Broody

professore

TheBoyConor wrote: »

You're only 26 so you're a bit young to be getting yourself wrapped up in pregnancy and babies. Maybe as is said you put together a life plan that will help you deal with it so that you can revisit having a baby maybe when you are a bit older, say 30 or so if you really want that.

I am assuming your partner is in or around the same age. You should talk to your partner absolutelly but in all honesty it is very unlikely that fellas in their 20s would be actually keen to have a baby, they tend to change maybe from early to mid 30s.

My wife had our first child at 26. She wanted kids at that age. It worked out very well for us.

The reality is biologically 26 is an ideal age ti have kids.

LirW

Because the female biology doesn't care too much about modern living circumstances. It doesn't care about a housing crisis or that it takes a long time to train for a job.
It's our rationale that does factor this in but the body itself doesn't.
The ideal age biologically to have children didn't really change so it IS perfectly normal to have the desire to start a family in your mid 20s. Your body is basically giving you the signal that now is the right time physically, your fertility doesn't stay the same until menopause and for many it's the sad reality that waiting a few years could mean that they'd have trouble conceiving.

I'm solely seeing that from a biological stance; it is absolutely normal to have the strong desire to have children in your 20s. Just because many don't act on it or don't really feel it doesn't mean it's abnormal.

Ursus Horribilis

Those comments about a broody 26 year being somehow "wrong" and a bit psycho are some of the most obnoxious things I've read on boards of late. And that's saying something. Chances are, many gynaecologists would rather have 26 year old women coming into them than 36 year olds.

TheBoyConor

Op I don't know what sort of contraception you use but if it is not hormone based then perhaps you could consider that because it could alter or alleviate the proccupation you are faced with.

skallywag

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

...Chances are, many gynaecologists would rather have 26 year old women coming into them than 36 year olds.

That's a very good point.

The chances of falling pregnant and carrying successfully to term at 36 are dramatically less than when aged 26, and tends to fall off a cliff as you head towards 40.

You hear the argument that plenty of women in their late 30s have successful pregnancies, which of course is true. One just needs to look around anywhere to see that. But statistically the chance of success is seriously diminished.

GingerLily

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Op I don't know what sort of contraception you use but if it is not hormone based then perhaps you could consider that because it could alter or alleviate the proccupation you are faced with.

She doesn't need medication or hormone therapy. It's perfectly normal to want children, just as it's perfectly normal to not want children.

TheBoyConor

It's normal to want children.
It's not normal to be so entirely consumed and preoccupied with the desire that it interferes with your normal daily life.

pwurple

Aha. And when did you become the police of what’s normal?

Never been passionate about anything @theboyconor?

I’ve been consumed in all my thoughts about various things at various times... from something important to me I was working on, to a health issue a family member had, to a squeeze. Why not this. It is important and deserves thought.

OP is in her prime, is in tune with her body and has her head well screwed on. Keep on keeping on. That’s about all I can say to this woman.

woodchuck

@TheBoyConor

You've previously been warned against posting medical advice in this thread and have ignore that instruction. You are banned from posting any further in this thread. If you ignore this warning, you will be carded and your posts will be deleted.

bluebell01

Some of the replies on this thread are mental but tbh I'm not surprised. I'm 29 and pregnant with my first. My partner is 28. It was planned. We wanted to have them relatively young as so many couples these days have trouble conceiving and we just felt we were ready.

However, SO many people have said to me straight out things along the lines of "I'm guessing it wasn't planned." Probably because we are not married. Been together for 6 years and will get married once the baby is born. But lots of comments about our ages too. I'm 29!!

I'd go for it OP. Might be hard with college but I know people who have done it and got on fine. You may have to take a year out. You could also try waiting until you finish college, up to yourself. You're not too young anyway!

windmilllane

26 is probably the best age in terms of health, fertility and energy. Just make sure you don't want to do other things eg travel as it's pretty difficult to do much for first few years. The lack of freedom is a major shock too.

Galbin

Nothing wrong with this. Ireland is one of the few western countries where 26 is considered to be too young to have a child. So people are trained/told to put it off until their 30s. At which point they are much more like to be sub-fertile or even infertile, thus limiting their family size. No career is worth that.

