Stay in job I hate to get mortgage ?

LegacyUser

Hi,

For years I never got my lucky break in terms of a secure job, I qualified during the recession.

I'm in my current role the last few years and I was made permanent this year. I recently applied for a mortgage, to my surprise I was granted a mortgage in principle! I am applying on my own. Being permanent is the key criteria, as I applied for a mortgage a year ago and as I wasn't permanent in my job then, I was refused.

This is my first real opportunity in my adult life at having a shot at buying a house.

However, my work situation has deteriorated severely in the recent few months, a new colleague has made my life hell, this person is dividing everyone and causing major trouble in general. The entire work culture has become toxic, I am dread going to work, it is impacting on my mental and psychological wellbeing.

I have other job offers coming in of short term temporary work I could take (this type of work would be plentiful, but it would be years before it would lead to anything permanent).
If it wasnt for the recent mortgage approval, I would be gone like a flash!

However the process of making an offer on a house to the time I get the keys to move in could take any length of time.

If I leave my job, I am back to square one in terms of applying for a mortgage and I will have to wait a couple of years again before I will be in a permanent job to be eligible to be granted a mortgage.

But on the other hand due to the toxic work environment, I dread going to work and realistically even the thoughts of doing 6 more months there is killing me psychologically (This is the minimum amount of time I could hope for to complete the purchase of a house) realistically it could even be a full year if I am lucky to purchase a house.

Friends and family are telling me stick it out and get my mortgage from this job, what would you advise?

Thanks.

Shelga

The thought of staying is killing you psychologically?

I couldn't do it. I would leave. Being a homeowner is not worth more than my mental health. I don't care what people say about 'getting on the ladder'- it's not worth it at all costs.

dubrov

It could take months to find a house and even longer to close the sale.

I'd look for a permanent job elsewhere which has 6 months probation. By the time you are ready to buy, you'll already be permanent.

fits

What age are you ? If your age is beginning to affect term of mortgage it’s a difficult one. On the other hand if your mental health suffers you might not be able to pay a mortgage.

Car99

Buying a house should not be the number one priority in anyones life, being happy and secure should be.

I would report the new arrival employee to their superior, if they are as you say dividing a previously happy staff the management or higher would be very interested in your opinion.

Ursus Horribilis

Having bought a house on my own, I can still remember how stressful that was. I didn't enjoy house hunting and found the whole process stressful. It also shocked me how much money it cost to get the house up and running. Even though I certainly wasn't splashing the cash and buying costly furniture, it was a more expensive time than what I'd bargained for.
What I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that buying a house when you're miserable at work is not something I'd recommend. Nor is buying now and trying to wing it afterwards whilst working temporary jobs.

Is there nothing that can be done to sort the toxic environment in your workplace? That'd be the first step to take. Go to HR, talk to a manager etc?

If that doesn't work out, then yes, it's time to start job hunting. Surely with the economy having picked up and that you've now got better work experience, you're in a position to get another permanent job?

SirChenjin

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Having bought a house on my own, I can still remember how stressful that was. I didn't enjoy house hunting and found the whole process stressful. It also shocked me how much money it cost to get the house up and running. Even though I certainly wasn't splashing the cash and buying costly furniture, it was a more expensive time than what I'd bargained for.
What I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that buying a house when you're miserable at work is not something I'd recommend. Nor is buying now and trying to wing it afterwards whilst working temporary jobs.

Is there nothing that can be done to sort the toxic environment in your workplace? That'd be the first step to take. Go to HR, talk to a manager etc?

If that doesn't work out, then yes, it's time to start job hunting. Surely with the economy having picked up and that you've now got better work experience, you're in a position to get another permanent job?

+1 to this.

OP, you are thinking in absolutes, at the moment, 'stay in job I hate for mortgage...'
There are other options, and other choices. It's just difficult right now for you to see that.

Start with the work issue. If you were happy in the job before this other person arrived, then you need to think hard before leaving. Who knows, the other person might move on - anything could happen.

Break things down into manageable chunks. Can anything be done about the work situation? If not, then you have to think about what is best for you. Put yourself at the centre of your thinking.

