Broody

LegacyUser

Hello all.
I am absolutely obsessed with having a baby, so much that it dominates my thoughts 24/7 and I genuinely feel like there's a huge part of my life missing. I'm 26, in college at the moment with 2 years left and have felt this way for years. I have a long-term parter. I know it's best to finish college but I have SUCH a desire that it actually upsets me.

This probably sounds weird.

seamus

Have you talked to your partner about it?

This is common enough, you don't need to suffer alone on it. While it's not possible to explain to your hormones that you have a plan, at the very least if you have a plan then it's easier to deal with the broodiness because you know it's going to get dealt with eventually.

You're young, you have time. Make a plan, i.e. "I will be finished college in summer of 2020. I will go off and take a long trip and enjoy that summer. I'll come back and get a job, and after two years we will start trying for a baby. At that point I will be 30".*

Tell your partner about this plan, so you don't feel like you're fighting for it alone. That should then hopefully give you the strength to deal with your broodiness long-term.

*This is an example, obviously. If you think that you want to have a baby as soon as you leave college, then make that your plan.

Springfields

You don't sound weird. It's perfectly normal to really want a baby.
As last poster said sit down and talk to your partner
Do they feel the same? It's important ye are on the same page and when ye are ye can make a plan together.
Second it's important to finish college and set yourself up well so that when a baby arrives you are not stressing about money or somewhere to live or childcare etc etc.
So use this time wisely. Babies are fantastic but bloody hard work so try to enjoy your child free time for now or couple time with your partner. It will be a luxury once baby arrives. Best of luck

TheBoyConor

You're only 26 so you're a bit young to be getting yourself wrapped up in pregnancy and babies. Maybe as is said you put together a life plan that will help you deal with it so that you can revisit having a baby maybe when you are a bit older, say 30 or so if you really want that.

I am assuming your partner is in or around the same age. You should talk to your partner absolutelly but in all honesty it is very unlikely that fellas in their 20s would be actually keen to have a baby, they tend to change maybe from early to mid 30s.

LirW

I really know exactly how you feel. I had the same, it was like a possessed demon, it was scary. No amount of talking and making plans made me rational, it was very cyclical and tied to my own cycle. I'd break down crying for not having a baby with my partner between my ovulation and shark week, while afterwards I was totally cool about it and the cycle started over again. Honestly it was miserable.
Then I got pregnant and since she's here I'm certain that's it, I'm done, never again.

The only advice I can give is talking to your partner and find a way to deal with it if you're going to wait.
I really really feel for you, it's crazy and irrational and I'm glad I don't have it anymore, the only thing that made it go away was having the baby. Hormones are a b1tch but you're not alone, many women feel like that.

Christian75

Definitely not alone with the problem. I have many friends with similar issues but usually the dominating desire starts in the late 30ies.
Maybe you are just an early starter. Definitely would advise to talk it over with your partner - the decision should be mutual and if you both decide it is a good idea, go for it.
Wish you all the best.

Teyla Emmagan

Would you go on the pill? I am presuming you aren't on it already of course. It might regulate your hormones and baby longings for a bit. I found it was great for smoothing out some of my crazy. I would have got up on a gate before when I was ovulating.

MartyMcFly84

I think a lot of women start to feel broody in their late 20s. It tends to be when many really start thinking about their life plan and reassess who they are with and move towards marriage. Men at this age are still years off.

From the women I have spoken to about this subject, often broodiness tends to wear off in early 30s. But it's very much personal situational based. Many people really only become comfortable in their own skin in their 30s. I have spoken to some who were very broody in their late 20s who are now mid 30s and looking back are glad they didn't have kids at that time, or in that relationship.

Goose76

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Would you go on the pill? I am presuming you aren't on it already of course. It might regulate your hormones and baby longings for a bit. I found it was great for smoothing out some of my crazy. I would have got up on a gate before when I was ovulating.

Just on this - I am on the pill (have been for three years nearly) and major broodiness kicked in about a year ago. I’m 29. Maybe it would be worse if I came off the pill, but just saying, it’s not a catch all solution.

antix80

Talk to your partner about it.