I think finishing college would be best, but if life happens you can still continue your education afterwards. In places like the US or Canada, having a child while studying is so normal that campus accommodations have apartment quotas specifically for married couples and families. If they can do it, you can too.

The main thing though is to have a stable and committed relationship. Are you engaged/thinking about marriage?

ShaShaBear

bluebell01 wrote: »

Some of the replies on this thread are mental but tbh I'm not surprised. I'm 29 and pregnant with my first. My partner is 28. It was planned. We wanted to have them relatively young as so many couples these days have trouble conceiving and we just felt we were ready.

However, SO many people have said to me straight out things along the lines of "I'm guessing it wasn't planned." Probably because we are not married. Been together for 6 years and will get married once the baby is born. But lots of comments about our ages too. I'm 29!!

I'd go for it OP. Might be hard with college but I know people who have done it and got on fine. You may have to take a year out. You could also try waiting until you finish college, up to yourself. You're not too young anyway!

I always thought it was funny the amount of people that assume that kids before marriage still means an "accident".
Although considering I still have to go back to the offices to register our children as legitimate, it's more of an Ireland thing :rolleyes:

woodchuck

TheBoyConor carded for ignoring mod instruction

Galbin

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I always thought it was funny the amount of people that assume that kids before marriage still means an "accident".
Although considering I still have to go back to the offices to register our children as legitimate, it's more of an Ireland thing :rolleyes:

I don't actually understand this TBH. We know from decades of research that kids do best with two parents in a stable relationship. So why have kids before getting married? I am honestly curious, as having a kid with someone means you will forever have some tie to them for life (even if you split up).

BBFAN

OP, there is nothing unnatural whatsoever about how you feel.

This is actual pure science. You are at the optimal time to having a baby and if you feel so strongly about it I would seriously suggest going for it.

You say your partner is 31. I've often wondered recently at the amount of children being born in Ireland with autism and Cystic Fibrosis and listened to a report recently that suggested that mens sperm after the age of 35 is definitely more likely to result in children with problems and it confirmed my thoughts, nature produces these desires at a young age for reason, in men as well as women.

Recently people have started this crap about how fashionable it is to have children in your 30's and 40's when in fact it's not natural for good reason.

Do what feels good for you. If you want to have a child an finish your education you will find a way to do both, believe me. And you will never ever regret it.

BBFAN

Galbin wrote: »

I don't actually understand this TBH. We know from decades of research that kids do best with two parents in a stable relationship. So why have kids before getting married? I am honestly curious, as having a kid with someone means you will forever have some tie to them for life (even if you split up).

Because having kids with someone ALWAYS means that you have a tie to them?

Regardless of having a piece of paper that says you're married?

BBFAN

Galbin wrote: »

I don't actually understand this TBH. We know from decades of research that kids do best with two parents in a stable relationship. So why have kids before getting married? I am honestly curious, as having a kid with someone means you will forever have some tie to them for life (even if you split up).

Yes you're right kids do best with two parents in a stable relationship.

But what's that got do with marriage?

witchgirl26

Galbin wrote: »

I don't actually understand this TBH. We know from decades of research that kids do best with two parents in a stable relationship. So why have kids before getting married? I am honestly curious, as having a kid with someone means you will forever have some tie to them for life (even if you split up).

I know in my case we’re in a committed relationship, bought a house together & are planning on getting married in the future - thing is fertility has a time limit, there’s no time limit on getting married so made the decision a little easier and smarter as which to do first!

Marriage doesn’t always equal a stable relationship just as not married doesn’t always equal unstable. I know a couple together for 28 years who never married & raised 3 kids - kids are fine. Some people also just don’t want to get married.

ShaShaBear

Galbin wrote: »

I don't actually understand this TBH. We know from decades of research that kids do best with two parents in a stable relationship. So why have kids before getting married? I am honestly curious, as having a kid with someone means you will forever have some tie to them for life (even if you split up).

As others have been quick to point out before I got back to reply to this, marriage is not required for a stable relationship. I met my partner, we dated, moved in together, got engaged and had two kids. After all of that, marriage was just a whimsical way to give us all the same surname and give my husband full rights to his children.