Then start to consider where you want to live and so on. Buying a house is a big commitment. Take your time. Listen to family and friends, by all means, but at the end of the day, you and only you can make the decision. You will be the one making the repayments, after all.

I think you might benefit from discussing everything including the work situation with an outsider, a counsellor for example.

Above all else, take care of your health. Look after yourself.

Ursus Horribilis

If I leave my job, I am back to square one in terms of applying for a mortgage and I will have to wait a couple of years again before I will be in a permanent job to be eligible to be granted a mortgage.

This, and some other things you mentioned in your post make me wonder are you a bit low on self-confidence? Are you catastrophising a bit because it took ages for you to find a permanent job? I thought your comment about being surprised you'd be granted a mortgage was telling too. Did you think you wouldn't be worthy of one?

LegacyUser

OP here

Thanks so much for the replies everyone, I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond.

I have brought this issue to HR and the manager twice. They have said the only option is to go the formal route . Hr and the manager aren't keen on this. This would also involve divulging confidential information that many of my colleagues told me in confidence, they do not want to be part of a formal process with they are interviewed and have to give evidence on record. honest I am not keen on going the formal route either. My physical health also suffered majorily during this stressful time and I know I don't currently have the mental or physical resilience to take on this individual via the formal route. She is highly manipulative and the team are afraid of this individual and would not want to be part of a process where they would have to be interviewed and give evidence in a formal complaint process.

Basically this colleague's behaviour is so unhinged that nobody wants to deal with her, they are afraid of her and are hoping that she will just leave eventually. But in the meantime I am her current target and I wonder how much I will have to endure from her between now and the time she possibly leaves the company.

Many of my colleagues have been suppotive and are appalled at her behaviour but they have said that she hasn't done anything to them so they won't speak out. In many ways as long as I am the current target, I feel people think that this makes them safe from the wrath of this terrible colleague. I am taking the brunt of it.

Yes when I qualified there were no full time permanent jobs in the area I was working in, this probably did dent my confidence as for years I tried to etch out a living in my chosen profession which I loved surviving on low hours and temporary contracts. I had to change career to get a full time permanent role. So for years I always thought that a mortgage was out of reach and buying a house.

A small cheap house has come on the market. The mortage repaymets would be a lot cheaper than rent and would be very manageable I plan to view it this week and if I like it put in an offer. But this process could take 6 months or more. I feel that I am so near but the thoughts of working in that environment for another 6 months or more fills me with dread. Friend and family are saying stick it out now to get my house, that I have come this far with it, I may as well get my house this job.

Sometimes banks look for more than just passing 6 months probation in a new job, I was refused a mortgage last year despite being in my current role and having passed my probation on the basis that I was not a permanent employee.

shesty

What is your current living situation?

Wanderer2010

Is this work mate on the same level as you or a manager? Either way, I would definitely file a complaint with HR at least to say you tried to rectify it before leaving. Do the managers not have any spine to deal with this woman? The worst thing to do with bullies is lie back and allow them to treat you that way. Look up your handbook and follow procedure. I know that's easier said than done but you would feel much better knowing you at least tried to rectify this situation rather than just giving up. Surely if she is that volatile the bosses should be doing something.

Ursus Horribilis

Is there any reason why you can't stand up to her? Or make another complaint to HR?

LegacyUser

Manager doesn't like conflict basically. This woman is very dangerous and would be the sort to file legal action.

That is the frustrating thing, everything she is doing is out of my sight and behind my back, some team members came forward in confidence to tell me what is going. So I am not in a position to confront her about it and believe me I would like to!!

Big Bag of Chips

The closing of the sale could take 6 months. You could have the mortgage approval withing a few weeks if you had all the documentation. Once you get the approval you can change jobs. Just be certain before tying yourself to a mortgage that you will be able to make the repayments should you be out of work at any point.

And be wary of a low price house. If it's a great deal, it will have a lot of interest.

LegacyUser

That is the snag, when you go to draw down the mortgage the bank asks for recent payslip to verify that your circumstances are still the same. So essentially I would have to stay in this job until the have keys and have moved in. Any change could jeopardise the mortgage with the bank in the meantime.

