublin? What are you losing out on by not living abroad? (Apart from the basket case that is our housing market) Do you have friends outside of work? I notice you've not mentioned them.

HaloTop

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

So what's wrong with Dublin? What are you losing out on by not living abroad? (Apart from the basket case that is our housing market) Do you have friends outside of work? I notice you've not mentioned them.

It's the massive rent which in turn limits me from other things I can do. I've a few friends most of which are married or settled.
I adore travelling. I travel as much as I can but with the cost of Dublin I've come to resent the place in the last two years because such a massive chuck of my wages is gone on just living here. Transport isn't great. It takes me almost an hour to get into town or to get anywhere in the city centre. Non of the perks I had when I lived abroad apply here. It's like I'm living in a city without the great city perks that all other cities have.

JJayoo

Could you take a month of unpaid leave from your job and test out foreign living? Just move somewhere for a month.

HaloTop

JJayoo wrote: »

Could you take a month of unpaid leave from your job and test out foreign living? Just move somewhere for a month.

Potentially when I'm in my job 5 years I could apply to take a career break for a year I'm there 2 years 8 months at the moment

Ursus Horribilis

So where could you live that would give you a decent job, cheap rent and scope to travel?

ImARebel

You're wanting to stay in a job because of a parking space??

Fair enough if it was a parking space in the middle of the city but sound like you're on the outskirts of dublin

That's not living in Dublin... That's living in suburbia which can be pretty damn boring

Apart from from a parking space (which I really wouldn't regard as a perk if you live 10 mins away!) what else is going for your job here?

Sounds like you live in a goldfish bowl, living and working in the same place. That would have driven me potty when I was single...

I've always advised anyone who's asked to go abroad, you can always come back but at least you won't be sitting here in 10 years time writing an "if I'd my time over again" post

Try it, it doesn't work out, so what.. Least you tried

There are jobs with parking spaces all over the outskirts of Dublin, you'll be ok coming back

zapper55

I get the impression you think travelling will fill something in your life. If you were saying I like my life in Dublin and I am itching to travel I'd say go for it but it kinda sounds like you are running away from your problems. I'm guessing your social.life isn't great outside of work?

If the commute is a killer why not rent a room close to town? The additional rent would be balanced by not needing a car as you could walk to work.

I commute an hour door to door each way. Between Netflix and podcasts I really enjoy the time commuting.

What it boils down to is you've one life, if you think you'd regret not working abroad then do. If you stay here there are many things you can do to enjoy your life here but you need to want to be proactive.

KevinCavan

I’d advise you to move. If you loved America why not go back there to Chicago, or a similar city? At least try the American option. Work your way down through a list of your preferred countries.

Ursus Horribilis

zapper55 wrote: »

I get the impression you think travelling will fill something in your life. If you were saying I like my life in Dublin and I am itching to travel I'd say go for it but it kinda sounds like you are running away from your problems. I'm guessing your social.life isn't great outside of work?.

Very good point. I've re-read your original post. Are you sure you're not hankering after a time of your life you can never recapture? Two years abroad as a twentysomething in a relationship is a far cry from starting again as a single woman in her thirties. If you've not built up a new social life for yourself in Dublin, what'd make it easier abroad? Your peers will be largely coupled up/busy with their own kids too.

HaloTop

I've travelled a lot in my life I've been all over the world both alone and with people. I honestly feel so at peace when I'm away.
There's not necessarily anything I'm running away from except the misery (sorry) that is Ireland. Everyday theres a story about house prices going up. The cost of living has gotten so high I'm always on the look out for a cheaper place to rent and everyday on daft there is places going up that are an insult to those looking for somewhere to call home.
No I haven't got a great social life here and it's not for want of trying. I have joined clubs, made friends, I have friends just none that are available as much as me.
Even dating here I find difficult.
When I lived in Chicago it was on a training scheme from work at the time I didn't have a lot of money and hated my job but the city gave me such a buzz.
I just adore living in a big city, I get the same sense of peace that others get from being in the countryside.
I lived in Montreal for 6 months and just felt content. I had free GP I felt wanted there for want of a better term.
I honestly feel like everything is just getting more and more expensive here in Ireland and there's no help here for anyone trying to buy or better themselves.

I don't mean to sound like a moan that's just how I'm feeling at the moment here

But on the flip side I really like my job and enjoy going in everyday.

Ursus Horribilis

You are very very dependent on that job of yours though, aren't you? If it wasn't for the job you'd be gone, right?