Myself and my husband both come from two parents who were married and did not stay that way. In fact, in the case of my husband, both his mother and father went on to marry again, his father has been divorced again since. It's hardly guaranteed to be stable now, is it? :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Just to give you my two cents OP.

I am just a few years older than you at 28 and like you am very eager to start a family. Everyone is telling me I am so young and have so much time. "Sure you'll probably wait a few years", " You're still very young" etc. etc. The thing is we have been trying for a while now without any success. My GP has just referred me for investigations now and I am so glad we started trying young as we do have an issue and my thinking is I now have time to sort it out, hopefully!!

I am more stable than you in that I finished college a number of years ago and we are married. I wouldn't take any notice of whether you get married or not before you have a family but I would advise you to finish college and then if you and your partner both want it and are in a position to support a baby go for it. I certainly wouldn't wait otherwise given my own personal experience. Good luck.

bluebell01

Galbin wrote: »

I don't actually understand this TBH. We know from decades of research that kids do best with two parents in a stable relationship. So why have kids before getting married? I am honestly curious, as having a kid with someone means you will forever have some tie to them for life (even if you split up).

Is being in a relationship almost 7 years and living together 5 years not a stable relationship? Some people just don't want to get married. Doesn't make their relationship any less "stable". We will get married alright but not in any major rush. As witchgirl26 said fertility has a time limit, getting married doesn't. And this was the main reason for us. Luckily I was pregnant after trying for two months but wanted to start trying sooner rather than later just incase.

a bit older than you wrote: »

Just to give you my two cents OP.

I am just a few years older than you at 28 and like you am very eager to start a family. Everyone is telling me I am so young and have so much time. "Sure you'll probably wait a few years", " You're still very young" etc. etc. The thing is we have been trying for a while now without any success. My GP has just referred me for investigations now and I am so glad we started trying young as we do have an issue and my thinking is I now have time to sort it out, hopefully!!

^ Hope all gets sorted and you get pregnant soon.

A friend of mine started trying at 27 and everyone told her she was mad. After 3 years of trying she needed IVF and thankfully it worked. So if there are any problems (which hopefully there won't be for you OP) you have more time to get tests etc and usually have more of a change of fertility treatment working if you are younger.

Hope all works out for you whatever you end up doing OP.

Galbin

As I alluded to in my original post, couples do indeed split up. But if you are planning a family, I feel you should be married as non-married couples don't have the same rights at all as couples who live together. Also, kids are the ultimate lifetime commitment, so I would wonder why a person I would be tied to for life as a parent didn't want to officially be tied to me as a spouse.

As for a stable relationship, a marriage is a legal contract. In Ireland, you need to be separated for six years before you can be granted a divorce. Whereas if you live with someone it's simply not the same commitment.

Anyhow, some of the posters alluded to fertility not being forever. This is sadly true. Hence I get why people who are engaged try for a baby, as maybe they need to save for the wedding/a house and don't have time to wait to try for a baby. I remain puzzled as to why anyone would choose to plan a child without any commitment though, but some of you guys explained it to me a bit better.

qwerty13

A bit tangential to the main post - I don’t want children myself, but if I did, I’d definitely get married. Not because of any societal expectations, but there are legal implications (especially for fathers), and next of kin rights.

Having been close to someone whose partner died unexpectedly when they weren’t married, the legal aspect is far more important than I realised.

tara73

I'm surprised about the direction this thread went. It's a discussion about being ok to have a baby at a young age and being married for it or not.

As I read the OP, that's not her point. I understood, her problem is she's kind of obsessed about having a baby and thinking about it 24/7 and it's effecting her mental wellbeing.
that she's 26 was more a side note so people don't think it has to do with the clock ticking and she's still studying.

hence my advice to speak to a professional and get her hormone levels checked if that's possible. OP opened a thread here, so there's some level of suffering at place. To rule out any physical imbalance or abnormalty in hormone levels doesn't have anything to do with undermining women who whish to have a baby at an early age as I think some posters misleadingly thought.

anyway, OP hasn't come back at all here, so it's idle to write on.