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break up over a car?

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    #32
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    So you have told your partner you will learn to drive, but have not done anything more?

    Bad form OP, you're letting your partner down


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    #33
    Batgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭Batgurl


    Non-drivers never realise how much they actually DO rely on drivers.

    You say you never rely on your OH for lifts BUT if you are ever going anywhere together (eg a wedding or a day out etc) do you take public transport and they drive?

    Or do you take a lift with them? I suspect after 7 years you have frequently relied on your partner (even if you don’t “count” it) so they are understandably frustrated.

    Honestly, for me it would be unattractive if my OH couldn’t drive so I can see your partners point of view (even though I don’t agree with how they gave that feedback).


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    #34
    MissShihTzu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,080 ✭✭✭MissShihTzu


    When I met my now husband, he couldn't drive. He saw no need to as his father, brother-in-law and various friends were around to give him spins if he needed them.

    I even overheard my brother-in-law telling someone it would be no problem for my husband to go somewhere as 'his wife drives'. That pissed me off no end. So I made it very plain I was no taxi service and he needed to learn to drive. The subject wasn't even up for discussion as far as I was concerned.

    So - he learnt, got his licence and has been happily driving for the past seven years. He's glad I finally pushed him to learn. Learning to drive is an important life skills and gives you so much independence, as others have pointed out. I cannot understand why people DON'T want to learn!!

    OK - your partner wasn't very nice in the way they put it to you. I would be upset at that too. But they are right. You DO need to learn. Once you have your licence, the sky's the limit!

    But at the end of the day, you have to do it for you. Nobody else.


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    #35
    Eric Cartman
    Registered Users Posts: 26,282 ✭✭✭✭Eric Cartman


    I dont condone your partners way of dealing with it, but ill put it into perspective, I no longer date women who don't drive.

    The amount of times ive been late to meetings with clients because of 'ohh i missed my bus, can you go 10 mins out of your way to leave me to work' and it takes them an extra 10 mins to get ready

    Coming in from a 10 hour work day on a friday and wanting to just relax , ' ohh its raining out, i need you to drive me to the shops before you have a beer'

    'I want to go to ikea or some other place out of the way on saturday , i need you to completely interrupt your day to bring me'

    'I want to go see my sister who lives in bog arse nowhere' and end up sitting there like an inanimate object for 2 hours while 2 siblings catch up for hours.

    There is no equality in it at all, and like it or not it outs a burden on the person who drives, I work a lot so have limited leisure time so even afew hours out of my week playing chauffeur to bring somebody places I have no need to be is infuriating.

    Your OH is dealing with it badly but id say its built up over time and especially if youve promised to learn but havent over the years.


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    #36
    Little Less Conversation
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 189 ✭✭Little Less Conversation


    Take it in steps. Go and apply for the theory test. Next get your learner's licence. Then you can start with your lessons anytime after that. If your partner has a car, they may even put you down on their insurance. It's easy once you get going.


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    #37
    Sittingpretty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,872 ✭✭✭Sittingpretty


    Driving is a life skill and provided there’s no medical reason that inhibits your ability to drive you probably should learn to do it even if (right now) you don’t need to.

    Your partner’s reaction is very harsh and angry but maybe this stems from frustration. I don’t agree with their delivery but I can’t argue with the sentiment I’m afraid.

    Every adult should be able to drive and swim IMO.


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    #38
    pgj2015
    Registered Users Posts: 9,024 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    i was with a woman for 2 years who didn't drive,I drove her places most of the time. it didn't bother me at all to be honest, she was in her late 20's

    we broke up and she eventually started driving, passed her driving test etc

    your partner doesn't sound very nice to be honest.


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    #39
    LolaJJ
    Registered Users Posts: 289 ✭✭LolaJJ


    Don't end your relationship "over a car" as your thread title suggests.

    End it because you speak about him with a marked lack of respect.

    On a side note, as a part of a couple where both of us drive and share the driving responsibilities - believe me, it makes a difference.

    Whether it be collecting each other from places or picking stuff up on the way home, or needing to run to the shop urgently to get loo roll...it's impossible to be equals in a relationship if one party is transport dependent.


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