Help..Sudden silent treatment and hurtful texts

princess 11

Hi everyone..Just thought i would put this out here and see what others think..

I have been dating a guy I have known for past few years..We only decided to start a realtionship a few months ago.He was always saying how mad he was about me..how I was beautiful inside and out ..so attentive..Then suddenly he did not text me for days on end and as I am not a big texter just gave him some space..i was confused as last time we saw one another he was texting me an hour after leaving me ..I sent him a text late at night two days ago saying..Thought I meant more to you than that..Yes I was going through a hard time at present but I would have smiled again and got through it ..

The next day he blasted me out of it..He text me saying ..Sure if thats how you feel i won't bother anymore..That this is why he doesn't have realtionships ..He is used to getting thrown in dirt!!What the hell? He then went on to attack me saying ..Hello..Maybe I was busy..maybe I don't think of you 24/7..telling me i play mind games which I do not.He told me he hasn,t time for texting me and to leave it ..So i text him ..Sure thats what all this is about ..a way out..He then text back and said he never said anything about goodbye that i should learn to read texts properly!!

I am stunned at his reaction and texts ..I did send him a text hours later..saying I was so low and hurt and If he could find it in his heart to just tell me what happened when we were so happy..He never replied ..just silence..Sorry for long winded post ..My head is spinning and I am so confused..Can anyone offer some insight please?Thank you:(

dellas1979

princess 11 wrote: »

Thought I meant more to you than that.(

You wrote that to provoke him. And it is manipulation. Youd want to examine your own behaviour first than examining his.

Saying that, I equally think that his reaction wasnt great.

rainbowtrout

princess 11 wrote: »

Hi everyone..Just thought i would put this out here and see what others think..

I have been dating a guy I have known for past few years..We only decided to start a realtionship a few months ago.He was always saying how mad he was about me..how I was beautiful inside and out ..so attentive..Then suddenly he did not text me for days on end and as I am not a big texter just gave him some space..i was confused as last time we saw one another he was texting me an hour after leaving me ..I sent him a text late at night two days ago saying..Thought I meant more to you than that..Yes I was going through a hard time at present but I would have smiled again and got through it ..

So he hadn't texted you for a few days, and as a result, instead of picking up the phone and ringing him, you decided to go all passive aggressive about it instead of just sending him a text asking him how he was. Sorry you've brought all of this on yourself, I don't see what he has done wrong.

princess 11 wrote: »

The next day he blasted me out of it..He text me saying ..Sure if thats how you feel i won't bother anymore..That this is why he doesn't have realtionships ..He is used to getting thrown in dirt!!What the hell? He then went on to attack me saying ..Hello..Maybe I was busy..maybe I don't think of you 24/7..telling me i play mind games which I do not.He told me he hasn,t time for texting me and to leave it ..So i text him ..Sure thats what all this is about ..a way out..He then text back and said he never said anything about goodbye that i should learn to read texts properly!!

I'm not surprised, you threw an accusation at him out of nowhere, without any evidence, simply because you hadn't heard from him in a few days. You are very much the one playing mind games with your passive aggressive attention seeking text.

princess 11 wrote: »

I am stunned at his reaction and texts ..I did send him a text hours later..saying I was so low and hurt and If he could find it in his heart to just tell me what happened when we were so happy..He never replied ..just silence..Sorry for long winded post ..My head is spinning and I am so confused..Can anyone offer some insight please?Thank you:(

Why are you stunned? You sent him a text saying 'Thought you meant more to me than that'. You started this game. He decided he couldn't be dealing with your mind games and ended it.

porsche boy

So let me got this right, there was no contact for a couple of days and you sent him a one line text saying 'I thought I ment more to you than that'.

If that is the case then you are clearly a manipulative person who was looking for a reaction, you prodded and he reacted and now your all upset??

If it were me I would politely thank you for some good memories and walk away. If your pulling that crap now what would you be like to live with....

