removing disruptive aggressive housemate

Zander1983

Hi
I recently moved into a house in South Dublin. Its a 3 bed and I'm sharing with a girl from Ireland and a girl from Spain. Each room is only 467 euro per month which is incredible value these days - I was delighted to get it.

I had been warned before moving in that the Spanish girl was very very difficult - I happen to know a lot of her ex-workmates.

Well since moving in I have found out what they mean. It started out with each person having their own designated cups and plates. If I accidentally used hers, she would get angry and shriek. But anyway, I got used to that. But her outbursts have gotten worse. When a frying pan wasn't washed and she thought I had used it - I hadn't - she picked it up and screamed at me and moved right up into my face. I was sure she was going to swing it at me, but she didnt.

Each night she leaves the giant downstairs bathroom window open. I have pleaded with her not to do this as we WILL be burgled (I'be been burgled 4 times in Dublin). But each morning it's open (she gets up to open it when I close it late at night).

She has also basically moved her boyfriend in - he stays about 6 nights of the week.

The latest thing is a series of vicious text messages about the tv licence - when I moved in i bought a tv. She wants me to pay for the licence - which I have no problem doing - but followed it up by calling me a liar for not paying it before now. I have only just learned from her friend that she has a wall-mounted tv on her bedroom wall. She refuses to pay her share of the licence.

I want to live in a stress-free home, but she does not. She is very bored and causing fights is what she does for entertainment. This is literally a hobby for her. But I believe she is breaching the lease:

- physically aggressive behaviour
- moving her boyfriend in
- refusing to share tv licence bill (a licence is for the tv, not per tv)
- leaving the bathroom window open each night
- aggressive nasty text messages (anti-social behaviour)


The other housemate, by the way, despises her but is too afraid to get involved.

How can I get her out of the house?


EDIT

I spoke to the estate agency and they said she has complained about me and we both have very different stories

4ensic15

What is your status in the house?

Zander1983

4ensic15 wrote: »

What is your status in the house?

We all co-signed a lease. The landlady lives abroad and it's managed by an estate agency

4ensic15

A safety order is your only hope.

Life is too short to be engaging with people like this. Talk to the gardai or the estate agents, or both.

jam_mac_jam

Move out as soon as you can. Life is too short for this nonsense. Document everything in the meantime, stop contact with her and get yourself sorted to move out. She is not going to change, this cannot really be resolved if she is going to act aggressively like this.

Gwen Cooper

I had a similar issue with my housemate. He kept leaving the bathroom window wide open for the night. I bought a window lock for about 7 Euro. He complained, but never changed it.

Regarding everything else, next time she's yelling at you, just tell her that you will report her unacceptable behaviour to the agency and that this is her last warning.

Good luck.

antoinolachtnai

It sounds like you need to get the other housemate on side to get her to improve her behavior by obeying clearly stated and agreed rules about cleaning, bills and long-term guests, or maybe eventually move out if she does not obey these rules.

It is ultimately for the three of you to resolve how you live together in your home.

It is really none of the agent’s business. The agent is not paid to be and will not want to be a mediator.

Zander1983

4ensic15 wrote: »

A safety order is your only hope.

From the gardai or can i go to my solicitor?

Zander1983

Cake of Tremendous Power wrote: »

Life is too short to be engaging with people like this. Talk to the gardai or the estate agents, or both.

The estate agency said its a personal issue and we need to sort it out for ourselves. But that sounds like they are not doing their job - i listed 3 breaches of the lease

Zander1983

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

Move out as soon as you can. Life is too short for this nonsense. Document everything in the meantime, stop contact with her and get yourself sorted to move out. She is not going to change, this cannot really be resolved if she is going to act aggressively like this.

I would love to - but as we know Dublin is now probably the worst city in the world to be looking for a place to live. At the moment, im trapped. Yes i am documenting everything she is doing.

Zander1983

Gwen Cooper wrote: »

I had a similar issue with my housemate. He kept leaving the bathroom window wide open for the night. I bought a window lock for about 7 Euro. He complained, but never changed it.

Regarding everything else, next time she's yelling at you, just tell her that you will report her unacceptable behaviour to the agency and that this is her last warning.

Good luck.

I tried that and she quietened for a month. But the insanity started again yesterday. To her, this is what makes her life interesting, it seems.

Zander1983

antoinolachtnai wrote: »

It sounds like you need to get the other housemate on side to get her to improve her behavior by obeying clearly stated and agreed rules about cleaning, bills and long-term guests, or maybe eventually move out if she does not obey these rules.

It is ultimately for the three of you to resolve how you live together in your home.

It is really none of the agent’s business. The agent is not paid to be and will not want to be a mediator.

