Dating someone with different beliefs

RWCNT

Could you date someone with vastly different beliefs to yourself?

Take "beliefs" any way you like for the sake of conversation - political, religious, general world-view etc.

Myself and Mrs RWCNT both did a political compass test the other week and our results were very similar, although we have very different beliefs on a lot of subjects. I've dated people who had nearly the same beliefs to me before as well as people who were my opposite. I think myself and the current lady have the right balance where we're close enough to be on the same page but different enough that we can still have a good spirited debate (argument) from time to time.

Could any of the hardcore conservatives see themselves with a liberal luvvie? Any atheists married to a dyed in the wool catholic? Any carnivores shacked up with a die-hard vegan (like me)? What say ye, boards?

mad muffin

As long as they’re into anal… I’m cool.

A shared sense of humour amply compensates for differences.

Guy:Incognito

mad muffin wrote: »

As long as they’re into anal… I’m cool.

Wouldn't be much point in you going out with a guy that wasnt

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

I could have religious friends but a religious partner would not be for me. My husband isn’t religious.

Political views? We’d need to be fairly close on the spectrum but we wouldn’t need to completely match up.

Yer Da sells Avon

I'd struggle to date anyone who isn't a decent person and doesn't have a good sense of humour. So that rules right-wingers out anyway.

Robert McGrath

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

I'd struggle to date anyone who isn't a decent person and doesn't have a good sense of humour. So that rules right-wingers out anyway.

You don’t think someone with a conservative view on fiscal policy can be decent and have a good sense of humour?

Yer Da sells Avon

Robert McGrath wrote: »

You don’t think someone with a conservative view on fiscal policy can be decent and have a good sense of humour?

I've yet to meet one who I don't find awful and dull. Although tbh, I'd tolerate terrible opinions (and lots of other things too) if the person made me laugh. What I really want is to be entertained, and also to get my end away.

Gimme A Pound

Being very far left is a big turn-off.

As would being very far right, however I don't think I've ever met the latter in person, whereas I've met loads of the former.

Extremist anything really is a turn-off - I know that seems obvious but I'm even talking about e.g. hardline atheists. An unwillingness to understand all points of view is something I just can't get past (yeah I'm aware of the irony ).

HalloweenJack

I couldn't be with someone who was religious. I'm so strongly anti-religion that it would be impossible.

With regards to politics, it would depend how strongly they believed in their more controversial points. Thankfully, my partner is more or less the same as me.

o1s1n

HalloweenJack wrote: »

I couldn't be with someone who was religious. I'm so strongly anti-religion that it would be impossible.

Same. There's in irrationality to it that I just can't understand. Wouldn't work in a relationship.

Luckily my wife is a bigger atheist than I am :pac:

judeboy101

I can cope with anything except veganism

Fighting Tao

OP, did she just tell you that Santa is not real?

Folkstonian

I don’t think I could go out with someone who didn’t drink, that would be quite tough.

mad muffin

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

Wouldn't be much point in you going out with a guy that wasnt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlGUxta-s5I

facehugger99

I couldn't be with someone whose morality I didn't respect.

SEPT 23 1989

If you agreed on everything it would be very boring

Dalomanakora

I dated a guy for a year or who who had opposing religious and political views (he was Catholic to my atheist and FAR too left wing for even a somewhat leftie like me).


Worked out fine though, we respected one another's beliefs and agreed not to argue about religion or politics. Still friends about a decade on.

Witchie

My boyfriend and I are so completely opposite it's funny. We have had to introduce "squabble free Saturday" and "No squabbling Sunday" so we can enjoy weekends.

One of the first things he told me was he is a trump fan. I thought he was joking. He is a Malay former Muslim atheist so at least we are both atheist but I am tolerant of religions whereas he isn't.

He is also a racist. Not a full blown, Lynch mob type but someone who believes he should have more rights than his Chinese and Indian countrymen. He is a true Bumiputra.


I am veggie he eats chicken like there is no tomorrow.

The good thing is that coz he is only a young thing, am slightly influencing him and his stance is softening somewhat.

Soon he will be a full blown, veggie leftie liberal like me. Or we will go our separate ways.

jobeenfitz

Leprechauns r fairies, all de same. If ya like banging shur ur grand.

ArchXStanton

Claire Flaky Slave wrote: »

Being very far left is a big turn-off.

As would being very far right, however I don't think I've ever met the latter in person, whereas I've met loads of the former.

Extremist anything really is a turn-off - I know that seems obvious but I'm even talking about e.g. hardline atheists. An unwillingness to understand all points of view is something I just can't get past (yeah I'm aware of the irony ).

I dated an extreme lefty before, ended up in more arguments with that one. She's with another extreme lefty now... Equally as deluded as each other

Zaph

As long as they were typical Irish cultural Catholic or something similar, and not full-on God-squad religious, I wouldn't have a problem with a partner being religious. Where I would draw the line is if they were politically or socially conservative because that would lead to too many arguments. I'd probably be able to cope with a vegetarian, as long as they weren't militant about it, but vegans need not apply. I'm not giving up my meat or dairy for anybody, no matter how perfect they may be.

