How do I make a move on this guy to get to know him outside work?

sj_jj

I cant stop thinking about a guy at work. We met 5 months ago when he started at the place I work in. Sadly he is only here for another few weeks before he moves to another location to continue his training. We are both 28 and I really like him but dont know how or should I even try him.

I think he may like me too or at least find me attractive. Not because I think I am attractive but sometimes I find him looking at me almost staring in a sense. The first time we ever spoke he was very nervous and was kind of shaky and stammering so I felt by that conversation he might like me. We have had a few chats since then when we can but because there is almost always people around its hard. Another day we were talking and his friend came in and said "oh are ye flirting" messing and he went bright red and called him an a****le and started laughing. The other day he looked back down the corridor at me before he turned down another corridor. Maybe im reading too much into it but no one else looks at me like that so either something looks off with me or he may fancy me.

I friended him on FB but I am not sure if he has a gf or not. There are pictures with a girl in June but then again my ex ended it in May and im still friends with him pics are still up etc so I cant judge by FB. I cant stop thinking of him and love seeing him at work but dont know how to even initiate a convo with him outside of work or if I even should.

Life is short and I want to take a chance, if I dont ill never know and will always wonder. Worst thing to happen is he has a gf ill be mortified but it will go away with time. However If anyone has been in this situation or something similar please advise me on how to make a move as Im clueless at this stuff and dont want to look like a t*t either thanks

zapper55

Facebook message as you are already friends on it.

Hey, would you fancy going for a drink sometime?

I've done this before. The guy graciously let me know he was seeing someone but he was very flattered. Even though it didn't work put I was thrilled I asked.

gwalk

send him the link to this thread

sj_jj

but if he was interested and did like me wouldnt he have made a move himself by now?

gwalk

Maybe he doesn't know that you like him?

If you like him message him

wiggle16

sj_jj wrote: »

but if he was interested and did like me wouldnt he have made a move himself by now?

He might be thinking the same thing about you. So no, that doesnt mean anything. He sounds like he might be shy anyway.

You can ask him directly of course without being intense, just ask is he doing anything this weekend or whenever. If he says no, ask would he fancy going for a drink. If he says he's busy, just say "ah cool, was going to ask if you wanted to go for a drink" and then the ball is in his court, and if he's interested he will make a move. If he doesn't then you know he's not into you.

You have nothing to lose. If he's going to be leaving in a few weeks then if he turns you down it's not like you're stuck working with him indefinitely.

Go for it. Good luck! *roots for you*

sj_jj

I plan on messaging him about a course I know he done in the past to open the doors. But I have a horrible feeling he has a gf judging by FB. I dont want things to be awkward at work then if he says no

sj_jj

wiggle16 wrote: »

He might be thinking the same thing about you. So no, that doesnt mean anything. He sounds like he might be shy anyway.

You can ask him directly of course without being intense, just ask is he doing anything this weekend or whenever. If he says no, ask would he fancy going for a drink. If he says he's busy, just say "ah cool, was going to ask if you wanted to go for a drink" and then the ball is in his court, and if he's interested he will make a move. If he doesn't then you know he's not into you.

You have nothing to lose. If he's going to be leaving in a few weeks then if he turns you down it's not like you're stuck working with him indefinitely.

Go for it. Good luck! *roots for you*

thank you so much fingers crossed

benny79

If he's leaving soon why dont you just say since your leaving soon do you fancy going for a drink or fair well drink Then while out you can ask how is he getting on with training does he like the job. then turn it personal were he lives any kids seeing anybody etc I asked a couple of girls out over the years in a similar situation always caught them looking when I did evently ask them out months later.. They just started seeing someone! missed opportunities dont be me go for it!

Calypso Realm

As above. This is what I was going to suggest as well. Since he's leaving anyway, you've an ideal opportunity to make a move. Do you usually have leaving dos in which case you could ramp things up a notch? If things don't work out (and hopefully they will! as he sounds interested) you don't have to face him at work again!! In the meantime I'd try and find out if he's got a girlfriend as this will inform your next steps.

Good luck

sj_jj

Thanks guys. No we wouldn’t usually have leaving dos because it’s a big work environment and there will be about 8-10 leaving with him. I’m not sure if he does sometimes I think he does when I catch him looking, he doesn’t necessarily smile it’s more like a stare (in a non creepy way). I know he doesn’t talk to my other colleagues on my level as they think he’s obnoxious and smart with them (lol!). But I have a strong suspicion he has a gf.. as per FB, he was at a girls grad in June and she obviously was/is his gf as she has pictures of them together on her page and they are still connected on fb. There has been nothing since June and I know I can’t go by fb but why is he looking at me like that then If he’s not even slightly interested.

I remember when he first started I was full sure he was single as we used to chat for ages when we seen each other

lawred2

sj_jj wrote: »

but if he was interested and did like me wouldnt he have made a move himself by now?

I can assure you back when I was in my twenties that despite liking loads of girls, I rarely had the balls to ask them out.

I'd have been only thrilled for one of those girls to have asked me out.