But if one housemate repeatedly breaches lease rules isnt it for the estate agency to deal with then? She:

1/ acts aggressively
2/ has moved her boyfriend in
3/ refuses to secure the premises
4/ refuses to share bills

Wabbit Ears

Just go full physco for a while. if she opens the bathroom window literlaly start yelling at her like a crazy person that you told her not to open it, slam it and yell random death threats if its ever opened again. Tell her shes paying for half the licence and ask her for her half constantly. like literally every time you're in a room with her ask her for it until she pays it. Become the alpha b1tch.

Pelvis

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you co-signed one lease, you didn't sign individual leases. So if one person breaches the terms of the lease then you all are in breach of the lease.

Zander1983

Zander1983 wrote: »

I would love to - but as we know Dublin is now probably the worst city in the world to be looking for a place to live. At the moment, im trapped. Yes i am documenting everything she is doing.

If she is going crazy over an open window imagine how bad it could get if you try force her out.

Life is too short to be dealing with this nonsense. Cut your losses and move.

Zander1983

ronoc wrote: »

If she is going crazy over an open window imagine how bad it could get if you try force her out.

Life is too short to be dealing with this nonsense. Cut your losses and move.

I will start looking - but it took me 7 months to find this place, the market is completely nuts. Im also looking at buying, which is probably easier given the insanity of the rental market

Gwen Cooper

Zander1983 wrote: »

I tried that and she quietened for a month. But the insanity started again yesterday. To her, this is what makes her life interesting, it seems.

Can you try pretending she doesn't exist at all?

She's yelling at you - you can't hear it.
She's telling you something - you can't hear it.
She's waving a pan in front of you - you just walk around her.

Or as someone mentioned, get the other housemate on your side, willing to cooperate. Have a house meeting and tell her that she needs to calm down or move out. Assure her that you will have no problem finding a new housemate. Make sure she knows she's replaceable.

Or just tell her that she has to pay extra rent for her boyfriend, since he lives with her now.

Zander1983

Gwen Cooper wrote: »

Can you try pretending she doesn't exist at all?

She's yelling at you - you can't hear it.
She's telling you something - you can't hear it.
She's waving a pan in front of you - you just walk around her.

Or as someone mentioned, get the other housemate on your side, willing to cooperate. Have a house meeting and tell her that she needs to calm down or move out. Assure her that you will have no problem finding a new housemate. Make sure she knows she's replaceable.

Or just tell her that she has to pay extra rent for her boyfriend, since he lives with her now.

Yes I can try. I have been doing this actually for 2 months, but yesterday she started shrieking at me over a tv licence - while pretending she doesn't have a massive wall mounted tv in her room - and then sent vicious whatsapp messages this morning. Hard to ignore that. I have warned her multiple times her behaviour will not be tolerated. It works for a few weeks, then eventually she starts up again.

Gwen Cooper

Zander1983 wrote: »

Yes I can try. I have been doing this actually for 2 months, but yesterday she started shrieking at me over a tv licence - while pretending she doesn't have a massive wall mounted tv in her room - and then sent vicious whatsapp messages this morning. Hard to ignore that. I have warned her multiple times her behaviour will not be tolerated. It works for a few weeks, then eventually she starts up again.

Can you ask her to prove that there is no TV in her room?

Ginger83

Cut feed to her tv, no pay no tv.

Zander1983

Gwen Cooper wrote: »

Can you ask her to prove that there is no TV in her room?

Will do this evening (I know for a fact its huge and wall-mounted)

antoinolachtnai

Zander1983 wrote: »

But if one housemate repeatedly breaches lease rules isnt it for the estate agency to deal with then? She:

1/ acts aggressively
2/ has moved her boyfriend in
3/ refuses to secure the premises
4/ refuses to share bills

No.

If one of you are in breach you are all in breach.

It is up to you to sort it out.

The estate agent is being paid to solve the landoord’s problems. He isn’t being paid to solve your problems.

The landlord has no particular right to single out one of you to throw for breaching the lease.

The next time she gets in your face get twice as thick yourself and get into her face and backher up, if you stand up to her and give her a fright she might not be so quick to do it again.

maxwell smart

How vicious was the Whatsapp? Any threats?
Go to the Gardai either way and make a statement, this is the next stage so get your version reported first.
Tell the Gardai you were physically threatened with a frying pan, that you genuinely feel unsafe in your home with her and that her boyfriend is looking menacing.

After you've made the statement tell her. Hopefully she will think the police here are like the ones in Spain and she'll be nervous.

Best way to deal with a c**t is to be a c**t. She is a bully and they don't like being confronted.