VeryTerry

There was a thread a while ago about people that are long term singletons and have given up looking. I noticed the vast majority of the male posters in it were the ones that show up first in the right wing hot topics. I suppose if you hate everyone you're unlikely to find anyone to love.

CarelessSteve

It all depends on how strong those beliefs are held? I can't see any relationship lasting when opposing beliefs are strongly held.

Church on Tuesday

As long as you love and care for them, who really gives a ****?

Gimme A Pound

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

As long as you love and care for them, who really gives a ****?

Grand if there are differing views between the two people every so often - that's normal and healthy, and shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

But absolutely polar opposites with strong beliefs who clash on everything ideologically? It may be manageable for some couples, but I wouldn't blame other couples if it took its toll eventually. When you're spending such a lot of time together, it can grate after the initial honeymoon period.

Guys who hate gay people and have misogynistic views, or guys who hold hardline communist beliefs - I couldn't go there.

Church on Tuesday

Claire Flaky Slave wrote: »

Grand if there are differing views between the two people every so often - that's normal and healthy, and shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

But absolutely polar opposites with strong beliefs who clash on everything ideologically? It may be manageable for some couples, but I wouldn't blame other couples if it took its toll eventually. When you're spending such a lot of time together, it can grate after the initial honeymoon period.

Guys who hate gay people and have misogynistic views, or guys who hold hardline communist beliefs - I couldn't go there.

I hear what you're saying and I've been there but in most cases people with very different view points don't tend to get together in the first case.

Neon Demon

My cousin's girlfriend of nearly 15 years started getting very religious a number of years ago and they stopped having sex before marriage. Her entire family embraced religion actually. They started becoming vocal about the wrongs of homosexuality and same-sex marriage, etc. He was able to work through it and they eventually married. I don't know if I'd have been able to do the same. It's not simply a case of your girlfriend having different beliefs, it's that she's adopted views on sexuality and human nature that are diametrically opposed to your own.

s7ryf3925pivug

Yes. One lady said they never thought they could be with someone who doesn't believe in god. They stopped believing in god after we were together a while. I attribute this to me, though they don't.

Wrt meat eating and vegetarianism, one lady adopted a vegetarian diet on my suggestion (while I continued eating meat). Come to think of it, my previous partner began eating red meat on my suggestion.

I ditched one girl on the spot when she spewed a load of racist ****. That's the only instance I can think of where different beliefs were an explicit dealbreaker.

Generally I went out with women whose world view was similar to mine, usually without specifically trying to.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

There's quite a bit of difference, but if you can respect different opinions and care for each other then it shouldn't matter. In fact it can lead to endless interesting conversations and debates. I think being with someone exactly the same and agreeing on everything would be boring.

Kirby

Aliza Moldy Eyeglasses wrote: »

There's quite a bit of difference, but if you can respect different opinions and care for each other then it shouldn't matter. In fact it can lead to endless interesting conversations and debates. I think being with someone exactly the same and agreeing on everything would be boring.

But it does matter. There is a big difference between agreeing on everything and having cast iron difference in beliefs.

Minor disagreements and difference of opinions can be interesting. Major ones are toxic.

Diametrically opposed views on things like abortion, children, marriage, religion, racism, and so on rarely change and the issues surrounding them won't go away. It's not like one of you liking football and the other not. These are the cornerstones of who we are.

For example, one party wanting children and the other not, isn't going to lead to "endless interesting conversations."

dr.fuzzenstein

I could never date anyone who was either a flat earther or a Trump Fan, because I could never date someone that deluded and stupid. And in case of the Trumpers, hateful. And I'd have more tolerance towards flat earthers.
A girl at work is a Jehovah's, I'd say with a bit of work that brainwashing could be reversed. But I wouldn't want to spend years trying to turn her round.
But basically, I could not be with someone who holds onto irrational and deluded believes that are proven to be nonsense.
My ex believes that the CIA is spying on her via men in dark suits, her laptop and black helicopters. She also swallows anything coming from that shower of nutters, project Camelot. There is a reason she is my ex.

DEFTLEFTHAND

When myself and partner first met we were both leftists.

I was hardcore at the time. Part of every leftist movement in UL.




About a year into our relationship I did a complete Uturn and became a conservative. See once I left colllege and had to work for a living I changed .


The final seal happened when we had our boy together.


She's a great mum, but she doesn't earn a crust, she has a useleless HPSS Degree from UL.


I'll support them because thats my job.

beertons

Yer Da sells Avon wrote: »

So that rules right-wingers out anyway.

I read that as right mingers.

the_pen_turner

having oposite opinions on the smaller stuff is ok and can be worked around..
but i think you need to be somewhat close on the larger stuff like
religion
extreme left/ right
femainism extreme nonscense
pineapple on pizza etc

Big Nasty

Different beliefs like I prefer beef over chicken - fine.