You should of course get married to your partner, and at least one of you should have a full-time job. Ideally, finish college or plan your pregnancy around finishing college/exams/etc.

ShaShaBear

The first step is to talk to your partner and make sure that having children is on their agenda - and more importantly, having children with you. I was 26 and in my final year of college and had been experiencing the same as you for years already, before I had even met my partner. I discussed it with him and he agreed he wanted kids and we went for it. We were not married at the time, but we are now, and have had another kid since. I do not regret my decision, I finished my degree and had my baby and then another. And I am broody for more :P

But all of this means nothing if your partner doesn't want kids or isn't ready!

okiss

My advice to you is to talk to your partner about the fact that you want kids and see if they want the same. I know a lot of men don't want children until they are older. Don't think if you get pregnant that he will be happy if he says to you I don't want kids until I am a certain age. I have seen woman do this and end up in an unhappy relationship or on their own as he had no interest in having a child.

You need to be in a strong and happy relationship before having kids as having a baby can hard going. I know one couple who's baby cried a good 12 hours a day and did not sleep a full night till they were over 2. I know several couples who had babies with health issues. I have friends with children who have special needs also. It can be hard going with baby/child in these circumstances so you both want to have children.

My advice is to wait a few years before having a family. Work hard to build up both your career's, have a few holiday's and build up some savings. Try and buy a place to live in before having children as you will have a better chance of being approved for a mortgage and be able to borrow more without dependant children.

I know a couple at the moment with 2 kids in their early 30's. She was like you and wanted kids. She had got pregnant not long after finishing college and had 2 children within 3 years. She is working but did not have a chance to build up her carear. Her job does not pay well and due to her lack of experience it hard for her to change jobs. Her husband also works long hours. They are renting and trying to save to buy a house. They need to save X and earn over y otherwise they won't get a mortgage. The bank will stress test them taking the 2 child dependants into consideration.

I know another couple of about the same age. She loves kids and they both wanted a family but they decided to wait a few years. He worked hard and got a few promotions. Meanwhile she moved jobs and got more experience. She worked abroad for a year in a low tax area to build up a lump sum to put towards buying a home. They now own a home and they had a baby a few months ago.

My friends that waited to have children and built up their careers before this are now in a better position than other people I know that had kids soon after college. One of my friends had a very stressful but well paying job when her kids were small. Due to this job and her previous work experience she applied and got a great family friendly job. Another friend of mine now jobshares. Also it important that you have build up a career before having children so have a work history and experience. I know one lady who stayed at home with the children as he husband had a good job and worked long hours. He died suddenly in his early 40's and because she had a professional qualification and work experience she was able to get a good job locally after this. She would now be in her 60''s and her mother told her daughters I want you to work hard in school and go to college as you will never know when you will be glad of an education.

Recliner

antix80 wrote: »

You should of course get married to your partner,

What's that got to do with anything?

qwerty13

Recliner wrote: »

What's that got to do with anything?

Guardianship and inheritance tax

antix80

qwerty13 wrote: »

Guardianship and inheritance tax

... and that you want to give your child the best chance in life. Children are less likely to live in poverty when their parents are married.

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here again

Just to answer some q's that you've been asking.

My partner and I have talked lots about having children. He would happily have them now as would I, but I know that I should finish college first. I know it can be done together but knowing myself it would be better to wait. It's just these feelings are driving me crazy! I've honestly felt this way since I was about 18 and it's so much more intense over the last few years. Not really a solution for it but time I suppose but it's good to know I'm not alone in it

pwurple

We don’t know enough about the study here. Is it something you easily get into a well paid flexible job after?

Just thinking it through here, my mums college education was not used in the end. She took a job that was compatible with the hours she wanted to work while having a family instead. If you finish college and immediately start having children before working, can you use your qualifications later? How long do you need to work for paid maternity? How much is the college course costing you and will you make it back quickly?

