At risk of loosing friendship can someone help?

biabelle

We haven’t communicated since Wednesday, she didn’t reply to my message where I apologised for letting her down and for the way she felt. I know she is waiting for me to message her but where do I even start. I’m actually afraid because I’m scared she will reject me. We were again supposed to be going out tomorrow night and she has just posted a picture with another girl saying can’t wait to be reunited with my bestie tomorrow.. I guess that was intended for me in some senses.

Sardonicat

Have you actually read any of the responses on this thread?

What do you want to be told?

Oh yeah she's horrible now go crawling back for more?

Make new friends.

Paddy Cow

biabelle wrote: »

I appreciate all the comments guys and I do agree that her behaviour is over the top. A lot of you say we use each other, I don’t use her. Yes she is my only friend that I can go out drinking with, but I do also enjoy her company. We used to talk everyday hours on the phone and I would tell her a lot and she to me. I felt close to her and she would be my first contact should any minor girlie drama occur. Hence why I don’t want to loose her friendship.

I understand I let her down and how frustrating it is. I have had friends cancel last minute on me before too so I know how it feels but I have never acted the way she did. Telling me she is never making plans with me again, me being disrespectful and she is extremely fed up of me made me feel like a child being told off

All friendships are based on people using each other but as long as it's mutual, it's a healthy friendship. You used to be close to her emotionally and confided in her but it sounds like now she has pulled away from that part of the friendship and wants to be a going out buddy. You can't save the friendship if what she wants out of it, and is willing to invest into it has changed.

It's also not healthy for you to rely so much on one person. Everyone needs emotional support but it should come from a variety of people. Put yourself out there and make more friends and you will be less inclined to put up with this sort of behaviour.

Paddy Cow

biabelle wrote: »

We haven’t communicated since Wednesday, she didn’t reply to my message where I apologised for letting her down and for the way she felt. I know she is waiting for me to message her but where do I even start. I’m actually afraid because I’m scared she will reject me. We were again supposed to be going out tomorrow night and she has just posted a picture with another girl saying can’t wait to be reunited with my bestie tomorrow.. I guess that was intended for me in some senses.

Whether you like it or not, her behaviour shows that she is moving away from this friendship. If you're really insistent on trying to save it, the only thing you can do is text her saying "hey, what time are we meeting tomorrow?" or something like that. If she doesn't respond then you know it's over. If she does, go out and see if things are normal or strained. Being rejected is better than walking on eggshells. At least you can accept the situation and move on.

TheChizler

Leaving her hanging and not confirming you won't be going in good time is probably the worst thing you can do, and she'd have a legitimate grievance then IMO. Text her and say you're sorry but you're not feeling well enough to go out and you hope she enjoys her night.

Paddy Cow

TheChizler wrote: »

Leaving her hanging and not confirming you won't be going in good time is probably the worst thing you can do, and she'd have a legitimate grievance then IMO. Text her and say you're sorry but you're not feeling well enough to go out and you hope she enjoys her night.

She's not leaving her hanging though. She texted on Wednesday to apologise for not going out and her friend is ignoring her and posting pictures with her new bestie.

TheChizler

Paddy Cow wrote: »

She's not leaving her hanging though. She texted on Wednesday to apologise for not going out and her friend is ignoring her and posting pictures with her new bestie.

I got that she was apologising for the previous time, maybe I'm picking that up wrong.

Edit: I had it in my head that it was a new years thing she was cancelling, not a night a couple of days ago.

You've apologised op and it's up to her to accept it or not. You've nothing to apologise for IMO, you had a legitimate reason and beyond the sending your regrets there's not much more to say. It's she expecting you to grovel?

Sardonicat

TheChizler wrote: »

Paddy Cow wrote: »

She's not leaving her hanging though. She texted on Wednesday to apologise for not going out and her friend is ignoring her and posting pictures with her new bestie.

I got that she was apologising for the previous time, maybe I'm picking that up wrong.

She did apologise for the previous time. She's now being excluded from plans for the next time but still wants to be her friend.

splinter65

OP you are just glancing through the replies to your problem but your not getting the answers you want.
Wouldn’t it be more honest to ask here the question you really want answered?

YoungRogerian

If she values your friendship, she'll come around, if not, she really isn't worth the hassle. What age are ye? If ye're very young, early 20s etc I'd say something, but i ye are in mid to late 20s or beyond, I think your friendship needs to be based on more than going out. that's not a friendship to me, that's a drinking buddy. Drinking buddies are ten a penny and ultimately not that important. If she is a genuine friend then she needs it made clear that you are not there for her to walk all over. At the same time, you need to be gentle and diplomatic, no point making the situation worse.

Rosie Rant

I had a friend like this for way too long. She would give me the cold shoulder for days if I ever cancelled plans with her, even if I had genuine reasons. She would throw a massive hissy fit if I was two minutes late meeting her, even though she would consistently be half an hour to two hours late herself. She would sulk if I spent time with other friends, family or my partner instead of being at her beck and call.

I made excuses for her for the longest time. "We've been friends for so long," etc. Then one day I realised how one-sided the relationship was. I would always be a listening ear for her but every time I had something I needed to talk about she would turn the situation into another reason to talk about herself.

Cutting that toxic, self-centered person out of my life was one of the best decisions I ever made.

BBFAN

OP, this is at least the 3rd time we've seen this exact same thread.

If you're constantly letting her down I fully understand why she's pissed off. Stop making arrangements and pulling out.

If I was your friend I'd be thinking exactly the same thing "drama queen". I'm not going to make arrangements with you again, why would I when you've cancelled 3 times?

Purple Mountain

Hi OP.
This may sound harsh but I feel having read this thread and others that it's warranted.
You both sound immature for 20 something year old professionals. Sorry, but I'm saying it as I see it.
You're tip toeing around her waiting to see if she'll text you to absolve you from your sin, meanwhile she's posting childish pictures online clearly trying to goad you.
Nobody in their 20s and especially working in a career like yours should be reliant on one single person for their social needs. If you work in a hospital you have many avenues to make new friends. I don't buy that they could all be partnered up in their 20s.
Put yourself out there on work nights out. Get introduced to their friends. Join a sports club. Sign up for salsa.
There's way more to life than going out drinking with only one particular girl in the whole of the country!