Having read what you've written so far, I think you should quit your job and move abroad again. I think that if you stay here, this is going to eat you up. The job you have isn't the only one in the world. It's not the only workplace where you'd be happy. You're not going to get this big city life you crave in Ireland and clearly Dublin isn't for you.

HaloTop

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

You are very very dependent on that job of yours though, aren't you? If it wasn't for the job you'd be gone, right?

Having read what you've written so far, I think you should quit your job and move abroad again. I think that if you stay here, this is going to eat you up. The job you have isn't the only one in the world. It's not the only workplace where you'd be happy. You're not going to get this big city life you crave in Ireland and clearly Dublin isn't for you.

I guess I'm hoping something or someone will come along and make Dublin better for me.
There's also the what ifs, the guilt of being away from home, from parents, being away when I hear people have died. All the things I felt guilty about the last time.
Then there's the decision of where do I go.
What if I regret it.
What if in 6 months I want to come back but can't find work, accomodation etc etc!

I realise this is all very first world problems of me etc don't think I don't know there's people with real problems out there. It's just wrecking my head every single day.

ImARebel

That or move in closer to Dublin city centre so you can actually live city life. And commute to work like the rest of us.

I'd give up a parking space to have a proper city lifestyle

99nsr125

HaloTop wrote: »

I really don't want to be in Ireland.

Go to Canada
It's the best country in the world

anewme

HaloTop wrote: »

I guess I'm hoping something or someone will come along and make Dublin better for me.

Don't be reliant or waiting on someone else to come along to make your life better.

Make your own plans.

LegacyUser

OP, reading your posts it's as if someone took my thoughts and wrote them out. I understand exactly how you feel even down to the need to move away and I completely get the what ifs. But I'll say to you something I've recently discovered for myself - you have to let go and take that leap of faith. You have to trust that no matter what, things will work out.

Stop overthinking. You cannot plan for every eventuality. We can't know the future. We just hace to make a choice and hope everything works out for the best.

You're holding on too tightly to your job. It's clouding your gut instinct. I think the problem is that all your what ifs are negative. Flip it around and start thinking positively. What if you take a chance and have the best time of your life?

America, even with the visa hurdle, is a possibilty. People get sponsored; why not you? If you're not in you can't win right?

Go, you're not truly happy here. Stop overthinking it.

Faith

So what happens if you go back to Canada and get a job you don’t like and struggle to make friends?

I agree with the others, I think - whether you realise it or not - you’re trying to run away from yourself. But wherever you go, there you are. I think it’s more important to be at peace with yourself first.

messy tessy

anewme wrote: »

Don't be reliant or waiting on someone else to come along to make your life better.

Make your own plans.

Exactly this! If you do meet someone you are putting enormous amount of pressure on them to fix your life.

I don't know if moving abroad is the solution to making everything magically better but if you think that, you should go. Best of luck!

HaloTop

99nsr125 wrote: »

Go to Canada
It's the best country in the world

Lol, it definitely isn't perfect 😂

HaloTop

ImARebel wrote: »

That or move in closer to Dublin city centre so you can actually live city life. And commute to work like the rest of us.

I'd give up a parking space to have a proper city lifestyle

It's almost impossible to just move closer to the city. There's very few rentals going that are affordable. Every day I'm on daft checking for new options I'm only 35 mins on the bus from Stephens green so I'm not massively out either

LegacyUser

Hi OP
It sounds to me you are just fed up with where you are at RIGHT NOW in life. I think a lot of ppl, me included, feel this at some point. So what can you do about it?

Theres a lot going for Dublin. In fact I am so happy to live here vs any other place Ive been. It suits me.

Ive friends & relations who Dublin doesnt suit. The ones who took a chance\risk are happier. One lives in Boston & has a fun, active social life. Another few live in Aus\NZ and are big outdoors ppl who go on adventures almost weekly. Another is in UK who is there for career opps better than Ireland.
Of course I also know people grinding it out in Dublin on lower wages and they struggle month to month to do more than stay afloat. To me it seems a grind and I wonder why they dont try other places in Ireland or overseas. Apathy maybe?

I also myself lived away in a big city & was doing well but I packed it in as I preferred Dublin.
I know others who tried out other locations and it didnt stick.
Grand, move back.

Just some observations, wishing you the best, whatever you decide.

ImARebel

HaloTop wrote: »

It's almost impossible to just move closer to the city. There's very few rentals going that are affordable. Every day I'm on daft checking for new options I'm only 35 mins on the bus from Stephens green so I'm not massively out either

You said it took you an hour to get anywhere so I took from that you were well outside Dublin...