We started trying for babies when I was 28. No baby appeared until I was 33. NExt one took another 3 years. I wonder should we have started earlier...

I am incredibly cynical about the university system. You can do courses in all sorts of interesting things, and universities make it their business to encourage students to stay there and keep paying up. People can spend a decade and a fortune at it, but be left unemployable afterwards.

suicide_circus

26 is in no way, shape or form too young to be having babies.

TheBoyConor

I disagree sc. Maybe 30 or 40 years ago it was a normal age to marry and have children in the mid 20s but nowadays people are often still very much in their early adult years and still finding themselves at that age.

My brother got married at 26 and I thought he was either mad or herself had pistol whipped him into marriage so young. Needless to say, shortly afterwards there was "woopsies, baby time" accident by her.

I think after 30 is fair game for marriage and children but in your twenties, well, you're in your twenties - you should be enjoying yourself and travelling, not getting tied down into a big serious settled down relationship with marriage and children lifestyle.

I'm 32 and feel in absolutely no way ready or even inclined to marry let along have children. I probably will never do either tbh.

suicide_circus

^^^yes but biologically our bodies have not caught up with our new social norms.

antix80

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I'm 32 and feel in absolutely no way ready or even inclined to marry let along have children. I probably will never do either tbh.

That says more about you to be fair.

Besides, it's different for women. They have a biological clock to contend with.

witchgirl26

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I disagree sc. Maybe 30 or 40 years ago it was a normal age to marry and have children in the mid 20s but nowadays people are often still very much in their early adult years and still finding themselves at that age.

My brother got married at 26 and I thought he was either mad or herself had pistol whipped him into marriage so young. Needless to say, shortly afterwards there was "woopsies, baby time" accident by her.

I think after 30 is fair game for marriage and children but in your twenties, well, you're in your twenties - you should be enjoying yourself and travelling, not getting tied down into a big serious settled down relationship with marriage and children lifestyle.

I'm 32 and feel in absolutely no way ready or even inclined to marry let along have children. I probably will never do either tbh.

That's fine for you but the OP and her partner have both said they want children. I know a few people who I went to school who had children young enough (comparatively) to others. They're out the hard side of things with really small kids now while still relatively young and able to do loads with them.

My brother also got married young enough (mid-20's) and had kids pretty much straight away. They were still able to do a lot but it all depends on your own personal priorities in life.

OP as to your original piece. I would wait until you're finished college or almost finished at least (I know a few people who graduated with either a large bump or a newborn!) as then you do have that under your belt as opposed to trying to do it after kids which can be difficult.

B0jangles

suicide_circus wrote: »

^^^yes but biologically our bodies have not caught up with our new social norms.

Slightly off-topic, but our bodies have actually been changing rapidly in the last 200 years - did you know the average age for having your first period has been dropping significantly across many different cultures?


In the 1840's for example, german girls generally got their first period at 16.6 years, in Norway, the average was 17. It's been dropping year on year ever since.



OP, you just have to look at your current life and your partner's wishes and at the hard practicalities of having a baby - is it something you can afford to do right now?

eviltwin

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I disagree sc. Maybe 30 or 40 years ago it was a normal age to marry and have children in the mid 20s but nowadays people are often still very much in their early adult years and still finding themselves at that age.

My brother got married at 26 and I thought he was either mad or herself had pistol whipped him into marriage so young. Needless to say, shortly afterwards there was "woopsies, baby time" accident by her.

I think after 30 is fair game for marriage and children but in your twenties, well, you're in your twenties - you should be enjoying yourself and travelling, not getting tied down into a big serious settled down relationship with marriage and children lifestyle.

I'm 32 and feel in absolutely no way ready or even inclined to marry let along have children. I probably will never do either tbh.

Different strokes and all that. I had my kids young and that was the right decision for me.

OP I'm out the other side, in my early 40's and my kids are raised. I see some of my friends in panic mode now because they are late 30's and there is no sign of a baby. If you both want children and your lifestyle allows for it, I'd make plans to start trying as soon as is feasible for you.