I am renting at present, living in an area with a lot of antisocial behaviour, I'd love to get out.

This house is cheap, but it is very small, perfect for me. It might not be as attractive to other buyers e.g. people with children or planning to have a family in the future.

Ursus Horribilis

Do you have enough money saved so you could make repayments for a few months if you found yourself not in full-time work? Could you rent out a room if money becomes tight?

Big Bag of Chips

Have the bank told you that? I know it's a while since I bought a house but that wasn't the case then. Once the mortgage was approved the bank just waited for word from the solicitor of when he wanted the cheque.

There are loads of mortgage providers. Shop around and see who gives you the best deal. And don't be afraid to ask up front what they will need, at any/all stages. We were messed around by the place we originally went too. Kept telling us how simple the process was and how all we needed was x, y, z... Then every time we handed in exactly what was asked we were told "one more thing", "one other thing". We walked away from them with 6 weeks until our closing date and found a broker who knew the situation we were in and were upfront about what they needed from us.

Wanderer2010

Op.......here wrote: »

Manager doesn't like conflict basically. This woman is very dangerous and would be the sort to file legal action.

That is the frustrating thing, everything she is doing is out of my sight and behind my back, some team members came forward in confidence to tell me what is going. So I am not in a position to confront her about it and believe me I would like to!!

Well, the manager isn't doing his or her job and you need to take the bull by the horns here and first instigate a private meeting with your manager. Tell them that you feel very uncomfortable about this colleague and give an account of everything that was said to you about her. I know its not evidence as such but this meeting is more to make the point that "you will be going official to HR very soon", that might kickstart a reaction from your spineless bosses that you wont put up with her.

Start making a list of things that you can bring up in the meeting, anything from the way she speaks to you, that you felt undermined etc etc. Don't forget she isn't the only one who can file legal action. If she continues to make your life hard, ask her for a polite private conversation and treat it as if she is recording it because she probably is. Practice a few times saying "I have a number of different incidents here regarding your treatment of me and I am very unhappy about it. I would ask you to be professional towards me in the future. That might put the wind up her. If not, progress to an official grievance, you don't need to put up with this crap in work. Your boss sounds like a very weak person though.

Ursus Horribilis

Here's another question for you regarding this house. Is it cheap because it's small or is there some other reason? If your circumstances change in the future and you have reason to put it up for sale, do you think it'll be easy or difficult to sell? When I was house hunting, I soon came to realise that the cheaper houses had a lower price for a reason. It was usually its location or the condition of the house (not always obvious from the photos on Daft). What I'm saying is don't just buy this house because it's within your price range.

Big Bag of Chips

Have you made an offer on the house? Is somebody living in it now? Do they need to wait for another property to become available before they can move out?

Find out as much as you can about the property. Look into other jobs in the meantime, but get the ball rolling on moving forward with the house at least. The sooner you get it sorted the sooner you can leave.

If you are depending on the word of colleagues to pass the news on what this other colleague is doing, tell them to stop telling you. If seems everybody is wise to her, and you're not directly dealing with her nastiness so keep your head down, get on with your job and keep your nose clean and make sure you have your own back covered when it comes to your work.

Get the ball moving on the house and get out of the job as quick as possible.

LegacyUser

Op here

I have spoken to my boss several times. He has no backbone and won't deal with this person. The boss is happy as long as he is not the target. I agree, he is not doing his job.

I tried to speak with her about her behaviour in the early days and it was futile. She gets highly aggressive and comes out with bizzare statements. My sister in law has a background in psychology and she reckons this work colleague sounds like a disordered narcissist. The advice for anyone who is the target of a narcissist is to get as far away from them as soon possible as they won't stop. I am beginning to see this with this work colleague, she is relentless in her attack on me.

Big Bag of Chips

But what is she doing? You have said you have no direct evidence, just the word of colleagues who are coming to you telling you what she's doing. So tell your colleagues to stop telling you, especially if they are not prepared to officially say anything.

Your boss knows what's going on. So, so long as you do the job you are employed to do then that should be enough.

