Stay in job I hate to get mortgage ?

BBFAN

OP, do you get paid when you're out sick?

If you do then I would be going sick and make sure the doctor puts "stress related" on your cert.

If not, then I have to say to get this house you will have to just stick it out.

I know how it feels as I've done it before because I had 3 children to support on my own, had no choice but to get on with it.

It helped in my case if I went into to work with the attitude that this bully was a very sad person who clearly had issues of their own and little do they know that I'm working away to get a lovely life while they continue on bullying.

I know it's difficult but believe me in the long run it's worth it for security.

I wouldn't pay any attention to people telling you just to walk, that's easily said when you're in a secure situation.

During that time I played meditation music at night to sleep and it really helped.

BBFAN

Honestly, I know it sounds childish but I used to have a mantra going in my head saying "I have 3 lovely children and you have nothing", towards the bully and it really worked.

.......

OP have you posted before about this new work colleague - this seems very familiar?

Buying your first home is very stressful and there is a lot of hidden cost and expenditure that you dont realise until you are in it and noticing you need various things.

Its not something to be undertaken while you want to leave your job and are having a stressful time in work.

The worst case scenario for you would be to go ahead with it then leave the job suddenly and have the bank pull out from under you and be left with neither mortgage or job and deposits on furniture and things.

So simplify life. There will always be another job. There will always be another house.

Begin the formal complaint process in work. Do it. Nothing is going to improve unless you do. I did it when someone bullied me and I was bullet proof from the moment I complained to HR.

Then see the lie of the land and decide to look for another job or not. If you do - then put house hunting on hold until you are settled somewhere.

alias no.9

What level of interaction do you need to have with this person? Can you request that your manager make it little or ideally none even if that means other people need to be shuffled around? I'd expect others to resist any reshuffling but this resistance may open your managers eyes to the scale of the problem.

Other than this, as others have said, ignore everything that isn't said directly to you or about you within earshot. For everything else, keep a diary, include time, date and what was said.

Start this diary now with everything you have accurate information about, if there's even a slight doubt about time and date, leave it out. Put all of your meetings with your manager in this diary too.

Any time you need to interact with the bully, make sure it's done on the basis of scheduled meetings in an electronic calendar, outlook or whatever else you may use. If they come randomly to you, tell them you're busy right now but they're welcome to schedule some time even later that day, perhaps suggest a time there and then and send the meeting request yourself, take control.

After the meeting send a follow up email documenting any actions either you or they take away from the meeting leaving no ambiguity, keep any bullying for the diary. If necessary, cc your manager on the email. If there are any contentious items from the meeting where you cannot agree who is doing what or even when something needs to be completed, definitely cc your manager and ask for their input in resolving the issue, that's what they're paid for.

I'm hoping you never need to show anybody the diary, that matter of factness and documentation of all interaction on a professional level will see them back off, if not, being able to back up the times and dates of your interactions as well as everything agreed will stand in your favour as you cross reference the items from your diary.

gandalf

OK you need to identify what is the most important thing for you now. Is getting the mortgage and your own place to live important or is sorting out the job. If it's the home then you will have to continue on in this workplace.

What I don't understand is this person has joined after you yet they appear to have all the power. Personally if someone behaved like this towards me I would use every mechanism open to me within the company to deal with it including going the formal route. From reading your responses their behaviour is totally inappropriate and is bullying.

Finally you have no guarantee in any job that you will not come into contact with difficult people. Unfortunately it is a fact of life that there are people in this world who are gits, and there are workplaces that do not deal with these people properly. Again I don't understand why the company is not dealing with this person if by your own words they recognise the issues and difficulties they are causing. You said that they may take the legal route against the company but if the company allows them to bully staff they are opening themselves to legal action from those that are being bullied. I suggest that you keep a detailed diary of this persons interactions with you going forward and keep pressing you manager to deal with this. You've worked hard to get this permanent position, why should you move because another person is a bully.

.......

gandalf wrote: »

Personally if someone behaved like this towards me I would use every mechanism open to me within the company to deal with it including going the formal route. From reading your responses their behaviour is totally inappropriate and is bullying.

+ infinity - absolutely agree with this 100%

gandalf wrote: »

Finally you have no guarantee in any job that you will not come into contact with difficult people. Unfortunately it is a fact of life that there are people in this world who are gits, and there are workplaces that do not deal with these people properly.

This too - however, while the economic situation in the country is as it is now - ie, good, I wouldnt sit out a very stressful work situation when i could get a different job. Some workplaces just have a toxic culture.

Kidchameleon

Personally I would stick it out until I was comfy enough in a house, then change jobs. You have a terrific oppertunity now, do you want that ass*hole to spurn it? If you dont take the banks offer this time, things could change and it would be harder to get approval next time... anyway, if things are so bad at work, he/she could well be gone soon enough anyway.