LirW

eviltwin wrote: »

Different strokes and all that. I had my kids young and that was the right decision for me.

OP I'm out the other side, in my early 40's and my kids are raised. I see some of my friends in panic mode now because they are late 30's and there is no sign of a baby. If you both want children and your lifestyle allows for it, I'd make plans to start trying as soon as is feasible for you.

I'll be a few years short of 40 when my eldest moves out and in my early 40s when the younger one hits the road (or supposed to, let's see how rental costs are).
I raised the first alone the first few years before meeting my partner but I still don't regret it.

Not everyone wants to be in their mid 30s when starting family while others prefer starting when well settled, there's no rule of thumb.
Many have personal preferences, some want one, others want a whole football team.
It comes down to what the couple decides. And that biological clock is a real thing unfortunately for many.

ShaShaBear

I'm also glad I started early with my partner. I'm 31 now, with hopes to have 2 more kids. As it stands, by the time I am 45 both my daughters will be almost 20.

I always said I would much rather raise my kids and enjoy being a family, and then my late 40s onwards could be spent travelling the world with my husband instead of, as eviltwin said, experiencing all you think life has to offer and then realising you are well into your thirties and no baby or daddy in sight.

TheBoyConor

Fair play to you. I'm 32 and couldn't imagine what it would be like to have two kids already at my age, let alone what it would be like to go about having two more on top of that again. I'd feel like hyperventilating at the thoughts of the commitment involved in such as restrictive life.

witchgirl26

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I'm also glad I started early with my partner. I'm 31 now, with hopes to have 2 more kids. As it stands, by the time I am 45 both my daughters will be almost 20.

I always said I would much rather raise my kids and enjoy being a family, and then my late 40s onwards could be spent travelling the world with my husband instead of, as eviltwin said, experiencing all you think life has to offer and then realising you are well into your thirties and no baby or daddy in sight.

I think that is the ideal obviously but sometimes life doesn't work that way. I didn't meet my OH until I was already in my mid-20's and we wanted to enjoy some time together and setting up our life before kids.

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Fair play to you. I'm 32 and couldn't imagine what it would be like to have two kids already at my age, let alone what it would be like to go about having two more on top of that again. I'd feel like hyperventilating at the thoughts of the commitment involved in such as restrictive life.

I honestly felt like that a couple of years ago and then a switch flipped in my head and just wanted kids straight away. Totally get that doesn't happen for everyone but biology is a funny thing with these things.

ShaShaBear

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Fair play to you. I'm 32 and couldn't imagine what it would be like to have two kids already at my age, let alone what it would be like to go about having two more on top of that again. I'd feel like hyperventilating at the thoughts of the commitment involved in such as restrictive life.

100% get you, and you're totally within your right to feel like that! I guess the thing is, if you REALLY want kids (and especially as a woman), it can make sense to do it sooner rather than later if you have already found the right person to have them with. Personal circumstances would also impact on the decision as to how many - I work from home, my husband's job is extremely flexible and we have a huge extended family support network so a big family suits us. Obviously it ain't for everyone!

shesty

Personal circumstances.If you are in college, I would stick with it.I know one couple who skipped education, started young, had three kids in the early/mid twenties.Ten years on we were starting a family, both with our degrees and jobs.On one hand I looked a bit jealously at them because they were past the early mornings, sleepless nights etc.On the other hand....they were both starting into college at 32 because neither had a job, they were dependent on the State for housing and they had three kids to rear that needed an income into the house, and not enough education to get the kind of life they wanted to give their boys.So.....weigh it up.

qwerty13

Have to preface this by saying that I don’t want kids.

However, what you can provide for the best outcome for kids trumps what you may want re whether / what you are thinking re having kids. Honestly, I think it would be very selfish to have kids now mainly ‘because I want them now’.