GarIT

I've had a few women do this to me. Don't make any attempt to contact me and then tell me I must not like then for not contacting them.

He should run a mile, people like this aren't worth the hassle.

OP I think you should reflect on how badly you have treated him act appropriately.

GarIT

When I read the thread title I wasn't expecting that it would be the OP starting the sudden silent treatment and sending the hurtful texts.

anewme

Don't blame him either to be honest...passive aggressive Woe is me drama.

You are in the wrong OP.

punisher5112

Why not ask to meet up and talk it out and apologize.

Tell him if it is you had a bad day or whatever bad happened and go from there.

I do hate mind games though.

If you were boyfriend-girlfriend then of course it would be a little strange on the no contact but maybe he wanted to see would you be the one for once to contact him.

Eric Cartman

So you sent him literally the most inflammatory thing you could, he didnt react well but that kind of crap drives me mad, id probably react poorly too

princess 11

Thank you all for your replies..i got a wake up call..Yes I went about it the wrong way..it was not my intention to play a mind game and my mind was not in a very good place at the time ..I am not making excuses for myself but I have to add that the last time I spoke to him i asked him could I come to him because something really bad happened to me and he said he would let me know and he never got back to me ...I thought even a text to say ..how are you ? as he texts me every day..I was shocked that someone who claimed to care about me could be so cold so quickly..He did not even initiate another time to see me and he always did..No I would have rang but i am not allowed to as he is up at his daughters house minding her every day with her mother present and I did not want to cause trouble because she would cause trouble because she is jealous.I disagree with his reaction ..Yes thinking on it now ..i wish I never sent that text ..but I did not deserve such a backlash as he only ever treated me with kindness..

Dial Hard

Hang on, one or both of you is old enough to have kids with a previous* partner and you're carrying on like kids with the passive-aggressive text games? Pair of you in it.




*The fact that you're not supposed to ring him while he's with the ex would make me seriously question how ex she really is.

GarIT

princess 11 wrote: »

I disagree with his reaction ..Yes thinking on it now ..i wish I never sent that text ..but I did not deserve such a backlash

You are still trying to justify your actions. The sentence should be I shouldn't have said that and leave it there. I'm not going to say you deserved a backlash but you shouldn't be surprised when you get what you asked for.

princess 11

GarIT wrote: »

You are still trying to justify your actions. The sentence should be I shouldn't have said that and leave it there. I'm not going to say you deserved a backlash but you shouldn't be surprised when you get what you asked for.

How did I get what I asked for exactly?I made a mistake..a huge mistake..but really does that give anyone a right to tear pieces out of me and tell me and tell me I play mind games ..I just thought he was not interested anymore and hurt that he did not even bother texting me to see if I was ok..when he knew I was unwell..I was there for him on his darkest days..One stupid text and now its all over.Really..Looks to me like he was just waiting for an excuse..He did not even give me a chance to apoligise..

Ghekko

He's minding his daughter while the ex is there - why? Does he only have supervised access or could there be more to it? No reason for his ex to be jealous if he is genuinely her ex. TBH between that scenario and the fact that you both send pathetic childish texts as opposed to actually talking to each other, I'd say end it for both your sakes and move on. He clearly has baggage (cling on ex) that any woman can do without taking on.

GarIT

princess 11 wrote: »

How did I get what I asked for exactly?I made a mistake..a huge mistake..but really does that give anyone a right to tear pieces out of me and tell me and tell me I play mind games ..I just thought he was not interested anymore and hurt that he did not even bother texting me to see if I was ok..when he knew I was unwell..I was there for him on his darkest days..One stupid text and now its all over.Really..Looks to me like he was just waiting for an excuse..He did not even give me a chance to apoligise..

You sent a message designed to provoke an angry response, therefore you got what you asked for. But you are playing mind games, he is right.