I'm not sure you really know what you want, you're seeing obstacles with everything.

What about Holland? Some great cities there, it's not too far either if you're having what ifs about being too far away

anewme

You are expecting too much OP. You are not going to get a perfect job, life, home, relationship and commute handed to you.

I'd love to live in Dublin City, decent area, instead I commute in from Kildare. I don't hanker after living in Dalkey by the sea, it ain't gonna happen.

Too far to commute to Dublin City, so I got a job in West Dublin.

You need to be honest with yourself and accept what you can and can't control.

You can't control rents, so you live where you can afford. You can move if you want to, so that's within your control. You can get a job somewhere else, or else don't. You can't pick up your job and move it somewhere else, so you stay or go.

You can stay in your job, get a place further out, like thousands of the rest of us do. There are ppl who can only dream of 35 min commute to city centre.

Life is about making yourself happy, but within your own parameters and accepting what you can't change and working around your own constraints. You can't have it all ways.

It's unfair you resent your ex for moving home. You didn't have to, but chose to. The fact the relationship broke up afterwards is not relevant. These things happem.

This type of worry impacts everyone from time to time. Everyone gets fed up from time to time. However, sometimes you have to make a decision based on all the info you have to hand and stick with it. It can go either way, but once you make a path, follow it and stop saying shoulda, woulda, coulda.

milli milli

HaloTop wrote: »

I honestly feel so at peace when I'm away.

the misery (sorry) that is Ireland.

No I haven't got a great social life here

Even dating here I find difficult.

When I lived in Chicago... I didn't have a lot of money and hated my job but the city gave me such a buzz
I just adore living in a big city, I get the same sense of peace that others get from being in the countryside.

I lived in Montreal for 6 months and just felt content.

It’s pretty obvious you are happy & content when living abroad. Even when you hated your job when abroad, the city-living made you happy anyway.
So even though you love your job here, you can be happy without that when abroad.
So it seems obvious you should move abroad. Yes they are downsides like missing your family & feeling guilty if anything happens to your parents. But that’s no way to live and your parents would want you to be happy with your life.
But I would echo other posters in that don’t wait for someone to make your life better - only you can do that.

Big Bag of Chips

Very few people ‘have it all’. We all have to make sacrifices and weigh up what matters most and then go for it. If living 10 minutes from where you work and having parking is the most important thing for you, then stay put. The sacrifice you are making there though is high rent. If you want lower rent you are going to have to move. And if Ireland doesn’t interest you then it will have to be abroad.

I think you really are over thinking this. You are a young single woman with no ties. You could potentially move anywhere you want in the world and the option of coming back is always there. I have family living on various continents. Yes, sometimes people die and they need to get home in a hurry. But people aren’t dying every month, or even every year. So staying somewhere you’re not happy just because you don’t want to be away if someone dies is in the realms of over thinking.

As a previous poster said you can’t have it every way. There are so many options open to you. Make a decision and go with it. Nothing is permanent and changes can always happen when needed. Nobody has the perfect, fulfilled, balanced life. But we all make the life we are content with. Forever looking for something more just leads to disappointment and feeling disillusioned. Life carries on regardless. You choose the most important things and compromise on others.

wiggle16

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

As a previous poster said you can’t have it every way. There are so many options open to you. Make a decision and go with it. Nothing is permanent and changes can always happen when needed. Nobody has the perfect, fulfilled, balanced life. But we all make the life we are content with. Forever looking for something more just leads to disappointment and feeling disillusioned. Life carries on regardless. You choose the most important things and compromise on others.

Just to say, +1 to the above

SirChenjin

Try listing the pros and cons of moving abroad and of staying put. Research all options open to you, and make a factual decision, based on your options.

As others have said, don't rely on someone coming along who will change things for you.

BBFAN

Just to add OP, the cost of living in major cities in Canada is comparable to Dublin so that aspect won't be much improved.

Ursus Horribilis

Is there any major city where rent won't take away a large chunk of your wages?

BBFAN

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Is there any major city where rent won't take away a large chunk of your wages?

This is it, it's all relative. My son travels the world at the moment for work and says as much as he gives out about Dublin there isn't any city that's cheap.

He had a 30 minute trip by taxi in London yesterday, 130 pounds sterling!!!

secman

99nsr125 wrote: »

Go to Canada
It's the best country in the world

Yeah but it's full of Canadians

secman

Early onset of mid life crisis ??