So weigh up all the circumstances: financial, support network etc. What can you provide a kid now. What could you provide a kid in 1/5/10 years. And then decide on the basis of the likely outcome for the kids.

pwurple

qwerty13 wrote: »

However, what you can provide for the best outcome for kids trumps what you may want re whether / what you are thinking re having kids. Honestly, I think it would be very selfish to have kids now mainly ‘because I want them now’.

So weigh up all the circumstances: financial, support network etc. What can you provide a kid now. What could you provide a kid in 1/5/10 years. And then decide on the basis of the likely outcome for the kids.

I don’t think listening to her body is being selfish at all, and is quite a cruel thing to write here. She is being realistic. She finds herself in a stable relationship, and is at the peak of her fertility. Assuming the potential father is of a similar age, they are statistically more likely to have a baby who does not suffer from genetic problems if they do this in their 20’s. In terms of a healthy outcome for baby and mother, this IS the best possible time.

Your point about outcome is well made, it’s just missing health, energy, looking after teenagers in your 40’s vs your 50’s etc.

TheBoyConor

Tbh i think it would be madness to consider a baby in mid twenties while at college. Most poeple who have babies at that age have them by accident, it wasn't planned.

Also you need to consider that the partner is a 26 year old guy. I literally know NO guys in their twenties who want to have kids in a "right now" sort of way. For those that want kids, it's an abstract idea that they see far off in their future. perhaps a decade or more away.
The ops whole notions of having a baby are neither here nor there of the partner doesn't want to have one right now which he is likely 95% not want wanting. No point in her agonising because he has the decision made for her. Unless she is planning on a "whoopsies surprise".

skallywag

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Tbh i think it would be madness to consider a baby in mid twenties while at college.

A big +1 to that.

I would strongly advise to finish college first!

pwurple

skallywag wrote: »

A big +1 to that.

I would strongly advise to finish college first!

Really depends what 'college' is? No point whatsoever in completing a degree in childcare studies, when all you get in a minimum wage job at the end, working beside someone with no degree.

witchgirl26

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Tbh i think it would be madness to consider a baby in mid twenties while at college. Most poeple who have babies at that age have them by accident, it wasn't planned.

I do agree that finishing college is important - especially when you've put so much into it so far.

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Also you need to consider that the partner is a 26 year old guy. I literally know NO guys in their twenties who want to have kids in a "right now" sort of way. For those that want kids, it's an abstract idea that they see far off in their future. perhaps a decade or more away.
The ops whole notions of having a baby are neither here nor there of the partner doesn't want to have one right now which he is likely 95% not want wanting. No point in her agonising because he has the decision made for her. Unless she is planning on a "whoopsies surprise".

That may be your experience but my brother got married at 26 and him and his wife wanted kids straight away (which they had). A lot of his friends were the same.

If the OP and her partner have been in relationship for a number of years, we have to assume that she knows him better than we do and knows whether he means it when he says he also wants kids now.

witchgirl26

pwurple wrote: »

Really depends what 'college' is? No point whatsoever in completing a degree in childcare studies, when all you get in a minimum wage job at the end, working beside someone with no degree.

Anyone working in childcare does need to have a qualification and the more you have (fetac level) the more opportunities you have. My friend is a Montessori teacher and would earn more than a creche worker because there is more skill and training needed.

TheBoyConor

witchgirl, I would imagine your brother is very much an outlier in being married and wanting kids at 26. The overwhelming majority of guys would differ. Having said that, my brother got married at 26 and baby at 27 and I thought he was quite mad until it transpired that the marriage was brought about, at least in part, by a degree of cajoling by the wife and the baby was a whoopsies.

And the point about the type and worth of the college degree in question - the same could be said of a law, engineering or medicine degree. I mean if you've put the effort in to get said qualification and then not pursue the experience and professional qualifications that follow on and give weight to your education then your degree is going to go stale and after 5 years raising small babies it'll be very difficult to have a degree so old and with no follow up experience or professional qualification taken seriously or even considered to be equal to the same qualification from a new graduate.

My point is, get the career and personal situation in order. You've 14 years left for having babies.
Your twenties should be about getting a good career and enjoying yourself with friends and travelling, not getting manacled into big serious relationships and up to your waist in vomit and piss soaked nappies.