I think you are really over analyzing everything and looking for any other explanations than the obvious one that you don't want to acknowledge. You said someone known to annoy people and he got annoyed, how does that make it look like he was looking for an excuse, you provoked him and it worked, there is not other justification or explanation needed.

princess 11

Ghekko wrote: »

He's minding his daughter while the ex is there - why? Does he only have supervised access or could there be more to it? No reason for his ex to be jealous if he is genuinely her ex. TBH between that scenario and the fact that you both send pathetic childish texts as opposed to actually talking to each other, I'd say end it for both your sakes and move on. He clearly has baggage (cling on ex) that any woman can do without taking on.

I sent one text ..In the context of things..It was one mistake out of a hundred nice texts..I am human and everyone on here is guilty of making mistakes..no he hasn't supervised visits .He told me early on that i have to accept he goes there every day to mind his child as his child prefers to be there ..He is always crying to me over his ex that he is so stressed going there that he hates her but wants the child to grow up with two parents that at least try and get on ..He takes ages to get back to me when i do text him during day ..i have my suspicions and i do believe when he said yesterday..I am sick of the lot of ye that she was giving him hassle..maybe she found out about us and tried to stop him seeing his daughter..i just do not know..He does return to his house every night ..

Big Bag of Chips

He was obviously also having a bad day, and reacted angrily to your mind games text. And yes, you were playing mind games. You didn't send a text saying "Hi, how's things". You sent a very passive aggressive text looking for a reaction. You just didn't get the reaction you expected.

Everyone has sht going on in their lives. Everyone. He obviously has baggage and hassle with the mother of his child. Although I'd question how/why he is in her house every day minding his child. Does he work? Does she? How old is the child? To he honest, if he is in a new relationship then he needs to separate himself from his ex and not be presenting family unit to the child. It will just confuse matters.

Anyway, that's not relevant to your issue. I think you need to apologise for sending a crappy text like that. Admit why you sent it. That you were feeling a bit sorry for yourself and wanted some positive attention from him. Admit you got it wrong, and in future, if you have a future, you will not pull that sort of thing again.

He may not be interested, but admitting your fault is your only chance. No, "I'm sorry, but...", just a simple "I'm sorry".

punisher5112

Bit of a nightmare getting involved in all that stress.

Eric Cartman

Dial Hard wrote: »

Hang on, one or both of you is old enough to have kids with a previous* partner and you're carrying on like kids with the passive-aggressive text games? Pair of you in it.




*The fact that you're not supposed to ring him while he's with the ex would make me seriously question how ex she really is.

I think him still being with the ex and her being crazy enough to take away access to his daughter / go mad at him if the OP's name popped up on a phone are both equally likely possibilities. Wouldn't bother throwing this into the mix as it'll just make the OP paranoid over most likely nothing.

SusieBlue

This whole entire situation could have been avoided if you had simply text saying "Hey, haven't heard from you in a few days, just checking in, I hope everything is well. I'm here for you if you need anything/to talk." instead of your passive aggressive over dramatic message.

You instigated this, you obviously expected some sort of grovelling apology and therefore are stunned you didn't get it.
He was out of line but so were you.

osarusan

You were playing mind games and looking for him to tell you how much you mean to him.

And he doesn't sound like he is in a great place himself, fairly stressed and flew off the handle when he got the text.

Or in fact, his own responses (especially the bit about being thrown in the dirt)could easily mind games too, to get you to apologise and say how great he is, so he can get one up on you.

Doesn't sound healthy for either of you anyway.

princess 11

osarusan wrote: »

You were playing mind games and looking for him to tell you how much you mean to him.

And he doesn't sound like he is in a great place himself, fairly stressed and flew off the handle when he got the text.

Or in fact, his own responses (especially the bit about being thrown in the dirt)could easily mind games too, to get you to apologise and say how great he is, so he can get one up on you.

Doesn't sound healthy for either of you anyway.

Thank you Osarusan for your reply..that makes sense..I made a mistake..So out of character for me as I have been nothing but kind to him..I did take other posters advice and say sorry in a text to him this morning..but so far he has not responded..

nikkibikki

So, you asked could you come to him because something bad happened you, he said he'd let you know and then he didn't contact you for days. Is that right?