Fol20

The agent doesn’t need to get involved in this situation. It’s a disagreement between you and a flat mate.simple.

As others have pointed out, you should move out due to how this person is acting.

If you can’t afford to move out right now.
Try and video tape her while she is acting like this so you have proof.
Try and ignore her and see how that goes.
I would try and avoid a physical confrontation as this will either put the bully down and she will not go after you again or more than likely it will make it worse. I wouldn’t allow anyone get in my face and that’s why the bed course of action is to starting looking for a new place.

Buying a house is actually just as bad so you will be in for a shock when you start looking.

4ensic15

Zander1983 wrote: »

From the gardai or can i go to my solicitor?

It is an order made by the District Court when a person is in fear of violence from a co-habitee. A solicitor who specialises in family law would be very familiar with them. People apply for them on their own but your case is not typical.

zapitastas

Zander1983 wrote: »

Yes I can try. I have been doing this actually for 2 months, but yesterday she started shrieking at me over a tv licence - while pretending she doesn't have a massive wall mounted tv in her room - and then sent vicious whatsapp messages this morning. Hard to ignore that. I have warned her multiple times her behaviour will not be tolerated. It works for a few weeks, then eventually she starts up again.

Get rid of your TV for a while and then report her for not having one. Give her name and address. She will be forced to pay it and then after a while move your TV back in

august12

A close relative of mine shared a house with a Spanish girl, she was very, very strange, he was actually a bit afraid of her, one time she emptied the ashes from the stove and shook them all over the room, after this episode, he locked that room and she stuck putty or tack in the keyhole, another time he had a couple of bottles of wine and she emptied them down the sink, there were other incidents I can't recall, he finally managed to get her out.

Black_Knight

Hide her cup and plate. :pac:


I lived with a couple once. Had to move out though. Amongst all the crazy I remember not being allowed to use washing up liquid, because the suds were dirty.
You're housemate sounds much more crazy! Either step up your crazy game (see my plate idea above), or move on.

wirelessdude01

Zander1983 wrote:

Yes I can try. I have been doing this actually for 2 months, but yesterday she started shrieking at me over a tv licence - while pretending she doesn't have a massive wall mounted tv in her room - and then sent vicious whatsapp messages this morning. Hard to ignore that. I have warned her multiple times her behaviour will not be tolerated. It works for a few weeks, then eventually she starts up again.

Block her on WhatsApp for starters.

KevinCavan

She probably wants to get you out of the apartment and to choose the next tenant if I know this type of character. I know of a girl like her, who started off as a co-signer of the lease, but now has this top dog status in her flat with the letting agency after clearing out many different housemates over the years. It’s a bit of a control thing, now she gets to pick and choose any tenants moving in, with this “super bitch” status. By the way she has the best room in the house by now. Your Spanish housemate probably wants similar privileges.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

I wouldn’t recommend emulating her behaviour. It’s important to keep the high ground. Make a log of her behaviour and convince your housemate to back you up so that it’s not her word against yours. Just don’t stoop to her level.

Mrs OBumble

Zander1983 wrote: »

But if one housemate repeatedly breaches lease rules isnt it for the estate agency to deal with then? She:

1/ acts aggressively
2/ has moved her boyfriend in
3/ refuses to secure the premises
4/ refuses to share bills

The only bit the agent might be interested in is the refusal to secure the premises. But they are more likely to address it by installing a security lock than anything else.

Slight chance they may care about the overnight guest - but only if the owner has been particular about number of occupants (lots aren't).

Acting aggressively isn't illegal (unless you're actually threatening to kill) - and it's culturally determined anyways: what you experience as aggressive is likely merely assertive in her world.

And sharing bills won't be in the lease either.

CityGirl123

Lived with a Spanish housemate before. She was crazy. If everything wasn't perfect in the house she'd throw a fit. And when Spaniards get angry, they get very angry. Never again! You could try mediation at the RTB and try to come to a compromise.

4ensic15

CityGirl123 wrote: »

Lived with a Spanish housemate before. She was crazy. If everything wasn't perfect in the house she'd throw a fit. And when Spaniards get angry, they get very angry. Never again! You could try mediation at the RTB and try to come to a compromise.

Mediation at the RTB is for disputes between tenants and landlords, not for co-tenants between each other.

CityGirl123

4ensic15 wrote: »

Mediation at the RTB is for disputes between tenants and landlords, not for co-tenants between each other.

Had a friend who was having trouble with her housemate. She told the landlord what was going on. The landlord and my friend took a case against the other tenant and they went for mediation at the RTB and they came to an agreement. It is possible to go the RTB as a tenant having problems with another tenant, as long as you have the backing of the landlord or the landlords representative to take the case.