The other thing about serious relationships in the 20s is that they often break up at around the 30 mark. This is because people often get together in the late teens or early 20s sink some of their best years into locked into a relationship and not enjoying the independence and freedom that one should in their twenties. The frequent result is that frustration boils over in the late twenties or early thirties and they break up and spend a significant amount of time enjoying being single before getting into anything serious.

skallywag

If the college course in question requires any real amount of intense study to pass exams etc. then doing so with a new born is going to be extremely demanding. There is no way I would even consider it.

TheBoyConor

And if it doesn't require intense study and effort, then it is probably not a particularly valuable degree anyway.

pwurple

TheBoyConor wrote: »

My point is, get the career and personal situation in order. You've 14 years left for having babies.
Your twenties should be about getting a good career and enjoying yourself with friends and travelling, not getting manacled into big serious relationships and up to your waist in vomit and piss soaked nappies..

She's 26. 35 is a geriatric pregnancy. I know, because I was one. 40, you are setting yourself up for genetic difficulties.

Listen, I know it's all the fashion to push them off later, but as a person in my 40's with kids... 100% do it when you are ready. My youngest daughter is in school, she is the ONLY child in her class that doesn't have one of a range of difficulties, from autism, to cleft palate, epilepsy, allergies etc.

There were people in my class in college who had kids, and with support from family, they finished the course and did well. In hindsight, they were able to skip the bullsh't student bolloxolgy that goes on in the evenings, and get their work done.

witchgirl26

TheBoyConor wrote: »

witchgirl, I would imagine your brother is very much an outlier in being married and wanting kids at 26. The overwhelming majority of guys would differ. Having said that, my brother got married at 26 and baby at 27 and I thought he was quite mad until it transpired that the marriage was brought about, at least in part, by a degree of cajoling by the wife and the baby was a whoopsies.

Not really - I do know quite a few people who had kids earlier. Honestly it mostly depended on when they met their partner rather than anything. So if they'd been together for 4-5 years by that age, a number were having kids.

If you don't want kids though and you are that age, course you're more likely to gravitate towards people who don't have kids as you have more in common.

TheBoyConor wrote: »

My point is, get the career and personal situation in order. You've 14 years left for having babies.
Your twenties should be about getting a good career and enjoying yourself with friends and travelling, not getting manacled into big serious relationships and up to your waist in vomit and piss soaked nappies.

Actually she doesn't necessarily have 14 years left for having babies. And if there are problems (which hopefully there wouldn't be) you have a much better chance of being able to do something about them when younger. I know people who thought the same but were told in their late 30's that they couldn't have kids anymore due to medical complications.

That may be what you want your 20's to be and fair enough. Mine was similar enough but it's not the right way for everyone. I know people who just wanted to settle down and have a family. There's no one right way for everyone.

TheBoyConor wrote: »

The other thing about serious relationships in the 20s is that they often break up at around the 30 mark. This is because people often get together in the late teens or early 20s sink some of their best years into locked into a relationship and not enjoying the independence and freedom that one should in their twenties. The frequent result is that frustration boils over in the late twenties or early thirties and they break up and spend a significant amount of time enjoying being single before getting into anything serious.

Ah not sure about that. Most people I know who got together with somone in their 20's are still together in their mid-30's.

pwurple wrote: »

She's 26. 35 is a geriatric pregnancy. I know, because I was one. 40, you are setting yourself up for genetic difficulties.

Yep - I was told the same. They're considering pushing the age you become a geriatric mother to 36 but that's it. Not any higher.

skallywag

If you ***really*** want to have kids then you need to do so latest in your early to mid 30s.

The possibility of getting pregnant after then decrease rapidly. Many (healthy) women really struggle to get pregnant from 35 onwards. When you reach 40 the odds are stacked way against you.

