I need someones help - Moderator warning Post #1

Sarah mac

Hey everyone, I'm posting because I've been with my fiance and year and a half now.we have a nine week old baby. During that time my parents were going through a rough divoice and I had to leave my Job and house to care for my terminally I'll father. Anyway I got pregant. And moved in with partner. We had been arguing on and off during the pregnancy about trival things mostly. But at the start for six weeks I wanted an aboration. And he didn't. I had a horrific labour and won't even go there with details of what happened in the hospital. When I got out early everything seemed to change. My partner began drinking regular and taken drugs. I know I should have left. But I also new his buttons I new the things to say that would wind him up just as much as he did with me. One thing lead to another and a few weeks back he lost it while drinking and began banging his fists threatening to kill me slapping doors and screaming. It wasn't really all his fault I think he had a nervous breakdown down this went on for a few days and he even brought a slash hooks and hammers out. But he never layed a hand on me. I decided to forgive him or so I thought until a few nights out our plans for our first night out since I had the baby went wrong. I ended up leaving the house telling him someone around here will love me.and having 2 pints ( I was drunk its been a year) when I came back up he had drank a bottle of whiskey and proceeded to tell me my mother was texting him and sending xs I snapped the phone and rang her and she told me about the flirty texts he sent her. Which he deleted. Next thing I new I had slapped him smashed a glass and thew his phone across the floor. I legged it and started packing my things He came back and kept roaring at me to hit him so I did I slapped him the second time. I left after that. I absolutely hate myself and I've rang my GP for the morning to get help. I've never layed hand on anyone and never reacted to his outbursts before. I can't believe I done it and I can't forgive myself. The insane thing is he said given everything he wants to sort things that he knows I'm not a violent person and he loves me. But I don't feel like I deserve that chance and I think he should leave me. I had no right and I can't justify it no matter what. I feel like I should let him move on with his life recover and meet someone better that would never do that. Please help me. Do I take the chance I've been given or what do I do. Thanks 😢

Moderator Warning
Thread re-opened. All posters are reminded to abide by the Relationship Issues Charter.

Any breaches will result in a card or ban.

ardinn

First thing i'd do is take this to the personal issues forum! - https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127

Then i'd post it in clean concise paragraphs!

dartboardio

He sounds violent and aggressive even though you slapped him it sounds like he’s emotionally abusive towards you, which leads to you lashing out, the whole relationship is toxic. You need to get out of there for yourself and babys sake. You will be much better off. Do you have family you can stay with while you work on moving all your belongings out?

You can’t stay in a relationship like this with a baby around. The violence and arguments will get worse. The guards will be called, there’ll be blood eventually.

Sorry to hear you’re having an awful time, fingers crossed it won’t be too long until you’re out. Hope you find the courage soon x

M.Cribben

Call in social services immediately for the sake of your baby.

dartboardio

By the way I think you should sign up to mumsnet if you haven’t already, this kind of thing goes on and a lot worse on a daily basis and you’ll see lots of people in similar/worse/better situations and there is a lot of help and support on there. Thousands if not millions of women and men posting on there, some in awful situations, you might be able to build up the courage by reading and talking to other people on there, also with young babies around

Peter Denham

Two violent people that should probably be separated.

Lyle Lanley

I think the chance you've been given is the chance at freedom. Run a mile and don't look back.

Sarah mac

M.Cribben wrote: »

Call in social services immediately for the sake of your baby.

I clicked the wrong button I think I clicked report on your comment. What will happen if I ring them I'm 23 I'm clueless about babies and the system

Sarah mac

Lyle Lanley wrote: »

I think the chance you've been given is the chance at freedom. Run a mile and don't look back.

Do you not think it was my fault. I can't ever forgive myself so that's why i can't see myself been with him again I haven't stopped panicking and crying in days

Sarah mac

Peter Denham wrote: »

Two violent people that should probably be separated.

I think your right. I never new I could do that

ardinn

You slapped him - he previously took out slash hooks and hammers?

Who keeps slash hooks anyway?

Sarah mac

ardinn wrote: »

You slapped him - he previously took out slash hooks and hammers?

Who keeps slash hooks anyway?

I know I thought it was a gardening thing? That probably sounds stupid but I honestly want to die for what I done i swore I never do that to anyone

M.Cribben

Sarah mac wrote: »

I clicked the wrong button I think I clicked report on your comment. What will happen if I ring them I'm 23 I'm clueless about babies and the system

No problem. The agency is called Tusla. Explain your situation and they will act (if needed) in the best interests of your child's safety and welfare.

Sarah mac

dartboardio wrote: »

By the way I think you should sign up to mumsnet if you haven’t already, this kind of thing goes on and a lot worse on a daily basis and you’ll see lots of people in similar/worse/better situations and there is a lot of help and support on there. Thousands if not millions of women and men posting on there, some in awful situations, you might be able to build up the courage by reading and talking to other people on there, also with young babies around

I cut myself off from the world completly I moved 30 miles from everyone to an isolated are and I stopped seen people i can't drive. I don't know what I'm going to do. But i hit him.and I hate myself so much and I don't get why he wants to sort it and I come from a broken home and my dad was an alcoholic for a long time and he abused us all and now I think I have taken that out on him or something. I'm scared for my baby girl

Sarah mac

M.Cribben wrote: »

No problem. The agency is called Tusla. Explain your situation and they will act (if needed) in the best interests of your child's safety and welfare.

I'm out of there since it happened and she is safe and well. I've never left and never would leave harm come to her. But I'm scared what they will do I don't want them to take her off me because i slapped him.

Sadb

As already said, this relationship is toxic. The best thing for both of you is to stay separated.