If it is, I can totally see why you were upset. And can totally see how you would feel upset as you thought you meant more to him than that. Yes it was a provocative text to send but is it really mind games if you mean what you say?

OP it looks like when you needed his help with something, he checked out. Didn't want to know. He's not reciprocating the help you gave him so do you really want to be with someone like that?

princess 11

nikkibikki wrote: »

So, you asked could you come to him because something bad happened you, he said he'd let you know and then he didn't contact you for days. Is that right?

If it is, I can totally see why you were upset. And can totally see how you would feel upset as you thought you meant more to him than that. Yes it was a provocative text to send but is it really mind games if you mean what you say?

OP it looks like when you needed his help with something, he checked out. Didn't want to know. He's not reciprocating the help you gave him so do you really want to be with someone like that?

Thanks Nikki..I did not intend it to be a mind game..I honestly have been there for him and sat night after night listening to him going on and on at how bad his ex treated him etc etc..He said she played mind games and never admitted when she was wrong yet he still goes to her house with her present every day to mind his child ..and i never rang his phone when he was there or caused any trouble because he said she would be spiteful over access.I honest to god told him last time I spoke to him that I was so down in myself over something that happened to me and asked could I come to him..He never got back to me for days to even say..how are you?so yes i was hurting and could not sleep and sent the text to him..After all his talk about how happy I made him and I was a beautiful person inside and out ..well it meant nothing in the end..Words written on water..I have said sorry ..There is nothing more i can do..

Hannibal_Smith

Is it usually always about him, conversations, texts etc? It sounds a bit one sided? Do you think it was?

To be fair to you, the text may not have been the brightest idea, but I don't get relationships where there are rules for texting and communication or when one person lays down rules for when they are contactable, that's a bit unfair imo. It would be different if you were phoning/texting 24/7, but you said yourself that's not the case.

I certainly hope youre not thinking of contacting him again. That is days of silence now. It's a sh*tty way for anything to end, but relationships that go down the road of misunderstanding and miscommunication to this extent rarely come back to any sort of life and you'll only kick yourself months down the line if you don't take the hint now.

nikkibikki

princess 11 wrote:

Thanks Nikki..I did not intend it to be a mind game..I honestly have been there for him and sat night after night listening to him going on and on at how bad his ex treated him etc etc..He said she played mind games and never admitted when she was wrong yet he still goes to her house with her present every day to mind his child ..and i never rang his phone when he was there or caused any trouble because he said she would be spiteful over access.I honest to god told him last time I spoke to him that I was so down in myself over something that happened to me and asked could I come to him..He never got back to me for days to even say..how are you?so yes i was hurting and could not sleep and sent the text to him..After all his talk about how happy I made him and I was a beautiful person inside and out ..well it meant nothing in the end..Words written on water..I have said sorry ..There is nothing more i can do..

He is punishing you by giving you the silent treatment. Extremely childish behaviour that I wouldn't stand for. He'll be in touch when he feels like you've been punished enough. Don't apologise any more.

Big Bag of Chips

You've apologised for your initial text. That's it now. There's nothing else to apologise for. He may me busy today and not had a chance to reply. But if he keeps this dangling then definitely he can be accused of overreacting and making more of this than is necessary. Maybe he's going through a tough time and acting out of character. But it would be something to be mindful of in future.

LegacyUser

nikkibikki wrote: »

So, you asked could you come to him because something bad happened you, he said he'd let you know and then he didn't contact you for days. Is that right?

If it is, I can totally see why you were upset. And can totally see how you would feel upset as you thought you meant more to him than that. Yes it was a provocative text to send but is it really mind games if you mean what you say?

OP it looks like when you needed his help with something, he checked out. Didn't want to know. He's not reciprocating the help you gave him so do you really want to be with someone like that?