Pretzeluck

ShaShaBear wrote: »

The first step is to talk to your partner and make sure that having children is on their agenda - and more importantly, having children with you. I was 26 and in my final year of college and had been experiencing the same as you for years already, before I had even met my partner. I discussed it with him and he agreed he wanted kids and we went for it. We were not married at the time, but we are now, and have had another kid since. I do not regret my decision, I finished my degree and had my baby and then another. And I am broody for more :P

But all of this means nothing if your partner doesn't want kids or isn't ready!

Of course you are, have 10 so you can be a real broodmother

ShaShaBear

Pretzeluck wrote: »

Of course you are, have 10 so you can be a real broodmother

I could not house nor feed 8 more children, plus I would be at LEAST 40 having my last - no thanks.

woodchuck

Mod note:

@Pretzeluck. Welcome to PI. However please note that off topic posting is against the forum charter. Please only post if you have advice for the OP.

Edit: ShaShaBear, same to you please and a general reminder to all posters to keep things on topic.

TheBoyConor

That may be what you want your 20's to be and fair enough. Mine was similar enough but it's not the right way for everyone. I know people who just wanted to settle down and have a family. There's no one right way for everyone.

I would disagree to some extent. I'd be very wary of a person who was so adamant of wanting to settle down and have a family at such a young age, well below the average age for first time birth. I'd be wondering is there some reason that is prompting such as strong desire and wondering if there is some hole or void in their life that they think can be filled by having a spouse and children for example, a subtle yet undiagnosed mental health issue such as social anxiety or social isolation that is leaving them feeling that this is their only option.

eviltwin

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I would disagree to some extent. I'd be very wary of a person who was so adamant of wanting to settle down and have a family at such a young age, well below the average age for first time birth. I'd be wondering is there some reason that is prompting such as strong desire and wondering if there is some hole or void in their life that they think can be filled by having a spouse and children for example, a subtle yet undiagnosed mental health issue such as social anxiety or social isolation that is leaving them feeling that this is their only option.

FFS Conor having a child at a young age isn't a sign of a mental health issue. We were 19 and 21 and we both subconsciously wanted kids young because our parents were late 40's and beyond when they had us. We hated it. I also saw the physical limitations of having an elderly parent who couldn't engage with us. We also both lost our dads at a young age.

We're both quite normal people and relatively sane. Everyone is different. My best friends are my age, 41. One is expecting his first, one is child free by choice, I've a 22 yr old....we all did it the way we wanted and wouldn't live each others lives and that's fine cause it's not a competition.

The OP and her partner only have to please themselves

pwurple

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I would disagree to some extent. I'd be very wary of a person who was so adamant of wanting to settle down and have a family at such a young age, well below the average age for first time birth. I'd be wondering is there some reason that is prompting such as strong desire and wondering if there is some hole or void in their life that they think can be filled by having a spouse and children for example, a subtle yet undiagnosed mental health issue such as social anxiety or social isolation that is leaving them feeling that this is their only option.

My goodness. Such a young age? Accusing her of having diagnosed mental health issues?

15/16 would be young. She's a grown woman in her late twenties!

Really goes to show how ingrained this late pregnancy thing is now. It is plainly biologically irrational to think that having children in your late 20's is too young. Ask any doctor, any midwife. Take a look at the infertility clinics springing up all over the place. What suits this OP may not suit others, but what happened to the "Choice" we were all banging on about this year.

TheBoyConor

She's 26. I would call that mid 20s and it's still very much a person's formative young adult years and throwing a baby into the mix would torpedo most 26 year olds active lives.

ShaShaBear

TheBoyConor wrote: »

She's 26. I would call that mid 20s and it's still very much a person's formative young adult years and throwing a baby into the mix would torpedo most 26 year olds active lives.

But you are making the assumption that all 26-year olds have these active lives. When I was in giving birth to my eldest 4.5 years ago, there were 5 other women on the ward - all under 30 bar one who just had her fourth and final baby at 33.

The OP clearly wants children as does her partner. The decision not to wait and have her first baby now does not mean she has a mental illness, it means she's ready and knows what she wants.