I don't think those actively practicing different religions are the best of mixes.

mvl

Assuming dating has a purpose (to establish long term partnership) - I have some bias-es that can be summarized with ... has to be high IQ Caucasian.

Then, I need to feel safe in all my close relationships.

But ... I am OK with different political/religion views, music/style preference, as long as I can keep my independence; diversity would inspire me.

CrankyHaus

Most Irish people don't really have clearly defined beliefs, just a vague mix of pragmatic non ideological centrism with common sense and lapsed catholicism.

That describes pretty much every girl I've dated and most people I know. Irish politics reflects this. Us freaks discussing policy on the Internet are very much in the minority.

RWCNT

mvl wrote: »

has to be high IQ Caucasian.

Jesus, I certainly didn't see the thread going in this direction.

biko

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=or0qYZeE1zI

mark_jmc

judeboy101 wrote: »

I can cope with anything except veganism

At least they’d be too tired to argue with you

mvl

RWCNT wrote: »

Jesus, I certainly didn't see the thread going in this direction.

This is not a direction, as I don't hope to set a trend.
You're asking strangers about who would they share their life with. This is the shortest definition of my biases // I know for sure inter-racial wouldn't work for my personal life, and I get inspired by smart brains.

- In my public life I am cool with every race/level of intelligence - so all good.

JohnnyFlash

I couldn’t date someone who supported Manchester United, or who doesn’t eat cheese.

Greyfox

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I couldn’t date someone who supported Manchester United, or who doesn’t eat cheese.

Now that there not winning all the time I would of thought dating a man u fan would be great.
My gf is religious and I'm not, makes for far better conversations than if were the same. Different opinions on big issues are great as long as there'd respect on both sides.. but that sadly means I have to accept she watched a lot of garbage on tv

RWCNT

mvl wrote: »

This is not a direction, as I don't hope to set a trend.
You're asking strangers about who would they share their life with. This is the shortest definition of my biases // I know for sure inter-racial wouldn't work for my personal life, and I get inspired by smart brains.

- In my public life I am cool with every race/level of intelligence - so all good.

I asked about dating someone with different beliefs, I wasn't aware that one's race was a belief. Would you be so kind as to explain why inter-racial wouldn't work for your personal life? Im very curious.

One eyed Jack

RWCNT wrote: »

Jesus, I certainly didn't see the thread going in this direction.

I don’t think they’re any more unreasonable criteria than any of the other criteria listed by anyone here to be fair. They’re likely to share the same educational background and ethnic experiences, and have far more in common with each other than they wouldn’t.

For myself it wouldn’t make me feel insecure or uncomfortable if someone were of higher intelligence and more intellectual than I am (wouldn’t be hard, to be fair, just means I have a bigger potential dating pool than most ). I wouldn’t have any immediate issue with dating someone of another ethnic or socioeconomic background, as long as it was just dating and not the idea of getting into any sort of a serious relationship.

With regard to different beliefs and attitudes and so on, what would be more important to me is their attitudes towards other people. I make no secret of the fact that I’m immediately very judgemental of other people, but judgemental in the sense that I would either view certain things as either positive or negative. I wouldn’t want to date someone who shares my beliefs because I myself am generally curious about other people’s beliefs and attitudes. I prefer to be with people who are the complete opposite to me, but tend to have an irreverent sense of humour and don’t take everything too seriously.

Certainly I wouldn’t date anyone who would take everything I say seriously, it’d be tiresome and exhausting having to explain myself every time they didn’t get the joke

Carlingford Locked

Me and my love often argue on economics, fiscal policies etc. They get very heated on these topics it can be exhausting. Especially given that they're broke all the time.
Yeah, my love has got no money, he's got his strong beliefs. I still want more and more though from the relationship, and it's freed me from desiring other prospective suitors.

mvl

RWCNT wrote: »

I asked about dating someone with different beliefs, I wasn't aware that one's race was a belief. Would you be so kind as to explain why inter-racial wouldn't work for your personal life? Im very curious.

I was not saying it is. I was meaning to say I have other bias-es when dating. Different race doesn't do it for me: I haven't figured out what triggers me being attracted or not to someone // maybe it is how they say we are attracted to ppl who physically remind us of our early caregivers.

gozunda

RWCNT wrote: »

Jesus, I certainly didn't see the thread going in this direction.

I know a lady in London of mixed Caribbean/ Malaysian heritage who told me she wouldn't date a white person and preferred prospective partners to be fairly well off.

Such personal preferences are not unusual to any particular group imo

Billy86

Carlingford Locked wrote: »

Yeah, my love has got no money, he's got his strong beliefs.

FREED FROM DESIRE,
MIND AND SENSES PURIFIED,
FREED FROM DESIRE,
MIND AND SENSES PUR--

sorry.

andekwarhola

Opinions are just opinions.

The only way it would be an issue for me is if it made them genuinely different to me in personality, like not having a social conscience or personally treating other people like cnuts.

If you're going around thinking it's a deal breaker with an otherwise decent attractive person because they believe n God or agree with water charges, it's a bit pathetic.