Having read the thread, that was my opinion also. Unless there is something the Op hasn't shared and taking her posts at face value, I don't see how people are saying the op was playing mind games

You showed him some vulnerability by confiding in him about your bad situation and he wasn't bothered to be there for you. I don't see how you saying to him that you thought you meant more than that was a mind game. Something was important to you and he couldn't see it or wasn't bothered. And then when you confronted him, he blamed and punished you rather than just say that he was sorry but busy or stressed himself.

I'd dump him OP.

princess 11

Still silence...I feel like a complete fool now sending an apology..Nearly everyone on here was saying yes I was playing a mind game and so was he ..but true what someone said ..Was it really a mind game when I was hurt by him knowing I was going through a very hard time and he just did not care and certainly did not care when he sent me a load of texts one after another saying ..I always play mind games when for months he always said I was a straight up person and do not play mind games like his ex!! thinking about it the condesending way he spoke to me..like saying..HELLO..I do not think about you 24 7 ..i might be busy ..even when I said ..i sent you the text because I was hurting that you ignored me when i was rock bottom..instead of kindness..He just said ..Good Luck to ya ..then when I replied ..Well you sound like someone who is saying goodbye ..He still replied..Wish people would learn to read texts properly!! Sorry but if you cared as much as he declared he did and that he thought of me all the time and was counting the hours to see me..Such a turnaround..He need not think he is keeping the door open by saying he did not mean goodbye..Typically narc behaviour..i did nothing wrong ..Last time I spoke to him he said he was making something special for my daughter then silence ..He is the one playing head games not me..so very sorry i degraded myself by sending an apology now..Where is his apology for his remarks..yes gut feeling ..he wanted out ..Typical..Best form of defence is attack..exactly what he did to me on Saturday instead of seeing where I was coming from ..Sorry long winded post..Just getting it out of my head ..Waste of years of a friendship and months of a realtionship..:(

punisher5112

princess 11 wrote: »

Still silence...I feel like a complete fool now sending an apology..Nearly everyone on here was saying yes I was playing a mind game and so was he ..but true what someone said ..Was it really a mind game when I was hurt by him knowing I was going through a very hard time and he just did not care and certainly did not care when he sent me a load of texts one after another saying ..I always play mind games when for months he always said I was a straight up person and do not play mind games like his ex!! thinking about it the condesending way he spoke to me..like saying..HELLO..I do not think about you 24 7 ..i might be busy ..even when I said ..i sent you the text because I was hurting that you ignored me when i was rock bottom..instead of kindness..He just said ..Good Luck to ya ..then when I replied ..Well you sound like someone who is saying goodbye ..He still replied..Wish people would learn to read texts properly!! Sorry but if you cared as much as he declared he did and that he thought of me all the time and was counting the hours to see me..Such a turnaround..He need not think he is keeping the door open by saying he did not mean goodbye..Typically narc behaviour..i did nothing wrong ..Last time I spoke to him he said he was making something special for my daughter then silence ..He is the one playing head games not me..so very sorry i degraded myself by sending an apology now..Where is his apology for his remarks..yes gut feeling ..he wanted out ..Typical..Best form of defence is attack..exactly what he did to me on Saturday instead of seeing where I was coming from ..Sorry long winded post..Just getting it out of my head ..Waste of years of a friendship and months of a realtionship..:(

2 of you in it.

Forget about him and move on.

I'm sure it hurts more as yee were friends but there are plenty of friends that stab one in the back also.

You now know so better now then further down the road.

Delete everything and don't text again.

Hannibal_Smith

You apologised for your part in it. There is nothing wrong with that. What he has done now is far worse.

Honest to god, leave it now. Get on with your day to day stuff. In a week you'll be counting your blessings. In a month you'll be wondering why you bothered. If you look back I bet you'll realise it was a lot of hard work and overthinking that you could do without.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained from raking over it. I appreciate its early days but you're only pulling at the scab.