Help..Sudden silent treatment and hurtful texts

princess 11

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

You apologised for your part in it. There is nothing wrong with that. What he has done now is far worse.

Honest to god, leave it now. Get on with your day to day stuff. In a week you'll be counting your blessings. In a month you'll be wondering why you bothered. If you look back I bet you'll realise it was a lot of hard work and overthinking that you could do without.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained from raking over it. I appreciate its early days but you're only pulling at the scab.

thank you Hannibal..Yes its just raw now..thinking on it ..I really do not want to be with someone who says all the right things when he is with me and then treats me like that..I only treated him with kindness since I have known him and even did not ring when I knew he was up with his ex and child..Was careful to not leave a thing in his house when i was there in case his ex stopped him seeing his child..Maybe i was too soft..but thats me..I try not to cause trouble for people..thank you ..A blessing in disguise..

punisher5112

princess 11 wrote: »

thank you Hannibal..Yes its just raw now..thinking on it ..I really do not want to be with someone who says all the right things when he is with me and then treats me like that..I only treated him with kindness since I have known him and even did not ring when I knew he was up with his ex and child..Was careful to not leave a thing in his house when i was there in case his ex stopped him seeing his child..Maybe i was too soft..but thats me..I try not to cause trouble for people..thank you ..A blessing in disguise..

You are going to be much better off.

I was there, the girlfriend had a kid, turned out she was a complete nut.... Not the kid though

princess 11

punisher5112 wrote: »

You are going to be much better off.

I was there, the girlfriend had a kid, turned out she was a complete nut.... Not the kid though

Thank you Punisher....

Hannibal_Smith

princess 11 wrote: »

A blessing in disguise..

You're dead right

Ursus Horribilis

princess 11 wrote: »

I only treated him with kindness since I have known him and even did not ring when I knew he was up with his ex and child..Was careful to not leave a thing in his house when i was there in case his ex stopped him seeing his child..

Leaving all the other problems aside, what future could you ever have with this going on between him and his ex? (I'm going to take it at face value that they are actually split up and that he's being truthful). How on earth could you ever have a relationship that can go somewhere if you're tiptoeing around his ex and trying to appease her? Does he even have a job if he's minding his daughter? It all sounds like far more hassle than it's worth.

princess 11

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Leaving all the other problems aside, what future could you ever have with this going on between him and his ex? (I'm going to take it at face value that they are actually split up and that he's being truthful). How on earth could you ever have a relationship that can go somewhere if you're tiptoeing around his ex and trying to appease her? Does he even have a job if he's minding his daughter? It all sounds like far more hassle than it's worth.

Thanks Ursus..Yes reflecting on it all now..he told me he was split up and he collects his child to bring her to creche..then she would drop in to his house with child after creche and go up to her house to stay until child went to bed.If that was me and I hated my ex as much as he stated and boy did he talk about her every time we met !i told him if it was causing him so much stress that he should mind child in his own house that it was only damaging to the child to be listening to the two of them bickering..She was cooking for him up there every day too..No he does not work..I kept saying to him there is something more to this ..he would tell me she would ask why was he in a hurry to go home to his house ( when he was seeing me ) or when he was making something for my house ..she would question who it was for..I told him ..If she was over him she would not be bothered//but he was very convincing ..Saying not my fault if she still has feelings..He doesn't for her..and he would get thick if I voiced my doubts..Oh leave them to it...i truly believe in my heart that their was trouble between them that week and I got the backlash and was dumped in a cruel way..We live and learn..I don't want to be anyones secret...I deserve better

QueenRizla

princess 11 wrote: »

If that was me and I hated my ex as much as he stated and boy did he talk about her every time we met!
No he does not work...


I deserve better

So he constantly bitched about his Ex everytime ye met and he doesn’t have a job.

OP without all the other nonsense, for God’s sake OP raise your standards when it comes to picking a partner or you won’t get better whether you deserve it or not.

Ursus Horribilis

I also wonder how split up they actually are. He seems to have been able to say the right things but had actions which fell well short. That, him not having a job and the way he treated you all point to a situation you're better off away from.

up for anything

You're well out of it, OP. Forget your text designed to get a positive reaction from him. It was pretty harmless in the grand scheme of things and his overreaction was immense. Perhaps in your next relationship try and stay off texting. We'd all be better for doing that. Use texts for things like I'm on my way but ten minutes late, but keep the heavy stuff for the phone. If you can't say it in person or on the phone then certainly don't text it.

As for your hopefully ex - forget the waste of years of a friendship and months of a relationship. Better than a waste of your life which putting more time into it would be. Your boyfriend is still almost certainly in some sort of a relationship (more than trying to keep her sweet to see his kids) with his ex. Spending all that time at her place and don't contact me, I'll contact you. He couldn't be more 'married'. He also sounds like your typical gaslighter. He'll have you doubting yourself and running rings around him trying to please him and accepting any shite he gives you and behaviour he wants if you take it now. You don't want to involve your child/children in a relationship like that.