Why did you isolate yourself?

Sarah mac

ardinn wrote: »

Dont listen to that advice.

Where is he now? Where are you?

im at home with my baby and my dad he's in his house were I was living. I left the night it happened. What am I going to do. I can't even stay here if the divorce goes ahead and my mother gets the house

Sarah mac

Sadb wrote: »

As already said, this relationship is toxic. The best thing for both of you is to stay separated.

Why did you isolate yourself?

I don't know. I was always busy with minding my dad. And been with him. And the hospital. And then I had my baby girl and it's been constant for 9 weeks I've had nobody to help me mind her because my friends kind of gave up asking to see me

Roger Hassenforder

(Asuming this isnt a pişş take)

Some serious low self esteem, probably post natal depression. Your GP should be able to help
Hope things improve, he sounds like he wants to be a part of your life.

Sarah mac

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

(Asuming this isnt a pişş take)

Some serious low self esteem, probably post natal depression. Your GP should be able to help
Hope things improve, he sounds like he wants to be a part of your life.

Why do you think I have low self esteem? Like I know that I do but what did I say that made you realise that? U see I do think I have depression and there's been suicides in my family and my grandad and uncle both Spent time in the psychiatric ward but then I feel like im using it as an excuse and there's no excuse I left it happen and for this long. I told him I wanted to see a doctor but he said anti depressants are a bad idea. He does he really wants to sort things trust me when I say this was not our relationship we fell madly in love and had a wonderful time. Until things started going wrong. I've had two serious relationships previous to him and so has he. And it was never what we felt for each other. He said I should take the fact we were drinking into consideration and all the stress

Sarah mac

Sarah mac wrote: »

Why do you think I have low self esteem? Like I know that I do but what did I say that made you realise that? U see I do think I have depression and there's been suicides in my family and my grandad and uncle both Spent time in the psychiatric ward but then I feel like im using it as an excuse and there's no excuse I left it happen and for this long. I told him I wanted to see a doctor but he said anti depressants are a bad idea. He does he really wants to sort things trust me when I say this was not our relationship we fell madly in love and had a wonderful time. Until things started going wrong. I've had two serious relationships previous to him and so has he. And it was never what we felt for each other. He said I should take the fact we were drinking into consideration and all the stress

Lads I feel like i need to say I was not this person. I worked since I was 15 I had a full time Job a qualification in hairdressing my own flats always I was happy go lucky had loads of friends it's this last year and it all happened progressively after my dad got sick

Raheem Euro

Sarah mac wrote: »

What am I going to do. I can't even stay here if the divorce goes ahead and my mother gets the house

If things get bad be aware that there are refuges that will put you and your child up (temporary)

Sarah mac

Raheem Euro wrote: »

If things get bad be aware that there are refuges that will put you and your child up (temporary)

Do you think it's going to come to that.

Roger Hassenforder

Sarah mac wrote: »

Why do you think I have low self esteem? Like I know that I do but what did I say that made you realise that? U see I do think I have depression and there's been suicides in my family and my grandad and uncle both Spent time in the psychiatric ward but then I feel like im using it as an excuse and there's no excuse I left it happen and for this long. I told him I wanted to see a doctor but he said anti depressants are a bad idea. He does he really wants to sort things trust me when I say this was not our relationship we fell madly in love and had a wonderful time. Until things started going wrong. I've had two serious relationships previous to him and so has he. And it was never what we felt for each other. He said I should take the fact we were drinking into consideration and all the stress

Your OP is a cry for help. I wonder were you looking after your dad on your own? Did it all fell on your shoulders, then unplanned (if you wanted an abortion i presume) pregnancy. Go see your GP, take small steps

You're worthy of whomever will love you. No one is " too good", but ye might not be good for each other.

Raheem Euro

Sarah mac wrote: »

Do you think it's going to come to that.

I think this is a troll, but it does no harm to put that information out there.


https://www.womensaid.ie/services/helpline.html

Sarah mac

Raheem Euro wrote: »

I think this is a troll, but it does no harm to put that information out there.


https://www.womensaid.ie/services/helpline.html

Why do people think I'm lying. I mean every word I'm saying. I know what's after happening is insane. And I don't even believe myself I feel like I've been hit by a truck I don't even understand how this boards page works check my other posts this is genuine.

Sarah mac

Sarah mac wrote: »

Why do people think I'm lying. I mean every word I'm saying. I know what's after happening is insane. And I don't even believe myself I feel like I've been hit by a truck I don't even understand how this boards page works check my other posts this is genuine.

If there's people out there on this group making up thingS like this then I'm more detached from the world than I ever taught. I was scared to even share it because I was taught not to air my personal life in public

Sarah mac

I don't use the Internet. I never kept up with technology. I used Facebook until I deactivated it a few days ago. I come from very rural ireland and a very old fashioned upbringing you didn't talk about things unless in desperation. Which I am now seen as it's not just me it's my 9 week old baby I have to think about

ceadaoin.

This is a seriously toxic relationship, for the sake of your child and for your own safety you have to leave. What other advice can you expect to get?

Rubberchikken

Even people in rural ireland can and do use tje internet.
If youre genuine then protecting your kid and yourself is the priority not spending time on an internet forum.
Youve been given advice and contact details and if this guy is as bad as you say then get away from him.

Outlaw Pete

Assuming all you said is true, I wouldn't be overly judgmental of yourself as you have just had a baby and your father being ill, and having to care for him, is a lot to cope with, without the added pressure of living with a drug user who's not supporting you.

You're a woman with a young baby and there is lots of help out there for you, I suggest taking it. Maybe down the line, if the father of your baby gets clean you can make a go of it again.