Don't presume that he doesn't like you because he hasn't asked you out.

Us lads aren't all like in the movies

benny79

Plus It could be his Sister, Cousin or Friend just because a lad is in a picture with a girl doesn't automatically mean its his GF I sure if it was they would have pic's up of them kissing or holding hands etc...

PawneeRanger

Do you and your coworkers ever head out for drinks after work?

Why not organise after work pints some Thursday/Friday and ask him if he fancies coming?

You'll be able to chat to him out of the office and you can find out more about him, including if he has a girlfriend. If it goes well, you can ask him to go for a drink another time - just the two of you.

Green&Red

sj_jj wrote: »

but if he was interested and did like me wouldnt he have made a move himself by now?

Some lads are shy and struggle to get the courage
FB message is a good idea, some random chit chat and then ask him for a drink

Good luck

Sittingpretty

OR just ask him if he has a g/f? Rather than trying to 2nd guess it.

Once you have that information, if he doesn’t then you can formulate a plan to ask him out.

If he is leaving you have nothing to lose.

bobsbookcase

You are actually in the ideal situation to ask out a work colleague seeing as he's leaving anyway!

You shouldn't wait for a leaving do or anything like that because it might not materialise. As others mentioned you should strike up a fb messenger conversation about something you talked about in work and then ask him out.

Gf or not, he will be delighted to have been asked. You really have nothing to lose, the worst he can say is no.

Go for it, best of luck!

sj_jj

He asked me today was a girl on my team in tomorrow because she rings him about everything and panics about everything.. I was going to message him and tell him she is in tomorrow with a laughing emoji in order to strike a conversation out of work but I don’t want to look like a b**** to my colleague either.. but I also feel this is a chance to open a convo what do you guys think?

J Mysterio

Ask him for a drink outside of work.
Don't be afraid to make the move.

I was in a similar situation to you with a girl in work who was leaving. Bottled it. Regret it.

SterlingArcher

sj_jj wrote: »

He asked me today was a girl on my team in tomorrow because she rings him about everything and panics about everything.. I was going to message him and tell him she is in tomorrow with a laughing emoji in order to strike a conversation out of work but I don’t want to look like a b**** to my colleague either.. but I also feel this is a chance to open a convo what do you guys think?

Nothing wrong with that.

How have you not figured out yet if he single.

sj_jj

SterlingArcher wrote: »

Nothing wrong with that.

How have you not figured out yet if he single.

No I haven’t only going but Facebook nothing confirmed

Dial Hard

sj_jj wrote:

He asked me today was a girl on my team in tomorrow because she rings him about everything and panics about everything.. I was going to message him and tell him she is in tomorrow with a laughing emoji in order to strike a conversation out of work but I don’t want to look like a b**** to my colleague either.. but I also feel this is a chance to open a convo what do you guys think?

You're *seriously* overthinking this. Just ask him for a drink. It really is as simple as that.

wiggle16

Dial Hard wrote: »

You're *seriously* overthinking this. Just ask him for a drink. It really is as simple as that.

Absolutely.

The more you try to contrive a situation in order to say something "casually", the less likely it is that you will actually get to say it. Don't try to "set up" the conversation, there's no need.

Just ask him.

sj_jj

Ok I sent the message and guess what.. it didn’t deliver on fb just my luck.. it sent but didn’t deliver to his phone and he’s been online so it’s obviously something to do with his phone!

sj_jj

Ok so I sent him a message last night as an opener to say that the colleague was working today that he doesn’t like and sent it in a jokey way. He replied just now to say haha I met her at 9 I must have jinxed myself asking and said anyway enjoy your weekend. So obviously he’s not interested, how can I reply to a message like that

zapper55

Ah Jesus op. His response doesn't mean he's not interested. How do you answer the message? Well you have a conversation.

Great I did x and y, how was yours? Good opportunity for him to mention a girlfriend at that point. If he doesn't, then say fancy a drink some time?

You are really over analysing things!

sj_jj

His last message was “anyway enjoy your weekend” he clearly ended the conversation how can I reply to that with oh I did this and this he didn’t ask me what I was doing

Always Tired

sj_jj wrote: »

Ok so I sent him a message last night as an opener to say that the colleague was working today that he doesn’t like and sent it in a jokey way. He replied just now to say haha I met her at 9 I must have jinxed myself asking and said anyway enjoy your weekend. So obviously he’s not interested, how can I reply to a message like that

messaging about a person he doesn't like isn't exactly a good way to get the ball rolling anyway. you're not even beating around the bush here, it just wouldn't put a light bulb in a mans head that you like him to message something like that.

try and bring the conversation to things more conducive to finding out if he is single first of all. talk about some experience you had dating, either reveal (or even make up) some story of a date you had, a bad one or good one, doesn't matter.

Stop talking about work. Start talking about what is going on outside of work! He is leaving the job and could be thinking that there isn't any point chatting to you much now as he won't see you anymore.

My feeling is he does like you, but he also has a gf. You gotta figure that part out. Women usually are very adept at dropping the 'boyfriend bomb' into a conversation, like 'nice shirt, my boyfriend has the same one'.