I understand your frustration, but all your posts are full of what you can't do. There's a lot you can do.

Ursus Horribilis

You're coming across as someone who has worked themselves up into a lather over all of this. I wouldn't quite say you're catastrophising things but you're not far off it.

In work, if your boss knows that this weapon is trouble and you've reported it, there's not a lot they can do to you. Make sure to log everything just so you're covered. Are you sure you're not getting over-paranoid or over-sensitive about her? I'm not doubting that she's a nasty piece of work but is she really as dangerous to you personally as you think she is? In the short term, you could try going to a counsellor to get help (tools) for dealing with her.

As you've already been advised, find out everything you can about this house you want to buy. More importantly, take deep breaths and ask yourself why you want to buy it. Making bids on houses in your current state of mind might not be the wisest of strategies. Are you buying it because you're terrified you'll not find something else in your price range? Is it because you're so eager to live somewhere other than where you're renting? Is your age a factor? Is it the terror of leaving this job and not knowing when you'll get another permanent job?

SirChenjin

OP, I don't think you are heeding any of the advice that has been offered.

That is absolutely your prerogative, of course.

I would recommend seeking counselling. As has been said upthread, it would help in terms of equipping you to deal with the work situation.

All the best.

brendanwalsh

Suck it up boy.
You want the cash and the house, you gotta graft for it. There's no free meals in this society, only soft snowflakes looking for an easy ride.

Father Hernandez

brendanwalsh wrote: »

Suck it up boy.
You want the cash and the house, you gotta graft for it. There's no free meals in this society, only soft snowflakes looking for an easy ride.

This is terrible advise

wiggle16

brendanwalsh wrote: »

Suck it up boy.

Mod note:

This falls below the standard expected in PI. If you do not have constructive, useful advice for the OP, please do not post.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for your advice, plenty of different perspectives on my situation has given me plenty of food for thought.
I can't give exact details of what she has been doing in case it would identify myself.

Thanks all for taking the time to post.

SozBbz

OP you are correct that the bank may ask for additional paperwork at any point in time before drawdown of funds. You might get away with moving jobs earlier than that but personally would not risk it as you could have incurred significant legal/professional costs and ultimately not be able to complete.

I know in my own case I was asked to provide another payslip and redo the valuation as the process dragged on longer than 3months. Now, it was no issue as my circumstances hadn't changed, but in your case I think you'd need to be prepared to stay in the role until the sale went through finally.

MartyMcFly84

I was in a similar situation (thinking about leaving my job) and just got keys to my house before Christmas. From the approval in principle to getting keys and moving in it took pretty much a full year.

Some of that was due to changing the town where I was going to buy due to affordability. Then house hunting, a couple a bids falling through then finally finding a place. From sale agreed to moving in took about 4 months.

So timelines are something to consider depending how far along the line you are in your house hunt.

For me personally my next steps are to get a couple house mates which will take the pressure off the mortgage and I can then look at again at moving jobs with less pressure.

My situation was not terrible but had a couple run ins with my boss which I thought were uncalled for, and I started to feel uneasy about going to work. I was able to bear it with my goal in mind.

Wesser

I would stay in the job and just find a house quickly and go at it as hard as you can
I did this and left soon after I got my keys. Now I have my lovely house and work issues a distant memory.
One thing I noticed at work was that as soon as I could see the exit so close...it wasn't so hard anymore...

BBFAN

OP, do you get paid when you're out sick?

If you do then I would be going sick and make sure the doctor puts "stress related" on your cert.

If not, then I have to say to get this house you will have to just stick it out.

I know how it feels as I've done it before because I had 3 children to support on my own, had no choice but to get on with it.

It helped in my case if I went into to work with the attitude that this bully was a very sad person who clearly had issues of their own and little do they know that I'm working away to get a lovely life while they continue on bullying.

I know it's difficult but believe me in the long run it's worth it for security.

I wouldn't pay any attention to people telling you just to walk, that's easily said when you're in a secure situation.

During that time I played meditation music at night to sleep and it really helped.