Stop fretting over what might have been and heave a sigh of relief that it never was and never will be because you'd be crazy to continue on with him if he decides to after all this. Perhaps if you can get yourself some counselling for the bad things you are going through. It's so much better to offload on a stranger than it is to heap it on the shoulders of a new romantic interest. Way too intense especially when it's coming from him too.

Good luck with it and don't mind the people here who think you got what you deserved for sending that text! Serious overreaction a bit like your boyfriend.

princess 11

up for anything wrote: »

You're well out of it, OP. Forget your text designed to get a positive reaction from him. It was pretty harmless in the grand scheme of things and his overreaction was immense. Perhaps in your next relationship try and stay off texting. We'd all be better for doing that. Use texts for things like I'm on my way but ten minutes late, but keep the heavy stuff for the phone. If you can't say it in person or on the phone then certainly don't text it.

As for your hopefully ex - forget the waste of years of a friendship and months of a relationship. Better than a waste of your life which putting more time into it would be. Your boyfriend is still almost certainly in some sort of a relationship (more than trying to keep her sweet to see his kids) with his ex. Spending all that time at her place and don't contact me, I'll contact you. He couldn't be more 'married'. He also sounds like your typical gaslighter. He'll have you doubting yourself and running rings around him trying to please him and accepting any shite he gives you and behaviour he wants if you take it now. You don't want to involve your child/children in a relationship like that.

Stop fretting over what might have been and heave a sigh of relief that it never was and never will be because you'd be crazy to continue on with him if he decides to after all this. Perhaps if you can get yourself some counselling for the bad things you are going through. It's so much better to offload on a stranger than it is to heap it on the shoulders of a new romantic interest. Way too intense especially when it's coming from him too.

Good luck with it and don't mind the people here who think you got what you deserved for sending that text! Serious overreaction a bit like your boyfriend.

Ah thanks a mill ..what a lovely post to see this hour of the morning..Yes good luck to him..what is really meant for us will never pass us by..my new mantra ..ha..

beauf

Texting is poor way to have a conversion.

Its too easily misread.

princess 11

beauf wrote: »

Texting is poor way to have a conversion.

Its too easily misread.

Totally agree with you..i would love to have just phoned him but he set the tone from the beginning ..to text him rather than phone him if he was up with his child.so i did not want too cause trouble..but what consideration did he have for me ..but to wipe the floor for under me with hurtful texts..when he knew i was going through a hard time already.He seen my apology and he still ignores me..So he is just not worth it.Thinking on it all now..I was just a distraction to him ..because he was probably going through a bad patch with his childs mother ..more than likely he will text again sometime when he is bored or at a loose end and he is going to be met with silence..Life is too short to be caught up in all this drama..

anewme

I dont want this to come across as too harsh OP, but maybe you need to toughen up a bit yourself and work on yourself and develop your own self resilience.

You are 100% right that life is too short to be caught up in all that drama. Your posts come across a bit as poor me/woe is me (language like) ...."what consideration did he have for me" "wipe the floor from under me with hurtful texts when I was going through a hard time already"......"I was just a distraction to him"........it reads like a really bad romance novel and very much poor wronged me and over dramatic.

Take responsibility for yourself and forget about him. All this...I was only a distraction etc is just more drama.

People can be dicks all the time, friends will let you down, relationships fail, but going into self pity mode does not help anyone.

You were right to send the apology OP, I would cringe getting one of those texts off someone, "I thought you cared about me etc". It would make me run for the hills as over needy and I would not want to reply.

You did the right thing. You cant control his behaviour, only yours. He did not even have the courtesy to respond. So thats the worst that can happen.

By continuing this....I was only a distriaction...means you are still stewing in it.

Onwards and upwards.

nikkibikki

anewme wrote:

You were right to send the apology OP, I would cringe getting one of those texts off someone, "I thought you cared about me etc". It would make me run for the hills as over needy and I would not want to reply.

Whereby I would be hurt if someone I cared about felt like that about my behaviour towards them and I would try sort it out with them, rather than ignoring them and their feelings. It takes all sorts to make the world go round.

princess 11

nikkibikki wrote: »

Whereby I would be hurt if someone I cared about felt like that about my behaviour towards them and I would try sort it out with them, rather than ignoring them and their feelings. It takes all sorts to make the world go round.

Yes Nikkibikki..I am the same as you..i would try and step back and look at the text and say ..Well yes she was there for me and when she needed me the most I ignored her for days ..and take some responsability for my actions..but no...he did send hurtful texts back and attack my personality when there was no need for it ..his talk was good for months how he adored me but when it came down to it his actions spoke volumes..One text and he ends it..Its not as if i cheated on him or anything..Like other poster said that im acting poor me..Nope im just angry now at been so gullible and bending over backwards for him ..

Ursus Horribilis

Better to be angry and to see the mistakes you made, rather than try to keep the relationship going. At least you only wasted a couple of months on this. Even bad relationships like this one aren't a waste of time if you can learn from them.