ED E

If you become a total nightmare for the EA they just have to document the boyfriend living there then give you all notice. Bye bye. Ciao.

Its a letters market, the EA can get a pair of junior doctors in who'll spend the entire time working or asleep and never hear a peep from them. Tread really effin carefully.

NasserShammaz

Shallow Grave (1994) - IMDb

Just for inspiration

Alpha_zero

Seems like you need to avoid her or fight fire with fire. Deliberately do things to irk her as by your own admission you knew what she was like before you moved in.

Alpha_zero

ronoc wrote: »

If she is going crazy over an open window imagine how bad it could get if you try force her out.

Life is too short to be dealing with this nonsense. Cut your losses and move.

Life is not really that short if you taken into account the average life expectancy for male and females in first world country, which is approximately over 80 years.

How the hell is that considered short. Life is about dealing with these sorts of people sadly and running away isn't going to get you far.

Alpha_zero

You have tried to get her kicked out by reporting her to the management company who have likely heard the same complaints before, and you documenting everything happening is proof of nothing.

You need to be more assertive and stand your ground, begin to confront her about issues you have. You need to show her you will not be cowed. Also if your are a person who spends time in your room you can organise your time so you don't meet as much in common area's better for stress free time to yourself.

Don't be afraid to confront her about any issues you have about her, and don't do it meekly.

How do you accidentally use her cup though, considering you knew what she was like prior to moving in? It seems like an easy rule to adhere to.

She is making your life intolerable you just need to find a way to do the same for her, this may not necessarily be achieved by acting in the same way as her.

TimeToShine

467 euro a month? She's trying to get you out and move her pals in, there are tonnes of Spaniards in Dublin looking and this house seems to fit the bill.

Either fight fire with fire or get out. Insane drama to the Irish is everyday life to the Spanish, they have a more confrontational culture and it'll stress the crap out of you unless you are willing to play ball.

the_syco

Zander1983 wrote: »

From the gardai or can i go to my solicitor?

Talk to your solicitor about what evidence is accepted against her, to be warned by the police?

Zander1983 wrote: »

and then sent vicious whatsapp messages this morning. Hard to ignore that.

Keep all of those messages. Video her threatening you.

Then report her to the Gardai.

cruizer101

Zander1983 wrote: »

Hi
EDIT

I spoke to the estate agency and they said she has complained about me and we both have very different stories

Show them the whatsapp messages from her.
Also you really need to get the other housemate on board with trying to remove her.

Gwen Cooper

Zander1983 wrote: »

Hi

I spoke to the estate agency and they said she has complained about me and we both have very different stories

Did they tell you what her story is?

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

cruizer101 wrote: »

Show them the whatsapp messages from her.
Also you really need to get the other housemate on board with trying to remove her.

This is key.

Stooping to her level will only give the crazy wagon ammunition. Getting the other housemate on side is what needs to happen, especially as the disruptive housemate has been telling stories about you, OP.

JoeyJJ

Surely the wall mount goes against rules of house also?

Zander1983

I have decided to move out - the stress got too much.

But of course she is making this as hard as possible for me. Also, the house is 1400 to rent so we were all paying 467. But she has advertised the room at 550 and is presumably dropping her own rent. Does that break any leasing rules?

WhiteMemento9

Zander1983 wrote: »

I have decided to move out - the stress got too much.

But of course she is making this as hard as possible for me. Also, the house is 1400 to rent so we were all paying 467. But she has advertised the room at 550 and is presumably dropping her own rent. Does that break any leasing rules?

Who cares? You will be much happier if you just move out, move on and just forget the whole ordeal and her. Starting some revenge plot only takes up your time and emotion. People who are ***** generally are deeply unhappy anyway so leave her to it.

Zander1983

WhiteMemento9 wrote: »

Who cares? You will be much happier if you just move out, move on and just forget the whole ordeal and her. Starting some revenge plot only takes up your time and emotion. People who are ***** generally are deeply unhappy anyway so leave her to it.

Well she's refusing to pay me my deposit back as i didn't give a months notice, i gave a week as had to get out of there. Also, when I moved in, i threw the old bed in the shed as it was probably about 20 years old and the mattress was actually a health hazard - it was disgusting. I bought a new one for 450 euro. I want to sell this to whoever moves in for 400 (I only bought a couple of months ago) as they will need a bed. She's saying this isnt going to happen and is insisting i put the 20 year old bed back in the room and take the new bed I bought with me. This means I have to find storage, get a moving lorry, and the new tenant has to sleep on a bed that's grotesque.

Im wondering is her increasing the rent against some rules as I'd like something to use to leverage her into acting reasonably and returning my deposit.