BBFAN

Honestly, I know it sounds childish but I used to have a mantra going in my head saying "I have 3 lovely children and you have nothing", towards the bully and it really worked.

.......

OP have you posted before about this new work colleague - this seems very familiar?

Buying your first home is very stressful and there is a lot of hidden cost and expenditure that you dont realise until you are in it and noticing you need various things.

Its not something to be undertaken while you want to leave your job and are having a stressful time in work.

The worst case scenario for you would be to go ahead with it then leave the job suddenly and have the bank pull out from under you and be left with neither mortgage or job and deposits on furniture and things.

So simplify life. There will always be another job. There will always be another house.

Begin the formal complaint process in work. Do it. Nothing is going to improve unless you do. I did it when someone bullied me and I was bullet proof from the moment I complained to HR.

Then see the lie of the land and decide to look for another job or not. If you do - then put house hunting on hold until you are settled somewhere.

alias no.9

What level of interaction do you need to have with this person? Can you request that your manager make it little or ideally none even if that means other people need to be shuffled around? I'd expect others to resist any reshuffling but this resistance may open your managers eyes to the scale of the problem.

Other than this, as others have said, ignore everything that isn't said directly to you or about you within earshot. For everything else, keep a diary, include time, date and what was said.

Start this diary now with everything you have accurate information about, if there's even a slight doubt about time and date, leave it out. Put all of your meetings with your manager in this diary too.

Any time you need to interact with the bully, make sure it's done on the basis of scheduled meetings in an electronic calendar, outlook or whatever else you may use. If they come randomly to you, tell them you're busy right now but they're welcome to schedule some time even later that day, perhaps suggest a time there and then and send the meeting request yourself, take control.

After the meeting send a follow up email documenting any actions either you or they take away from the meeting leaving no ambiguity, keep any bullying for the diary. If necessary, cc your manager on the email. If there are any contentious items from the meeting where you cannot agree who is doing what or even when something needs to be completed, definitely cc your manager and ask for their input in resolving the issue, that's what they're paid for.

I'm hoping you never need to show anybody the diary, that matter of factness and documentation of all interaction on a professional level will see them back off, if not, being able to back up the times and dates of your interactions as well as everything agreed will stand in your favour as you cross reference the items from your diary.

gandalf

OK you need to identify what is the most important thing for you now. Is getting the mortgage and your own place to live important or is sorting out the job. If it's the home then you will have to continue on in this workplace.

What I don't understand is this person has joined after you yet they appear to have all the power. Personally if someone behaved like this towards me I would use every mechanism open to me within the company to deal with it including going the formal route. From reading your responses their behaviour is totally inappropriate and is bullying.

Finally you have no guarantee in any job that you will not come into contact with difficult people. Unfortunately it is a fact of life that there are people in this world who are gits, and there are workplaces that do not deal with these people properly. Again I don't understand why the company is not dealing with this person if by your own words they recognise the issues and difficulties they are causing. You said that they may take the legal route against the company but if the company allows them to bully staff they are opening themselves to legal action from those that are being bullied. I suggest that you keep a detailed diary of this persons interactions with you going forward and keep pressing you manager to deal with this. You've worked hard to get this permanent position, why should you move because another person is a bully.

.......

gandalf wrote: »

Personally if someone behaved like this towards me I would use every mechanism open to me within the company to deal with it including going the formal route. From reading your responses their behaviour is totally inappropriate and is bullying.

+ infinity - absolutely agree with this 100%

gandalf wrote: »

Finally you have no guarantee in any job that you will not come into contact with difficult people. Unfortunately it is a fact of life that there are people in this world who are gits, and there are workplaces that do not deal with these people properly.

This too - however, while the economic situation in the country is as it is now - ie, good, I wouldnt sit out a very stressful work situation when i could get a different job. Some workplaces just have a toxic culture.

Kidchameleon

Personally I would stick it out until I was comfy enough in a house, then change jobs. You have a terrific oppertunity now, do you want that ass*hole to spurn it? If you dont take the banks offer this time, things could change and it would be harder to get approval next time... anyway, if things are so bad at work, he/she could well be gone soon enough anyway.