If he hasn't done that then he either doesn't have one or he does but still fancies you a bit.

Seth Brundle

Why not say to him "enjoy your weekend. Any big plans?"
It's as simple as that.

vectorvictor

Lunch. Lunch. Always Lunch

Suggest something to do together that has no connotations so that you can use the time to suzz things out otherwise working together could be a nightmare and suggesting a drink together its pretty clear what your after.

One of the days casually say there's a place you want to try for lunch is he coming. Then if lunch goes well and there's no gf chatter you can up the stakes to a drink

Facebook messages and trying to read between the lines is going to do your head in and is not very adult.

sj_jj

I have no problem asking him but I’m just conscious now he’s not interested and don’t know how to reply as he clearly cut me off my saying anyway enjoy your weekend. I know he’s working all weekend so can’t ask him what he’s doing. I’m stuck because to me he’s saying ok thanks I don’t want to continue the conversation now so I literally don’t know what to say back

vectorvictor

sj_jj wrote: »

I have no problem asking him but I’m just conscious now he’s not interested and don’t know how to reply as he clearly cut me off my saying anyway enjoy your weekend. I know he’s working all weekend so can’t ask him what he’s doing. I’m stuck because to me he’s saying ok thanks I don’t want to continue the conversation now so I literally don’t know what to say back

From an outside perspective I think you are overanalyzing this to death (which to be fair is normal when you are into someone and trying to piece everything together)

If your best friend messaged you back enjoy your weekend would you think they never wanted to see you again?

HeidiHeidi

"You too! Any nice plans apart from the dreaded work?"

That's not a conversation ender (except on your head).

Commanchie

Its a situation to just grow a pair and put it out there. Like everyone has already said.

"Enjoy yours too, Much planned, Im heading out tomorrow"

Leave it open ended.

Damien360

sj_jj wrote: »

I have no problem asking him but I’m just conscious now he’s not interested and don’t know how to reply as he clearly cut me off my saying anyway enjoy your weekend. I know he’s working all weekend so can’t ask him what he’s doing. I’m stuck because to me he’s saying ok thanks I don’t want to continue the conversation now so I literally don’t know what to say back

It's a Saturday night. Ask him if he is going out and would he fancy meeting you out. Drinks would be a nice start....not too cryptic and with any luck he reads between the lines. Unless it is night work.

sj_jj

I’m at a wedding and I know he’s working though. Not making excuses just wondering what else could I ask. I genuinely do want to ask him about an exam he done that I’m thinking of doing but don’t know if I want to just go straight in asking him about it

completedit

Maaaaaan stop overthinking it, chances are he does like you.

MarkR

There's no shame in asking someone out. You're both adults. You have nothing to lose.

Worst case scenario, he's not interested.

LegacyUser

OP I think you are overthinking and over analysing. However I think we've all been in your situation and done the same!

I recently asked a girl from work for a coffee, while it was "just" a coffee my "romantic intentions" were clear. I was very interested in her and thought she was too. Look, she said no but I'm still glad I went for it. You have no idea how much I procrastinated, over thought everything etc etc. At least now I know. I've seen her since in the office and it's not as awkward as I thought it would be. We're both adults - I'm sure she's used to being asked out (though maybe not by colleagues!) He's leaving - so any awkwardness will be for a limited time period anyhow.

Go for it. Plenty of ways to do it:

e.g. lunch before he leaves, this can sound innocent. When there say you've wanted to ask him for a drink/coffee for ages and would he be interested. If he's not single he'll say. Unless he's an arsehole he'll do this politely. You'll be let down but in the "best" possible way. He'll be gone not long after and you'll move on

Or just message him that you've wanted to ask him for a drink/coffee for ages (this is what I did)

Others may have other ways of approaching it - I'm sure they'll advise

Rck888746

You are really overthinking this, OP.

Use the exam to start the conversation again on FB and then after this subject is over, ask him if he would like to get some drinks.

gwalk

You're 28 years old not 15

Just spit it out already, if you don't ask him out someone else will

smokie72

OP I ask a woman out of work a few years ago. Yes it was nerve wrecking but the reason I did it was because I was starting to overthink it and realising it wasn't good for me. Anyway she wanted just to remain friends. It was a little bit awkward afterwards but I felt much better that I had the courage to ask her out. It was a weight of my mind and then I was able to focus on other things and move on. Another time I asked another girl out on facebook messaging and went for a date. You got nothing to lose. Fortune favours the brave....

witchgirl26

OP you're completely overthinking this. I asked a guy in work out via Facebook before just by asking him straight if he'd take me out for a drink. He hadn't even thought about me like that before but we went out and 7 years later, we live together and expecting first child. Him not asking you out is not a sign of anything, him not creating conversations on Facebook is not a sign of anything.

If you want a definitive answer, just ask him out for a drink some evening. If he's leaving and says no, then at least you only have to deal with any awkwardness for a little bit before he goes. If he says yes, then happy days but the only way to know is just to send that first message.

Otherwise you'll always be left wondering.